Chapter 10: Two Types of Pain
"So you finally thought to think of me, huh you little twerp?"
"Show yourself, Larxene!" Sora yelled back, scanning the perimeter with a sharp gaze.
The old master, standing beside his furious student, attempted to relax him. "Sora, be calm."
The voice was bitter. "Who's this? Finally ditched the king's losers in exchange for a personal babysitter?"
Sora, not knowing where to glare as he could not see her, just narrowed his eyes and stared forward. "Shut up!"
The master spoke slowly as if to ensure the distracted Sora absorbed everything he said. "Do not allow her to upset you so. Take a deep breath and attempt to dream of her standing before you, and she will appear."
A laugh. Or rather, a cackle. "What's the matter, Sora? You can only remember my voice? Hearing that just breaks my heart!"
Sora did as his master instructed. He ignored the taunting, malicious voice, took a deep breath, and searched for a clearer memory of the woman in the black coat. Out of everyone he met in Castle Oblivion, Larxene was always his least favorite. He didn't forget her yet, but he wished he could get on with it already. She was one memory he was just fine without. Perhaps, he figured, that was why he could initially only remember her voice: he simply had no interest in remembering her at all, so he remembered as little of her as he could without even realizing it.
After thinking carefully about it, he remembered her gloved hands first, of all things, for he feared her hands the most. She always held throwing knives in nearly every memory Sora could think of, but it was never the knives that frightened him; rather, it was the hands. Her hands were quick, as quick as lightning.
Sora winced. He, without even realizing it, rubbed an arm Larxene mercilessly scarred in one of their previous clashes.
Thankfully, Donald was a proficient mage who, while unable to remove scars, was always able to ease the pain. Sure, sometimes Donald was a little late and cured Sora a frustrating two seconds after he literally just cured himself, but still, he was always there, always screaming, "Sora!" while waving his staff.
Sora smiled to himself. What would he be without Donald? His mind then began to wander off into memories of Goofy too. Goofy was the glue that held them all together. Without Goofy, Donald and Sora probably wouldn't have gotten out of Deep Jungle that one time. Sure, Goofy was pretty, well, goofy most of the time, but that was just in his nature. Goofy wasn't a mage like Donald, but he, with the power of his genuine, thoughtful words, helped Sora ease emotional pain, which was just as important as easing the physical.
He pictured them both with their silly hats and even sillier smiles and couldn't help but to feel a little better. He wondered what would become of his two, dear friends after they all went their separate ways, after they found their king and he found Riku.
Without giving himself time to think about it, he mentally scolded himself. He was straying away from what he should have been thinking of: Larxene. Thoughts of Donald and Goofy would have to come later, no matter how much he preferred to think of them instead of her.
He thought of her eyes. Narrow, a vivid, piercing green. Really, he only looked into her eyes once and avoided eye contact after that, for some part of him compared looking into her eyes with looking into the eyes of Medusa.
Larxene's lone voice became impatient. "How long does it take you for your hollow little head to remember me? I don't have all day. Hurry, hurry, Sora."
Eraqus placed his hand on Sora's shoulder. "Pay her no attention," he insisted softly. "Take as much time as you need."
A scoff.
Sora gave Eraqus a nod and continued to try and force the memory of her to appear before him.
He recalled what she looked like when she laughed at him all those many times. When she taunted him. When she called him a wannabe hero. She genuinely enjoyed causing him pain. She saw it all as a game. She saw him as a toy.
His eyes opened quickly and he immediately glared at the blonde woman now standing before him.
She held her knives close as if prepared both for the defensive and offensive at once. Faint lightning bolts sparked on the tips of her knives, and a smirk formed across her face. Even so, while she seemed somewhat excited to fight, to play her little game, she appeared to be absolutely furious about something. Perhaps, Sora figured, she was bitter from being annihilated in Castle Oblivion.
Eraqus nodded in approval when she appeared. He took a step back. "To forget her or any other person you met," he said, "the memory of that person must allow itself to be forgotten. In this case, since simply asking her is out of the question, you must defeat her. Do you understand, Sora?"
Sora never stopped glaring at Larxene when he answered a quick and urgent, "Yeah!"
Larxene shot an unimpressed glance at Eraqus before looking back to Sora to further mock him. "He's the one that's supposed to be protecting you? No wonder your heart is in pieces!" She laughed cruelly.
Sora, with a huff, summoned his keyblade. "That's enough!" he exclaimed. He pointed his weapon at her.
She rolled her eyes in an exaggerated manner. "You really think I'm afraid of you?"
"If I beat you once I can do it again," Sora said boldly.
Sora's remark ignited something within Larxene. She, much to Sora's surprise, kicked his keyblade out of his hands and proceeded to slash at him with her knives.
In desperation, Sora dodge rolled away from Larxene. He sprinted towards his fallen keyblade that sat on the other side of the battlefield.
Eraqus moved away and watched the battle unfold on the sidelines. Sora needed to be the one to defeat Larxene, but he was ready to intervene if he deemed necessary. There was a stern expression on his face. He stroked his beard every so often.
Once Sora got to his keyblade, he was able to use it to shove the Savage Nymph, who hastily pursued him, back to give him enough time to readjust. She stumbled slightly, but continued to follow him. All the while, she never showed signs of slowing down. Throughout the entirety of the battle she moved with the same, lightning quick speed and agility.
Sora blocked, jumped away, and dodged, but he rarely found a chance to attack her himself. He grew tired and frustrated.
Larxene noticed Sora's gradual, diminishing energy and so, as she shot a dozen lightning bolts at him, she said, "Are you ready to give up and go cry to your babysitter yet?"
Sora moved from side to side to avoid being hit by the lightning. "In your dreams, Larxene!"
She momentarily stopped everything just to say, "No, in your dreams, idiot." She appeared to be amused with her own ironic remark.
Sora used the two second delay as his chance to strike. He stood too far for a regular, close combat attack, so he resorted to using strike raid. With great force he tossed the keyblade at her and struck her head. She looked surprised to be hit at first. When the keyblade came flying back, it hit her once more, this time in the back of the head. That time, she called Sora a twerp. The keyblade returned to Sora's open hand.
She dashed towards him, and once at close enough distance, attacked. Her hands, just as Sora remembered them, moved as fast as lightning. He couldn't keep up.
Eraqus, who was still watching from afar, called out to his pupil. "Sora! Recall her weaknesses and use them to your advantage!"
Sora, daring to look away from Larxene for a moment, looked to his master. He considered it. He searched his memories for her weaknesses and recalled that, just as he used strike raid before, he defeated her before using mostly long distance attacks.
In an attempt to distance himself from her as far as possible, he glided far back. He waited for her to come close enough to hit her, but far enough to avoid her knives. Much to his confusion, however, she did not come after him at all.
Instead, she appeared out of thin air behind Eraqus holding an electrified knife to his throat.
Eraqus did not even flinch at her abrupt presence. Instead, he merely closed his eyes as if he were annoyed.
"Get away from him!" Sora yelled. He tried to run to them, but when he did, Larxene only pushed the knife closer. Sora was forced to stay where he was. He thought of attacking Larxene from where he stood, but decided against it once realizing that one wrong move would hurt his friend instead.
"Do not test me," Eraqus threatened, never opening his eyes. "This battle is not mine to be fought; it is Sora's."
"Sora's so broken that he's boring now," Larxene teased. "I'd rather fight the supposedly all powerful, true Keyblade Master!"
"I would advise against it," Eraqus said rationally.
Larxene giggled sourly. "You're just afraid to lose, aren't you, old man?"
Eraqus stiffened. "Think what you wish, but know that I will, under no circumstances, be involved in your defeat, for that is solely Sora's responsibility."
"Come back here and fight!" Sora yelled out in an attempt to lure Larxene away from Eraqus, but his attempts fell to deaf ears.
"Ugh, you're just as boring as the wannabe hero," Larxene said to Eraqus, sounding disappointed. "I guess they'll call anyone with a keyblade a Master these days." She nudged the cold knife close enough to touch his soft flesh. She laughed a bit and looked to Sora. "Hey, did you hear that, Sora? Anyone - even someone as pathetic as you - can become a Keyblade Master! Not that it'll make you any less of a weakling or do you any good, but maybe after you become a Master, you'll finally be better at something than Riku!"
At that, Sora's glare intensified. "Shut up!" he demanded.
Once Larxene taunted the title of keyblade master, Eraqus's expression abruptly changed. It was no longer frustrated, but rather, just...angry. Still, he remained ever patient and spoke in a frighteningly calm voice. "The title is something that has been around for generations. It implies true strength of heart, even in the hardest of trials. It is not something to openly mock," he said.
Larxene smiled a bit. She continued to push him in hopes of making him snap. "What, you think Sora can't be a Master too? I don't see why not. He certainly meets the qualifications of being a complete wimp with an oversized key."
"That is enough," Eraqus said, and his eyes opened to reveal deep contempt. "Being a Keyblade Master is so much more than simply wielding a keyblade!"
Sora's anger diminished once he saw what Larxene was doing. "Don't listen to her, Master Eraqus!" he advised.
"Well what else is there?" Larxene went on, completely disregarding Sora. "The way I see it, the title of Keyblade Master is a joke. Just, like, you~."
Eraqus, in a fraction of a second, summoned Master Keeper, slapped Larxene's hand away with its blade, spun around, and pointed it at her. "I've nothing more to say to the likes of you," he said sharply. He was on the verge of snapping, just as Larxene intended.
Larxene, in response, appeared pleased to anger him so. "Aw, did I offend you? Oh, whatever will you do now?" She held a melodramatic hand to her forehead and feigned horror.
Sora took the opportunity to make his way over to the two. He, as Eraqus did, looked ready to fight, but before addressing Larxene, he glanced over at his fuming friend. "Master Eraqus, what should we do?" he asked.
"I originally wished for you to defeat Larxene without my assistance," he said, "but it seems as though I am left with no other choice but to interfere."
Larxene gasped sarcastically. "But that's no fair!" she exclaimed. "Two against one? That just won't do!"
Sora, realizing what she planned to do, tried to warn Eraqus to watch out. Before he could, Larxene already created clones of herself. Now, there were five Larxene clones surrounding them. Six Larxenes in total.
Eraqus did not expect such a move on her part, but he concealed his surprise well enough for it to be undetected. He merely grunted.
Sora thought of his battles with Larxene in Castle Oblivion. How did he forget having to fight not just one, but multiple versions of her at once? He glared at the main Larxene, who still stood pretending to cower in fear before the end of Eraqus's keyblade. "Two against six isn't fair either, Larxene!" Sora accused, gripping his keyblade tightly.
At this, the circle of Larxenes laughed. The real Larxene just smiled. "Did you forget, Sora?" Her voice became dark. "Bad guys don't play fair."
As if on cue, the clones rushed forward and began slashing at both Eraqus and Sora; this caused the original Larxene to escape and instead come charging at Sora from behind in a bolt of lightning.
Eraqus was able to see her before she got to Sora. He released a powerful surge of light magic at her. The clash of the two types of magic - light and thunder - created a bright explosion that sent her and a clone flying back.
"Master Eraqus!" Sora exclaimed amidst all the chaos of metal clashing and sparks flying.
"Yes?" called back Eraqus as he swiftly countered one of the clone's aerial attack.
"We have to merge them into one," Sora said with an urgent nod as he remembered as he did before in Castle Oblivion. "Just do what I do!" And in an instant he grabbed a clone by the sleeve and hurled her to the original Larxene.
Both Larxenes yelled out in surprise upon merging together. The Larxene that was left behind huffed once and tucked a strand of hair that came out of place back behind her ear. She came charging towards Sora who now avoided her attacks while simultaneously battling a clone.
Eraqus, without stopping to think about about the strange turn the battle suddenly took, did as Sora demonstrated. He hurled a clone in Larxene's direction, but that time the original saw it coming and sent the clone hurling right back. The clone stayed suspended in the air for a moment as she charged her thunder magic to its full capacity.
In this moment the remaining clones surrounding Eraqus fought him viciously. When the clone in the air eventually shot all her magic at Eraqus, the old man was able to redirect it to the clone a second before it hit him.
When the magic hit the clone, she vanished in a brief puff.
Then, Eraqus, having enough, created a chain made entirely out of light magic after blasting away two clones with a strong impact of light. He spun the chain around the clone who remained and used it to maneuver her straight into the original, where the two became one.
The original one slowed very slightly upon the sudden merging, but she hastily continued to strike at Sora. Sora, in return, tried distancing himself from her and the clone that wouldn't stop chasing him around.
Nearby, Eraqus fought the remaining clone with powerful light magic that Sora couldn't help but to openly admire.
"Whoa," he allowed to slip out once when he saw how Eraqus shot more beams of light out of his keyblade at the clones.
He tried not to get too distracted, however, and focused on merging the clone with the original instead.
There were, in total, two clones to merge with the original. Afterwards, as Sora remembered from before, Larxene would be left weakened and defenseless for at least ten seconds or so. It was in these ten seconds, he knew, that he would get the chance to finish her off once and for all.
In an instant, Eraqus had the clone he was battling hurling into the original where the two merged in a grand slam.
The original scowled at Eraqus once quickly recovering. She sent a spiral of wild lightning his way in retaliation.
Eraqus held up his keyblade to shield himself. "Sora!" he yelled, struggling to keep his shaky knees straight. "Now!"
Nearly jumping at the opportunity, Sora took the final clone by the sleeve and tossed her into the original who made the grave mistake of turning her back to him.
The final merging prompted a powerful blast of electrical sparks. Larxene shrieked. Eraqus, had he not had his feet firmly planted on the ground, would have been blown away.
Sora rushed over to them when he saw how Larxene stared at the ground panting heavily. He jumped high towards her and, as if moving in slow motion, fiercely slashed right through her.
When he did, darkness engulfed Larxene. The startled woman in the black coat looked accusingly at Sora. "No!" she yelled, attempting to keep herself together, but already she was fading away into nothingness.
Sora looked solemnly at her as he brought his keyblade to his side. He was silent.
Eraqus, who stood opposite of Sora, just closed his eyes and nodded.
Her last words were as Sora remembered them.
"No... Nooooo! I refuse to lose to a bunch of losers! I... I'm fading?! NO... this isn't... the way I... I won't... ALLOW..."
In the fraction of a second, she was gone. And in her place, a single, quiet clatter of a chain link fell to the ground.
"Well done, Sora," Eraqus said, breathing heavily.
Sora, feeling tired himself but unable to recall the fight that just occurred, picked up the shiny, new chain link and observed it with a confused stare. Usually, when he forgot things, he felt empty inside. This time, however, if anything, he felt relieved. He looked to Eraqus, and his expression said it all. What just happened?
Master Keeper, in a flash, vanished from Eraqus's side. The old master merely shook his head. "We were forced into battle with a stubborn, bitter memory," he explained briefly.
"You too?" Sora looked at him curiously.
"...I did not wish to be involved, but I had no other choice. But do not worry so, Sora. I am certain you are better off now, not remembering this person."
Sora nodded. "I think so too. For now, at least."
"For now?"
Sora carefully tucked the chain link into his pocket. "I'm going to remember everything one day, remember?" he asked with an especially optimistic, yet unsure grin.
Eraqus frowned. How could Sora be so convinced that he would remember everything one day? Time and time again, when referring to his pile of chain links, his pile of forgotten memories, he always spoke as if he would be remembering everything again one day. But why? Just because a forgotten memory never truly goes away?
Yes, it was true that the memories would still be with Sora within the deepest depths of his heart, but that didn't mean that they'd be accessible, let alone remembered. Sora just wasn't meant remembering the memories, even if he did become strong enough one day to find a way.
The old master wanted to tell Sora to abandon the childish thought. If anything, he needed to make new memories, not dwell on what was meant to be forgotten.
But how could Eraqus bring himself to tell his dear friend that? He hurt him so much already. How could he bear to hurt him anymore?
Without directly telling him to stop pretending there would be a way to remember everything, he simply said, "Be careful not to get your hopes up too high about that, Sora."
"Hey, don't worry about me, Master. I'll find a way. For you, Naminé, and everyone else I can't remember." His smile became more certain. He was, it seemed, committed to one day remembering everything, no matter the consequence. He pulled the chain link back out from his pocket and held it up for Eraqus to see it. "With these, I'll at least have the memories with me. I'll have a chance."
"But why do you insist you remember them at all?" inquired Eraqus. "You're forgetting these things for a reason, Sora."
Sora paused. "It doesn't feel right - forgetting so much." It seemed as though he had so much more to say, but he said nothing more and only shrugged lightly. "So what are we doing next?" he asked as he placed his hands behind his head and grinned.
Eraqus studied him with an odd gaze. Sora was his student for some time now, for a time nearing a year now, yet he did not have him completely figured out as he thought he would have. When he first met the boy, he assumed that he was an open book - a childish, but kind boy who was eager to restore his heart and return back to his normal life. But now? He saw a still childish, still kind, but somewhat maturing young man. Perhaps, as Eraqus originally hypothesized, being open hearted did not necessarily correspond with being an open book...
"You've yet to forget Marluxia and Axel," Eraqus said, snapping himself out of his own thoughts. "But I do not want to strain your heart for the rest of today. I would suggest you train, but that memory," he gestured to the chain link still in Sora's hand, "was enough for today." Eraqus smiled warmly. "You may have the rest of today for yourself, but tomorrow you will forget Axel."
Sora's expression suddenly changed. "Can I forget Marluxia instead?" he asked out of the blue.
Eraqus thought. "I...don't see why not," he said, deciding not to make too much of his request. "But after that, you understand that you'll have to forget Axel, correct?"
"Yeah," Sora said with a nod. "I know. Thank you."
The master, although curious, did not ask him to further elaborate.
For there was no way, for him, at least, to ever fully understand Sora's ways. And that in itself intrigued him.
"Are you certain you'll be alright facing Marluxia alone?"
"I don't want you to have to get involved again," Sora explained.
Eraqus crossed his arms. There was, he decided, no way to change his pupil's mind. Besides, despite wanting to be with Sora when he had to forget, there was some truth to what he said. It would be better to defeat Marluxia, who'd surely want to battle as Larxene had, without assistance this time.
"If you need me, just say the word and I will come to your side," Eraqus said as he placed a hand on Sora's shoulder.
"I will," Sora vowed with a nod.
"Remember, Sora. Dream of him and he will appear. You cannot forget him until he allows it or until you defeat him," Eraqus reminded before walking away from sight.
Sora took a small breath. Marluxia. He could remember the man clearly. The Graceful Assassin. Closing his eyes, he pictured him holding a single rose, thorns and all.
When he eventually opened his eyes, he stood before him just as he imagined him.
Sora summoned his keyblade in a hurry and readied himself for what was surely going to be a tough battle.
Marluxia did not move. He spoke impassively. "Put your weapon away, keyblade bearer. I am no fool; you obviously remember how you defeated me before. Therefore, I refuse to fight a pointless battle I cannot win." The graceful man flipped his hair back. "I suppose you'll have to simply wait for me to allow myself to be forgotten."
With a scowl, Sora lowered his keyblade and it vanished. Although glad that he wouldn't have to fight, he had a bad feeling about chatting with Marluxia.
Marluxia studied the rose he held and ran a gentle hand through its petals.
He looked back to Sora. "So you've finally accepted it: to find is to lose and to lose is to find. Well done, Sora. I applaud you."
"What are you talking about!? Why don't you start making sense?" Sora demanded, growing impatient. The bad feeling intensified as if he already anticipated what was coming.
"Honestly, Sora, all of the pieces have been set in front of you, at this point. All that remains is for you to line them up. Tell me, what must you lose in order to find?"
Sora stood silent.
Marluxia scoffed. "Why am I standing in front of you now?"
Sora debated walking away. Yet he remained. The bad feeling spread throughout his body. The more he thought of it, the worse it became.
"Because I have to forget you," he said.
The man looked pleased with his response. "Correct. And what happens then?"
Sora paused. "It'll be like I never met you."
"That's obvious. What else?"
"...I won't remember having this conversation."
"Is that all?"
Sora couldn't take it anymore. "Enough with the riddles! Just tell me! Or don't. I don't care."
The man smelled the single rose in his hands and closed his eyes. "By choosing this path, you've chosen to lose…" He opened his eyes for dramatic effect.
"...her."
Sora's heart sank. He knew. He knew what Marluxia was implying all along, but he didn't want to admit it.
"What?" he asked.
"You have too many friends to name. But her… Her only friend was solitude before she met you. And now, that you have chosen to lose her, she will have nobody."
Sora's heart sank.
"...Naminé."
Marluxia smiled slowly upon hearing her name.
"I never wanted to have to forget her," Sora insisted as he felt knots in his stomach. He lowered his gaze. "But I couldn't just forget my old friends, either."
Marluxia came dangerously close to Sora. "I asked you what would happen after you forget me, but you couldn't see the bigger picture then. I'll ask again: what will happen after this?"
"I'll just have to keep forgetting," Sora said.
"And then?"
Sora was quiet.
"Out with it," Marluxia snapped suddenly.
He looked away. "It'll be as...if I never met her. She'll be all...all alone again." He spoke almost in a whisper.
Marluxia nodded once. "Well done, Sora. You've come to terms with your repressed guilt over having to forget Naminé. I have fulfilled my purpose. Now I officially grant you my permission to forget me." He plucked a petal off the rose abruptly.
Sora looked back to him, confused. "What do mean repressed guilt?"
He plucked another petal. "Did you forget? This is your dream. You shape it." A third petal. "Your mind convinced your heart to combine your feelings of guilt with your memory of me. Perhaps you believed that bottling it away in someone else, someone you'd eventually have to forget, would make you forget the guilt itself, along with that person." He tore off the remaining petals and allowed the wind to take them. "But it was a foolish idea. Feelings like that don't just go away, no matter how much you want to forget. The guilt will live inside you forever now that you've come to terms with it."
Sora thought of Naminé. She was so soft spoken, so kind, so...lonely.
He remembered when she gave him two options: forget the memories he made in Castle Oblivion or forget his true memories.
He chose, without a second thought, to regain his true memories.
Naminé's face, upon hearing his decision to forget her, said it all. That was when, Sora figured, the guilt began.
Why?
Why did he have to choose? Why couldn't he just remember whatever he wanted to?
"No!" he exclaimed suddenly, hands balling into fists at his sides. "I made a promise to Naminé! I told her that when I woke up, we'd be friends for real!"
Marluxia scoffed. "You're going to forget making such a promise, you imbecile."
"I might forget," Sora said, almost as if trying to convince himself more so than trying to convince Marluxia. "But that promise will never go away! I'll remember it one day and fulfill it, just like I said I would!"
Marluxia laughed lightly. "You're a fool, Sora. Haven't you any idea of what the word forgetting means? You cannot regain what you lose, no matter how strong you may think your heart is. When a memory is forgotten, it stays forgotten."
"You're wrong," Sora said, shutting his eyes tightly and shaking his head. As long as I have the chain links I have the memories. And as long as I have the memories themselves…
He opened his eyes only to find a torn apart rose and a chain link waiting for him to pick up.
He took the new chain link and squeezed it tightly.
...I can remember everything, one day.
A/N: Thank you to guest who left such a lovely, thoughtful review. And, as always, thank you to everyone who favorites, reviews, and follows. Xoooxo
