Chapter 17: Too soon

Every time I walked through the gates of the high security hospital that the police insisted the boys be admitted to I feel a sense of strange comfort, the arm guards and security codes meaning no one could touch me unless allowed. I walked up to the glossy white counter and looked at the receptionist. "Hey Lottie, is there any news?" The pretty red haired women gave me a look of sympathy and then sighed, gesturing to the nurse at her side, clipboard in hand.

"Allison, I have some very good news about patient 376. He's awoke and is well, the damages seem to be repairing themselves and we think within a couple of weeks he will be able to go home. He really had pulled through rather well and has been asking to see you a lot." She gave me a sheepish smile and I knew there was more, I knew there was some bad news to go with the good.

"And patient 375?" I asked.

Her face fell almost instantly and she led me to the chairs in the waiting room, insisting I sit. She sat next to me and put her hand on my knee, an act of giving strength. "I'm sorry Miss Dawson, I truly am, but the eternal damage was to immense we just couldn't save him. He's gone. We left… the body for a little while so you can say goodbye but you only have an hour until…" her voice drifted off. I felt it then, the numbness flowing into my blood like ice, the cold knowledge that I would have to say goodbye. I couldn't look at her; I couldn't see her sympathy knowing she couldn't save him. I stared at the wall in an emotionless daze, unable to utter any words. She soon got up and squeezed my shoulder, leaving me alone much like the police officer had only an hour earlier. Was it only an hour ago I was optimistic that I would never have to say goodbye again?

Soon I decided that there was no point looking back, I had to say goodbye before he didn't look like himself anymore. When he looked cold and grey in a coffin and I couldn't hold his hand and beg him to come back to me.

I walked through the halls, an emotionless ghost to those around me, families sat with relatives in their rooms, children laughed as their parents bought them balloons and teddy's. How could they all be so normal while my world was falling down all around me? I walked until I saw the sign for rooms 370-380 and then headed down the corridor, feeling the colour drain from my face the closer I got to the door. Austin Moon, was scribbled on the door in chalk, the door slightly ajar. I took one last deep breath, preparing myself for what was to come, and then pushed the door ever so slightly open.

There he was, his blond hair looking darker and dark circles under his eyes, the bruise on his cheek and the gauze wrapped around his stomach the constant reminder of what had happened. I looked at him, at my beautiful husband and held back the tears that were threatening to burst from my eyes.

I sat at his bedside, my hand stroking his whilst I listened to the sounds of the room around me and then the first sign happened. His hand twitched in mine, his eyes flickered and then I was confronted with the perfect shade of brown. Love and feeling flooded through my being, my body warmed and his smile broke through his face. "I bet I look pretty bad right now, huh?" He beamed, forever the happy spirit.

"No, you look perfect Austin, you always do." My voice was strained, trying to be happy when I wasn't. He frowned and looked at me, probably seeing the tired eyes and the tight lipped the smile I was giving him. I know I looked like I hadn't slept in days, or ate or drank in days but my body wasn't my main priority.

"Is there… any news?" He asked, his face trying to read my own and the damns broke. I shook my head sharply. A wail fell from my lips and I collapsed onto the chest of the man I loved, thankful he was alive and hurting that my brother wasn't.

He stroked my hair and whispered soothing words into the air around us, holding my tightly. I knew that I was strong and that I could handle this because I had managed before, I had done this before.

But I just didn't know if I was strong enough to say goodbye again.