A/N: I originally planned on ending this story in the next chapter... BUT since many people seem to enjoy this fic and I absolutely love writing it, I decided to brainstorm some ideas and expand the plot! I'm happy with this decision because I think this story still has some more potential and I want to develop all the relationships a little better. So, yeah! Fans of this fic rejoice! :D
Mikasa curled herself up on the sofa, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and an open book in her lap. Earlier that afternoon, Levi had instructed cleaning orders for her to carry out and while she was dusting the top shelf near the fireplace, she had stumbled upon the romance novel. It was covered in dust, the pages were crinkled and discolored and not her preferred genre at all, but now that she finished the chores she decided to give the novel a chance out of boredom.
—Well, at least she tried to, but she found herself rereading the same line over and over again and not a single word penetrated her train of thought.
The distracting ruckus floating up from below the floorboards stole her concentration and pulled her from the prologue numerous times. This was to be expected, though. This mission out in the wilderness may seem peaceful in theory, but her and Levi still had a goal to accomplish.
Levi had been questioning Kenny all day. Presently, a long session of stress-induced interrogation went on below in the basement. It's been going on for the past two hours now—but suddenly the cabin filled with silence and her ears felt blessed.
A second later, the basement door flung open and out Levi came, passing her with adrenaline in his heel, but he abruptly paused his haste and gave her a quick, "Hey," when he noticed the concern held on her face.
"Hey." She mirrored back "How's the interrogation going?"
He didn't say a word, only giving a little ambiguous shrug and continued moving until he disappeared into the kitchen, presumably to reward himself with his favorite beverage. If her small study on Levi's body language was accurate, she can safely assume the questioning is not going too well.
Mikasa returned her concentration to the book in hand, thinking she might finish a page now that it's quiet—but her neck (and mind) suffered from sudden whiplash when Levi returned a second later, fury in his heel.
"I don't think we're going to make it," he announced out of breath, a seldom panic in his voice as if he saw the premonition of their brutal deaths.
She noted the sudden peril and reacted to his urgency, rising to her feet and letting the book fall to the ground with a thud, "What makes you say that? We're doing well on supplies, aren't we?" Her voice rose in uncertain question until she took it upon herself to answer herself,"Well... sort of," her worried gaze strayed over to the burning pit, the flame danced low and weak and practically powered solely by ash. Levi's prediction hit right on the mark. During their first night here he had predicted that they'd run out of logs the night after tomorrow. That day had unfortunately arrived.
"We will be out of wood soon, but I'm sure we'll figure out a way to stay warm. The important thing is we have enough of food to last us."
But even more horror displayed on Levi face, his lips taut from a frown and bumpy terrains formed on his forehead. There must have been something she missed mentioning.
"No, you don't understand Mikasa—were running low on tea. I only have enough left for a cup."
Mikasa narrowed her eyes dully and plopped back down on the sofa, picking her book back up. Her voice went flat with nonchalance. "That's hardly a necessity, Captain. Not having tea doesn't complicate our survival."
"Tea helps me think," he disputed and Mikasa rolled her eyes. Is he actually being serious? And he accuses her of coming up with terrible excuses. "If I can't think how am I going to get us out of this predicament?"
Mikasa found it pretty pathetic how a man in his thirties depended on tea the same way an infant depended on his mothers teat. "You'll live."
Levi sucked in a breath to retort back, but he choked on his own air and coughed in his hand. His cold still wouldn't let up. His fever was still high from what Mikasa could tell, but it wasn't as bad as yesterday. If he didn't over exert himself and strain his voice from yelling at Kenny his sore throat probably would have cleared up significantly by now.
Mikasa flipped the page of her book, her eyes tracing along the line of unfiltered words. "I told you to slow down on the tea. But you didn't listen."
Levi wanted to remind her that it's too late to point fingers, but instead used that strength to cross the space and collapse into the couch. He sunk deep into the cushions with an extending arm propped on the backrest that lingered behind Mikasa neck.
As pathetic as it is to sulk over tea, Mikasa still sympathized with him to an extent. Everyone has their own coping mechanisms to help them through this terrible situation, and if Levi found calmness from drinking tea than she won't argue with that.
The book closed and a hopeless gaze fell into her lap, knowing full well that she couldn't say anything to boost his glum mood. Not only did the Captain run low on tea (she wouldn't actually scramble to cheer him up for that sole reason anyway), but it's clear he hasn't found any useful information from Kenny yet. She anticipated that. The man won't tell them anything they want to know. Not unless they resort to violence. If it must come to that, she won't refuse, but she'd like for this peace to last a little longer.
They might be trapped in this isolated place and cold, either sick with illness or homesick and slowly suffering the effects of cabin fever—but like Levi said this has been a vacation; a break from the chaos and hardships and worrying. Being here was like a short semi-peaceful pit stop before trekking back out to that cruel world.
Mikasa noticed the toll all of this had taken on everyone, especially Levi. He had endured a lot, as they all have, but everyone had their own sad tales to tell and since Levi is currently seated beside her, his story retold in her mind first. He's lost valuable, irreplaceable soldiers and he's been fighting tooth and nail harder than most—not because the others don't know how to pull their own weight around, but Levi is burdened with the title of Humanity's Strongest and that is a position that would send most to insanity overtime. A lot of responsibility was placed upon him, and many of his decisions hold the weight of worlds. Mikasa feared if he made the wrong choice eventually, he'll buckle under the weight.
He wants to make change, but the glory he's reaching for is still far from reach. It's a feeling all of the Survey Corps members could relate to; they're the only ones that could change the world and the only ones who could offer a glimmer of hope to those trapped inside these walls.
It's not much, but being here is a brief interlude before they must voyage back to the long expedition waiting for them outside this cabin. The least Mikasa could do is try to enhance his stay here and use this pit stop to her advantage. Maybe she could lift some of the weight off him just a little and release the pressure smothering him.
If he could forget about the responsibilities that came with being a Captain and just be a human for a short period, it might do wonders on his health and mental state.
"Let's play a game," she proposed, setting her distraction plan into play.
He combed his fingers though his hair and refused with a shake of his head. "I'm sick of card games."
"Me too. But I have another game in mind. Let's play 'Would You Rather'."
"Never heard of it." Levi crossed his legs and turned to her with genuine curiosity. A simple game might help him clear his head, or at least stop it from pounding after the migraine Kenny caused.
"It's just a game the girls used to play back in the training barracks before lights out. It's kind of fun if you get creative. Plus it passes the time."
He gave his consent with a shrug, "Alright. Let's play."
"Okay, I'll start." She gave herself a few seconds to think, scoping the room around her to spark inspiration. "Would you rather live the rest of your life without cleaning anything, or live the rest of your life without tea?"
Heavy depression slumped his posture down. "This isn't making me feel better about the no-tea thing."
"I'm not trying to make you feel better about that. Answer."
Levi pursed his lips in thought, then popped his lips in defeat. "Pass."
"You can't pass. It's really not the difficult."
But it really was for him. It's like forcing a parent to pick a favorite among their children. "Fine. I'd rather not be able to clean—I'll just sip my tea while instructing someone else do the chores for me."
"Someone like Eren."
"Mhm." At least it would keep the reckless brat busy. "My turn." He scratched his chin. He had to admit that this game didn't seem too bad and it gave him the opportunity to gain perspectives on Mikasa he might not ever he may never see otherwise. This helped inspire a question. "Would you rather never see Eren again but know he was safe, or would you rather see him everyday but you couldn't protect him yourself and had to rely on others?"
That's a little too specific for a game, but then again, getting nosy is a key point of the game. That's what all the girls would do back at the barracks. They would start off innocently enough, but the questions would quickly become personal and even dark over time.
"That's hard to say." On one hand, being around Eren's lively energy motivated her every step of the way, but keeping him safe is all she ever wanted. "It depends on who would be keeping him safe. If it's anyone on your squad, no way in hell. But if you were the one looking after him, then yes."
His brows spiked in doubt. "You trust me that much?"
Mikasa fidgeted her fingers in her lap, tucking her lip. She didn't realize what she said was embarrassing until he bluntly pointed out the obvious. Well, she made this bed and now she had to sleep in it. "Of course. I've always trusted your judgement. I'm surprised you haven't noticed by now. You trust Eren. There were times when you trusted him and I when no one else did or when you had very little reason to. You also saved him uncountable times. I'd trust him in your hands if I was unable to protect him."
Even hypothetically speaking, that conviction was a shocking blow; an explanation he hadn't foreseen. Mikasa trusted Levi with the one thing she cared about most in this world. Levi tugged at his shirt, trying to quiet the fluttering wings taking flight in his chest.
Mikasa scrambled to break the serious mood and found another question to continue the game. A small smile flicked on her face, but she tried to hide it with a professional tone, "I mean no respect, sir, this is just for fun—would you rather marry Hanji or Historia."
"Oh, wow." Levi let his head recline back in thought. "Now that is impossible to answer because Historia likely hates me with a burning passion and would have me killed on our wedding night, and I'd probably kill Hanji one hour after the ceremony. Or kill myself."
"But if you had to marry one of them for the 'sake of mankind'," she quoted mockingly with her fingers, "Who would you pick?"
He cringed while he mulled over the pros and cons of each suitor. There were so many cons that he lost track, gave up, and picked the one that benefited him. "Hanji, I guess. Only because I might be able to convince her to take a bath more often if I were her husband."
"She's really not as dirty as you make her out to be." Then again, Mikasa scarcely saw her in the communal showers back at HQ.
"No, she really is filthy. She's lucky I became used to her scent or else I would have drowned her in sudsy water years ago." He only made an exception for her lack of hygiene because the two of them, as opposite as they were, do get along well and Levi would go as far as considering her his friend, but he never saw her in the marriage light before, so his answer to Mikasa's question made him feel a little uncomfortable. To get the after taste out of his mouth, he moved on with the game, "Since you gave me a tough question, you're getting one back."
"Oh boy," she braced herself with a little breath.
He tried to think of two men from the Survey Corps that would be impossible to choose as a suitor. Eren, obviously, wouldn't be listed as a candidate. That would be too easy for her and Levi would likely make a sour face and sulk even more if he heard her say she'd marry that brat out loud.
There's two men in particular that he knows Mikasa has zero interest in, so he settled on that. He'd probably regret this, but this is just a hypothetical game, right?
"Would you rather date that Jean fellow that has his eye on you, or—to make your choices really impossible to choose from—me."
"I'd marry you," Mikasa gave her answer as simply as telling the time.
With wide eyes on her, a subtle gasp lunged into Levi's throat, making him cough again. He hadn't expected that quick response. Hell, he hadn't expected a response at all. Now he wishes he prepared himself beforehand, he would've enjoyed hearing Mikasa say she'd marry him when he was ready because surely he won't hear it again.
"Are you sure you heard the question right? Jean is your age and he seems like a good kid. Why'd you pick an old man like me over him?"
She shrugged, cornering her eyes away indifferently. "You're more mature. Sometimes. Jean could be difficult and stubborn, albeit not as bad as Eren, but still. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, he's just... not my type, that's all."
"And I am?" The words came out before he could deliberate how dangerous they were.
Mikasa tucked her knees against her chest and curled her toes anxiously. She couldn't just be disrespectful and say she found her Captain attractive to some degree, more than Jean or any of the other SC members, at least. Actually...she never outright thought that before now. It was more a subconscious acceptance that she found him handsome. Now that she let herself hear her thoughts, she couldn't help but to stiffen in confusion. She mulled it over a little longer to be certain.
She'll be damned—it's true. She does find him attractive, even on a conscious level. That is a realization she didn't think she'd strike today.
This is just a game and she didn't want to make their future as subordinate and superior together awkward over her confessing that she saw him as a good looking man with credible attributes. She needed to let this topic die, quick. "That's two questions. It's my turn."
"Right." Noticing he was tense and hunched forward, Levi lounged his body back, took a breath and tried to relax. He made a mental review raving about how great this game was. Way better than tea any day.
The two strongest got to know each other over the course of a few rounds back and forth; the questions trickier with each pass. After they exhausted all the questions they could think up, Mikasa introduced Levi to another game of similar in context that allowed them to get a little more personal. The game is called 'Have you ever'.
Levi went static as the next question drifted into his ears.
"Have you ever been in love?"
It was a harmless question she asked, a question that eventually came up when she'd play with the other girls, but perhaps the questions isn't all that simply, because her Captain has remained static and mute beside her ever since she asked.
Love had many definitions, but he couldn't say he loved even those closest to him and he's never been in a serious romantic relationship before—but still, it was hard to say a flat out no. Not because he feared being seen as a cold heartless bastard, but because it would feel like a lie. Realizing he was taking too long to answer, be glanced over at Mikasa. She patiently watched him, waiting for an answer.
"If that's too personal, you don't have to answer, sir. I was just curious since no one in the Survey Corps really talks about relationships and love, so I figured I'd take advantage of the opportunity."
"No, it's just—I'm not really sure how to answer."
She tilted her head, scrutinizing him as she tried to find the answer on him. "Well, if you never been in love, you'd know and simply say no, but since you're thinking about it so long there must have been people you loved. For the record, people who didn't return the feelings count too, the question just concerns your feelings."
"Ah. That helps. Then yes, I think so."
Mikasa squished her lip into a lopsided line. What he said implied that he may have loved someone, but they didn't love him back. Unrequited love is one of the most bittersweet emotions a human could posses. That stung a little to hear, not only because she felt sorry for him, but it was an issue she thinks she could relate to herself.
"Same question for you."
The quick delivery of words returned right back to the sender. Mikasa flinched. She had a feeling he'd say that. "It's...complicated."
"I'm not an expert on love by any stretch of the imagination, but is there ever a case that isn't complicated?"
"Good point." When she repeated the question back to herself, her mind showed her a picture of Eren, but she was still far from finding her answer. Her love for him could mean so many things. To this day she still cant pin point if she loves him romantically or exclusively as a family member. She never imagined herself marrying him or having children with him, or anything like—mainly because she was never given the opportunity to daydream about the future. Half the time she's too busy keeping Eren alive for the day, never mind plan out their future. For now, shell give the most truthful answer she could.
"I've loved a few people. Like Armin, I love him as a friend and I loved my family, but speaking romantically...I'm still unsure of my feelings or theirs so it's impossible to answer."
"I see. Well, you're still young so you have time to figure it out,"' Levi gave rare words of encouragement, but it pained him to recite because he knew who she was referring too. Mikasa's relationship with Eren has always been odd and in an effort to make sense of it, Levi silently made the assumption that she was in love with him. Either Eren was too stupid to realize or didn't feel the same—likely because of this, she's confused on the subject.
Levi still meant what he said though, as much as he wishes he could selfishly take it back. If she gave their relationship time to mature and blossom it might become clearer for her. Levi's not really a selfish person, even though he has an awful habit of wishing for expensive novelty items and hitting rich fortunes, he still was pleased and satisfied with simple luxuries. The feelings he held for Mikasa weren't much different in comparison. He knows his affections for her are unrealistic and nothing will form from them, but that doesn't stop him from daydreaming. Just like he would settle for moonstones instead of diamonds, in the end he would sacrifice his own desires so long as Mikasa is happy and gets what she wants. If that leads to her and Eren falling in love, so be it. He just wants her to be happy, after all, his happiness on the other hand is unrealistic so he at least wants one of them happy with the person they love.
"Let's try to stick to simpler questions for a while." She wanted to drop this topic, despite that she originally brought it up. The subject of love is a little too heavy for a game that was meant to be used as a stress relief. "Let's see..." she tapped her cheek in thought until a random question popped in her mind. "Have you ever stole anything?"
Levi luckily recovered from his melancholy thoughts in time to hear her question. "I used to be a thug in the underground," he rolled his neck her way, his eyes cold. "What do you think?"
"Hm." Mikasa brewed up an image of Levi decked out in a shady hoodie and armed with a switchblade knife with the slums of the underground as his backdrop. The image alone would terrify the faint of heart, but Mikasa simply squished her lip skeptically instead. "I can't picture you being a bad guy. I mean, I can; your appearance and attitude fits, but you follow orders so well, so it's hard to see you breaking the law."
"People change, I suppose."
"Right. Well, I don't know how you were as a thug, but you make a good solider. I think you made the right choice by leaving that old lifestyle behind."
His eyes glowed softly. "...Thanks. I still don't know if it was the right choice, but I don't regret it."
"You shouldn't, you make a good Captain...when you're not having tea withdrawals or making everyone join in with your cleaning frenzies."
Mikasa displayed a tiny grin. Levi was taken back by the sight and nearly squinted his eyes from the heavenly beam. Mikasa is much like himself and doesn't let her emotions out lightly, she knows how to keep them in and guard them closely. This is the second time he caught her finding amusement in something inappropriate. The fact that she felt comfortable enough to let out an easygoing smile in front of him said a lot, she must feel at ease with him right now.
Levi let his head hang low, his eyes focused on his lap. A spark of curiosity voiced itself ,"I'm wondering...Have you ever laughed so hard you couldn't breathe?"
Her mouth scrunched to the side in thought. "I'm sure I have, but I don't recall laughing so hard I lost my breath recently. I'm sure it happened when I was young with my parents. They always made me laugh," Levi pulled his head up in time to see the sad smile on her lips fade. She perked herself up a bit. "Same question to you, I'm curious because I never see you laugh or smile."
"When I was younger too."
"With Kenny?"
"No." He vigorously shook his head at the impossible claim. "It was when—" Recall stuck his face and memories plummeted to the surface of his mind, going too fast to keep up with but leaving a bitter sweet burn on his heart. He heard himself laughing hard. And he also heard another laugh, very clearly. The sweet, high-pitch rang through his ears like a nostalgic lullaby. He glanced over at Mikasa and those familiar doleful eyes of hers. A deep frown formed on his lips.
"What is it, Captain? Are you feeling sick?"
His heart twinges from the sweet words he didn't deserve to hear. He rose to his feet, intending to take his sudden frustrations with him to the basement.
"Thanks, Mikasa. I haven't had that much fun in a while," he said to assure her, then walked off.
Mikasa blinked at his back until he disappeared down the hall. He left so suddenly—was it something she said? She revved her neck and moved her gaze to the window. The hills of white endless beyond the glass. Maybe she let herself get too carried away with the questions.
When Levi closed the basement door, he lingered on the top step; his back throbbing against the door from his heart thumping wildly. The frown on his lips deepened as he stared, but saw nothing but the cherished pictures in his mind. For the first time in recent memory, he felt his tear ducts moisten and burn. But he rubbed all weakness from his eyes until they were sore. Instead of submitting to the sorrow burdening him, he became angry instead, like he always does, and stomped down the flight.
~x~
Mikasa gathered all the blankets she could find and threw them into a heap in the middle of the living room floor. It's going to be a cold night and depending on how long they're going to be out here, it might be the first of many. This is the last night they'll have any warmth, so she intends to take advantage of it by sleeping by the fire.
Levi shared a similar motive and had his back pressed to they brick of the chimney with his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle. He used the dull flame for reading light and got a lot further in the book than she did. Judging by the the way his eyes raced back and forth and turned pages frequently, he clearly enjoyed the novel.
Kenny was seated on the couch, sulking and mute. After a long day of Levi trying to force information from him, they had little words left to spare, which created a peaceful ambiance.
Mikasa loomed over her captain and offered one of the fur blankets to him. He peeled his gaze up from the book, shaking his head. "I'm not cold, you use it." He spoke low, barely heard over the cackling of the fire.
"Are you sure?"
He nodded and returned to the book.
"Give it here." Kenny announced, reaching out a hand.
"Tch." Levi didn't bother regarding Kenny with a look, instead he wrinkled his nose while keeping his glower locked on the page. "You already have a blanket. Don't be greedy."
"I'm still cold."
After the endless (and unsuccessful) interrogation today, Levi had very little patience left for him. He managed his temper and simply said, "Go to bed Kenny, I'm honestly not in the mood to listen to your complaining. I'm sure you could escort yourself to the basement."
The man gave a grumble in return, and Mikasa feared another argument was spotted on the horizon—but a miracle occurred and Kenny lifted himself off the couch and lumbered down the hall.
When the basement door clicked shut, Levi said, "Remind me to lock him in later."
"One of us will be up anyway, it's not like he could get passed us." She huffed in reply as she dragged the bear skin rug closer to the fireplace.
"True."
Mikasa settled herself down and rolled to her side. The rug wasn't as comfortable as the bed, but It offered some padding and it beat laying on the bare floorboards. After securely tucking the fur blanket around her, she layered the other on top. She nestled her head in the pillow and entertained herself by spotting images and patterns within the flame.
She wasn't really tired yet, but she's freezing and just the constant thought reminding her of how cold she was made her exhausted. Her body shivered on endlessly and her nose went numb long ago. Just knowing she wouldn't even have the fire soon made her body tremble in preparation. Ever since they arrived she's been cold, even when they had a potent fire rolling in the beginning. When she tries to get warm it's not enough because there's a deep lingering chill stuck in her body that not even being engulfed in flames would melt.
She's kind of envious of Levi for having so much cold resistance—or at least envious for his bravery for pretending like he's unaffected by the temperature.
For a few blinks, she watched the low flame burning the last log, then her eyes swept in Levi's direction—
Two blue eyes, gleaming with orbs of fire, were already fixated on her.
". . . . . ." Startled, she flinched under his hard gaze. By the time she broke the stare with a blink, his eyes back on the book.
She clenched a fist amount of fur and dragged it up her chin. Soon after, her eyes left him and returned to the pit.
Why was he...staring at her like that?
That was actually a question she found herself asking a lot, but she had never asked the one person who could give her an answer.
This had become an everyday occurrence. She caught the Captain staring at her quite frequently—she always assumed he was an abnormal little man with a staring problem or that he was never taught how rude it was to stare at people (considering Kenny was his guardian growing up, it wouldn't be a stretch to assume that).
This habit of his, like many of his habits, was very strange and she can't quite depict his motives behind them.
There were even times she could have swore she sensed his eyes on her—it's hard to explain, but sometimes when her back was turned to him, she felt those narrow eyes pinning to her. Maybe it was just her imagination or lack of perception, but she doesn't recall him staring at anyone else likely that. The only time he will regard anyone with a look is when they're talking or when he's talking to them. Other than that his eyes remain on patrol, looking in every direction and never lingering anywhere too long.
However—Mikasa often noticed him staring at her for long seconds at a time, even when they aren't near each other or engaged in conversation.
There were a few times she just wanted to snap and ask, "What are you looking at, shorty?!" But there were many reasons why she kept her mouth shut. For one, it might seem conceited on her end to presume there's even a reason why he stares at her. Maybe it's just a subconscious, unintentional thing. It might be a bad quirk he can't control, just like his cleaning habits, and she wouldn't want to embarrass someone ten years her senior.
A prominent chill shook her from her thoughts. The crackling in the fireplace reduced until a sizzling, dying hiss remained. The last of the wood turned to smoke and ash in the pit and floated up the chimney.
Levi fussily slammed his book shut and flopped it to the side carelessly. Of course his light source would die right when he got to the good part. "Shit. Well, that's the last of it."
Mikasa would have expressed a frown if her lips weren't frozen. "Damn... I thought it would've lasted a little longer. It's gonna be freezing from here on out." If that's even possible. She barely survived until now. Without any fire she might as well sleep outside, it wouldn't make much of a difference.
If she felt this cold between two blankets and a bear rug, she can only imagine how Levi felt. Daringly, she shot her eyes back at him, prepared for his eyes to meet her, but his attention was placed on his lap. "I know this seems redundant to ask at this point, but are you sure you're not cold?"
Levi bent a leg close to his chest and dangled his arm on his knee. "Nah. I feel like I'm sunbathing on a humid summer day."
She huffed out a foggy sigh through her chattering teeth. "Well, at least your brain doesn't appear to be frozen and you can still come up with sarcastic remarks. Not all hope is lost."
If he keep trying to make jokes, both of them would probably stay warm with embarrassment, but putting Mikasa through that type of torture isn't the way he wanted to send the night.
"Anyway," Mikasa lifted a corner of the top blanket, "you should wrap yourself up. You're going to get even sicker if you don't."
"I'm fine."
Her nose curled with impatience. No, he's obviously not fine. The lighting is dim now that the fire went out, but if her eyes aren't playing tricks on her than she's pretty sure Levi's lips are turning blue and his hands are shaking.
"We might be fine now, but without any heating it's just going to get worse." Mikasa pulled the fur over her chattering mouth. The suggestion he was about to voice is rather rash and sudden coming from her, but she's getting desperate. "...We might have to huddle together to conserve heat at this rate."
"Huh?" Levi cocked his head, a brow raised in question. The way he lashed his attention to her made him seem offended at the idea.
"Why do you seem surprised? You should know this. That's a survival strategy they teach you during the first winter of training."
"Oh." Levi laid his head back on the brick, eyes to the ceiling in recall, but there were no strategies to revisit. " I wasn't given the traditional training. Does that actually work?" Levi figured if two people were cold then they would just transfer over the same mutual temperature. He never really put thought into it, he's never been in a situation like this before.
"Yeah, it does help. During my trainee days they sent us off to camp in the mountains in a blizzard. I was paired up with Sasha and I was close to hypothermia, but her and I huddled together and survived the night. I'm not saying we have to do it now, but once the heat leaves the room we might have to."
Levi nodded absently, too focused on the thought of even touching Mikasa and being that close to her and completely forgot this was mentioned for the sake of survival. There he goes again, taking inappropriate advantage of a bad situation.
"Tell me when you're cold, then," he offered with a tremble laced in his tone. His face was surely red, but luckily the darkness played on his side and concealed it.
"I've been cold since we arrived here. But the same applies to you, just let me know."
"The cold doesn't really bother me..." he said, trying to sound casual but it came out arrogant.
"Says the man shivering."
"Alright, so it's a little nippy."
Captain Levi has always been a stubborn man, Mikasa had made that assessment a long time ago and right now he was highlighting that characteristic proudly. She knows he's cold (and sick to top it off), and she is literally freezing. She had offered a solution but Levi is being a difficult as usual. If he, as a Captain, isn't going to come up with a better plan, she might as well enforce hers.
"Listen, you're still sick and you're going to get worse at this rate—and I might fall ill too if I don't get warm. We need to stay healthy for the sake of the mission, so, sir, please get under the blankets with me."
A reverberating knock pounded his chest until he winced in pain. Never did he think he'd hear such a demand—he usually acts accordingly an order, but he hesitated, or rather, his mind abandoned him and he sat there with a blank look on his face.
She know it's an awkward suggestion. As an older man he's probably not eager to go huddle with some bratty subordinate, but Levi should know by now that the Survey Corps had to do things they're not comfortable with if it benefits them.
Noticing that she still hasn't received an answer or even a reaction from Levi, she resorted to a plea, a shameful one that made her dig her nails into the blanket. "Levi, please. I'm seriously freezing. I don't know how much longer I can bare shaking like this."
As if the sweet words motivated him, Levi geared into action after a few failed attempts; his legs were unsturdy and it felt like gravity was pushing him down, but he managed to enter a wobbly stagger with some conscious effort. He circle around the rug, noting Mikasa's shivering frame and knelled down behind her. He lifted the blanket behind her, revealing the body curled beneath. Her shirt was taut and exposing some skin on her lower back, and with the power of all his will he did not let his eyes spectate any lower than that.
The draft he let in made her shiver and contort into herself, but he quickly fixed that by slipping himself behind her and draping the blanket over both of them.
Levi's skin coated with goosebumps and he couldn't determined whether they manifested from the cold or his jittery nerves. When he scooter in closer, he tried to channel in some inner calmness, but it did nothing to quiet his heart pounding against her back. An audible gulp entered the space, a wet, cringe-worthy sound that cut the silence and made Levi bite his lip in self-punishment.
It's awkward for both of them. It would be for anyone who isn't incredibly close to each other, actually. But sometimes you have to think of what is more important and set aside your embarrassment.
While Levi inspected the way her soft hair exposed her nape and how the loose strains laid on the pillow they now shared, Mikasa asked him something and it made him jump like a guilty criminal caught in the midst of a crime.
"Are you warm?"
Levi didn't want to admit that he's on fucking fire right now, so he simply replied with, "Yeah. You?" He had repeated those two simple words in his head a few times before reciting them. Being in the unpredictable state he found himself in, he knew the words would just scramble and pour out and make a mess if he didn't prep his tongue.
"I'm still a little cold." Mikasa reached her hand back to search for his, "If it's okay, could you put your arm around me?" She asked, but with the way she gripped his wrist he didn't really have room to say no—not that he wanted to, but his heart might conk out at this rate.
She guided his arm around her, but Levi let eagerness get the better of him, causing his aim to be slightly off and he ended up groping her breast instead of her midsection. Only briefly did he unintentionally indulge in the doughy fullness oozing between his cupped fingers before his natural reflexes switched on and he quickly fixed the mistake by correcting his hold on her.
"Sorry..." It had to be said and it just made it worse to acknowledge what he's done. He hoped his rattling voice would be disregarded as an side effect of the cold—he didn't want Mikasa to think he became that pathetic over a simple yet shameful and unforgivable mistake.
"It's...okay,"she muttered in a range slightly above mute. From what he could tell, she sounded as embarrassed as he felt. This position is already awkward as it is—Levi cursed himself for making it even worse.
When his nerves finally subsided after a few minutes, he was able to revel in the surreal position he landed himself in.
Mikasa's beautiful soft hair tickled his nose as he snuck a whiff of it. He tightened his hold around her tight abs and her body finally stopped shaking and he felt honored that he was the one who gave her warmth. He nuzzled his chin between her shoulder blades and sealed his eyes closed.
He caught himself hoping that the sun never rose, just so this night could never end and they could lay together like this forever.
Mikasa didn't share mutual thoughts, though. It's true that Levi's body felt incredibly hot against her back but she couldn't help but to wish she was someplace warmer.
"As much as I like it here, I hope we can get back soon," she murmured wistfully to herself.
Levi hoped the complete opposite. He can stand a little cold and struggling if it meant being alone and physically close with Mikasa like this. But that's not something a Captain should say. Actually, that's not normal for anyone to say. Only an idiot with an irrational crush would wish for forced confinement. "Yeah, we will. I'm sure my squad will come to our rescue any day."
"I hope. It's unnerving not knowing where everyone is or what they're doing. I hope Eren's not causing anyone trouble."
Levi stiffened at the name. That brat has the rest of his life to do things like this with Mikasa, but this was Levi's one and only chance and he'd appreciate it if he could enjoy this moment without that troublesome brat being dragged into it. "He's fine," Levi's assurance cut sharply, "You really need to stop babying him. He's a solider and he can handle himself. He doesn't need you as his personal body guard."
"I do not baby him."
"You do." He tried to end it there, knowing the topic that manifested from jealousy was dangerous. No matter how you look at it, when Levi and Mikasa spoke about Eren, any second one of them would eventually step on a landmine. Between Mikasa's fondness of him and Levi's jealousy toward him, the subject will never end on a good note. Levi knew this, and yet his big mouth kept flapping, "I know why you're protective over him, but you become far too reckless when his safety is involved."
"You're wrong. You know nothing. You only know your assumptions." Mikasa pinched the wrinkles forming above her brow, wincing from the sudden headache. When it comes to Eren, both her and Levi want to protect him, but they're protecting him for entirely different reasons. To Levi, he's Humanity's Last Hope; a valuable piece to the equation. But to Mikasa, he's her world, her family, her strength. That's something Levi can't understand after a simple estimate. "What do you care if I'm overprotective of Eren, anyway? You always make it seem like it's abnormal. You don't know me so you should n't be so quick to judge me."
Mikasa writhed her body roughly against him in a fuss. He couldn't make out her expression from this angle, but he knew she was pissed. And it's his own fault, as usual. He sighed, blowing her silky hair. Why didn't he just keep it peaceful and fall asleep with her in his arms?
Levi wasn't making a baseless judgement, though. The fact that Mikasa is abnormally protective of Eren is indisputable. Though, he knows that it comes with good reason. His own stupid jealousy just can't accept it. "I know you better than you think—I know family is important to you. I just don't want you to get hurt."
Mikasa's features morphed bitterly. "Where is this coming from? I'll admit we work well together, but you really don't know me, only your own assumptions. I'm not an idiot. I wouldn't involve myself with people who would hurt me—besides, it's not like caring for Eren will cost me my life, quite the contrary. He helps me stay strong. So it's not like I'm putting others at risk with my own emotions," she paused, "except...well..." and her voice broke off with doubt.
Her memory transported her back to her time in the forest of giant trees. She was so desperate to get Eren back and seek her revenge on the Female Titan that she neglected Levi's orders and costed him an injury. If it were anyone less skilled, surely the heroic act would've ended with them dying in her place.
Levi knew exactly why she halted her dispute, and he's glad he didn't have to scoop low and remind her himself just to prove his point. She does fly off the handle when Eren is in danger. It's because her relationship with him is so uncommon and unpredictable that he fears for her safety.
"I'm sorry." Mikasa's voice hollowed through the space, low as the wind whistling through the shudders. "I shouldn't have lashed out."
"Don't apologize. Everyone has that one person they want to protect more than anyone. I understand."
"Do you?" She voiced skeptically, twisting her neck back but it wasn't enough to judge his expression. "With the way you scold me for Eren, I thought you wouldn't be biased with anyone's safety. I thought you'd see all your men equally."
Levi shrugged against her. "Everyone has their own reckless Eren to look after. You're not the only one."
"And who is that person to you, if you don't mind my asking."
Levi didn't offer a word.
She sighed and pulled face forward again. As expected of him. "Still playing the strong silent type, I see."
He wasn't intentionally, though. The long pause occurred while he built up the courage to tell her. His mouth went dry and his hand shook against her stomach at the confession repeating in his mind until his mouth finally opened and let it erupt, "It's you," he finally spat out, the reply had been brewing in his throat, trying stay trapped but finally detonated. "You're the one I want to protect more than anyone else."
"...Huh...?"
After a few moments of silence and blank thoughts, she let herself think because Levi didn't give her a reply. It didn't make sense. Sure—she's valued for her strength, but wouldn't that imply she could protect herself and doesn't need someone watching over her? "But...why me? I don't understand... I protect Eren because I'm close to him, but you don't really know me, I mean no respect by that."
"Like I said before, I know you better than you think, Mikasa."
Those words speared into her back, giving the boost she needed to heave forward and escaped Levi's hold. She twisted to him, her mouth gaping but no words coming out. She arranged what she wanted to say first, then let it spill, "What is that suppose to mean?" Her face shone with desperate need when she noted his expressionless face. "Stop being so vague, talk to me."
Levi blinked his eyes up at her, still showing zero expression and intention to speak. This made Mikasa boil over. She leaned in on his face, trying to grab his attention. She slammed her fist down on the pillow. "Damnit. What, more secrets you don't want to tell me about?"
It wouldn't be a stretch. The existence of Kenny and his last name was hidden from her for months. When she first met Levi, she assumed he was just a stranger, a stranger she wasn't too fond of, but now she knew they were connected and many more possibilities branched off from that. She's tired of being left in the dark. She's tired of secrets. She's entitled to know everything and if she must, she will beat the truth out of this stubborn little man.
"It's not like I wanted to deceive you. I was trying to protect you. You didn't need to know you had family like that."
What's with this protecting crap all of a sudden? Why the hell does he care about protecting her? Not only physically but emotionally too?
"And what about now? Are you still protecting me by keeping shit you know about me a secret? Captain, we're only supposed to protect each other in combat, keeping things from me that might cause me some unwanted emotions is unnecessary." She let herself catch her breath. "What are you hiding from me? You're not acting like yourself lately at all."
Seeing those glassy, determined eyes pinched his heart. Levi lifted himself up, freeing himself from the warmth beneath the blanket. A sullen frown formed on his lips and the trepidation of revealing the truth idled on the sidelines, waiting for its chance to jump into the spotlight.
She urged him on, her pleading eyes melting him. "Does...Does this relate to last night? The secret you promised to tell me?"
Levi lodged a sore swallow down his throat. There was most definitely a reason why he cared about her and why he swore a silent oath to keep her safe. He didn't even know where to begin. He didn't even want to begin. With his mind racing as it were, he went with the first thought that crossed his mind.
"Back at the court hearing..." he closed his eyes painfully tight to block the moister from escaping. "When I learned about what happened to your parents...I was devastated. I never had the chance to tell you how sorry I was for that."
Her features twitched though various emotions before settling on bafflement. She appreciated his sympathy...but apologizing now of all times seemed random and uncalled for. What does her parents have to do with this, why bring it up now at all times? Is he stalling or avoiding the subject? And why would he even care about the misfortune of a girl he didn't know?
To an extent she understood why he kept her relations to Kenny from her and even his own last name, but him bringing up his sympathy about her deceased parents didn't match up.
Unless...
Realization shone on her face. Kenny, her uncle and brother of her father was the one who raised Levi.
I was devastated, Levi's words echoed in her mind.
His sympathy wasn't groundless at all. Of course—it didn't add up until now; his hint was the final piece of the puzzle she needed to add it all up. She strained her eyes on Levi; the sorrow leaking from his eyes and the way his brows bowed in melancholy made it that much clearer.
Giving herself no extra time to think it over, she quickly whispered, "You knew my parents, didn't you?"
Levi shrunk from her spot-on claim. She should have saw it earlier; looking back on those talks about her parents with Kenny, of course the kid he raised had to meet his family at some point.
However—she still didn't understand why this secret was meant left unspoken.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Were you afraid that I'd get upset if you brought up my parents?"
He shook his head. He wished it was that simple. The secret he bared was much more complicated. "There's much more to it than that."
"Then tell me." She wrapped one of the blankets around her shoulders and got comfortable for the lengthy conversation. "I have all night."
Levi warned her with a stern glare. "You're not going to like what I have to say."
She couldn't imagine what it could be. How could Levi knowing her parents create a bad outcome?
Wait—something suddenly dawned on her. Maybe she should think about this for a second. As curious as she is, she needs to be smart about this or else she might learn something she wish she hadn't. Kenny and Levi have notorious backgrounds; Levi used to be a thug. And Kenny is a serial killer. All she had to go by was that they're both connected to her parents...
"If...If it's something bad about my parents, than I rather not know. I want to remember them as good people."
Levi assured her immediately. "No, they were good people—really, the kindest people I've ever met."
Mikasa just lost her breath—she had just witnessed Levi smile. A pure, genuine smile that she didn't even know his face was capable of displaying. She smiled a little herself, albeit sadly. Her parents must have treated him kindly. Of course they did—she didn't know them long, but she knew her parents would've welcomed Levi and offered him all the kindness in the world without judgement.
"It just..." His smile vanished. "What I have to tell you doesn't really relate to them. It concerns us."
"Us?" She repeated, her eyes blinking in curious wonder.
"You were too young to remember, but we've met before, when you were very little."
Mikasa only gaped her lips in reply. A heavy feeling dropped in her chest. Like that indescribable trepidation you get right before someone tells you life-changing news.
There was no going back now. If he tried to thwart her pleads, this night really wouldn't end and not in the pleasant sense like he envisioned.
"You're my betrothed, Mikasa." His heart stilled in his chest and he ducked his head in shame, rubbing at his tired eyes. The confession caused him to lose all function to think and even breathing felt like a laborious task. He didn't have the bravery to find her reaction.
"I'm your..." She wandered her eyes around, letting the confession simmer until it boiled over. She snapped back to him with a jarring, "Wait, what?!"
"I told you you wouldn't like to hear it."
She didn't even know what she was hearing. Betrothed? Does that mean... "We're engaged? But how..." Her voice broke off in a quiver.
No. He must be joking, she tried to lie to herself, but she knew that wasn't the case. Levi wouldn't joke about something like that and he seems far too beat up from the blow the confession caused.
Levi's heart thumped wilder than the loose shed door flapping back and forth in the wind in the distance. Even though there was a lump in his throat he couldn't quite swallow, he knew he had more explaining to do. "Your parents and Kenny arranged for us to marry."
"But..." she tossed her head in doubt. "Why? Why would they do that when I was so young?"
"It's a long story."
She felt a breath away from hyperventilating. She tried to keep her emotions under control, but a constant ring repeated in her head saying 'Levi is my fiancé?' made it impossible to keep her emotions tamed. She bit her thumb nail nervously as the mantra floated in her mind.
Levi is my fiancé, her inner voice repeated once more and that time it actually penetrated deep.
Slowly, she rose her head to Levi. His eyes were fixated down, his head hanging in shame.
"I—I really don't remember anything about this..." Why her parents agreed to such a thing was a another mystery that needed explaining as well. "M-Maybe if you tell me in detail, it'll trigger a memory."
That wouldn't be a problem for Levi. He remembered the time he spent with her and her family clearly; as crystal clear as the names and faces of everyone he's ever lost. Except this fond memory was a treasured gem that he held dearly.
"Alright." He agreed and prepared himself with a deep breath. A long story awaited to be told, but he owed her that much. He gave himself a moment to gather all the little scraps of the memories and fused them together, then readied them to be projected out through vivid words. "I'll tell you from the beginning."
Note: The engagement between them was inspired by historical betrothals, which basically means the engagement is a formal and official contract and would require a divorce just to terminate the engagement because they are legally considered "husband and wife". Just thought I'd make that clear so everyone understands why it's a big deal and not simply a promise made between guardians.
