It Takes One to Raise One

"Look Mindy, if it doesn't fit, it doesn't fit. Stop yanking on it!" It was the day of the wedding and Miranda had been trying to get me dressed for forty fucking minutes and I was starting to panic. Nothing had gone well. The caterer's had shown up late, Dave had lost the rings for a rather crazy couple of hours, and now I had wardrobe problems. I pulled at it again but Miranda slapped my hands away. "You'll rip it!" she said, pulling it away from me and trying to keep it safe.

I stared at her face in shock. Then just to be spiteful, I grabbed it back out of her hands, pulled mightily, and ripped the thing in two. "Yep, you're right. I will." I said. "Not like it matters, I'm too fucking fat to fit into the thing."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "You're not fat. You're pregnant."

"That's what Dave says too but he still laughed like mad when Bethany made beeping noises when I was backing up a couple of days ago."

"Maybe he was just laughing to make Bethany happy?" Miranda tried to temporize.

"Possible…" I growled back. "But if so, was his passing out from lack of oxygen because he was laughing so damn hard for Bethany too?"

"He didn't?" Miranda gasped.

"He did. I actually had to pick him up and pound him on the back to get him breathing again. Then, while I was at it, I pounded a few other parts of him in revenge. Now that I think about it, he's still limping a little bit."

"Well, then that's all settled." Miranda said, clearly trying to move onto another subject. "But we still need to get you dressed."

Speechless, I looked toward the destroyed garment. Then I started to tear up. This was not how the day was supposed to go.

Miranda put her arm around me. "Calm down, OK? I told you this, Dave told you this, and Marcus told you this. You do NOT need body armor under your dress."

"But I'm Hit-Girl! People want to kill me!" I shot back. "What if someone takes a shot at me?"

"Nobody except your friends even know you're here. And frankly all of us are way too scared of you to try shooting at you."

"How do you really know?" I asked, still nervous.

"Because we all talked about it once. We decided that if we were going to kill you, we'd use a bomb. And we'd make sure it wasn't set to go off until we were at least 10,000 miles away in case something went wrong. So shut the hell up and come over here."

Finally giving in, I walked over and let her help me into my wedding dress. She pulled it up, zipped me, and then took a step back. Then I walked over to the mirror and looked at myself. She was right. It did look a lot better without all that black Kevlar underneath. Especially since it was backless. Still, I felt more naked in the stupid thing than I had on the stripper stage last night. This wedding was real. It wasn't a fantasy. It wasn't a daydream. Or a plan. Or something that was going to happen next month or next week. It was today. In just about ten minutes, I'd be walking down the aisle and not too long after that, committing my life to Dave.

I twirled again in the mirror. I looked fucking amazing, if I do say so myself. And this is my story I'm telling so it's not like there's someone else to fucking say it. So no twitting me on my vanity, OK? Facts are facts. I was gorgeous.

Ok…. Gorgeous may be pushing it… I wasn't even seventeen yet, I barely had boobs even with the baby coming, and for some absolutely stupid reason, about a year ago I'd decided that I would look good in bangs.

Bangs! No one looks good in bangs! I'm totally mental! It's gonna take fucking forever to grow them out completely! But today they were styled back and I didn't have to stare at them.

Fuck. The truth was, I felt like a watermelon squeezed into a garden hose. Not that the dress was too tight or anything. Once I'd removed the body armor, it fit just fine. But my mind was still worried about looking pregnant. So, confession time, the real reason I'd wanted to wear the body armor was so that I'd have an excuse if I looked shitty in the wedding photos. Kind of fucked up, right?

Actually, being pregnant is literally being fucked up… Or down. Or from behind... I suppose direction doesn't really matter but the fucking part is pretty key.

And before you ask, for me, I'm pretty sure it was against a wall for the little bean in my jelly bean jar…. TMI? Hey, admit it. You wanted to know…

Holy fuck was I nervous about this wedding.

I turned back to Miranda. "OK, I'm ready. We can get this show on the road." She nodded and started to go to let everyone know. I stopped her for a minute on her way out of the room and hugged her. "Thanks. Seriously, thanks. I don't think I could have gotten ready for this without you. I'm not that good with all this girly shit."

She hugged me back and then quickly walked out. I saw her discreetly wipe away a little tear as she headed toward where Todd had set up the music stuff. Just as the door swung shut, I heard her tell him that if he played Taps or some other joke song when Dave or I walked down the aisle, she was going to take her pool cue out of retirement and shove it so far up his ass that she could chalk it through his nose.

I love my friends.

There was a knock at the door. I opened it to find Marcus waiting. He was standing in for Big Daddy and giving me away. His eyes were tearing up a bit too as, unable to speak, he just held out his arm for me to take.

Hmm, maybe I should have bought a couple more boxes of tissues last week. Looked like this wedding was gonna be a gusher. As it was, I'd used most of what we had stuffing my bra. Oh well, live and learn. I'd plan better for the next wedding.

Not that there was gonna be another one… Shit.

Instead taking his arm, I hugged him too. Everyone was getting hugs today. I'd decided that somehow in my confused dreams last night. Today, of all days, I wasn't going to be afraid to show people how much I cared about them. "Thank you." I whispered in his ear. "Thank you for risking whatever you had to risk to be here today. It wouldn't have felt right to do this without you."

"You dad would have been… No, that's not right. Present tense. Your dad is proud of you. I know he's never truly left you. And so am I. I especially know that your mom would have been too. She loved weddings. Loved the commitment and the courage it took to take that leap of faith and marry someone. She's always been with you too.

Son of a bitch. Now I was tearing up. I shook my head a little and cleared my throat to give myself a chance to stop the tears. Miranda had claimed the mascara was waterproof but I was hoping I wouldn't have to test it. Then I broke the hug with a final gentle squeeze of thanks and took his arm properly so he could lead me out.

Bethany and Miranda were both waiting for me. Bethany's eyes got really wide when she saw me. I smiled and crouched down to her level. "It's wedding time. You remember what to do?" I asked, gesturing at the flower girl basket she was carrying.

Marcus was a little bit shocked at Bethany's reply. "Light fuse and get away. I remember."

"Umm, Mindy? She's kidding right?" He looked like he was going to say more but was interrupted by the music starting. I gave him my most innocent look then I shushed him into silence with a far less innocent one.

All of us got into place. I looked toward Dave waiting by the altar and my heart swelled. There he was. Waiting for me. Just like he always had and always would. Then the music shifted and our little procession began. Bethany walked down the aisle slowly, sprinkling rose petals as she went. Then Miranda walked down as my maid of honor and, stepped so that she was opposite Marty. They locked gazes for a moment and almost glowed. It made me wonder how long it would be before we'd be attending their wedding. Then the music changed one more time and it was my turn to walk. I don't really remember the walk down the aisle. What I do remember is watching Dave's eyes as I got closer and closer. They just got happier and happier. And so I let go of my own nervousness and drew my courage from him. Just as I'd done a thousand times before. Soon we were standing before each other. Staring into each other's eyes. Somehow for a few moments or for a few years or maybe even forever, it was just us together.

Finally we were interrupted by a rather loud cough by the priest. Dave and I broke from our reverie with a start. This caused all of our guests to laugh a little bit but I didn't mind one little bit. "Are you ready?" he said little pointedly. Dave and I nodded and he started his boring little speech about getting married. I won't bother to repeat it here because frankly, I didn't listen to it. No typical speech was going to crack into our crazy lives.

Before I knew it we'd reached the vow and ring exchange. By tradition, guys always go first. And while normally I'll tell tradition to go fuck itself with a twelve inch strap on, I wanted to make sure Dave committed first. I needed to somehow know that I wouldn't pour my heart and then have him run and scream like a little bitch with a skinned knee and shit…. Love your movies, Kevin Smith…. Anyway… I was just still afraid that he wouldn't really want me and that when he was faced with that final 'I Do' moment, he'd realize that I wasn't good enough for him. I was too young. I had too much blood on my hands. I wasn't the dream girl that guys jack off to in the middle of the night.

And what did that fucker do?

Go on, guess.

Ready?

The bitch started to cry.

OK, he didn't bawl or anything. But he teared up something fierce. Then, he pushed it all down so he could speak clearly. He took my hand gently. I thought it would be trembling but it was solid as a rock. Then he slipped my ring on, taking a moment to admire it on my finder. I'd chosen a seemingly delicate latticework of gold strands that, when combined, were stronger than solid gold. They held a diamond inside – blue white and decent in size. I mean, fuck it, we had the money. Might as well get a ring that meant something. Then he looked up and recited his vows to me.

"Dearest Mindy,

I promise to always be here for you. I promise to tickle you to make you laugh. Touch you to make you sigh. Comfort you when you are sick, even at the risk of my own life. I have fought with you. I have almost died with you. Now it's time for the final step; to make a life with you. And with our children. You've shown me the softer side that the rest of the world doesn't get to see…."

At this point, Bethany giggled… And then the rest of the guests started to laugh. Dave turned bright, bright red.

"I didn't mean, I mean, I…."

Finally, I started to laugh too. "It's okay. Just go ahead and finish your vows honey. We can talk about that softer side later."

Then Dave laughed and all the tension that I hadn't known was in the room drained away. This was wonderful and real and absolutely not perfect in the most perfect way imaginable… if you can follow that logic.

"I love you, Mindy. I am in awe of you. You inspire me. And if you really want to marry some silly idiot like me, then I want to marry you."

I rose up on my tiptoes and kissed Dave soundly to the profound amusement of our guests.

"That's for after!" Bethany hissed at me.

I looked down at her. "I will kiss my husband anytime I please, young lady." I said with a smile.

The priest interrupted me. "Miss? He's not quite your husband yet. So why don't we finish this little ceremony and get you two started on a wonderful life."

I nodded and turned to Miranda, who took my bouquet of flowers and handed me Dave's ring. I held it in my hand, looking at it. He'd chosen a simple band of gold with three diamonds inset in it. The center was larger and had a slight purple hint when you held it up to the light just right. That was me. Then there were two smaller diamonds, one on each side. One was for Bethany. And the other for the little life growing inside me. The first time I'd seen it I'd been speechless. But now I needed to be able to talk. I reached out with a trembling hand and grasped his solid one. As soon as we touched, my trembling stopped. He was my rock. I slid his ring onto his finger and then stared into his eyes.

"Dave… as I was writing my vows, I came to think about the first time we met. Let's say some people have more romantic ways to meet. And most of them aren't inside a crack house. Still, thinking back, I remember feeling butterflies in my stomach even though I was still a little girl. We grew to be friends and slowly those feelings evolved to where we are now; soon to be husband and wife.

You made me the woman I am today, as broken as I was, you stuck the pieces back together. Remember that night I snuck in your bedroom? You told me I was the strongest person you've ever met and that I could do anything? Truth is, you were right about that, but it only became true when we got together.

Soulmates are supposed to be like that, to complete each other. You complete me, because you're my soulmate, my other half, the love of my life and my partner forever

I still can't believe that this is happening to us, to me. Because I'm pretty tough to live with. Now I'm supposed to promise you to love you for the rest of my life but I'd rather promise to prove it to you every day with little things such as making dinner, applying bandages on your bruises, cheer you up and not throwing too many knives at you when I'm pissed.

Lastly, I wanted to thank you for caring about me, protecting me and loving me.

And also, I'm more than thankful for the family we started with Bethany and our little baby on the way. I know my experience with family is kinda fucked up but I promise that I'll do my best to be the best mother and wife possible."

The silence was golden. The priest didn't even interrupt when I said fuck and no one laughed this time. In fact, I even heard a sob or two. It was done. Dave and I looked back at the priest. We just needed him to say those official words.

"Mindy and Dave. You have been joined together by bonds beyond counting. Love and friendship. Children. And a shared vocation." At that, he winked at me and I knew that he'd figured out who we really were. "As you defend the innocent, defend each other from the slights and insults of this world. As you raise up the powerless, raise up each other so that you stand taller than you had before…"

He looked at me and winked again. God damn bastard had called me short in the middle of my wedding. That took some serious balls. I made a mental note to increase his tip.

"What God has joined, let no man or woman… or villain… break asunder. You are one. I now pronounce you husband and wife." He turned to me and said the words I'd paid him extra for. "You may now kiss the groom."

And I jumped on Dave. Well, as much as my dress would allow. I kissed him and now I was the one crying. He held me up, kissing back, and then gently set me down. We turned back to the guests and walked down the aisle. Arm in arm. Partners forever.

Our little reception was fun. We danced a bit. We talked with friends. I tossed my bouquet twice. The first time I was a little exuberant and it went straight up and stuck in the ceiling. I'd forgotten the remove the knife I'd hidden in it and that pinned it solid. Dave jumped up a few times and then finally managed to pull it down, commenting that maybe it would be safer without the knife. So I slipped the knife out and slid it down my bodice to rest next to the other one I had hidden there. Then I turned my back and threw the bouquet properly this time. Miranda snagged it out of the air with one hand and then turned to look at Marty with a challenge in her eyes. He quickly found somewhere else to be and then she laughed.

It was a fun day. But eventually even fun days have to come to an end. We finished our last toast. Marcus gave Dave a short 'Be good to my little girl' speech and then came over to stand in front of me.

"This doesn't make you an adult, you know." He said, looking at me. "Getting married I mean. It didn't magically change anything. Just like putting on that mask didn't make you Hit-Girl. It's still dependent on the choices that you make each and every day. Make good choices. Talk to each other. Especially when you don't want to. And forgive each other. Because you'll both make mistakes and you do have a bit of a temper. Your life can be dangerous. Don't let something happen without words of forgiveness having been said. And always find the joy. That's key."

I hugged him fiercely and then Dave and I went down to the limo that would take us to the airport. I knew it was silly extravagance but this time it was worth it. We would just be together. We arrived at the airport, got everything settle and checked and then boarded our flight for our honeymoon…..

And I'll tell you about that fun next time…..