Remember how I had said 'coping' was a strong word to use for my recovery? Well, I wasn't wrong. I was in this strange middle, where one day I could be talking about him in high spirits, and then the next I could be sobbing the moment I lied eyes on his old desk. Or saw his face. Or even thought of him. Today, was one of those days. I sat in my shower, tears streaming down my cheeks, eyes staring down at my feet. A razor blade in my left hand. I stared at my wrists. At my thighs. Everywhere I had dared to put the razor. But I refused to look at my stomach. My stomach is the first place I ever cut, and every time I stare at it, all I see is Nick. All I can see are his eyes staring at mine, a sad look in his face. All I can remember is his voice telling me not to hurt myself again. I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember my only father looking at me. I don't want to remember him at all. Some days, all I can wish is that he never existed, so I never had to go through the pain of losing him. Because I miss him so much. I miss the way he hugged me, the way he stayed with me when I was scared or sick. The way Amanda and him sandwiched beside me whenever I had self harm thoughts. I miss him.

My thoughts were cut short by the door opening. "Knock knock. Just brushing my teeth." Eve said.

I bit my bottom lip. Eve was sleeping over at my house today, and today was the first day I could get my hands on a razor, because hers was sitting on her bag. Staring at me. Taunting me to pick it up and to slash myself until I could finally be with Nick again.

"You know, I have this weird thing on my stomach." Eve mentioned. "It's like, a birth mark, but I've never seen it before."

Why, of all times, would she mention her stomach? I didn't answer. I gripped the blade in my hands tighter, willing myself not to look at my own. Not to remember.

"Ever had that before?" She said.

I again, didn't answer.

"Annie?"

And then, I looked.

Memories, of him holding my hands, giving me hope that all would be okay. That I would be okay one day, even if he wasn't there. Memories of him being my dad. Memories of him. I dropped the blade, it clanked to the floor.

"Annie?" Her voice laced with worry. "If you don't answer me, I am going to open the curtain."

"I'm fine." I said. "Sorry, totally spaced out."

"What was that sound?" She asked, her voice regaining some sense of normal.

"Oh I just dropped my bracelet. Nothing at all." I turned the water off and grabbed the towel from the back of the toilet seat.

"Okay." She mumbled. "Well I'm gonna brush my teeth now."

"Kay." I replied.

Once I heard the vibration coming from the brush, I calmed down. Knowing that she was calm, eased me. I don't want to be sad every time I remember my father. I don't want to cut. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. Nick didn't want that, so why should I? Why should I hurt him any more than I did when he was here?

I picked up the razor from the tub and I threw it in the trashcan. Never again, will I put a blade to my skin.


That night, me and Eve lied in my bed. Her arm wrapped around my stomach. Her face pressed to my neck.

"So, that weird thing on my stomach?"

"Yeah?"

"It's gone." She said, surprised. "Totally just vanished. I must have been seeing things."

My eyes wandered up to the ceiling. I smiled. 'Thanks, dad.' I thought.

"Isn't it weird?" She asked.

"Very. Almost like a miracle." I mumbled.

"Well I wouldn't say a mircale." She laughed. "As, I did imply that I'm going crazy."

I laughed too. "I know."

"You okay?" She asked. "You seem a bit funny today."

I turned over, our noses pressing together. "Oh yeah. I'm great. Better than great."

"Why is that?"

"Because you're here." I whispered.

She smiled, pressing her lips to mine.

I grinned in between kisses and pulled away. "Be careful here. Amanda's next door."

She rolled her eyes. "You ruined the moment."

"That's my middle name." I giggled.

She wrapped her arms around me again, and pulled me into her embrace. "I love you more than the world."

"Yeah?"

She nodded. I could feel her blond locks caress my skin. "Yeah."

"Me too, Eve. Me too."

She traced her finger against my back, making squiggly lines, circles. "I want to marry you one day. And I know I sound young and lustful, but really, Annie. I do."

"You don't sound like either of those things." I mumbled against her neck. "I want to marry you one day too."

"So one day, it shall be."

"It shall be."

So. This is the end. It's been a very long journey, but a fun one. Expect an epilogue some time soon, and the Mini-Fic that's coming! I'm so grateful for all of you who have supported me throughout this fanfic, it was a great ride. Hope to see you on the next one!

For the last time, on Broken Voices,

thanks,

Sam.