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Chapter 9

Abortion.

Abortion.

Abortion.

That disgusting word was still stuck in my head like on a loop.

I was still sat at the dinner table in a complete shock and awe fog. How could this man possibly and so easily think that, how could he easily say that? His entire demeanor…the way that he was so calm and relaxed when he said it, giving me a simple answer to a very much non-question statement. I mean how could someone even condone abortion, getting rid of an innocent life? A baby that no matter how small it may be ounces or pounds is still a living breathing person, and who could feel things and didn't ask to be conceived, the idea of it is just absolutely abhorrent.

If Mike didn't want to have another baby in this house, if he didn't want to get me pregnant again period then he should have kept his damn hands off of me! I didn't want him touching me anyway, but to keep myself from being a punching bag even more I do my "wifely duty" by letting my husband have his way with me, I hate it every single time but in my situation what am I to do? I don't have a job, because I'm not allowed to work. I'm not allowed to work because the boys aren't old enough to go to school yet and Mike says that he's not going to waste his money sending them to daycare when they can stay at home with their mother for free. I once asked him about me going back to school and only take a night class once a week on Thursdays and he backhanded me, yelling about I wasn't going to use his hard earned money for my own personal luxuries and other crazy stuff about who was going to take care of the kids while I was at school because he sure as wasn't…stating that that wasn't his job…only a woman's.

So what else was I supposed to do? Keep the baby, pack up my boys and what food that we have and run away while Mike was away at work….with no car and no money. By the time he got home and found out what I did he'd be so furious he would probably call the cops and have me tracked down and arrested for kidnapping and then tell them to release me as if he was doing it out of the kindness of his heart. And by the time we got home he'd beat the shit out of me, because his sadistic sense of humor is just that sick and twisted. I had no one that I could go to for help; I was completely isolated I felt like I was on an island all on my own. With no source or glimmer of hope to be seen, it was absolutely no use.

Shaking my head to try and get rid of the fog that was currently occupying it I pushed my chair back from the table and rose slowly, because I knew that I was going to be pretty unsteady on my feet after what had just transpired. Looking around me I as if I was trying to figure out where I was I looked back at the table and began picking up the dishes and wrapping up the leftovers placing them in the fridge for tomorrow's dinner and finished clearing the table and spraying it with my favorite Lysol spray, sweeping and mopping the floor and going into the kitchen to do the same thing to the floor after washing the dishes. After doing all of the cleaning I really couldn't think of anything else to do. Was I exhausted? Yes, but I was so stressed, tensed and keyed up that the last thing that was on my mind was sleep. I just didn't have it in me at the moment and I knew that if I tried to force it on myself it would just make it worse.

Maybe a hot mug of tea and trying to a few more chapters in on my book may help me relax some, seeing as how reading was one of my escapes. Mike had gone to bed some time ago, and I bet if I listened closely I would be able to hear his light snoring coming from upstairs. He never really cared whether or not I came to bed at night unless he decided that he needed to have those two minutes where he needed to have his way with me. I walked into the kitchen and flipped the light on walking to the stove where I always kept my tea kettle ready and waiting. I went to the sink and filled it with water and set it on the stove turning the handle listening to the ticking of the pilot light connecting with the gas waiting for the flame to appear.

I felt like I was a complete robot on autopilot, my eyes felt really strained, like when you need to cry but you don't realize that you need to cry and that you've been holding it in this entire time unknowingly, that's how my eyes felt. Making sure that everything was as it was I went to the cupboard to gather my mug and my wooden box where I had all of my favorite teas placed. I chose a chamomile and honey tea bag and placed the box back in its place in the cupboard, as I was re-treating my hand so I could close the cupboard door I saw a light flicker on next door. I saw the back of Edward's head leaving what I've gathered happens to be his kitchen and going into another part of his house.

My tea began to whistle and I rushed over to the stove to turn it off before it woke everybody up. Mike may be a heavy sleeper but eventually it would have woken him up and that is the very last thing that I want or need. I poured the hot water in my mug and let my tea bag steep for a few minutes. I walked into the living room grabbed my book off of the coffee table and walked outside to the patio, there was a lounger there that I loved to sit in during the spring and early summer early in the morning and late at nights whenever I knew that I could get a good length of time uninterrupted to myself. My little yellow was perfectly situated near my plants facing the rest of the backyard that way when the wind blew I got a whiff of my flowers and I could keep an eye on the boys when they were playing, the little rascals. Just thinking about them immediately brought a smile to my face.

"What are you thinking about that's got such a big bright smile on your face?" I heard a silky deep voice say completely startling me. I gasp, so thankful that my mug was currently situated on the small table to the side of the lounger or else I would be scorched. Clutching my chest to try and stop its rapid palpitations, I turn to look at him trying to open my mouth to answer his question. I've had so many shocks for one night I don't think that my heart could take another. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you heard me say your name the first time….but I guess not." He says apologetically, looking very sheepish. I shake my head no, finally catching my breath.

"No I didn't hear you…sorry I was just really lost in my thoughts." I respond.

"I could tell; which made me ask. What are you thinking about that's got such a big bright smile on your face?" he asks again, but this time with a small smirk.

"Oh I was just thinking about my sons, and how much they're little rascals. So tiny yet they're still able to get into plenty of mischief." I say not able to even hold in my chuckle.

"Sounds like you really love them."

I nod my head looking him dead in his eyes, "More than life itself, I'd do anything for my boys. I'd give my life up for them…I'd go to the moon and back." I say, realizing how serious I'd just gotten I take a sip of my tea and attempt to put a light smile on my face. "They really know how to keep me on my toes." I chuckle again, thinking about how many different times I've played involuntary games of hide and seek not just here at home but at the store as well…the store versions were not fun at the time.

Edward lets out his own chuckle…I like the sound of his chuckle. "It really sounds like they're a good time," he says, "so what's got you out here so late at night, I thought you'd be laying down somewhere getting rest."

"Rest?" I asked confused, I know it's late but a lot of people are up at ten at night. "Why would I be in bed getting rest?" I gasp, "OH!" And then it all came back rushing to me, hours ago, my morning sickness, me vomiting in front of Edward and possibly on him and me keeping him from going into an emergency at work.

The smirk is back in place, "Remember now?" he asks.

I turn red as an apple. "Yes, I do. Edward I'm really sorry about this morning, and keeping you la…" he held up his hand silencing me.

"I told you not to worry about that Bella, you didn't keep me from anything," He states firmly. "Now back to my earlier question. What's got you out here so late?"

"Oh, I couldn't really sleep so I thought a hot cup of tea a good book under the night sky would help me de-stress and just relax." I explain. I thought that was a simple enough answer but the way he had his head cocked to the side looking at me questioningly told me that he wanted an explanation to my answer. "What?" I ask, wanting to know what he really wanted to know so I wouldn't blabber out a whole bunch of things that didn't need to be said.

He looks at me a while longer not answering my question back, "Nothing, I was just wondering- I know you have two little boys and I know that kids can be a handful…but why would you need to de-stress and relax? They can't be that much of a handful, or are they?" he says jokingly. What he said has really taken me aback, I didn't think that he was so insightful as to see that there was actually something more that was going on with me than what I actually said. Which it was, but I didn't think that he would see it right off the bat.

I try to find the right words somewhere inside of me that would be a satisfying enough answer so he wouldn't press on any further, I'm a private person and I wasn't really comfortable with anyone knowing what was going on in my private life. "Well, being a mom and wife sometimes there are days that just really get to you, and I guess that today was one of those days. With my stomach bothering me and running behind schedule, getting the boys taken care of and bucket load of housework. It was just too much today…but I'm glad that the day is finally over and tomorrow is a new day." I tell him with my proverbial fingers crossed.

"Yeah, well I can see where that would have anyone stressed out." He says nodding his head with it hung low, he standing on his side of the fence with the sleeves of his white button down rolled up to his elbows, his reddish copper brown hair completely disheveled, with the light of the full moon beaming down I can make the faintest outline of purplish black rings under his eyes. The poor man looks completely exhausted; we both stay silent for a while longer in a comfortable silence. I open my mouth getting ready to say something when his stomach lets out a pretty ferocious growl.

I stifle a laugh, completely forgetting what I was about to say. "When was the last time you ate Edward; and what was it that you ate?" I ask.

He looks up at me and shrugs, "Probably about twelve or thirteen hours ago and I believe that it was a powdered donut out of the vending machine at work…no biggie. I've gone a lot longer without eating, and ate a whole lot worse." They he says it like it's no big deal is unsettling to me. A man who works that hard at least deserves to have a decent meal. I couldn't believe how hot under the collar I was getting about his eating situation.

"I think it is a biggie," I say adamantly. "You should be having a decent meal three times a day…and if you can't have three you should try to at least have one decent meal."

"Bella, I'm a busy man and I work a lot of long hard hours and on top of that I don't know how to cook a single thing. Seriously, I know how to make coffee, use the microwave and order takeout. That's about it for me."

I nod my head taking in what he's saying, "Exactly how hungry are you right now?" I ask while an idea was forming in my head.

"Absolutely ravenous," he says rather quickly. "And in serious need of a serious long hot shower…but you didn't need to know that." He says looking uncomfortable running his hand roughly over the back of his neck. I can't help but blush myself and I don't even know why.

I can't help the small smile on my face when I ask him, "How do you feel about chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, green beans a honey roll and some other assorted veggies?" I can practically see his mouth watering and his eyes glistening over some.

"Mmm, I feel great about that do you know of where I can get that this time of the night?" He literally sounds desperate the poor man.

"Yeah I do. Tell you what, you look absolutely drained, so why don't you go take that hot shower and it'll refresh you…waken you up a bit and when you come out I'll tell you where you can get that food." I tell him, "What do you say?" hoping that he'll take the bait.

"That sounds like a good idea to me, right down the address so I can use my GPS to find it? I'm still trying to learn my way around here." He looks like such a hopeful little boy asking of this small favor.

"Sure no problem I'll write it down, though I really doubt you'll need the GPS. It's close by and easy to find." I assure him.

"Ok, great. I'll go take my shower and be real quick."

"Take your time, I've got my book to read so I'm not going anywhere." I say reassuringly. I watch as Edward bounds towards his house and through his sliding patio door. Once I feel as if I know that he is fully in house I jump out of my seat and go back into my own house and into the kitchen. I stop and listen for the sounds of Mike's snoring so I can be reassured that he is as usual in comatose like deep slumber. Once I hear his snoring I rush into the kitchen turning on the oven and then go to pull out the leftovers from earlier this evening, I put them in the proper dishes that can be put into the oven and give it about ten minutes to warm up while I stirred the gravy on top of the stove for the mashed potatoes and chicken fried steak as to make sure that it didn't scorch. I prepped the small tray that is usually used to serve breakfast in bed with all of the dished that I took out of the oven and grabbed the pitcher of sweet tea and a empty glass taking it outside and setting it on the main patio table.

Edward wasn't out of the shower yet, but I was still expecting him any minute now, I watched as the steam rose off of the food…I hope it wasn't too hot for him to each or that he scorched his tongue. As I sat there pondering my thoughts Edward came in interrupting them wearing a tight gray t-shirt and what looked to be dark denim jeans. Thank God for this big bright full moon tonight…because I'm definitely enjoying this view. I shook my head to expel those thoughts, he walks up to his side of the fence clapping his hands and then rubbing them together for effect. "So, Bella, where is this sacred place of food that I need to find?" he asked looking rather serious. I can't help but giggle, one thing I've just learned for sure is that this man doesn't play when it comes to food. I decided that I wanted to play with him for just a quick bit.

"Um- well actually…there is no place." I tell him, trying my best to look innocently un-guilty.

"What?" he asks so quietly and slowly. "Are you telling me that there is no restaurant around here where I can get all of the food that you mentioned at this time of night?"

"Well…no, no there isn't any restaurants. But what you can do is sit down over here at my patio."

He looks quite off put, "Bella, I'm exhausted and as I mentioned before raveno..." his words were cut off as he looked off to the side at my patio. "Bella, where did this come from? You sneaky woman." He says with a growing smile on his face.

"I hope you don't mind we ate dinner just a few hours ago and we had so much leftover and my husband isn't really partial to leftovers, and you were saying that you were so hungry and I bet you hadn't had a home cooked in a long time so I thought that you might like this." I take in a deep breath from my obvious rambling. I look to Edward not even noticing that during my ramblings he was over there scarfing down his food.

"This is really good Bella," he says through a huge mouthful of mashed potatoes. "I mean this is damn good."

I smile, thinking how no one has ever said that about my cooking. "Thank you. I appreciate it." I say genuinely.

"No, thank you," he says stopping to take a breath and drink some tea. "And you're right…it has been a long time since I've had a home cooked meal." He says while pouring gravy all over his chicken fried steak. We continue to have little if none at all small talk while he ate and I read my book. By the time he finished his eyes looked glossed over as if he was completely sated. He patted his stomach with a smile playing on the corner of his lips. "Thank you again Bella, I didn't realize how much I needed that, I really appreciate it."

I felt so shy at his small shower of compliments, "You're welcome, and you don't have to thank me…I enjoyed it, you were so nice to me this morning so it was the least that I could do."

"Well thank you again, and I'll get this cleaned up." I immediately cut him off assuring him that I would clean it up and that he should go and get some sleep, he looked like he could barely stand on his own two feet. We said our goodbyes and I gathered up all of the dishes and the serving tray taking it back into the kitchen to re-clean the mess that I made and took my time going up the stairs feeling the lethargy flowing through my limbs I changed into my pajamas and collapsed onto the bed falling into a soothing sleep.


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