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Chapter 11: Dreams
Sora dreamt of the sunset and ice-cream that night as he always did, but something was wrong. The sunset looked grey and the ice-cream tasted only of salt. There was no laughter in the air.
He sat alone at the edge of the clock tower. He couldn't move. He couldn't speak. He couldn't do anything.
The ice cream in his hands started to melt into a sticky, blue mess. The only thing left behind was the wooden popsicle stick that faintly read WINNER. Before Sora could make anything out of it, he was falling.
Falling...
Falling...
He fell into a white chair in an upside down, colorless room. He blinked in confusion for a long moment. When he reopened his eyes. The room was right side up. Sitting across from him sat Naminé. She paid him no attention. Instead, all she did was draw leisurely.
He tried mouthing her name, but he still could not speak.
He willed himself to stand. It felt as though something, something in his chest - his heart? - was weighing him down. Still, he approached her. When he stood beside her, he looked down at her drawing. It was…
"My islands!"
As soon as he said it, the scene shifted. He stood on the shore of the nostalgic beach. Naminé was no longer there. He walked around, aimlessly for some time, until standing before a familiar Keyblade in the sand. He picked it up. Master Keeper.
Looking into the ocean, he thought of the Keyblade's wielder.
Where was he? He looked around and saw no one.
Alone again.
He walked along the shore with the Keyblade in his hand.
The Keyblade itself was surprisingly light.
Strange.
Sora halted to test it out. He swung it once. Twice.
Then the Keyblade, as if having a mind of its own, shot a beam of light into the sky. The light started off small, but it eventually engulfed everything until Sora stood in empty, white space.
His footsteps echoed loudly in the infinite white. He still held the Keyblade, more confused than ever, as he made his way forward (or what seemed to be forward).
He walked on until discovering that every time he took a step forward, a single chain link fell to the ground behind him.
Instant panic filled his face. He instinctively reached into his pocket and discovered a hole. The memories must have fallen out from it.
But when he tried to gather the links, he could not. His hand, like a phantom's, phased right through them.
Sora stubbornly tried to pick them up. He could not. Still he continued. Over and over he tried. Eventually, he was forced to give up.
Frustrated to fail, the boy jammed the Keyblade into the ground. When he did, the ground he stood on shattered like glass.
Again, he fell. He and the chain links and the shards of glass and the Keyblade.
Falling.
He woke up when he fell right off his bed. He, naturally, yelled out in surprise when he did.
Puzzled, he looked around and realized that it was all just a dream. It couldn't have meant anything.
Then again, if dreams meant nothing, what about the dream he was in right then? The one where Eraqus was helping him restore his heart? Did it mean nothing?
With this in mind, he stood and frantically checked his pockets for holes.
"Good morning, Sora. How did you sleep?"
Why did Eraqus always have to ask that?
For a moment, Sora considered telling Eraqus of his dream in detail. At the last second, however, he decided against it.
"Fine," he said, distantly. He cut straight to the chase to avoid further interrogation. "I have to forget Axel today, right?"
Eraqus gave Sora an odd gaze as he was able to immediately sense that something was wrong.
"...Yes…" Eraqus said, seeming to be lost in a muse. "Are...you certain you slept alright?" he asked after close inspection of his pupil's distressed face.
"Yeah," Sora insisted, doing his best to grin as he normally did. He casually rested his hands behind the back of his head. "Why do you ask?"
Eraqus shook his head in response, but he wouldn't stop looking at Sora with that concentrated look. "Since you're so eager to forget him," he said, not once looking away, "you may go right ahead then."
Sora frowned lightly. "I'm not eager to forget him," he assured Eraqus. "I just know that I have to."
Eraqus crossed his arms, unpleased that Sora was acting so out of the ordinary. "Be honest, Sora," he said with a stern voice. "Are you alright?"
Sora, looking somewhat uneasy, just nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I just had a bad dream." He looked down.
Eraqus's expression softened. "I see," he said. "Do you wish to talk about it?"
Sora refused. "No, I'll be alright." He hesitated before forcing himself to say, "It was just a dream."
But it wasn't just a dream. He knew that. Eraqus knew that. It wasn't just a dream. It meant something. It had to. Still, it was easier just saying that it didn't mean a thing.
Eraqus, seeing as it hurt Sora to think about it, offered to give him some time to himself before going on with the day. "Perhaps it's best to forget Axel later," he said, but Sora only shook his head.
"I'm really fine," the boy said. "I can forget him now."
"So be it," Eraqus agreed, but still, he studied Sora closely. "Perhaps this time I should stay with you when you forget."
"You left before?" Sora had no recollection of Eraqus ever leaving his side before.
"...Ah yes, I let it slip my mind that you forgot," Eraqus admitted as he realized that Sora forgot forgetting Marluxia on his own.
"Huh?" asked Sora again, and Eraqus just shook his head.
"It is a long story," Eraqus explained, aware that Sora wouldn't be able to understand even if he tried. "One better left untold. Now, Sora. You must dream of Axel and be prepared to battle him if-"
He cut himself off once realizing that Sora already did so. In the distance a dark corridor appeared, and the fiery young man walked out.
Axel lazily closed the corridor behind him and made his way over to the pair with a strange expression on his face. He looked satisfied, yet uneasy.
"Is it time to forget already?" he spoke coolly, slowly. "Man, how time flies."
Sora smiled a bit. "Axel."
Eraqus, who never liked Axel given their short history together, looked to him in utter disapproval. Still, he wouldn't allow himself to interfere again. He crossed his arms and stayed silent, for the most part.
Axel looked to Eraqus with somewhat of a nervous, yet cocky smile, until ultimately choosing to ignore him. He turned his full attention to Sora.
"Do you think...I can just forget you this time?" Sora asked, choosing his words carefully. "I couldn't before. Do you think I can now?"
Axel shrugged. "I dunno," he admitted. "Why don't you try? I got places to be, things to do." He chuckled at Sora's reaction when he said it.
"Oh really?" Sora asked. "Like what?"
Axel looked up to think about it. "Ice-cream," he answered, perhaps too immediately.
Sora momentarily thought back to his dream, but he did not mention it. Instead, he merely said, "I guess this means goodbye then." He stuck out his hand for Axel to shake.
Eraqus, who paid his undivided attention all along, raised an eyebrow. Still, he said nothing.
Axel looked at the boy's hand with a conflicted look. It was as if he couldn't decide whether or not to shake his hand. In the end he just rested his hand on his hip and said, "I wasn't annihilated at C.O., remember?" He scoffed a bit, offended, almost, and turned his head the other way. "You haven't seen the last of me."
Sora brought his hand back to his side. "You think we'll meet again when I wake up?"
"It's more than likely," Axel admitted as he turned his gaze back to him.
"Well, okay then," Sora said with a grin. "Instead of goodbye, how 'bout see you later?"
Axel smirked. "That's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard you say, and I've heard you ramble about the importance of friendship," he said, amused.
"Hey!"
They shared a brief laugh.
Eraqus, startled, looked on with suspicion. This couldn't be the same Axel that lured him into Castle Oblivion before, could it?
"Maybe when we meet again, we really could be friends," Sora said once the laughter died down.
Axel scratched the back of his head. "Not sure about that," he said honestly.
"I guess that's for the real you to decide," Sora went on, closing his eyes in thought.
"Guess so," Axel agreed.
A moment of silence.
"Hey," Axel said, abruptly moving forward. He faced Eraqus. "Before I go, I just…" He hesitated. "I want to apologize."
"Is that so?" Eraqus asked, expression unclear.
"...Yeah," Axel said. He thought about it for some time. In the end, all he said was: "...Sorry."
But Eraqus was cold towards him, for there was a certain darkness about him that he could not openly deny. "You should be apologizing to Sora," he said simply.
Axel winced. But he expected nothing more from him after what he did.
Sora stepped in swiftly. "No, it's alright, Master. He doesn't have to apologize to me for anything."
When he said it, Axel's shoulders noticeably relaxed. He couldn't help but to make a face at Eraqus when Sora wasn't looking as if to say HA.
Eraqus, not daring to stoop to Axel's level of immaturity, once again turned away. He stayed silent.
Axel turned back to Sora. "Well now that everyone's on good terms," he announced sarcastically as he clasped his hands together. "Why don't you go ahead and forget me then? And by me, I mean the me that you remember, Sora."
Sora thought about it. "What if I can't?"
"You can," Axel said, reassuringly. "You gotta. Look, why don't you just try it?"
Sora shut his eyes. But why did it feel like forgetting Axel would be like forgetting his best friend? His eyes flickered open. "Can you tell me something first?" he asked suddenly.
Axel tensed. "...Sure."
Eraqus looked curiously to Sora.
"You told me before that you aren't just made up of my memories. Whose other memories are you made up of then?"
Axel shifted slightly. "Doesn't matter," he said, avoiding eye contact. "He'll be gone by the time you wake up."
"What do you mean?"
"It's like I said. Doesn't matter." His voice was momentarily bitter.
"Axel," Eraqus said, speaking abruptly. Both Sora and Axel turned to him when he spoke. "You're...made of more than just Sora's memories?" He looked appalled.
"Yeah," Axel said cautiously.
"But what will happen to what remains of you once Sora forgets?" Eraqus inquired.
Axel sighed. "Does anyone listen around here? I said I got places to go, ice-cream to eat, remember?"
Silence.
"You're talking about going to the clock tower, right?" Sora interjected softly.
Axel looked at him. "...Yeah." He looked sad, somehow.
"You're going to be alone, aren't you?" Sora asked as if the words hurt.
"Hey, it's no big deal," Axel insisted. "I think some alone time is due. I'll have plenty of time to do some much needed self-reflecting. Got it memorized?"
Sora managed a smile. "Alright, Axel."
Axel scratched the back of his head. "Maybe saying goodbye won't hurt after all," he mumbled. He appeared embarrassed to even mention it after turning Sora down.
Sora brightened at the request. He silently stuck out his hand in his direction again.
Axel took his offer that time. Before bidding Sora farewell, he flashed a sarcastic grin at Eraqus.
Eraqus said nothing.
Axel looked back to Sora and shook his hand.
"See ya, Sora."
"Goodbye...Axel."
There was a time of comfortable silence as the two acknowledged each other one last time with faint smiles traced with hints of despair. Then, as Sora allowed himself to forget his memories of Axel, the tall man began to fade away.
Eraqus, who'd been spectating everything, assumed he was fading away to the supposed clock atower Sora mentioned before. A clock tower somewhere in the depths of Sora's heart? It was a curious thought, but one better left unexplored for the time being.
He turned his gaze to Sora, who still held out his hand as if shaking the hand of a ghost.
Sora's hand quivered slightly. Now, rather than a hand, he held a chain link.
Just as the night before, Sora did not sleep well.
He dreamt of a seemingly endless, winding path.
He was alone as he always was in his dreams. In the familiar solitude, he traveled down the path. His hands were in his pockets, and his head was slightly lowered.
Sora walked on and on for what felt like infinity. He walked without stopping to think about what he was walking to or what he was walking away from.
He went on without purpose until he felt an urgent impulse to run.
He felt as though someone up ahead needed him. While he did not directly hear anyone's voice, he could feel their hurting just up ahead.
And so he dashed forward. He ran, ran as fast as he could until he stood in front of a towering castle. It loomed before him like a shadow.
It was a castle, he realized as he took a step back, that he'd been to before. A castle he was supposed to forget.
Castle Oblivion.
Sora, while afraid to reenter the castle that wrecked his heart before, could not help himself. He felt someone in there, someone desperate for his help. Someone...sleeping. Someone who needed to wake up.
He couldn't just stand there and ignore their pain.
And so he scrambled to the doors. His hands fumbled around the knob once. Twice. He could not grab it just as he could not grab the chain links in his last dream.
He swiftly summoned his Keyblade. The Keyblade was supposed to open any door, right?
Sora pointed it at the door, but nothing happened. The door did not open in a burst of light as it should have. It stayed shut. His Keyblade was useless.
On the verge of anger, Sora slashed the door in frustration. Still, however, it stayed closed, and the person inside remained unhelped.
And Sora never felt more helpless than he did then.
He woke up with his Keyblade in his hands.
Startled, he made it disappear. He must have summoned it in his sleep.
He stood from his bed and held both hands to his face. Who was it in the dream that he couldn't save?
"And your Keyblade wasn't functioning properly?"
"It wouldn't open the door."
"I see. What did you do then?"
"I kept trying to get it open, but it just...it wouldn't."
Eraqus stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Do you...know who it was that you were trying to get to?" He attempted to speak calmly. He knew who it was. He knew exactly who it was. But Sora couldn't know that.
Sora just shook his head. He made his move on the chessboard on the table in front of him. "Check," he said, glumly.
Eraqus briefly looked down at the pieces surrounding his king. He was always mediocre when it came to chess, but since when was Sora such an expert?
He reluctantly sacrificed his last bishop to save the king and cringed when Sora took his piece.
"Perhaps you couldn't open the door because you've already forgotten Castle Oblivion's interior," the old master offered as he studied the board.
"Maybe…" Sora agreed. "But…do you really think that there was someone in there that needed me?"
Eraqus ended up moving a single pawn forward. "Perhaps," he said impassively, though his heart raced.
Sora was quick to capture the pawn as if it had been his plan all along for Eraqus to make that one move. "Check," he said again once seeing that Eraqus's king was left unguarded.
Eraqus put careful thought into making his next move. He only had three pieces left, and his pride wouldn't let him lose so easily.
"Hey, Master. What do I have to forget today?" asked Sora after a long pause.
Eraqus, without making his move, looked up to Sora with a strange expression. "Ironically, today you must forget...Castle Oblivion." He slid his last pawn forward. "Check," he said.
"Oh," said Sora quietly. "But...if I forget the rest of Castle Oblivion today, I'll never find out who I couldn't help." He moved his king to the side.
"Assuming there is someone in there in need of your help," Eraqus corrected, pursuing Sora's king with his pawn.
"It couldn't have been just a dream. Even the dream I had yesterday, that wasn't just a dream either," Sora insisted as he captured Eraqus's pawn with his knight. "It meant something. Someone was in there. Someone is in there."
"Even if he is in there, it is beyond your control to help him, Sora." Eraqus spoke softly. He was running out of moves. He only had two pieces to work with and had to use one to protect the other. There was no room for offensive tactics; he would have to keep playing just to not lose. He moved his rook in front of his king.
"Him?" Sora echoed. He brought his queen dangerously close to the rook.
Eraqus, fearing for his king, moved it further back. "Him or her," he clarified.
Sora brought another piece forward. "You don't...know who it was, do you, Master Eraqus?"
Eraqus moved his king back again. "I...have my suspicions as to whom it may be," he answered vaguely.
By now, Sora's pieces surrounded his king. There was nowhere else for him to flee to. "Checkmate," Sora said casually after moving one piece. In a more urgent tone, he asked, "Who do you think it was?"
"It serves no relevance to know," Eraqus insisted. "Well done, Sora. You won once again," he added, referring to the game.
"But why not?"
"If anything, knowing will only burden you when it comes time to forget it later today," Eraqus explained. "Would you care for another round?"
"How can I help whoever's in there if I don't know who it is?" Sora challenged.
"How can you help him if you forget the castle entirely?" Eraqus asked patiently.
Sora said nothing. "But I'm going to remember everything one day, remember?" he eventually asked.
Eraqus shook his head. "You cannot help everyone, Sora…" he said gently. "For your own sake, if not anything else, remember that. You cannot help everyone."
Sora looked down a bit. "I guess you're right. Still...can't I try?" He began resetting the pieces in their respective spots. "One more round."
Eraqus nodded. "Your determination is admirable," he noted. "And may I ask how you became so skillful in this game?"
Sora grinned for the first time that morning. "My mom taught me."
"That's that first time I heard you speak about your mother," Eraqus commented, surprised to hear about her. He followed Sora's example and began resetting the pieces on his side.
"I think about her a lot," Sora further explained. "And my dad too."
"It's understandable," Eraqus agreed.
"Who taught you how to play?" Sora asked, curious.
Eraqus frowned a bit. "An old friend," he answered distantly. "He was my closest friend, actually. But I lost him to darkness, and I've only myself to blame."
Sora frowned too. Maybe he shouldn't have asked.
Eraqus chuckled, breaking the brief tension. "He obviously had no idea what he was talking about, seeing as how terrible I am at this game. Perhaps you can show me a few tricks?"
Sora smiled at the thought.
When it eventually came time to forget Castle Oblivion, Sora waited outside as Eraqus previously instructed him to do.
It was nearing dusk and he still couldn't stop thinking about the person he couldn't get to in his dream. Once he forgot about the castle, what then? When would he be able to remember it, if ever?
No, there was no room for doubt. He would remember everything. It was just a matter of when.
Eventually, Eraqus emerged from the castle holding a crown shaped card. On it was the image of Castle Oblivion.
"Are you ready, Sora?" Eraqus asked.
Sora nodded. "I am," he said trying to forget the idea of the person stuck in there, waiting for him.
Eraqus, as if feeling nervous for Sora, let out a breath as he handed the card to his pupil.
Sora took the card and closed his eyes.
"Think of the castle," he heard Eraqus say. "Think of the door you couldn't open. The dark sky and clouds above it. Can you remember it, Sora?"
Sora absently nodded. "Yeah…" he said, and when he opened his eyes, he gasped out loud and dropped the card in shock.
The Land of Departure was no longer as it should have been. The roof was green, the walls a dark yellow. Towers in all directions stuck out of the walls. The sky was dark. The ground was jagged. The door was sealed tightly. Everything was wrong.
Sora felt a cold shiver. Why was everything wrong? Why did the whole world, the whole Land of Departure, transform into Castle Oblivion?
But while everything looked wrong, something was still...still right.
It felt right.
That was what frightened Sora the most.
Eraqus said nothing.
"Master Eraqus," Sora breathed out in a state of shock. "Why… What happened to the Land of Departure? Why did it turn into Castle Oblivion?" He gazed up at the castle. "The two worlds...are they...the same?"
Eraqus sighed a bit. There was no point in keeping the truth from Sora any longer. "Yes."
Sora walked forward. He placed his hand on the sealed door. For a long time, he did not speak.
"Sora?" Eraqus called out, coming to his side when he did not respond. "Are you alright?" He placed a hand on his shoulder.
"You told me before that you were bound to this world," Sora said speaking almost inaudibly. "That when you left, you just went to another version of it. You went to Castle Oblivion, didn't you?"
Eraqus did not answer.
"And...Ventus," Sora continued. "He told me that it was because of him that you left."
"Sora…"
"Ventus is the one in Castle Oblivion, isn't he?"
"...Yes."
"And once I forget this castle, I'll forget that he's in there too."
"Yes."
"There will be no way for me to look for him when I wake up. He'll just...stay in there."
"Sora, that's enough," Eraqus forced out. "You must forget Castle Oblivion. We cannot delay it any longer."
Sora turned to him. "But what about Ven?" he demanded. "I felt his pain! I can't just leave him all alone in there!"
Eraqus attempted to calm him. "Now is not the time, Sora. One day, as you keep telling me, you will find a way to remember everything. Then, you can find him and save him. I trust that you will. But now is just...not the time."
Sora lowered his gaze. "It's not fair," he said, sounding defeated. But he knew he was right.
"It is not," Eraqus agreed in a comforting voice. "But it is what it is."
Sora longingly looked over his shoulder to the castle. "I just wish there was another way."
The master couldn't help but to agree. "As do I," he said, expressing his deep sadness for but a moment. For a second he considered persuading Sora to keep his memory of Castle Oblivion so that he'd be able to save Ventus after all. But it was a selfish thought. He kept it to himself. The restoration of his heart had to come above all else.
Sora looked back to Eraqus. "Okay," he finally said. "I'm...going to forget it now."
His words visibly hurt Eraqus. "Yes," he said, despite of it. "That is what's best."
Sora inhaled deeply. He tried not to think of Ventus. But how could he not? He was clearly someone very important to Eraqus. Denying Ventus his help was the same, in Sora's eyes, as hurting his master. Why did it have to be this way? Why did Ventus have to be in Castle Oblivion, of all places? He wished he didn't have to forget. He didn't want to. He never wanted to. It was all just so hard.
When Naminé told him before that she could fix his memories, he never imagined it would be such a difficult, heavy task for him. And if it was this hard for him, he couldn't bear to imagine how hard it was on Naminé. He reminded himself that when he woke up, he'd have to thank her for everything. It was a good thing Jiminy wrote that message in his journal…
If only he had a journal then to make a note to apologize to Ventus one day.
But at least, he figured, he had the chain links. A chance at remembering everything one day. A chance at setting everything right.
With this small spark of hope in mind, he envisioned the castle behind him crumbling away into the deepest depths of his heart.
He exhaled sharply, and the stormy sky brightened into an orange sunset. They stood on lush grass. When he turned around, the castle that waited for him was the one from the Land of Departure. The world card he dropped earlier transformed into a chain link.
Castle Oblivion was no more. And with it, Sora's only memory of Ventus's whereabouts.
That night, Sora had the most frightening dream of them all.
He did not dream of solitude or of locked doors. There were no empty beaches or grey sunsets or melted, salty ice-cream. No falling, no wandering, no holes in his pockets.
Instead, there was nothing.
He dreamt of nothing.
