Chapter 11
After seeing Edward standing outside of the kitchen window with the look of murder on his face I quickly closed the curtains over the kitchen window and set about finishing dinner. I could still hear the water going in the shower upstairs, and just that little bit of sound telling me that Mike was occupied gave me a great sense of relief. Pulling the rice, vegetables and fish off of the stove and griddle, quickly placing them in serving dishes on the table, knowing that he wouldn't be much longer in the shower. No matter how much I tried to keep myself occupied, I just could not keep my mind off of Edward and what he saw and heard. But mostly, I couldn't get the look of his face out of my head. He had come home much earlier than what I had expected for him to. I walked away from the dinner table to get the pitcher of iced tea out of the fridge, aimlessly trying to shake the thoughts and chills away.
I also remembered to take out the two pieces of marinating fish out of the back of the refrigerator and placed them on the griddle so they could cook. I heard Mike clomping down the stairs headed for the dining room.
"Dinner is already on the table." I called out to Mike from the kitchen.
"Alright," I could hear him say, almost under his breath, but loud enough to hear. "Bella?" he asked in such a resigned tone.
"Yes?" I hadn't heard a tone like that from him since we met, and I really didn't know what to make of it.
I didn't hear him walk into the kitchen, I didn't even know he was there until I turned around. Which shocked me because I did not realize how up close he truly was.
"I-I…I just wanted to say that I was sorry about earlier." He sighed.
Stunned. That was the only word that I could come up with or feel at the moment. I don't think he's ever apologized to me before. This definitely had to be a first.
"It's alright." I said quickly, this was uncharted waters and I didn't know if I was sinking or swimming. Is this Mike? No, this can't be Mike…he never apologizes. Never ever. Like ever.
"No, actually it's not," he sighed again, rubbing the back of his hair where it was still damp and glistening from his shower. "You asked me a simple question and suggested I take a shower." He continued. "There's just a lot going on at work and I took it out on you, so I'm sorry." He finished with a dramatic sigh.
Well shit. He apologized…there really is a first time for everything.
"Uh...um...thank you. I accept your apology." I stammered.
"Right. Well, shouldn't let the food get cold." He mumbled and walked away towards the dinner table. Speaking of food, I turned back towards the cooking pieces of salmon, trying to process what the hell just transpired. I could just hear the Twilight Zone theme music playing in the back of my head with what I just witnessed. Invasion of the body snatchers possibly? Hell if I know, and damn if I'm going to ask. I will take my small favors wherever I can get them when it comes to this man.
I finished with the pieces of fish and put them on the dish and covered it with foil, placing it in the to stay warm. Putting some dishes in the washer just to gain myself a little bit of extra time to recover from what Mike just did and compose myself. Nothing good would come from me walking to the dinner table with my mouth open like a fish gasping for water. I walked to the dinner table and sat down, Mike already eating. I didn't expect for him to wait for me before he started…that just was not in his nature. I said a quick blessing over my food as I have always been taught to do since I was a small child and began eating.
Piercing a carrot with my fork and about to place it into my mouth, "So, I just wanted to talk about what I told you a few nights ago." He began. Any type of an appetite that I had just went out of the window and the bile was making its way out of the depths of my stomach and up to my throat.
"Yes? What about it?" I whispered, I did not think I could manage my voice to get any higher than that. I also didn't dare say baby, I don't know what my saying that would have made him say or do.
"I still want you to get it taken care of. How far along are you?" He asked it so casually as if he was asking me what was the weather like outside. I could feel the tears building but I tried my best to keep them at bay.
"I don't know, my guess just a few weeks along…maybe a little bit further." I murmured.
"Well then, you're too far along to nip this in the bud," He said, once again so casually and nonchalant as he speared his last morsel of food off of his plate. Scooting back from the table and wiping his mouth, "There's a clinic right outside of town where you can go get it done." Walking away, and not looking back
I raised my voice by an octave, "But I don't want an abortion, I don't believe in it. Mike you know that's not how I was raised." Those damn tears were really trying to come forward, everything was becoming blurry.
Turning around so swiftly he pierced me with his gaze, "Do you think I give a flying fuck about what you want or how you were raised!?" Using that same menacing tone that usually came with a backhand afterwards. "You will get it done." Ringing with a tone of finality, and walking upstairs to more than likely fall asleep while watching television.
Watching his retreating form, I stood up and before I could even reach for his plate and silverware the dam broke. Ragged sobs breaking from my chest, the type of sobs that no matter what you tried to do you could not get them to stop. Through a blurry screen of tears, I finished clearing the table, taking the dishes into the kitchen and began cleaning. After finishing my cleaning, I checked Edward's food to make sure that it was ok, since he was home early tonight I knew that he would have already had a shower and watched the evening news. Splashing some cool water on my face so it wouldn't look so splotchy from crying, I pulled out the serving tray.
Putting the dishes on the serving tray I made my way outside to the patio placing the tray on the table there. Walking the few feet to his sliding door to knock on it, at this moment in my life there were only a few bright moments. And that was Mikey and Ben, and the few minutes in the evening that I spent conversing with Edward. There was always an abundant supply of things to talk about with him like books, art, the weather, current events. You name it and we have talked about it.
Knock knock.
I could hear the slight shuffle of his feet coming down stairs and quickly opening the door. "Bella," He sighed my name, but looking me over as if looking for any type of injuries. If only you were here a few weeks ago you would have really had some things to look for. I said to myself. "Are you alright?" he inquired with some seriousness.
Seriousness is so what I did not need right now, in an attempt to lighten the mood, I gave a small smile. "Of course I am." I waved him off
He looked like wanted to say something more, but then stopped himself. Sighing, looking away resigned. "How was your day?" he mumbled, walking towards the patio.
"The usual, different day same routine." I said, telling the complete truth…just not in detail. He shot me a look that said he knew exactly what I just did by giving an answer but not a full one. The man was just too damn perspective for his own good.
He walked closer towards the patio table, "I made salmon with rice, carrots, and green beans," I motioned towards the dishes. "I don't know if you like fish and that's what we were having tonight. But if you don't like fish then I can just whip you something else up if you like." Damn, there goes the nervous rambling again. "Also…", I never got to finish. Edward held up his hand silencing me.
"This looks perfect Bella, and to be honest fish is one of my most favorite dishes."
"Thank you, I know you're just being nice. You didn't have to say that."
"Bella, if there is one thing that I am not, is a liar or a bullshitter. I am always straight up with people, I don't like beating around the push and giving people false hope." He said. "I have no reason to lie to you, if I didn't like it I'd let you know." He finished by shoveling a big forkful of fluffy fish into his mouth, eyes rolling into the back of his head and moaning while chewing. For some reason I found that slightly erotic. Goodness I need to get a handle on these hormones, they have me completely out of sorts.
A small giggle escaped.
"That is a beautiful sound." Edward mumbled out loud to himself, though I could still hear him. Just him saying that I could feel myself beginning to blush and unnatural shade of red. "That's a beautiful look too." He mumbled again. Blushing even harder, I clasped my hands together in my lap looking down at them and letting my hair cover my face. Trying again for the umpteenth time tonight just to compose myself.
Trying to think of something, anything to say, "I take it you like the food." It came out as a statement even though I was trying to make it into a question.
He looked at me, like eye to eye looked. Never blinking or flinching. "Yeah…I like that too."
"Too?" I whisper.
"Yeah, too." He clarified.
"Edward, I-…" he stopped me once again. "Bella, I'm sorry. That was completely out of line of me, it won't happen again." He continued to eat his food. "This is fantastic Bel-.." now it was my turn to stop him.
"I don't want you to be sorry." I said softly, looking at him from a slight angle. Almost too afraid to completely look at him straight forward. For the past few minutes since we walked out onto the patio there had been a since of electricity in the air, and I seriously thought for a moment that it was just me and my imagination. But clearly I was wrong.
"Bella, what are you trying to say?" he asked scrunching up his face, more than likely trying to figure where I am coming from.
"What I'm trying to say Edward is that I don't want you to be sorry for what you said." I stated, "You said you were being straight up with me, so I want to do the same. It was the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a very long time, and I'm not sorry that you said it not one bit." Wow, who knew how freeing it could be, to just be honest about your thoughts and feelings for once without there being consequences.
"You want to be straight up with me Bella?" he asked me, straightening his back.
I suddenly got nervous, all I could manage was the slight nod of my head. But Edward was looking at me shaking his head while setting his silverware down. "Not good enough of an answer, use your words and speak up Bella."
"Yes, I want to be straight up with you." I said, getting more nervous by the second.
"Alright then, tell me what the hell that was earlier in your kitchen." He demanded, that same furious face was back on, but oddly I was not afraid of it at all. I opened my mouth to get ready to say something, but in true Edward manner that I'm quickly becoming accustomed with he cut me off. "Don't lie or give some bullshit excuse either. That's not part of being straight up." He said firmly.
Damn, here comes the well of tears coming to the forefront. I thought I had it all out, but apparently not. I opened and closed my mouth several times trying to find the right words to say without giving too much away. But then I realized that that is also the opposite of being straight up. I closed my mouth and thought about what I wanted to say. Should I tell him the complete truth? I don't always make stranger privy to my personal life. But Edward isn't a stranger, he's your friend, and friends confide in each other. I opened my mouth once more and all that came out was a strangled moan that turned into a sob. I didn't see him, but all I could hear was Edward's dishes clattering on the table, and then the next thing that I knew I was wrapped up in strong, binding arms. Sobs racking through me once more, I just couldn't get control of it.
"Shh Bella, it's alright. I'm right here," he murmured into my hair while holding me tight and rubbing my back and hair. "Let it out, I've got you." He was so strong and so soothing it only made me cry harder. The last time someone held me like this I'd fallen and hurt my knee and my mother was there to hug and kiss me. Seconds or minutes passed…I couldn't tell which, but the tears slowly came to a halt. I hiccupped a little trying to catch my breath.
I wiped the tears from my face with the sleeve of my shirt, looking at Edward kneeled before me on the cold ground seeing that his shirt was very damp from my tears. He looked down at his chest to see what I was looking at and before I could say anything he shook his head, "Don't worry about the shirt, tell me what's going on." He said so softly, as if he raised his voice any higher it would harm me. I'd technically only known Edward for a short amount of time but it felt like I had known him for decades.
"I'm pregnant," I whispered in a hushed tone, "and my husband has pretty much demanded that I get an abortion." I couldn't even look at him when I said it, feeling ashamed as though it was my idea to get an abortion. Edward was silent for a while and I peeked up to look at him, the look of pure fury written all across every plane and angle of his face.
"An abortion," he growled, "what a sick fuck! I haven't even met the man and I already despise him." His hand squeezing the arm rest of my chair.
"He told me the other day that he wanted me to get it done, but I thought that he had forgotten about. But then he brought it back up this evening during dinner." I explained. "I told him that I didn't want to end it, that I didn't believe in it because that's not how I was raised," sighing I finished. "he looked at me and said that he didn't give a flying fuck about what I wanted or what I believed in. Then he went upstairs to watch television and that's it." I actually felt good to get all of that off of my chest.
But the look on Edward's face had turned from fury to completely murderous. "You have to stand up to him, you can't just let him have the final say. This is your body and you can't let him dictate to you what to do with it." He just looked so determined when he said that, as if it was so simple. If he really knew what would happen if I did that then he wouldn't suggest it.
I shook my head, "It's not that simple Edward." He began to say something but I held my hand up the same way he did me. "It's just not that simple." I stated with finality.
Grabbing my shoulders firmly, "But it is that simple!" he grinded.
"NO! It's not, you don't know the entire situation. You don't know what could happen." I was beginning to get frustrated, with Edward, myself, just the whole situation itself.
"Then tell me! Tell me everything." He pleaded. I shook my head once more. I can't. I just can't do that to him. This has nothing to do with him, this is my problem to shoulder and carry, not his. I can't do that to him and I won't.
"It is your burden to bear, and it's not something that I am going to place on your shoulders."
"What if I'm asking you to? Place it on my shoulders, please. I know it's only been a little while since we've known each other but I'm your friend. You can trust me, please…let me help you." He was pleading with me once again.
Standing I shook my head, placing all of his used dishes back onto the serving tray, "I can't do that you Edward, there's just so much and it's not fair for you to have that on you. Even if you are asking. I looked away from him, looking back towards the house. The temperature was dropping every few minutes bringing in the night time chill. Sending a shiver down my spine. I turned walking back towards my patio door.
"Bella?" he said with such softness, I looked back at him. He looked completely drained of any and all energy. I knew he worked long hours, but I just knew that this look of drained energy was not because of his job.
"Yes?"
"I'm here for you," he sighed, "I'm here…and I want you to fight. And if you're not ready or willing to fight then at least try." He looked so defeated.
"Ok Edward."
"No, please promise me that you will." He demanded.
"Okay, I promise. I'll try." I said, and I meant it. For Edward, for my boys I would try. It used to depress me, the thought of not having someone who cared about me, who was in my corner on my side. But tonight, I just knew that I was not alone. That someone actually did care and have my back. That they didn't just say it and not mean it, he was a straight up, non-bullshitter. Having this new knowledge that I actually wasn't alone in this world and that someone really did care instilled a new sense of determination in me.
I looked back to him, and he had an imperceptible smile on his face, "I believe you." He said.
"You do? How?"
"Because I just saw the look of realization and determination on your face," He ran his fingers through his hair, shuffling his feet in his loafers a bit, "goodnight Bella." He said turning and walking back towards his house.
"Goodnight Edward." I said towards his house.
Now that I knew, I was ready and willing to try…and damn it I just may be ready to fight.
Thank you guys for pretty much the best welcome back that a girl could ask for! I really do appreciate it, I have been receiving a lot of favorites, following etcetera etcetera to my email and thank you for that. But you know...a girl needs reviews! more reviews means more chapters. Because if I'm not getting any reviews then I feel like the story isn't reaching anyone and then I decide to pull it. And I don't want to do that with Bitter. Once again, thank you guys for all of the love and support. New chapter coming in the next few days...Sunday at the latest.
