Thankfully, I was released from the hospital with very strict instructions towards Amanda to lock away all of my blades, kitchen knives, and anything sharp I could use to self harm again. You almost have to laugh, because it's the same thing as a crack addict. No matter how many times you flush down the drug, there's always another way to feed the addiction.
Nick, being the great guy he was, went home to bring me a sweater and black leggings. I asked him not to, as I smelled horrid from not showering for three days because I refused to allow the nurses to bathe me. Amanda offered, but the doctor said he couldn't trust I wouldn't do something to hurt myself with just my sister. If my wrists didn't hurt so much, I would have slugged him one. But of course, that's Karma for hurting my sister so much.
Amanda helped my into the new clothes and we all left the hospital. When we got in the car, Amanda looked back at me in the rear view mirror. "Do you wanna go to starbucks, Annie?"
"I need to take a hot bath. I'm begging you." I looked back at her, running a hand through my greasy hair. I cringed.
"I wouldn't argue, Amanda." Nick laughed.
"Hey!" I crossed my arms. "No need to make it so obvious I smell so bad! It's not my fault the doctors an asshole. I'm not letting a stranger bathe me. No thanks!"
I had nerve damage in both wrists. They were both severly bruised, and I wouldn't be able to use my hands for awhile. Which is why I can't bathe myself for the next week or more.
"Hey, language." Amanda warned. "But yeah, he is an ass."
I smiled to myself and let my eyes wander out of the window. My eyes scanned the tall buildings of New York City.
Once we got home, Amanda got me into the hot bathtub and I couldn't have been happier.
"You know, I haven't given you a bath since you were what? Eight?" Amanda laughed. "Never thought I'd do this again.
"Yeah. Me neither." I rolled my eyes. "I'm not exactly extatic about it."
Amanda shrugged. "I don't really care. You're my baby sister, nothing I havent seen before."
I groaned. "Mandy, come on."
She laughed and poured some shampoo into my hair. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry I'm such an embarassing sister."
"I'm not accepting it." I said defiantly.
She massaged it into my hair, roughly. I winced. "No wonder you haven't done this since I was eight, you're never gentle!"
"Sorry." She cringed and tried to soften up. Tried is the key word in that sentence.
Soon enough, I was grateful that that ordeal was over. I was sitting on the couch next to Nick while Amanda made dinner.
"Annie. I need to talk to you." Nick said suddenly.
I looked up at him. "What?"
"Liv mentioned that she asked you about therapy. She said you flat out refused, why?" He asked softly.
I bit my bottom lip. "I don't want to go to someone that's only there because we're paying them to be. Therapists don't care, they're just there to listen."
"That's not true, Annie. I promise you, if they didn't care, they wouldn't be what they are." Nick commented.
"I promise Nick, if I ever have thoughts to self harm, or if anything is going on at school. I swear, I will talk to you and Manda about it." I looked him dead in the eyes, hoping he would just take it as it was.
He pursed his lips and nodded. "Okay. Pinky promise?" He lifted his pinky and connected mine with his.
"Sure. Looks like you did it for me." I laughed.
"Not like it was a question anyway." He kissed my head and went back to the movie we were watching.
I snuggled up against his chest. "You know, I really am sorry."
"For what, Mija?"
"For breaking our promise." I looked up at him and then looked down at my feet.
The first time I ever cut was at Munch's parting party. In the bathroom of Olivia's apartment. They were little scratches on my stomach, but they were there. And I knew this was going to be so much more than just a few scratches.
Nick knocked on the door at that moment, "Annie. You okay in there?"
"Y-Yeah..." I wiped away my tears. "I'm fine."
"Can I come in?" He asked.
"No!" I gasped lightly, quickly grabbing a wad of tissues, hurriedly trying to dry up the blood.
Of course he wouldn't listen, and came in anyway. His eyes widened. "Anastasia Phoebe Rollins!" He gasped, grabbing onto the tissue wad and putting pressure down on it, he shut the door quickly.
"Annie, what is this?" He asked, his eyes glazed over.
"I'm sorry." I cried, "I just can't do it anymore. School is awful. The pain is too much."
Nick wrapped his free arm around me, and I wrapped my arms around him. "Sweetie, I'm not upset with you. But you can't do this, ever again. I am always here, Mija. Always. Please promise you wont do it again. Please."
"I promise." I lied.
Nick shook his head. "Don't be sorry, Annie. I'm not upset."
"But I am." I mumbled. "I...Sometimes I do want to die. But...Sometimes I want to stay so I don't hurt you and Amanda. But I don't know how to live anymore, Nick. I just don't."
"I'll teach you." He whispered. "We'll learn how to live, together. We'll get through this, Anastasia. All three of us."
"Are you gonna stay here, Nick?" I sniffled.
He nodded. "Me and your sister, we're something special. And I don't plan on leaving to California again. Not for a long time."
I hugged him tight and allowed tears to drip from my eyes. "Thank you."
"I love you both, and I would never, ever want something bad to happen to either of you and I'm going to be here for you when you're in your darkest times. Okay?"
I nodded. "Okay."
Amanda tucked me into bed that night, and we lied next to each other for awhile. "You know I love you right?" She asked.
I nodded. "Of course I do, why would you ask that."
She bit her lip. "Because, sometimes I think you forget."
"I never forget, Amanda. I love you too." I smiled at her.
She ran a hand through my hair. "I feel like we never have sister time anymore."
I laughed. "We live with each other, we have sister time everyday."
"No, you know what I mean. Like when we were younger, I would take you to the beach. I miss doing that." She said.
I nodded. "I do too, Mandy."
"I'm thinking, once your hands aren't so floppy," She picked up a hand and waved it back and forth, making me laugh. "that we can go to the beach."
"Okay." I said, still laughing. "Sounds good, Amanda."
She sat up to leave, but I reached my arm out. "Amanda, wait."
"Yeah?" She turned to look at me.
"Can...you sleep with me tonight?" I asked, my voice more so innocent than I expected.
She smiled. "Of course I can, let me just go tell Nick."
She left, and came back. Then, she pulled back my covers and slid into the bed. I kissed her cheek, "Thanks, Mandy."
"No problem, Anne. Go to sleep."
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight, pumpkin."
