***CHAPTER TWO: THE TREES HAVE EYES***
Somehow through his still drunken stupor, Nigel finds a rickety, thin, and almost broken bridge leading to an island in the middle of a large lake, clearly deep enough to drown in. In his undying wisdom, Nigel decides to cross this bridge for the mysterious reasons that govern the choices people make when hammered. On this island, Nigel finds an odd tree stump that was larger that him, and it clearly has a face on it. Deciding that the best reasoning to use in this situation is "fuck it," he walks into the tree's gaping mouth. Inside the tree's mouth is a room at least 10 times larger than the tree. The room is filled with blue rocks, the natural innards of a tree. Nigel decides to wander about this room and the adjacent rooms. These rooms are full of the animals are commonly found in of face trees full of blue rock: tree bats, tree skeletons, tree hands, and whatever the fuck those fat kangaroos are called. Knowing the fragile balance of such an ecosystem full of these near extinct animals, Nigel naturally slaughters them all. In one of the rooms, he pushes a boulder with his MANLY MAN STRENGTH that reveals a secret room. In the room is the previous two old mens' identical triplet, and he starts trying to say something to Nigel. Due to his supreme lack of shits being given, Nigel stabs this man, yells "DEATH TO THE INFIDELS," and leaves the old dude to bleed out on the floor. After a similar experience with some rocks, our hero discovered an entrance to the basement of the facetree and found a bow that someone had kindly left for him. Soon after, Nigel finds an INTIMIDATING, HUGE, FIRE BREATHING DRAGON THAT IS AN INVASIVE SPECIES. Nigel finds these things to be a pest, so he gouges it's eyes out with his arrows and since he has the munchies, he rips out it's heart for a quick snack. Immediately after, he walks into the next room and discovers some fucking weird glowy gold triangle that he holds above his head as a sign of dominance. On the way out you find a boomerang.

"BOOMERANGS ARE FOR COWARDS AND AUSTRALIANS, he yelled while shoving said boomerang up a fat orange kangaroo's ass