A/N:
Sorry for letting you wait so long. I never thought that could happen, but I had some kind of writer's block but I finally made it through the chapter.
However, I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.
Chapter 13
Bella's POV
I opened my eyes. I was in my room, in my lovely bed. I turned my head around, my eyes still a bit tired, and looked at my alarm clock next to my bed. It was half past 10 in the morning. Okay, that means I slept … wait a moment, I don't know what time I got home, forget it. However, it must have been a few hours. It truly was an amazing night! Everything worked out well and – OH MY GOD! What did I do? SH*T! I kissed Edward Cullen.
That changed a lot. Thousands of thoughts went through my head that second. Thinking about how complicated everything is now going to be, I didn't want to get out of my bed. I would stay inside my room for the rest of my life. Although I didn't want to spend one more thought about what happened, which clearly didn't work, I had to admit two things: I would have to talk to Andy, soon, very soon, and aswell to Edward.
Sounds crazy but in comparison to talking to Andy seems talking to Edward a 1000 times more awkward. I would rater like to talk 2 or even 3 times to Andy instead of only once with Edward about what happened. But even talking to Andy won't be too easy. I already went through a hundred scenarios in my head what I should say.
Making a mental list would be probably the best thing. But what to add on that stupid list? I didn't know. Writing is much easier for me than talking. Sometimes I forget what I wanted to say while I am talking. Maybe I could write him a letter?
Something like:
Hey Andy, I am sorry to tell you that but I think we shouldn't see each other that often anymore because I kissed someone else. Yours, Bella
Okay, maybe it wasn't the best idea, it sounded a bit cold. I'll think about it later again. Meanwhile I could think about my second problem. Edward.
How should it go on between us? He is going to be in New York after this weekend again. So far away. How should someone find out what to feel and think about a person who leaves miles away?
The kiss was definitely my action. But he was so sweet and nice and charming the whole evening, maybe he had some fault too. And he didn't stop me so he definitely had some fault. The best thing would be if we could forget the whole thing even happened. Hoping he won't remember it would be probably too risky, but there still is a small chance he was too drunk to remember.
But he didn't seem drunk like that. F***! I am so screwed. I can't do this! I can't talk about it. Not at all. And not with him. My head was busy thinking about this disaster and because of that I noticed it when it was already too late. Panic attack.
Suddenly, I had troubles breathing. My heart beat faster and my skin felt hot and sweaty. It felt like I looked through a grungy glass. My sight was blear. Somehow, I stumbled from my bed to the window and opened it. Fresh air blew in my face. I tried to breath constantly. It got a bit better, but not much. I managed to grab a bottle of water and emptied it above my head. The water ran down my face and trickled down my cleavage and on my shirt. My sight was clear again and I tried to focus on what was happening outside to calm down.
I looked down the street, no one was outside, I looked at the trees next to our house and saw a mama-bird feeding her babies in their nest. I was calming down slowly. I watched birds flying through the air, I looked at the clouds in the sky. I inhaled the fresh air and felt the wind blowing through my hair.
Finally, I was myself again. I was able to think about last night without freaking out. It started with the surprise visit and he was so sweet and kind and funny all night long. And he gave me flowers, which is very romantic but it also could be seen as an act of apology. Was it possible he just tried to show me he was sorry for nearly never answering my messages the last few months. But what if not?
And then there was the dance, and I still couldn't believe it, I was prom-queen. That sounds just way too unreal. Donna had won, why did she gave it to me? I still didn't understand it but that was the smallest of my problems at the moment.
I didn't know what to feel. I was overwhelmed. It was just too much for now.
Do I still or again have a crush on Edward? Or am I in love with him? Or did it happen because I was annoyed by Andy lately? I simply don't know! And I don't know how to figure it out. He will be gone by tomorrow and Alice too… I can't tell Alice. If she would know I kissed her brother it would be likely that she freaks out on me. This has to stay secret.
Before I would turn completely crazy and probably would catch a cold I closed the window and went downstairs for "breakfast". Dad had left a note, he went fishing and would be back in the evening. After my lonely breakfast I decided to make the step before I could retract it.
I called Andy and asked him to meet me at the second bench in the park in an hour. Forty minutes later I left the house. As I approached the park I still was thinking about what I should tell him…
But then I spotted him sitting there and suddenly I knew what to say. I needed to be honest. I felt nothing special for him and wanted this to be over quickly. I arrived at the bench.
"Hey… Andy."
"Hello my Bella-babe; what's so important?" I slowly took a deep breath and started.
"First of all, I hate that name. I don't like it when you call me Bella-babe or babe. Every time I hear that name I just could freak out. I mean, I am not a baby!" I nearly screamed the last sentence.
His eyes got big. I watched how he seemed to slowly recognize what I just said. He stammered his answer.
"O-okay. B-bella. I am sor-"
"I am not finished yet."
After that I nearly couldn't stop talking once I have started. I told him that I have realized that I wasn't in love with him and probably never have been. I explained him that I have never really missed him when he was gone, like you should miss someone you love, and that it shouldn't be like that when you have a thing going on like ours. And I told him that I didn't want to fight with him or talk about the problems we had because that won't change a thing right now. I explained that we could stay normal "friends" but I suggested that we shouldn't get into each other's way for a while. And I told him that I didn't intend to hurt him in the first place and I truly was sorry for how it ended but I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't stop explaining my feelings.
"I guess the thought that I could be in love with someone who likes me was more appealing than the thought being in love with you. I suddenly knew exactly how I felt at the moment I saw you, sitting at that bench. There have always been a lot of things that bothered me in our relationship and I tried to ignore them, but now, I couldn't ignore them anymore. Every little thing is now annoying for me and it wasn't because you weren't nice to me or anything like that. It was just me. A person with my character just doesn't match quite well with one of yours, I guess. You truly are a kind person but the way we acted around and with each other is nothing for me. You tried your best, I know that, but it wasn't the thing I was looking for. And I understand it if you are angry right know but I-"
"Bella, stop it! Please!" He suddenly spoke up.
This was when I realized that all the time I talked to him, I didn't talk but rather screamed. And that tears have been running down my face. My scarf was already a little bit wet. Oh my god. What am I doing here? I glanced around and noticed some people staring at us. No not us, me. Maybe I really was a bit too loud and fast. When I am nervous I either don't talk or talk extremely fast. I felt how my cheeks blushed.
I looked at Andy, who stood next to the bench staring at me in confusion. I didn't know what to do right now.
"Andy. I am sorry I hope you understand what I try to say." I grabbed the necklace in my pocket.
"You can have it back. I don't think I will wear it again and I can imagine it was expensive." I was nervous again so I went on quickly. "I think I'll go home now. There is a lot of work for me there and I think Eric would be happy if I have assorted the pictures from the prom by Monday. I think it really was a success because so many people showed up. But what am I talking about? You have seen it by yourself."
Finally, Andy said something. He told me he understood what I wanted to tell him and he wasn't mad at me but he would miss me and our time together and he, too, hoped we could stay friends. Although he tried to cover it up, he had a sad look in his eyes. He also told me that he has always wanted the best for me and he wishes me the best for my future.
Honestly, I was glad when I was home again. Breaking up with someone isn't easy, especially when the person doesn't expect a thing. I don't know why I didn't say anything about the kiss with Edward, which actually made me even thinking about our relationship, but I think I had found so many other reasons for breaking up, so I clearly didn't felt the need telling him the reason why I even started thinking. But it was over now and I would have to concentrate on my second problem now; Edward.
Before that I needed some distraction to order my thoughts, just a little bit. I went upstairs and took a long hot shower. I relaxed a bit. Afterwards, I went into the kitchen to make something to eat. Dad would be happy if there is already something made when he arrives at home. I decided to make chicken-curry.
I turned on some music loudly and started. Although it has been a long time since the last time I have cooked, it worked out quite good, well at least for a while. I just had finished putting everything in the casserole. The meat, the rice and the curry-sauce.
Then I took it to put it in the oven. As I was on my way through the kitchen to the oven suddenly my favourite song sounded from the speakers. Although it was my favourite song I was frightened for a second and my brain shut off for a moment. The memories came like a flashback with that song in my ears. It reminded me of Edward.
I was not the most skilful person, therefore I dropped the whole casserole. As the glass crashed the floor I screamed out in shock. The whole kitchen floor was now covered with meat, and the rice and sauce were spread through the kitchen. The floor, the kitchenette and the cupboard were covered in yellow curry-sauce with rice attached to it. And the rest of it was on my clothes. What a day!?
I cleaned up the mess as good as possible and then went upstairs to change again. My eyes fell on the bunch of blue flowers I must have watered before I went to bed yesterday night. Do I have to be reminded of Edward Cullen all day? It was getting annoying. And I suddenly got angry.
I just wanted this day to be over and the Cullens to leave. Even though I would like to spend time with Alice. But if she's here, her brother would be here too and I didn't want to see him. How could he think everything would be fine and I would forget about his behaviour in the past if he brought me some flowers and spends the whole night by my side?
When I started thinking about the night something came to my mind. Last night was the first time Edward tried to flirt with me by any chance. The flirting. The flowers. His attempts in making me uncomfortable. The music. The king and the queen. The complements. And. The. KISS.
What was that all about? Was he making fun of me? What was he thinking? Maybe he just wanted something to amuse himself while attending the prom. And he thought: my former friend Bella would be perfect for my intentions.
Or was it really possible that Edward Anthony Cullen did all this to impress me? This was beyond my imagination. But if he really felt just a little bit for me, he would have told me earlier or otherwise.
It isn't the brightest idea to fly to another state to impress some girl and then leave two days later. How about building up a connection first? But on the other hand we already knew each other quite well so, technically speaking, the connection part could be skipped.
This boy was driving me crazy, again. I can't let that happen. He probably would frustrate and disappoint me and what's the worst; hurt me. I still was angry at him for playing with me like that. I just don't understand why he did it and why now? Besides, he knew I had a boyfriend.
My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing doorbell. Who was that? Please don't let it be him. Please. Please. Please.
I went downstairs and opened the door. My heart skipped a beat while I was opening the door and I stopped breathing for a moment. The door was open and it was my dad. I breathed out loudly. Until now there weren't many times I was so happy seeing my dad.
"Dad!" I threw my arms around his neck.
"Bella. My dear I am happy to see you as well. But could you give your old dad some space for breathing?" He laughed.
"Sorry dad. I just was happy you are back. I missed you." I was surprised by myself saying that. But it was true, I did miss him.
"Honey, I missed you too."
"How about we go inside? I'll cook for us, fresh fish and then you can tell me everything about last night."
"Okay. Wait, I'll help you with that."
After we have brought everything in the house, dad started cooking and besides we had a nice father-daughter-talk. He made me forget all my Edward concerns for a while and I really enjoyed spending time with him. I told him about the break up with Andy, about my attempts of cooking chicken-curry and about a prom night which was far from what I had expected.
I kept it my secret why I exactly dropped the chicken as well as the details from the prom night which contented a kiss with a certain boy.
A/N:
Finally, this chapter is written.
I hope you enjoyed it and review.
Bella is extremely confused about Edward and her feelings at the moment.
Let me know what you think.
See you
amelie
