Chapter 12
The morning after my talk with Edward I woke up to my alarm clock with a small new sense of gusto, though I didn't get much sleep that night. I lay awake most of the night thinking about what Edward had said to me, my entire life for the past two; almost three years, and the simple fact even though I had no living family, I wasn't completely alone in this world. And that simple fact meant everything to me. I had two precious baby boys who depended on me, another little one on the way, and a new friend whom seemed very sincere when he declared that he would be there for me. I had truly had no other choice but to fight for what I wanted. Though I didn't know how far away, I could see a small trickle of light poking through at the end of what I thought was going to be a never-ending dark tunnel.
I woke up before my alarm clock even went off, and looked over at my worthless douchebag of a husband. Still laying on his stomach snoring like a freight train, there was so much that I needed to in order to do what I promised Edward what I would do. But I didn't even know where to start. For starters I know that I needed to go ahead and get Mike's breakfast ready. He was going to get what I gave him and if he didn't like it then tough, scrambled eggs and toast was all he was getting. I skipped down the staircase with a little bit of extra pep in my step. Thinking back on my life before I met Mike, wondering whatever happened to the happy and self-confident Bella that I used to be. Was I really that desperate to not be all alone in this world? Wanting to create a family of my own so I no longer remained Bella party of one. But I had to mentally chastise myself, no more looking back on the past, no going backwards. This was a forward only trip, yes I admit that I brought it on myself falling in love with the idea and the illusion of love. That idea and illusion is was got me into this predicament, making me bitter with myself and sometimes those around me. Getting irritable with people I would see while out looking like they were so happy and carefree while I lived an unhappy miserable life. But I cannot allow myself to be like that, I can and I will eradicate what I have done.
Walking into the kitchen I flicked on the small overhead light on the stove and began to quietly pull out a skillet, eggs from the fridge and two sliced of bread from the bread box. I looked at the clock on the microwave, here I was in my excitement thinking that I woke up about 10 minute before my alarm was supposed to sound off when I really woke up 45 minutes early. Well damn…I had an idea though. I needed to thank Edward for what he had done last night. Not only had he been the first person to console me since my loved ones passed away but even in the middle of my emotional breakdown he had unknowingly lit a small fire under. And if the way I was feeling was any indication, soon enough that flame would be an inferno. I just had that feeling.
I knew that the man could eat like nobody else, I don't know where he puts it all but is seriously a bottomless pit. He doesn't care what it is, if it's edible then he'll eat it, he's not picky the way Mike is. I knew that he hadn't left for work yet because his Volvo was still in his drive-way, so I set about making him a thank you breakfast. I felt like it needed to be extra special, so I went to Grandma Swan's old recipes that she passed down to me since besides her I was the only cook in our family. Buttermilk pancakes, bacon, eggs, hash, mixed fruit, and a carafe of coffee and orange juice was what I was able to through together. Placing everything on the tray, I walked back up towards the stairs to make sure that Mike was still snoring away. Once I verified that I was in the clear I quietly walked to the sliding door opening it and grabbing the tray where I placed it on the side table and walked across my patio towards Edwards'. I set the tray down on the patio table and knocked on his door, trying my best to hold back a curse from the swift wind that came through. Damn I hate the cold and I wished he would answer his door! I knew from seeing the light through my window that was usually up at this time doing God knows what but he was usually out the door right after or right before Mike left for work.
I knocked one last time, and before I could let my hand fall to back to my side he was already opening the door staring at me in a slight look of wonder but also confusion. He was shirtless…gloriously shirtless, lean but with strong toned arms and muscles, barefoot and wearing navy pajama bottoms that hung low on his waist. Sweet Jesus! It should be a sin to look like that!
"Bella," he called my name. "what's wrong?"
I opened my mouth but not able to form any words. Married woman or not…he looked delicious. And I wanted to be all over him like ants on candy. What the hell!? Where did that come from and please tell me I did not say that out loud.
"Bella?" he started to frown a little, making a crease in his forehead.
"I…um," I had to clear my throat. "I made you breakfast, you know, as a thank you for last night." I said. Good work Bella, now make more words. Goodness my inner voice could be such a bitch. "I thought about everything you said to me and you are right."
"I am?" he asked warily.
"Yes Edward, you are." I stated. "You don't realize how much you did for me last night. You've done more for me in those few minutes than anyone has in the past five years, and that meant a lot." I hadn't been this honest with anyone in a very long time…not even with myself.
A look passed over his face but I couldn't decipher it, a shiver ran down my spine, whether from cold or from him I didn't know. He opened his door for me to usher me in, I reached behind me to grab the tray and walked into his house for the first time. His house had a similar floor plan to my house yet with a more updated masculine feel to it. His kitchen was small and clean to extent except for a few of Chinese takeaway menus left on the countertop and a few dishes left in the sink. I set the tray of food on the countertop since the kitchen table was covered in paperwork. "So you're going to do as I asked?" he asked behind me.
"Yes I am." I said, not having to ask what he meant.
"How are you going to do it." Inching his way toward the tray of food, I laughed and pointed towards the kitchen table and waggled my finger. A clear sign for him to make himself a space so he could sit and eat. He complied with even a second thought. I swear food could make that man do almost anything thing. He had a gleam in his eyes as he continued to eyeball the tray, I brought it over to him. He had it out of my hands before I could make it all the way over to him, long-armed food freak!
"I don't know how I'm going to do it yet; I just know that I am. I'm done and I'm tired, but I have little ones to think about so I can't be too hasty with my decisions." He nodded his head in agreement as I sat down.
"What do we have here?" he asked as he was taking the cloth cover off, his eyes bugged a little and he gasped, making me giggle a little. He said nothing but wasted no time drizzling the warm maple syrup over the pancakes and digging in while his eyes rolled to the back of his head. "BELLA!" he mumble-yelled over a mouthful of bacon. "This is Heavenly!"
I could only smile. "You like?"
"I love!" I nodded, mentally giving myself a big pat on the back. Even though he doesn't say it now, when we first started dating Mike used to always say I was a killer in the kitchen. Edward slowed down long enough to take a sip of his orange juice.
"Bella, this is amazing but you know you didn't have to do this." He said it with such sincerity in his eyes. "Though I'm not complaining, because I haven't had a breakfast like this since I was a kid. But I just wanted you to know."
"I know Edward, but like I said I wanted to."
"Well thank you, I appreciate the fact that you went through the trouble to do this."
"No Edward, it was no trouble at all and I thank you." He smiled a toothy smile at me, while trying to lick the syrup out of the corner of his mouth.
He continued to eat the rest of his breakfast and we sat there in comfortable silence looking at the sky through his window slowly turn from blue-black to grey soon it would be turning pink and I knew that my time here was quickly winding down.
I noticed that he had finished his food already and was staring at me but didn't look away fast enough. I looked down at my fingers clasped together in my lap, I spoke up before he could. "I don't know what I'm going to do but I have to figure something out. I have no money, and he won't allow me to work," I declared. "But I won't allow that to stop me."
A look of pride crossed his face, "I'm proud of you Bella."
A strong blush crossed my face and I had to look away from him, but also wanting to change the subject. "How was your breakfast?"
Sighing and rubbing his well-toned stomach, "Incredible."
"Well I'm glad you enjoyed it." A stretch of silence passed by before I couldn't it anymore, I found a little patch of bravery and decided to use it before I became a coward again. "So, are you going to give me a quick tour of this place or what?" Feeling all of my early openness and bravery depleting. I really need to get the old, confident Bella back, she's been gone for far too long.
Pushing his plate back from him, he rose from his seat. "It's not much, but yeah, I could give you a tour." Turning away from and walking towards his small kitchen he looked back at me as I followed smiling. "kitchen," he waved towards it. Then he took me into his living room, though it was around the same floor design as my living room, like most of the houses in this neighborhood, his was so much more homey and comfy looking. In his living room he had plush carpeting, the kind was so soft and plush when you took off your shoes your feet sank right into the thick plushness of it all. A little farther to the back but still in the center of the room there was a black leather sofa that could probably sit about four maybe five people with a red fleece throw folded in a triangle laying across the back, with two small end tables on either side of the couch and a matching mahogany coffee table.
It was so nice, I walked towards the couch running my fingertips over the smooth leather looking at the three small scented candles he had sitting on the coffee table surrounded by a mini fall floral arrangements. That is not something a man would normally put together, I looked back at him smiling not even having to ask the question. He let out a deep chuckle, "I swear I did not put that together, it was my mother. She's an interior decorator."
I raised my head up into a deep nod and remained silent, feeling like, if I opened my mouth and said anything then I might end up saying something stupid. I continued my exploration of his living room, knowing that I was slowly running out of time yet taking all the time that I wanted. Walking a little bit further into the room even more, I saw that he had a fireplace, looking as though it had been lit as recently as last night. There was a large flat screen television placed above the mantle where there was a splash of greenery with photo frames mixed in with Edward and gorgeous older woman with dark brown copper-like hair just like Edward's. Another photo had the same woman and a handsome man with blonde hair. "Those are my parent, Esme and Carlisle." He said from behind me. "They've been married for almost thirty years."
"They make a beautiful couple." I said, wishing that I could have a long a happy marriage like that.
Looking to my right I gasped and briskly walked over to where my sights were set. A large bookshelf covered almost a third of the wall on the other side of the living room. A large window was sat right next to with a black velvet settee sitting right under it, ideal for someone to lounge there reading while taking in the view and soaking up some rays. I heard a deep chuckle from somewhere behind me, tilting my head to the side trying to read the binding on each of the novels. "You like?" he repeated my earlier question to me.
I nodded, "I love." Me repeating him as well. He chuckled again that deep masculine laugh.
"Well I'm glad to be of service."
"You have so many books, where do find the time to read."
"I haven't been able to really sit down and read for a long time, but I find a spare moment to myself I like to try and squeeze in a chapter or two." He said inching up closer to my right. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and take a wild guess that you like to read." He said smirking.
I returned his smirk. "You guessed right, I absolutely love to read. I can devour a book." I picked up a well-worn copy of one of his novels. I didn't recognize the title but that didn't stop from fanning all of the pages from beginning to the end just so I could take in that book smell. Groaning and slightly moaning from that old book smell I opened my eyes to see Edward staring at me very intently. His deep green eyes sharp and piercing me to the depths of my soul almost. It was too much, too intense, I had to turn and look away while placing his book back on the shelf.
Clearing my throat, "So what else there on this grand tour of yours?" I was grasping at anything to lighten this suddenly charged and tense mood.
Edward stepped back from me while shaking his head slightly, as if trying to dispel some thought that he didn't want to be having. "Yes, let us get on with the tour." He turned walking towards the stairs. For some reason I felt myself getting nervous which is completely irrational because it was just a tour, absolutely nothing was going to happen. Jesus, get your mind and your hormones in place.
We made it up to the top landing of the stair in silence, just as I had thought it was a similar design as my own home though his looked a lot more updated. This is something that I would have loved to have done with my own home, but I'm not that lucky. But it looked like he one more bedroom in his house than what I did, where I only had a master bedroom with an in-suite and the boys' bedroom with a bathroom upstairs.
"Guest bathroom," he pointed to the first door on the right, and then the next two doors on the left and the right. "guest bedroom, spare bedroom that I'm just using a storage for the moment," He said quickly as if he was trying to finish as quick as he could. Then he pointed to the last door at the end of the hall. "and that's the master bedroom." He finished gruffly.
"Oh." that was all I was capable to of saying in that moment.
Rubbing the back of his neck roughly mussing up his hair, he looked as nervous as I felt. Looking around looking for something to focus his attention on. I tried to make it a little bit easier on the both of us by speaking first while inching towards the staircase. "Thank you for the tour." Taking my first step off of the landing and back towards the downstairs area.
Edward stayed rooted in the spot where he stood hands in his pajama pants, "You're welcome." He whispered, I turned and heading back towards the living room area, but before I could get completely back into the window he grabbed me by my elbow, yet I couldn't find it in myself to flinch the way that I normally would when my elbow was grabbed. He looked so strong and powerful yet he grabbed me with unnatural gentleness. "Bella," if he hadn't been so close I might have missed what he was saying. "I always leave a spare key under my patio mat, any time you want to come over when the time is convenient of course you can." I didn't know what to say to that, I stood there speechless.
"You know to borrow a book or something, even if it's just during the day and I'm at work." He clarified.
In that moment I couldn't say anything, a thick lump formed in my throat and I could feel pressure behind my eyes from a quickly forming onset of tears that I was trying my best to keep at bay. I simply nodded my head and tried to continue walking, but the grasp on my elbow was preventing me from doing that. Edward pulled me towards him in a slightly rough manner, nearly making me collide with his bare chest. I rested my hands on his pecs trying to find my own sense of balance, his left arm wrapped around my waist, resting on the small of my back. We were so close I could smell his still sweet breath from the maple syrup. His left hand coming up towards my face letting his knuckles graze the apples of my cheeks, then turning his hand over and letting his palm rest on my face where his knuckles had just been. Sweeping and smoothing his thumb over my eyebrows and closed eyelids over and over, bringing his left hand back from around me so he could do the same with that hand.
I could feel that he had brought his face closer to me, his warm breath fanning over my entire face. I flattened my palms and spread my fingers, just getting a feel of the smooth skin and his slight dusting of hair there. He inched his face closer to me, softly bumping his nose to mine. Somehow he stepped impossibly closer to me, I dared to open my eyes, seeing that his were closed as well. I took that moment to really look at him up close, full lips, thick manly eyebrows, and a strong jaw with some light stubble. I saw there at the junction of his throat where he took a gulp, making his Adam's apple bob up then down. I closed my eyes again, Edward moved his head slightly grazing his lips over my forehead, then my temples and across my eyelids. I feel my heartbeat beginning to beat ten to the dozen. He grew closer and closer towards the direction of my mouth, skimming over the tip of my nose and over my jawline. My breathing became more erratic, as if I was about to start hyperventilating. He got to the corner of my mouth, lingering there, then down to my chin. I knew that this was wrong, but I couldn't find it in myself to stop it, the anticipation of what he was going to do was getting the best of me and my resolve.
Moving back upwards he moved his mouth to mine, a hairs' breath apart from each other, and then he meshed his mouth onto mine, catching my quiet gasp. His lips were so full and soft, and felt so good. I could honestly say that this was the best kiss of my life and even though it was wrong I did not want it to end. He released my mouth before I was ready for him to, lowering his forehead to mine. Breathing so hard as if he had just run a marathon, eyes stilled closed. Moving his hands down my face, over my shoulders then down to my waist resting them on my hips. Pulling me closer to him, I wrapped my arms around his waist as well feeling something hard poking me in my lower stomach, it didn't take a hard guess to know what that was. Just the thought was making something deep in me clutch and pulse race with an even more vigor. But I was glad to know that I wasn't the only one who was affected, I could practically feel his heartbeat about to burst through his chest.
He released me, stepping backwards and placing his hands back in his pockets. "I'm so sorry Bella, that was wrong of me and out of line." His voice rough, even though he kept trying to clear it. Did I really affect him the same way he affected me? This is absolutely insane, we've only known each other for a few weeks, and I'm a married woman. But I'm so confused, I really can't process anything at the moment.
"You weren't wrong or out of line." I whispered, as if I was afraid someone might hear, even though it was just the two of us here. He opened his mouth getting ready to say something but I beat him to the punch. Placing my hands in the back pocket of my jeans "I better get back to my house; everyone will be up soon. And I don't want to make you late for work." I could feel that this was beginning to get a little tense again and I was looking for my exit. Plus, Mike really would be up soon, I could slowly start to see the grey transforming to that pinkish hue.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." He walked towards his kitchen table picking up the tray and handing it to me. "Thank you again for breakfast." His voice so soft and quiet, for a man with such a deep voice you wouldn't think that he could be capable of making his voice so soft. He opened the patio door for me. "You're welcome." I said stepping into the brisk, chilly October air, thankful for the cold air to help clear my mind and cool off my over-warmed body. "Oh and Edward?" he looked up at me expectantly.
"Yes?"
I smirked at him, "I'm not sorry either." Walking away without giving him a chance to respond to what I had said. I walked back into my house, thankful for the warmth that surrounded me I went to the kitchen and set about placing the dishes that Edward used in the dish washer and placing the tray back under the cabinet. I could hear Mike upstairs in the shower turning the water off. Phew, I got back in here just in time. I pulled Mike's eggs out of the oven where I kept it warming, I nearly dropped the plate because it was so hot placing it on the table waiting for his toast pop up out of the toaster. I placed the grape jelly on the table and retrieved the four pieces of toast. There were two slices of bacon left over from what I had made for Edward so I placed that on his plate as well. Edward. Just the mention of his name made my pulse go into a complete tizzy again. And also placing a small smile on my lips as well, I put my finger on my lips, feeling like I could still feel his lips there.
I didn't hear Mike when he walked into the kitchen in his work clothes, I was still standing there with a smile on my face touching my lips. He startled me when he spoke making me jump, "What are you standing there smiling about?" he asked walking toward the coffee maker, pouring himself a generous cup.
"Huh?" I asked, trying to clear my mind.
"What are you smiling about?" he asked again enunciating each word. Oh crap! Think Bella, think!
"Oh, uh, I was just thinking about something Ben did yesterday." I said quickly. Good thinking on your feet your, I thought to myself. Mike, like his usual self, grunted in response to what I had said. He sat down at the table looking down at his plate.
"Is this all?" he asked in that gruff voice, I knew that voice and I knew where it was going. I spoke quickly to abate the situation as quickly as I could.
"That was really all we had for breakfast foods until I can go grocery shopping." I explained, excluding the part where I had more than enough ingredients to make him some of Grandma Swan's buttermilk pancakes from scratch.
"Hmm, well do you have enough food to fix dinner tonight?" hmm? Just hmm? Well that was one hell of a response, I wasn't expecting that response at all. For the past 36 hours this man has thrown me for a loop with his responses to certain things.
"Yes, but I'll have to go shopping soon." I answered.
"Alright, well you can take me to work tomorrow morning and take the car to get some groceries." He said, scooping eggs onto his fork. "But only to get groceries." He said, stating that sternly. He turned his attention away from me and back to his plate saying nothing more. He finished his breakfast leaving his plate on the table while I stayed in the kitchen cleaning up. I didn't normally eat with him, I enjoyed my breakfast time with my boys. Making sure he had his wallet and keys he walked towards the door, "I'm gone." He said, walking out and closing the door without waiting for my reply. Good riddance was all I could really think to myself.
I gathered his dishes off the table taking them to the sink so I could rinse them before placing them in the dishwasher. When I looked out of the window over the sink I could see Edward also grabbing his things and walking out his patio door making sure it was closed all the way and headed to his car. He saw me before I could look away and smirking and gave me a quick wink then walked away. Leaving a big smile on my face. I continued with my morning routine about to go get Mikey and Ben up so that they could have their breakfast. Before I could make it to the staircase I heard a knock at the door, I had to stop for a minute because no one ever knocked on our door or visited us unless it was a package being delivered to the wrong address. And then I thought, maybe it could be Edward and I rushed to open the door but when I opened it, it wasn't him. It was Mrs. Cope from next door, "Good morning dear Bella," she said with a kindly, sweet smile on her wrinkled and weathered face. "I hate to bother you so early in the morning but I just wanted to know if you had a cup of creamer and sugar I could borrow." Her said, her voice was strong but she looked slightly weak. It could just be the weather that was affecting her, Grandma Swan was the same way. I ushered inside and out of the cold.
I gave her a smile, "Mrs. Cope you are not bothering me at all." I told her, and I meant it. I was having such a good morning for the first time in a long time. "You have a seat and warm up, and I'll get the creamer and sugar for you." She made way to the kitchen table sitting in the seat that Mike had recently occupied that morning. I gathered the creamer and sugar for her, bringing it to the table where she sat.
"Thank you." She smiled up at me, returning her smile I offered some tea or coffee which she graciously accepted. Making her and myself a warm cup of lemon and chamomile tea I joined her at the table, taking a hesitant sip. "So how are things with you Bella?" she asked kindly, but there was a looked that passed across her face that told me that she had an inkling of an idea that she knew a little bit of what going on here. But I said nothing, but giving her a smile and answering her question.
"Everything with me is," I looked for the right word feeling guilty for even thinking about lying to her. "Okay, it's okay but soon to be better." I declared, I was determined for everything to be better and sooner rather than later.
"And how are those precious babies of yours?"
"They are wonderful they're still sleeping but they'll be up soon enough wanting food. Typical boys." I laughed
"Oh, well I don't want to keep you sweetheart." She said standing to leave. She had only been here for just a few minutes, but I was enjoying her company so much already I didn't want her to leave yet.
"You're not keeping Mrs. Cope," I promised her, "Trust me, those two could sleep through a circus." I joked, making her laugh.
"Well, keep you or not sweetheart I just wanted to borrow this from you and see how you and your boys were doing." She said patting my hand, gathering her creamer and sugar. I noticed how she didn't mention Mike in that statement. Did she see through him for who he really was? "Can't watch my morning talk shows without my coffee, just wouldn't seem right." She said making her way slowly to the door.
"I understand; my grandmother was the same way."
"You know I would've had enough creamer and sugar but I didn't get a chance to get to the market soon enough and some of my coupons expired." She grumbled, she really seemed put off about her coupons so I tried to hold in a giggle. "Do you know how much I save a month from using coupons?" I shook my head. "I save nearly two to three hundred dollars a month on food and toiletries." My eyes bugged.
"Two to three hundred dollars a month!?" I exclaimed. That made her laugh.
"Oh you better believe it! I never go shopping for anything without a coupon. To some people two or five dollars here and there may not seem like much but when you think about it those amounts add up. And as an old woman living on a monthly budget I have to do what I can." I nodded, completely understanding what she was saying. I had no money of my own, Mike wouldn't let me work. So I only had what he gave which was just enough to get food, gas, and whatever other necessities that was needed. I had a card but it was his and he really didn't want me to use it. I used it one time and he found out…but let's not go there.
"Well I never thought about that."
"It's something good to do, it gives me something to do to fill my days." She said, "My bones hurt a lot so I don't like going out in this weather. So it's just me and my coupon clipping." She chuckled. She looked so sad in that moment and my heart reached out to her. Maybe I wasn't the only lonely one around here.
"Well Mrs. Cope, outside of my boys I usually have nothing to but housework." Though she was looking at me she still had a far-away look on her face, probably reminiscing. "If it's okay with you maybe me and the boys could come and visit with you sometime." The look on her face was all the answer that I needed.
"Bella dear, that would be wonderful." She said smiling brightly.
"Great! Well I have to do a little bit of shopping tomorrow morning so what do you say we'll come over early tomorrow afternoon to visit?"
"That would be splendid, I can't wait to see you and those sweet chubby faces of theirs tomorrow!" she turned to walk away, "So long Bella."
"So long Mrs. Cope." She didn't know it but she had given me some serious food for thought. I told Edward that I would fight, but I didn't have a plan or know what to do. But now the cogs were turning in my head and I had a plan that was forming. That sliver of light at the end dark black tunnel just became a little bit brighter.
Hey guys!
I know that I said last time that you would have a chapter by Sunday, but you know how life is...it gets in the way. But I am sorry about that, I wrote this chapter and did a little extra to make up for not posting on that Sunday. I will begin working on the next tonight...after I watch Team USA dominate in the pool of course! GO USA!
Anyhoo...you know the drill, give me a review and let me know what you think. If you have any concerns and you don't want to leave it in the reviews section then send me a PM.
Until Next Time!
