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CHAPTER 31
Cupid
In classical mythology, Cupid (Latin Cupido, meaning "desire") is the god of desire, erotic love, attraction and affection.
"You're brooding again." Grandine said quietly as she prowled up behind her husband where he was staring outside and curled around him. Down below she could see a newly healed Natsu testing out his refreshed vigor the only way a dragon could. By wrestling with his brother.
It was a heartwarming sight. To see their lost son laughing and cavorting with their friends despite the tension from recent events and the underlying problem that had brought them in the first place.
"He looks happy." She noted.
"He should have been so much more than he is." Igneel rumbled sadly, "He's a drake. He should be a prince, and preparing to take over from me or off building his own nest. Now... his brother and sister will both outlive him by centuries."
Grandine flicked him on the back of the head with her tail, "Stop that Igneel." She commanded gently, "What has happened to our family, and to him, is tragic beyond telling, but that doesn't mean we can't make the most of what we do have."
She nodded down at the group, "Whatever has happened to him in the past, he thrives now. His soul anchors itself a little more each day thanks to Lucy's magic. And it is thanks to her, and the healing she's giving him, that we have a small slice of time with him again."
She looked at him understandingly, "I know how much it hurts Igneel, but I will embrace what time I have with our son with both foreclaws and not let go. It's a second chance we never dreamed we could have. And that makes it worth cherishing every moment. I have little doubt that he will make Lucy his queen, and with luck they will have hatchlings. Hatchlings I fully intend to welcome into our nest and spoil."
Igneel's expression softened, "As will I my love." He rumbled and shook his head, "I'm sorry. Natsu's memories are on my mind." He growled softly, his claws scratching against the rock a little, "It makes me so angry to know what he experienced when he should've been wrestling with Sting in the nest!"
"They weigh heavily on my mind Grandine," he confessed in a hushed voice, "I almost wish someone could draw out the memories from my head and bottle them up to bury."
"Burdening Natsu with this kind of weight would crush him," Igneel watched carefully as Natsu sat on Sting down below and laughed his victory. At least until Sting shifted state and Natsu suddenly found himself sitting on top of a dragons head.
"He was so afraid Grandine. In his egg, Natsu knew something was wrong," And then all he had known was pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.
The sudden, sharpness that struck him while he was vulnerable in his egg. It was followed by the premature crack of his egg and an encompassing darkness.
And fear.
He had been born afraid.
The impressions were too hazy for Igneel to make out with any proper sense. But he got the gist.
The body Zeref created was from Natsu's real one. It was taken apart, merged with others, and magically blended to create a demon with the ferocity of a dragon.
Then his soul was planted into the construct, chained there but never fully bonded.
It was like his soul was a passenger while someone else drove his body. And worst yet, Natsu was aware of all of it.
Grandine watched his expressions flicker over his face and leaned forward to nuzzle him, "Show me."
It wasn't a request. Igneel knew that immediately, but even so he hesitated. These memories were horrible, and it was bad enough that he had them. He didn't want to burden her with them.
"Igneel... I need to know." Grandine insisted gently, pressing her forehead against his, "I won't let you bear this alone." She pulled back a fraction, and for an instant Igneel got a reminder of the fierce dragoness she was under her gentle nature, "And even if I was willing to do that," She growled softly, "I would ask anyway. So I would know exactly who to deal with for hurting my baby."
He smiled a little at that, "Never cross a dragoness defending her young." He rumbled in faint amusement, and sighed, "Very well my love. But it will not be pretty."
Grandine nodded as they locked eyes and in moments she was flooded with images and sensations of what had happened to her beloved hatchling.
By the time it was over deep gouges had been clawed into the rock beneath her talons, and she was breathing heavily, as close to truly enraged as anyone had ever seen her.
Igneel curled himself around her as she recovered her senses.
He understood. Vividly.
He'd experienced the same. Though his reaction had been much more pronounced.
There was a shadow cast over Natsu's memories. All of the crimes he had been forced to commit while under Zeref's control, and every time he did something, his son's soul had cried out in agony.
Because that was all it could do while he was puppeteered, or 'trained' by the demons of Tartaros, if it could even be called as such. The torture they had inflicted on his son had been nothing short of awful. But Natsu had been awake and witness to it all.
Until slowly, he had just shut down entirely.
He became a husk, his mind blocking out the trauma to preserve his own sanity.
But even then, Igneel recognized the sensations of sadness, grief, and pain echoing through his spirit.
The memories were sharp in areas but murky in others. But they all seemed to revolve around the calmly smiling face of Zeref.
And a winged shadow.
One that seemed so familiar to Igneel, but was just out of focus enough he couldn't recognize it no matter how hard he tried. But its presence in Natsu's mind was enough to make its appearance important.
Whatever it was, no matter how much Natsu tried to repress it, that great shadow floated to his attention.
Igneel was just frustrated he didn't know the importance. Only Natsu could know it, but it was impossible now.
"What're you guys thinkin' about," Natsu's voice broke their thoughts, and they turned to see their pink haired son sitting astride Sting's head. The white dragon had flown up to see them standing on their perch.
Natsu balanced boldly on top of his head, standing on the balls of his feet and his hands on his hips. His head was cocked demandingly, and his sharp eyes were narrowed.
Igneel eyed his son for a moment, and considered deflecting Natsu's attention, but knew that would probably shatter what little trust their son had in them. Circumstances beyond their control or not, it was going to take time to build a relationship with him no matter what his instincts said.
He could not do that if he was anything other than honest.
"We were discussing, among other things, your memories." He replied truthfully, earning a slightly surprised look from both his sons, "Your mother insisted on seeing them."
Natsu's eyes widened, "You can do that?!"
"I don't advise it for you Natsu." Grandine replied quickly, "The emotional element to your memories nearly overwhelmed me, and I'm both older than you and disconnected from them." She shook her head, "It's no wonder you were lost in them."
Sting landed carefully on the ledge, "I have to wonder if there might be a way to filter that out, at least for a little while, and allow Natsu to see parts of his memories."
"You want him to see them?" Igneel demanded in surprise, and Sting shrugged.
"Maybe not all of them." He conceded, "But Natsu pointed out he's got a right to know what exactly people are blaming him for. Lucy's told him what's in the human history books, but there's no guarantee that's accurate."
He shrugged again, "And even if it is he should still at least have an idea."
"Those crimes weren't his." Igneel argued, "Zeref controlled him like a puppet. He was forced into what he did."
"Maybe I was." Natsu interrupted, "But it still happened. People are still terrified of END because of it, and I can't even start to fix things if I don't know what Zeref made me do!" He growled a little in frustration, and popped down on Sting's head, "Besides... there's something in them. Something important. I need to figure out what it was."
Grandine and Igneel looked at each other for a very long moment.
"It... may be possible." Grandine admitted slowly, "There are techniques that help in healing the mind and soul as well as the body. It's possible one could be modified to assist in that."
Natsu's expression perked up and she gave him a stern look, "I'm speaking as both your mother and your healer right now young man. I will investigate the possibility, but you will not undergo it until I am satisfied that no further harm will come to you. Is that clear?"
Almost as soon as his head perked up did Natsu's shoulders slouch back down. His cheeks puffed out and he crossed his legs where he was sitting between Sting's horns.
"Alright, fine," Natsu grumbled, but relented. It caused a flicker of hope to start in his chest, hope that perhaps one day he would be able to remember the tangled chunks of his past.
He could be patient.
As it was, he was trying to get used to a lot of stuff. Finding out his identity, and realizing he had a family of all things was crazy enough.
He figured while his mother worked on that, he could try to adjust to having a whole nest. Becoming one with this oddball family was a new experience.
But it was hard to get used to them. Even if having a brother to wrestle with and a sister to try and squeeze his short locks into pigtails while he was asleep was a novelty.
Lucy was giving him space to adjust to it. But in truth, he missed her. She was off exploring one end of the nest to the next while he was here trying to learn how dragons worked. And in truth, he wondered if she was avoiding him for some reason.
He let out a depressive sigh as he curled a fist under his chin.
All the space she gave him, it made him think she didn't want to see him. Not since the disastrous memory attempt. Natsu figured she was still badly shaken from the whole thing, and he wanted nothing more than to hold her until the horrors he made her witness faded from her mind.
Grandine's expression softened a bit at his pouty look. She knew that expression only too well. She'd seen it on Natsu's father the times he'd been missing her or Sting.
She smiled at him, "Missing your queen?" She asked knowingly, and let out an airy laugh when he flushed and started to sputter denials, "Don't deny it Natsu!" She teased, "It's clear enough to me you care deeply for Lucy."
Natsu felt his face heat up that he'd been found out so easily. He opened his mouth to deny it, but all that came out was a frustrated whine.
"She keeps avoiding me!" He pouted, "She says she's trying to give me space, but I don't need that much!"
Igneel and Sting both laughed a little at his plight, but Grandine sighed and shook her head, "She's afraid Natsu." She explained, making him freeze in his tracks.
"What could she be afraid of?" He asked in confusion, "I mean, I know I scared her, but that's why I want to be near her."
"She's not afraid of that." Grandine replied calmly, "She's afraid you're going to force her to make what, for her, is an impossible choice about your memories. What's more she's afraid you resent her for taking your choice away in the first place."
"But... I don't..." Natsu replied in bewilderment.
"Then you must show her that." Grandine replied, "Words, although sweet, ultimately mean very little. You must back your words up with action. Seek her out, and if necessary whisk her away so you can spend some time alone together. That's the only way you'll assure her all is well."
"What?" Natsu asked, his face blank as he tried to understand the point the dragoness was making.
Sting huffed out a very loud and annoyed sigh that was hard enough to dislodge Natsu by an inch. The demon yelped and grabbed onto his whole head, sliding down on Sting's forehead to glare directly into his eyes.
"She means you need to make the moves on Lucy! Hold her hand, hug her, kiss her! Do something mushy - man, if you pine for her on top of my head for another hour I'm going to sit on you," Sting gave his head a shake.
Natsu shrieked when this time he was fully dislodged. He spun through the air and grabbed a hold of Sting's horns, but planted his feet squarely on his brother's muzzle.
"Hey watch it you stinky-breathed jerk!" Natsu growled at him, "You better watch it or I'll give you another butt kicking!"
"I'd like to see you try runt! You're like the little brother now!" Sting bragged.
Natsu looked absolutely offended by that in the way only twins could. It seemed memories or not, some things wouldn't change.
"Are not! I'm older!" Natsu crammed his much smaller forehead into Sting's, who was busy growling back at the tiny demon.
"Boys," Igneel huffed with some exasperation at the sight of the two snarling at one another. It warmed his heart to see such a thing, and he relaxed in degrees.
"Lucy should be with your sister right now, I would encourage you to go find them and speak with her," Igneel reached out with a claw and scooped Natsu up from Sting's snout.
Natsu squeaked indignantly and flailed as Igneel picked him up, but it was mostly for show. He was still getting used to the idea of Igneel being his dad, but he couldn't deny he appreciated the other fire dragon's warmth.
Ingeel smirked at him, enjoying the look on Natsu's face and affectionately breathed fire on him before setting him down, "Now, go on."
Natsu's sulking was immediately transformed into a grin as he started chewing on the flames around him, "Yeah, yeah." He replied as he headed out of the cavern, "See ya later."
Truthfully, he had no idea what he was supposed to say to Lucy once he found them, but he figured he would come up with something once he did. And anyway, he was eager to see his little sister. Of all his dragon family she was the one he had the easiest time accepting. There was something just so sweet about her that he simply could not be grumpy for any reason around her.
Certainly he had the urge to pound anyone who looked at her wrong into a pulp. Not that they did around here, but the urge was still there. Almost as strong as the urge to protect Lucy.
The thought of Lucy had him sighing a little again, and his heart thumped in his chest with eager anticipation.
Ever since that night on the beach he'd been finding it increasingly difficult to ignore Lucy in that way. He could practically taste her attraction to him sizzling through their bond at times, and it was driving him crazy in return.
If he was honest with himself, he wasn't sure how much more of that he could take before he caved and confessed his interest and his awareness of hers, but for now he would content himself with holding her. If he could find her.
Fortunately, their bond still worked and he had a general idea where his little sister would be, so it didn't take him long to get oriented and locate the pair.
"Yo!" He grinned as he rounded the corner with a bright smile, absently noting that Levy wasn't there. She was probably with the metalhead again. They'd been spending a lot of time together lately.
Lucy looked up from where she was seated with Wendy, a fistful of herbs and remedies were clutched in her hand but she didn't look to be paying attention to them.
Her grip seemed to curl around the stems a bit too tightly, fingers bruising at the leaves in favor of keeping a pleasant smile on her face.
"Natsu!" Wendy gushed eagerly, jumping to her feet and crossing the distance between them in a quick second.
Natsu felt her slender arms lock around his waist, his hand coming down instinctively to steady her back. His eyes flickered away from Lucy and the confused twang he felt in his chest over her reaction.
He had to fix this. Somehow.
"Hey Wendy," He directed his full attention down onto the young girl who was latched onto the lower half of his body. Natsu swayed, a smile brightening his face.
"You guys stocking up for our trip back to Magnolia?" Natsu asked.
The look Wendy gave him was of blank confusion before she just shook her head, "Of course not!"
Before Natsu could ask her what Wendy meant by that, she hopped up against his shoulder on her toes and cupped a hand to his ear.
"You should talk to her, I think she needs it," Wendy whispered.
"Besides, I always wanted a sister!" She smiled at Lucy and Natsu one last time.
Then before Natsu even knew it, she was off, escaping like the breeze to play with the other dragons. In the process, she left him utterly confused.
He was diverted from his confusion however, by Lucy standing up and brushing herself off.
"I should make sure Wendy gets these to the infirmary." She muttered, a slight grimace crossing her face over the flimsy excuse even as she said it.
Natsu frowned and reached out to curl his hand around her wrist, "Please stay?" He asked. His chest ached at how lost and hurt she looked up close, and a soft whine sounded in the back of his throat. A sound that had Lucy's eyes snapping up to his in surprise.
"Natsu?" Lucy asked in confusion. Except for around Igneel it had been a long time since he'd made that particular noise around her, and as much as she didn't want to admit it the sound had something in her aching with nostalgia.
"Lucy, I'm sorry I scared you." Natsu murmured, ignoring her question, and pulled her into his arms, "I'm sorry I scared you, and I'm sorry I upset you so much afterwards." He murmured into her hair, "I didn't mean to hurt you."
Lucy's breath caught in her throat, and the dam holding her feelings back shattered.
"You... stupid..." She half shouted half cried, and thumped him on the shoulder before bursting into tears.
"Do you know what that did to me?!" She shouted between her tears, smacking him again, "I've never been so scared in my life! I thought I would lose you!"
Natsu didn't respond, or flinch, as she railed at him. She wasn't using her magic, so her hits were love taps on his thick skin. Instead he kept a tight hold on her, deciding the best thing would be to let her work it out of her system before it festered any more.
Maybe once she was calmer they could talk.
Natsu held her tight to his chest as she finally wore herself down and dropped the herbs she had collected down to the ground. He swallowed thickly when she relaxed and draped her arms around his middle.
"I'm sorry," He pulled away enough to press his nose into her temple. Natsu felt Lucy calming as each second passed. Her trembling faded into tiny quakes until eventually they were all gone.
"I know," Lucy whispered into his scarf, her fingers bunching into the scaled material.
"It hasn't been as fun without you," Natsu admitted. He dipped his chin into her shoulder, nuzzling the side of her head. He let out a sad little huff, arms tightening around his mistress as if afraid she would draw away from him again.
Lucy's hand came up to cradle his cheek and Natsu instinctively pressed into her palm with a happy growl.
"I've missed you too Natsu," Lucy smiled at him. Her thumb pressed a soothing circle into his cheekbone and a tremble ran up his spine at the small gesture.
"You know it's funny," She continued, distracting Natsu with her wistful smile and gentle touches. He swallowed thickly, his heart jumping into his throat when her hand smoothed down his jaw and neck to his shoulder. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying unsuccessfully to smother a whimper that tried to bubble out.
Thankfully it escaped more as a squeak than a plea and Lucy barely even batted an eye.
"I used to think you were going to be a burden. I was dreaming of the day I'd be able to live my life normally again. Without you." she sighed, dragging her other hand down his arm and into his hand, "But now it feels the opposite."
Natsu cocked his head, not feeling offended at all by her statement, but curious over her revelation.
"Now, it feels wrong to go without seeing you. You've become so important to my life, I can't even see it another way," Lucy sighed, giving him a shy smile, "Silly, isn't it?"
"Not at all." Natsu rumbled softly in response, a smile curling his lips, "It's always more fun when we're together right?"
He beamed at her, "Even if you weren't my mistress and I was a full dragon I think that would be true. You're just so nice! We could have so many adventures together!"
Lucy laughed a little, "I think we have plenty of adventures now don't you?"
She couldn't help smiling at his statement anyway though. It pleased her he would want to be her friend even if their circumstances were different. For her, real friends were rare and something to be cherished always.
"Well yeah." Natsu replied, his spirits lifting a bit more now that they were talking, "But you know what I mean."
He met her eyes intently, "Mistress or not, I don't ever want to be without you Lucy." He reached up and gently rubbed his hand over her cheek, "No one could be better, or brighter, or more beautiful than you."
Lucy started to smile at his statement, and then her brain snagged the tail end of his comment and froze. More beautiful? Had he really just called her beautiful? Oh gods. Her heart started pounding at the thought and she blushed.
He thought she was beautiful, and instantly she was transported back to when she was a teenager on the rare occasion she'd developed a crush on someone. Only this was a thousand times more intense because this time she knew her feelings ran a lot deeper.
Natsu spied her blush and cocked his head, "Why're you blushing Lucy?"
Lucy shuffled backwards and pressed her hands to her cheeks in an attempt to hide her blush. Immediately she felt defensive for the natural reaction and tried hard to come up with a logical explanation.
At least one that would dissuade Natsu from pressing any further.
Or at least that would have been the case had he not taken that moment to speak up.
His eyes were level on hers, a smile tugging at his lips in what must have been an attempt to be soothing.
"Is it because you're attracted to me?" Natsu asked, with such an air of unforeseen innocence, Lucy thought her jaw would have come unhinged.
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"No," he growled.
Immediately he felt a punishing crack against his soul. The feeling was so indescribable he had no idea how to even begin to describe it.
It felt like there was a bleeding in his chest, of something being forcibly ripped away by his denial. Every inch of his body was screaming out to obey his mistress. Every second he didn't obey her, it was like all his nerves were being burned away.
"No I won't," he whimpered, his knees suddenly aching. Dazed, Natsu didn't even realize when he had dropped to the floor.
There was a vice squeezing in his lungs, and a trickle of something hot under his nose. Natsu felt that tear through his chest again, but this time half of his vision went with it.
