A/N:

So here we go again. I know it felt like it took me forever to update, I am sorry for that. There were just a lot of things going on lately, so I didn't have the time to write. BUT there is also something good to announce: I made it through my last finals this year! :-)

I hope there are still some readers left out there who are interested in my story. Although I didn't write lately, I often thought about it. And I realized that I am not able to write it the way I imagined it in my head. I also realized that I need more practice to write the stories as animated and real like they are in my head. So the story might not exactly go on like I described in the summary.

And I also read a story where the author did something similar like I had in mind so I had two reasons to change it a bit.

Whoever made it until this sentence, I like you! ;)

I am happy about everyone who reviews and tells me his/her opinion. I always write the chapter the day I upload it so if you have any ideas how it could go on, your ideas are always welcome. :-)

Sorry for the extremely long author's note.

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

I hope you guys are looking forward to an amazing summer.


Chapter 9

Edward's POV

New York – A new and hopefully better chapter in my life. Although I had some great friends in Forks, I really liked it here. Our house new house was huge. It looked like an old mansion from a movie. The look from my room was amazing and I had my own bathroom next to it.

From now on Alice and I have to attend a private school because mum decided it would be the best for all of us. The school was highly recommended for its exemplary education and its price. But my parents didn't care about the last point.

At our new school were many students whose parents were billionaires or something similar. I didn't expect to find new friends there. I was sure that all my classmates would be extremely ambitious and well-behaved. With other words: Boring.

I wasn't looking forward to meet anyone of them, but my parents made it clear that I didn't have another chance. Alice and I already got the uniforms we had to wear at school. It looked like it was from 200 years ago and how should I be able to breathe with a tie around my neck all day? I hated the uniform.

After I entered the classroom at my first day I got a seat next to a small, blond girl I wasn't that pessimistic anymore. She looked sweet with her big blue eyes and her shortness. Her dressing was completely different. She wore the tie casual around her neck, the white blouse every girl had to wear was tight around her waist. She had opened the first four buttons, which didn't leave much to imagine. I even saw parts of her black bra. The skirt was well above her knees where the wool-stockings ended. Her light blue eyes were surrounded with thick black eyeliner. Her nails were black too. She wore a black necklace and had a pierced nose and pierced ears.

The moment I saw that girl next to me I thought about Bella immediately. I didn't know why. Maybe because they both had big eyes? I didn't know. Thinking about Bella made me sad and angry at the same time. I missed her and I tried to be happy for her and Andy, but I always had to think about the kiss. Our kiss. And what had happened afterwards. That made me angry.

Why did she had to do that? If we would never have kissed it wouldn't hurt so much right know. I just would miss her a lot without these stupid feelings. It all came up again just by looking at that gothic girl. Will I ever be able to forget our kiss?

I didn't know. But for the moment I just needed some space between us. No matter if she has a boyfriend or not. I really do not want to lose her as a good friend. She means so much to me. Additionally, to our geographically distance I need to get some distance from her mentally. If I am not able to distract myself enough to forget my feelings for her, I'll go insane one day.

My thoughts about Bella and our relationship went on like that until someone interrupted.

"Sorry but why do you look like you are going to die every second? Should I call 911?" It was the blond girl next to me.

I looked at her and answered.

"I was just thinking."

"You better should stop that. It doesn't look good on you."

"Thanks for the advice. What's your name again?" I grinned.

"Wow. If I would have known that you are such a gossip girl I wouldn't have said anything. I am Jane." She said with a monotone voice and a grin on her face.

"Hello Jane, it is nice to meet you. I am Edward."

"Just skip the formalities, it bores me. Let's ask the interesting questions. Why are you here? Where did you come from? Who are you, Edward?"

From that moment on, Jane and I were friends.

Jane had a very special character, not only her styling was different, everything was different about her. She wasn't like other girls and I liked her. She didn't care what anyone thought about her and that's why she always said what she thought. When it came to her family Jane always was withdrawn. She never let me knew a lot about personal stuff about her or something about her family. I only knew that her dad was any rich guy and she didn't get along with him.

We set next to each other every lesson. She even asked me to spend some time with her after school and I didn't decline. Hanging out with Jane amused me. She showed me Brooklyn from another side as my parents did.

I still thought about Bella very often and it still hurt but Jane tried her best to distract me. Although I have never told her what exactly had happened in Forks, she suspected something similar.

My family didn't know about Jane and our friendship and it should stay like that. They thought I had troubles finding new friends because Alice always said that I haven't found a new gang at school yet. I didn't care about their worries. Jane was much better than a gang with our snooty classmates would ever be. She was an easy-going nature who listened to no one. I liked her even more because of her insurgent behaviour.

The time passed by faster lately. Already three weeks had passed since we moved to New York. Three weeks that I hardly try to forget Bella. Three weeks since Jane and I became friends. Three weeks since Jane and I nearly spend every day together.

Three weeks and Jane already read me like an open book. I didn't tell her anything about my earlier life in Forks. So I was surprised when she suddenly offered me a slug of whiskey.

I was shocked and couldn't hide it.

"Come on Cullen, you can't tell me that you have never tried alcohol." She grinned and laughed at me.

She finished her cigarette and drunk again. Jane set next to me on the bench and I could smell the whiskey. She carried it in an ice tea bottle. It didn't even look suspicious. She really was clever.

"Give me the bottle." My throat burned as I swallowed the whiskey. It felt good. I have missed it. I took another mouthful.

"Thank you Jane."

"No problem buddy. I always keep it in my bag. You can drink whenever you want to."

We spent the afternoon in this little park drinking half of the whiskey. No one noticed a thing and we had great fun. Jane smoked a lot and we listened to music and talked a bit. She was a great best friend. From that day on, we had a new Tuesday afternoon tradition.

We spent the Thursdays at her home. These were mostly the days when I slept at her place. Her parents weren't home often so we had their penthouse for our own. Sometimes we sat on the roof-deck and just enjoyed each other's company. Jane was smoking nearly all the time but I didn't care about that.

When we once spent the night on their roof-deck we both were extremely drunk. We were looking at the stars. I finally had the courage to ask her the question I had in mind the whole week.

"Jane?"

"What's up Cullen?"

"Can I have one?" I looked at her.

"What do you mean?" She turned her head around to look at me. Her big blue eyes met mine. She had that dreamy look in her eyes.

"A cigarette."

"Of course my dear." She smiled at me. She looked for her packet of cigarettes. As she found it she threw it in my direction.

"I didn't mean those. Jane. Come on. It didn't take me long to recognise the two different packets in your bag. I know you have another one with joints in it and I want one."

She grinned.

"Aaah. Alright Cullen." She looked into my eyes.

"But first you have to promise me something." She said with a deceitful look.

I rolled my eyes. What could that just be?

"Okay little dwarf; what do you want?"

"Actually a few things." She gave me a sweet smile. I told her to go on.

"Firstly, you have to promise me that we would stay friends, no matter what happens. Secondly, I want you to keep the things we do a secret, our secret. No one else needs to know about this all." She pointed between and around us.

"And the third and last thing is: I want you either to forget what happened to you back in Forks and to start to enjoy your life without that painful look on your face or you pull yourself together now and try to get that girl back."

I was speechless. How could she ask for all this? It wasn't that easy. It is not like I can press a button and everything is forgotten. How could she think it would be that easy? She had absolutely no idea. I was irritated and I was not interested in talking about it right know. We had such a good time and she messed it up.

"What do you say Eddie?" She waited for an answer.

"You can't do this to me Jane." I answered short and angry.

"Come on. You look like you could start crying every second. It really isn't that hard. You just have to decide what you want. I know we don't know each other for a long time but it was long enough for me to realise something. It is time for you to decide what you want. You can't live like that forever."

I tried to ignore her. I still was pissed.

"Look at us. We are young, this is the time to enjoy our lives. To do something stupid and to have fun, no matter what." She found the packet with the "special" cigarettes in her bag and opened it. She took one, light it up and started to smoke. She inhaled theatrical. She blew the smoke in my direction and looked into my eyes.

She got me. I couldn't refrain a smile. Sometimes Jane was such a drama queen.

"And what exactly do you expect me to do?"

"It is not like I can go to Forks again and tell Bella that I love her. That wouldn't change a thing. She has a boyfriend and I would completely blame myself. And it is also not like I can forget her from one moment to the next. So, what do you expect me to do? Because I have no idea what I should change about my life right know. I just want to go on like this. I thought at least you wouldn't stress about it."

"Wooh. Edward. You just revealed your feelings to me. I am impressed. And you know if even I can be impressed by your words I am sure your beloved one, Bella?; is it too. And you are right. I am not an expert in relations but I can see how you suffer and you know what? It sucks and depresses me. So please just go and get that girl back. It is not like you have anything to lose."

Jane's little speech surprised me. I have never thought that she could talk about feelings so well. She always seemed so cool when it came to stuff like love. Although I hate to talk about my feelings it felt good. She really tried to help me. But she also tried to change my mind about my relationship with Bella.

"I will think about it. Okay? But please just let us enjoy that night and now give me that joint."

"But you really have to think about it. And you still have to promise the first two points my darling." She said with a bossy attitude.

"Of course, of course my little dwarf." I tried to calm her down although I already had forgotten what the other two points were. But I was sure she would remind me of it tomorrow.

"Here you go." She handed me what was left of the joint.

I inhaled. It felt good. We spent the whole night there smoking and drinking and joking around. This time we didn't made out like the other nights before. Not that it meant a lot to, we have always been drunk when we did it. And it didn't mean anything to us, we both knew it. It was just sex without feelings.


A/N:

Aaah..Edward.

Please let me know what you think. = REVIEW :-)

amelie