Thanks MyLadyDay and Vergina-spva for beta'ing


Chapter 7

Izo took a deep breath before he dared to push open the door of Thatch's hospital room.

Inside, Thatch was lying on his bed, while Rakuyo and Namur were sitting next to him. All three were holding cards and there was a pile of chips lying on the bed between them.

Thatch turned to the door and his face lit up when he saw Izo. "Izo! Are you joining in?"

"You're in the middle of the game, aren't you?" Izo said. "I'll just watch." He greeted his other brothers and walked over to the table next to the window on which all kinds of gift baskets and bouquets of flowers were standing. He placed a basket of homemade muffins on it.

Only Ace seemed to genuinely like the muffins he baked, but he had put in extra effort for these. Thatch had tried to teach him, but somehow they never came out like they should.

Well, it was the gesture that counted.

"Thank you," Thatch said when he saw the basket, and he looked genuinely happy.

Izo's heart warmed seeing him like that.

"You're not actually going to eat those, are you?" Rakuyo asked teasingly.

"If I remember correctly, Izo actually got better at it," Thatch said. "Besides, I can always feed them to Ace," he added laughing.

"Well, it seems you're on your way to recovering if you can bash my cooking," Izo said indignantly, though, deep down, he was happy Thatch teased him again.

"Come on, don't pout. I was just kidding. Gimme one." Thatch held out his hand.

Izo passed him a muffin and held out the basket to Rakuyo and Namur, who both declined. Izo watched closely as Thatch took a bite and chewed thoughtfully. He was ready to burst when Thatch finally swallowed.

"These are pretty good," Thatch said.

"Really? Are you sure your coma didn't mess with your taste buds?" Namur asked jokingly.

Thatch shrugged and took another bite. "Try for yourself," he said with his mouth full.

Izo held out the basket again, and this time, Rakuyo and Namur both took one, albeit hesitantly.

"They are pretty good," Rakuyo said, surprised, when he had taken a bite.

Izo shot him a smug look.

"See, practice makes perfect," Thatch said and winked at Izo.

Izo was surprised he didn't melt into a puddle then and there.

The boys finished their card game, after which Rakuyo and Namur announced they would leave.

"Glad to have you back. Things weren't the same without you," Namur said to Thatch, and Izo could have sworn his eyes flicked over at him.

"Get better soon. It's time to party and we're not allowed to do it at the hospital," Rakuyo said.

Thatch smirked back at them. "Will do. Drive safe."

Namur squeezed Izo's shoulder meaningfully before he left the hospital room behind Rakuyo.

As soon as they had left, however, the smile disappeared from Thatch's face and he sighed.

His sudden change of attitude made Izo's stomach drop, though he didn't want to show it. "Are you okay, honey?" he asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

Thatch's eyes grew sad, and Izo had to swallow. He wrapped his arms around Thatch and pulled him close.

"I'm not okay, Izo," Thatch whispered. "I pretend to be, but I'm not. I can't even walk properly anymore. I keep losing my balance…"

Izo pulled back and took Thatch's face in his hands. "You will be fine, Thatch. The doctors are very optimistic."

"I almost fell over walking to the bathroom," Thatch huffed.

"You can do it. Here," Izo rose from the bed and held out his hands, "we can try together."

Thatch looked at him hesitantly. "I don't know…"

"I know you can do it," Izo encouraged him.

Thatch still didn't seem convinced, but still took Izo's hands.

"See? You're doing great," Izo said as Thatch carefully rose to his feet.

Thatch looked at him proudly when he made it to his feet, but as soon as he wanted to take a step, he lost his balance.

Izo caught him. "I've got you," he said soothingly.

"Yeah," Thatch said slowly, and suddenly, Izo realised how close their faces were. "You always do." He brushed a lock of hair from Izo's face, which somehow had slipped from his otherwise tidy bun.

Izo was glad he was wearing make-up again, because his face was as red as a beet right now. Why did Thatch keep saying these suggestive things, and do things that gave Izo's treacherous brain hope for something else?

It was just because of the coma, he kept telling himself. In a few weeks, Thatch would be back to his normal self, and Izo wouldn't have to worry about these things anymore.

Thatch had no idea of Izo's feelings; he was too thick-headed for that. And he hadn't registered the kiss either, or he would have said something over the phone the previous day. That thought had been the only thing that had convinced Izo to come to the hospital today. Thatch was always very direct when it came to discussing issues.

"Let's just try to walk around the bed, okay," he muttered and placed Thatch's arm around his shoulder.

Thatch leaned heavily on him when he carefully placed one foot in front of the other. He had a concentrated and rather endearing look on his face. Thatch staggered a few times, but every time, Izo placed a hand on his chest to steady him and tried to ignore the grateful looks Thatch shot him.

They made it to the other side of the bed, but just when he took the last step, Thatch tripped and somehow managed to pull Izo with him.

Wide-eyed, Izo landed on top of him while he was on his back on the bed. Izo knew he should get up and laugh it off, but his body refused to listen.

Thatch was looking up at him, but instead of laughing, like Izo would have expected, his expression was soft. His fingers gently caressed Izo's cheeks. "I'm glad you're here," he said gently.

"Am I interrupting?"

Izo jumped up like someone threw a bucket of cold water over him at hearing Nojiko's voice, and red-faced, he helped Thatch lie back in bed properly. "Of course not," he replied stiffly.

Thatch's face had brightened. "Ah, ehm…" His brows knitted together in thought. "My girlfriend," he finally finished.

"Nojiko," she said.

"Right! I knew that."

"He is still recovering," Izo hastily said to Nojiko. "It's nothing personal."

"I know."

Thatch looked from him to Nojiko. "Well, I'm glad you're here," he finally said to her.

She smiled. "I'm glad to see you awake. You gave me quite a scare."

He smiled sheepishly.

A silence fell, and Izo forced himself to break it. "Well, you guys have a lot to talk about. I'll just go get some coffee."

He left the room, but hesitated at the door. On the one hand, he wanted to know what they would talk about, but on the other, he dreaded knowing. With a heavy heart, he finally dragged himself to the canteen to get coffee like he had said.

The brew tasted more bitter than usual, but Izo doubted it was the coffee itself, but rather his own thoughts.

He should be happy for Thatch.

Nojiko was an amazing woman, and the type Izo usually liked. Strong and confident, perfect for keeping an idiot like Thatch in line. And under different circumstances, Izo knew they could be friends.

The only problem was the current circumstances.

Annoying and foolish jealousy always kept Izo from liking the women Thatch dated, and he hated himself for feeling triumphant when they broke up – and usually, it wasn't Thatch doing the breaking up part.


Izo found himself in a club in a strange city, only a few months after starting his study at the art academy. He was visiting Thatch, who had gone to culinary school that happened to be in the same city as the university as Marco went to, so Izo had decided to kill two birds with one stone and visit them both at the same time.

He had missed his brothers so much, especially Thatch, and he had been happy he could spend the night at his place. Tonight, they had decided to go out, though Izo would have preferred to stay in and chat. However, Thatch insisted they should enjoy the student life, and neither Izo nor Marco had objected loud enough.

It wasn't like Izo didn't enjoy a good party – his family knew how to throw one – but he wasn't completely comfortable partying with strangers in a club. But Thatch bought him beer and that certainly helped.

He was chatting with Marco and Thatch near the bar – or rather, yelling at them to be heard over the music – when someone suddenly smacked his ass.

"Hey there, pretty lady!" some drunk guy said behind him.

"Get your hand off my ass or you won't be able to use it for anything ever again," Izo said through gritted teeth. He hated guys who felt entitled to touch him without his permission, especially when they thought he was female, as it said something about how they treated women.

The guy immediately pulled his hand away when he heard Izo's – male – voice, wiping it at his trousers. "What the hell kind of freak are you?!"

In the blink of an eye, Thatch had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "What did you call him, fucktard?"

"It's okay, honey, I can handle this loser," Izo said soothingly.

Thatch let go of him, but stood close to Izo nonetheless.

Izo knew Marco was doing his intimidating stance as well and he had a hard time not to smile. He loved his brothers.

The guy seemed to consider his options, but soon realised he was no match and slinked off.

Izo rolled his eyes and downed his beer. "What a douche."

"It's kinda too bad he knew when to walk away. I would have loved to see you beat the crap outta him," Thatch said with a grin.

Izo snorted. "I'd have liked that too."

"It was really great how you did that," a female voice suddenly said behind them. Two girls their age had approached them. "That douchebag was harassing us a few minutes ago," the first continued.

"Besides, you look absolutely amazing," the second said to Izo.

"Thank you," Izo replied with a smile and introduced himself and his brothers.

"I'm Kairen and that's Sora," the second girl said and gestured to her friend.

"It was really nice what you did for your brother," Sora said to Thatch and blinked unnecessarily often with her eyes.

Izo's lips pulled taut.

Thatch smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck. "Of course. I mean, he's my brother."

"So, do you guys come here often?" Kairen asked Izo and Marco, as Sora and Thatch seemed to have a conversation of their own.

"I'm visiting," Izo said curtly. He was busy glaring daggers at Sora, who stood way too close to Thatch to his liking.

"Really? So you're not going to university here?"

"I'm going to the art academy," Izo said, tearing his eyes away from Thatch and focusing on the conversation he apparently had.

"That's so cool! I have a friend who goes there," Kairen said, and Izo forced himself to listen as she chattered. "What about you?" she finally asked Marco.

"I'm going to university here."

"That's great! Maybe we could hang out sometime."

"Perhaps, but you should know I'm gay," Marco replied, a hint of a smile on his face.

Her face betrayed her disappointment, but she laughed it off. "It's always the cute ones, huh?" She looked over her shoulder at Thatch and Sora. "Well…"

Something in her voice made Izo look over as well, and suddenly, the world seemed to freeze. Thatch was making out with Sora, a girl whom he barely knew five minutes.

"Are you okay?" Kairen asked, but her voice seemed to come from far away.

"I-I need to use the restroom," Izo managed to stammer and worked his way through the crowd, leaving Marco and Kairen behind.

He pushed open the door of the bathroom. There was one guy in, who was just drying his hands.

"Excuse me, this is the men's room," he started.

"I will gut you!" Izo snarled. He was in no mood to deal with this.

The guy held up his hands in defence and fled the men's room.

Izo leaned with his hands on the sink, his arms trembling. His head was spinning, and it suddenly felt like all his energy was drained.

It had been a little over a year since Izo had realised his feelings for Thatch, and no matter how he ignored them or tried to get over Thatch, his feelings had never gone away. However, he had learned to shove them deep down.

Nobody knew how he felt, except for Pops. Izo hadn't told him, but he somehow always knew when one of his children was in trouble, in whatever way. They had talked about it once, soon after Izo had realised he was in love with Thatch. Pops hadn't disapproved of it, much to Izo's relief and had just held Izo close.

Knowing he could never be with Thatch like that and seeing him with someone who could were two completely different things. Izo hadn't been prepared.

Thatch had never had a girlfriend before. He had mostly been oblivious in secondary school when a girl had been interested in him, but it seemed he was now finally interested of having a relationship. Or at least fool around with someone of the opposite sex.

Izo bit his lip not to cry. He wanted to fresh himself up by splashing water in his face, but if he did, he would ruin his make-up. Taking a deep, shaky breath, Izo tried to calm himself down. He was happy for Thatch, he told himself. If Thatch was happy, he would be too.

The door to the men's room opened, and Marco entered.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Izo took another deep breath to compose himself and then turned around. "I'm fine. I'm just tired."

He doubted Marco would fall for that, but fortunately, Marco just nodded and didn't pry. "Alright, let's just fetch Thatch and go home, then."

He had barely spoken the words, when the door flung open again, and Thatch came running in. "Guess what, guys? She wants to come to my place! Ah, Izo…"

Izo's face set.

Thatch scratched the back of his head. "Right, you'd stay with me. Uhm, I can ask to go to her place and give you the keys…"

"You can stay with me, Izo," Marco said quickly.

Thatch's face brightened. "That's even better! Sorry, Izo, I didn't plan on this."

Izo crossed his arms before his chest. It felt like he was hit in the face over and over, but he tried to stay composed. "Yet you go along with it," he said coolly.

"Well, yeah. I mean, no girl has ever before wanted to come over. I think she wants to," he made a vague gesture with his hands, "you know."

"And that's really the way you want to lose your virginity?" Izo asked sharply. "With a girl you barely know five minutes?"

"Actually, yeah. I'm almost twenty, it's about time, don't you think? And she's really pretty. Besides," Thatch continued, mimicking Izo's pose, his arms crossed before his chest, "are you judging me? 'Cause I thought you were so open minded."

He might as well have punched Izo in the gut. "Do whatever you like," he said softly. "Marco, can we please go?"

Marco followed him to the door, but said over his shoulder to Thatch, "Remember to use a condom. And text me in the morning so I know you made it home okay."

"Oi!" Thatch yelled after them embarrassed.

Marco let out a snicker, but then his face turned serious. "Izo, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I just want to go home."

Izo managed to keep his composure on the way to Marco's place, but that was only because Marco didn't ask any questions. Izo knew that the moment he opened his mouth, he would break down.

Silently, Marco folded out the sofa bed in his room, while Izo immediately went to the bathroom to wash off his make-up. As the water hit his face, Izo's composure broke down as well. He sobbed softly, trying not to draw Marco's attention.

Tonight had been a brutal reminder of everything he wanted but couldn't have. Thatch was straight, and Izo's brother, and definitely not interested in him.

The doorknob turned, and Izo hastily grabbed a towel to dry his face.

Marco came in, his usually stoic face betraying worry.

Izo's bottom lip trembled, and suddenly, he couldn't hold it in anymore. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he wrapped his arms around Marco's torso and sobbed against his chest.

Without a word, Marco pulled him close and led him to the sofa bed.

Izo cried until he didn't have any tears left. He felt exhausted.

Marco just continued to stroke his hair, and Izo knew he wouldn't pry, but after breaking down like that, Marco deserved an explanation.

"I love him," he whispered, hoping that would be enough. He might cry again if he talked too much.

Marco nodded and pulled him close again.

"Please don't tell him," Izo whispered. "I… I know I shouldn't feel this way. I'm a horrible person, and an even worse brother." He choked back a sob.

"That's not true," Marco said suddenly sharply. He caressed Izo's cheek. "Don't say things like that. You can't help how you feel."

"It's been a year." Izo turned his face away. "Well, at least since I realised. Who knows how much longer? I-I can't help it, no matter how much I try." He looked at Marco. "What if… What if it never goes away?"