A/N: Ah! Updating is becoming difficult, isn't it? I've been so busy. Thank you for waiting patiently. I hope everyone had a fabulous Christmas and New Years!


Limes With Lipstick


'Don't disappear,
It's just what I imagined.'

Chapter Eleven: Change of Heart

Sometimes the heart thrives to feel something, anything, whether it's pain or happiness. She'd always thought that when the universe was ready, that it would grant her a love that she could feel – like, really feel. It had come too soon though, when she had been too young to understand it. She wasn't ready for it. Love had come to a child and for that, she paid with her future.

Yes, because of that boy, she lived miserably.

Perhaps instead of yearning, she should have felt hatred.

"I can drop you off at the airport," Gee offered, as she helped her friend pack up her clothes. The assistant made zero development. "Because you sure as fuck aren't staying here."

She really didn't want to go back. "Just let me be jobless."

"And then watch you go homeless?"

"He hasn't called me. Not even once."

"Yeah, well. You two left it in a real shitty place and frankly, he has less of a reason to call you, than you do him."

"So…"

"You have a better chance of Satan ringing you."

It had been a full week since they'd last seen each other. She hadn't planned on returning, at least not without a struggle. Gee had just about whooped her ass all the way to the airport. She dragged her feet out of spite, since she was still leaving for Canada. She wanted to see Jared, sure. You always want to look at the sun in the morning. She allowed Gee to push her towards what was right, to continue on with her job, and to pay off her student loans.

"You'll thank me later," Gee said, as she pulled the girl into a reassuring hug.

"You just don't want me home anymore."

"It's easier to feel bad for myself when you're not around."

When she arrived in Canada, she walked all the way out to the car she had left in the lot, and threw her bags into the trunk. She had purposefully made her flight earlier, than Jared's, so that she could pick him up.

There was still time left for food and shopping. She was amused up until the moment she had to find his exit. People were emptying the plane and there was no security detail required, thankfully. That was a shit show all on its own that she didn't need to worry about. She hated dealing with it. Jared walked out of the terminal, all smiles, and stories with his pale skin and blue eyes hidden behind his sunglasses.

He was always alive after he performed. She could see it then, even if he did look beat.

There was a woman beside him, possibly someone he'd met on the plane. She couldn't be sure, but it seemed less and less likely that they would be parting ways. The assistant stood there ready to be acknowledged, when the actor brushed past her.

"Mr. Leto," she bit out, unsure of why her voice had changed so drastically.

It was the sound of her voice that made him pause. He truly hadn't noticed her, because he was buried too deeply in his thoughts. Jared stopped to look over his shoulder at her and watched as she shrunk beneath his heavy gaze and wilted right before him. How odd was it to him, that she was the one to act so wounded.

He laughed, sardonically, and grabbed Stella by her wrist. The tall blond peered up at him with a chilly smile and when they stood there together, the assistant recognized them as equals. And then there was no mistaking it, that he and this stranger were made from the same cloth. She'd always considered herself the fragile glass and Jared the granite that would end up shattering her.

"We'll retrieve your luggage and then I'll show you to the car," the assistant murmured, as she did her best to lead the way.

"That's your assistant? Her name is Charlotte? I see that she's without manners. She didn't even introduce herself…"

Her name was not Charlotte. She bit the side of her lip, trying so desperately to let the small things go. Because this woman was a plaything, she reasoned. Jared would get rid of her once he had his kicks. She was no different, than a flashy stage prop.

"By the way," the blond said, loudly enough to speak above the bustle of a highly crowded airport. "I'll be staying with Jared at the hotel. When you take his luggage, be sure to fetch mine as well. I'll also be needing accommodations for the filming location, too. I don't want to be questioned as to why I'm there."

The assistant then wondered if she had the words 'try me, bitch' written across her forehead.

She managed a somewhat nod of acknowledgment in response. This was what she had returned for? She received assistance with the luggage, watching as the two walked on ahead, flirting comfortably like it was second nature.

Once in the car, she kept her eyes trained on the road ahead. It wasn't exactly a good thing that she had to make a conscience effort to drive safely. Several times she thought that she would have to stop the car to get sick. Her nerves were on edge and honestly, she knew that she wasn't cut out for dating. She had always known, so why did this scenario shake her up so much?

This was for the best – this happened almost in the way she had imagined it. Someone else would step in, someone better suited.

The girl managed to keep her lunch down and pulled up into the parking lot of the hotel. She swung open the door on Jared's side of the car and set her eyes on him. He stepped out, his full height easily overshadowing her. He could sense her anger and confusion, which was pleasant to him, seems how the girl insisted on being without him.

He would love to see her try, even if he had to be cruel about it.

Things would be the same, whether this pushed her further away or not. He could not progress with her, until she realized it on her own.

Stella's heels clacked loudly against the pavement, as she walked towards the unmoving couple. She may be gorgeous as all hell, but she wasn't an idiot. She could read the situation. The assistant must be obsessed with him on some level, the poor girl. The least she could do was try to look less frumpy, but that might end up disrupting her unsightly nature.

The woman stifled her laughter into her hand, walking in step with Jared into the lobby. He left the assistant for what was the third time today. She refused to go with them, even though she had been left with the luggage. She set it up, so that the hotel staff would bring it up to him, and signed off on a paper.

'I release you, Jared. Unpack your own goddamn bags and have a wonderful fucking night,' she thought bitterly, as she stormed away. Being with him or not being with him, rather, had turned her into a dramatic person.

She had even thought of being reckless. There was an Australian giant who was still onset, still so open, and susceptible to her. She thought of what it would feel like to be in his arms then, buried beneath his weight. He was a good man. She thought of the burn of alcohol at the back of her throat and warming up her skin. Jai Courtney…Stella… she would be no better, than Jared.

She wouldn't use his utterly pathetic tactics.

The dark streets looked glittered from the rain. The ride back had felt cold and full of tension. The radio was off and when she pulled up to the venue, she wasn't prepared for how alive it would be. People swarmed her about Jared's dive tomorrow. He'd have to fall into water, possibly several times, until the take was right. That might be amusing to see. They wanted his schedule, his limits, or special requests.

They wanted things that she didn't care enough to provide, but she found her lips moving. It's true that she was even laughing and smiling. She was an animated lie.

"Jared is willing to cooperate with whatever you throw his way, stunts and all." Who the hell knew if that was the truth? The bastard could drown in lava for all she cared at the moment.

And when they were done with her, she was able to retreat to the trailer, where she opened up one of the various wine shaped gifts that she kept perpetually receiving in Jared's stead. She rinsed out a plastic cup and filled it to the top. This wasn't the hard liquor she wanted, but it would server her just as well.

Her phone went off just as she'd gotten settled on her uncomfortable bed. Without looking, she picked it up, "Hello?"

A breathy laugh caused her to gain chills, "Where did you go?"

It was Jared.

"I went back to the venue to take care of some things that needed…my attention…" She trailed off, since that was only slightly untrue. Damn, and here she wanted to lie.

"Your attention should be directed towards me. I was not finished with you. You leave when you're excused from now on."

She snorted into her cup, "Yeah, okay."

"What?"

"I mean, you're so right. I should have waited after lugging up all of your belongings. I should have waited in the room, hoping for a biscuit of some sort, while you tell your new girlfriend that my name is Samantha or Tabitha…or something."

"I'm thinking we're in need of a talk."

"Oh, gee-wiz. Another talk, dad?" She mocked with a slur, "You mean I'm in need of a talking to, no? Come and tell me how things are, then."

His sigh sounded so disappointed, "Are you drinking?"

"Did you have to step out of the room to make your call or are you in the room, with her? I've been a secret before, so I know how this works." One of her many failed relationships went this way. It was one that was based off of looks. That guy could have told her to jump off a cliff and she might've considered it, so long as he went first.

"I'd like to continue our discussion once you've sobered up some. Sleep well…"

Sleep well? Who the hell was he to act all calm in this scenario? He didn't even answer her question, which only made her feel silly and presumptuous in the end. But their situation wasn't a joke, because it hurts.

Her body felt overheated, burning from the humiliation, and shame. But they hadn't even done anything that would solidify their relationship. The kisses, even her impromptu blow job seemed like a childish game. She wanted more of him, despite all of her fears. It all seemed so small to her now.

She slid out of her jeans and the loose shirt she was wearing. The empty cup dropped onto the floor. She would rather he had hung up and had come to see her in the state that she was in.

Her fingers danced across her lips, as she remembered what it felt like to have his mouth in her possession. His deep kisses, rough, and warm all at once. He'd shove her onto the bed, no doubt. She had done something wrong again. Her hands moved up above her head and she arched her body to the fantasy. She imagined Jared holding her wrists to the mattress and settling his hips between her thighs, so that she could feel him.

He lowered his head to the bra she was wearing and covered his mouth over the fabric. She could feel the heat from his mouth. And he would make sure that she suffered, one shuddered breath at a time, as his tongue soaked the material through. He pulled it up over her chest, exposing her to the stark blackness of the small room.

With her eyes closed, she was able to see him clearly. He matched how impatient she felt, as his hands went to her panties, and he pressed two fingers up against her. Her skin was smooth through the fabric. She breathed in sharply, as her hips moved into his hand, needing more of him. In her fantasies, as for now, he was compliant.

Her panties stuck to her damp skin with every rough caress and she could hear the wet sounds that were caused by the friction. It wouldn't be enough. He took no time in thrusting into her. She'd felt him hard against her before and could tell that he was a big boy. She shoved two fingers deep inside, gaining a rhythm before adding a third, gasping loudly at the slight discomfort.

Truth be told, she was rusty when it came to working her wrist. She'd always had her bullet to keep her satisfied and that was when she remembered she owned one. Her life was busy enough with her studies. Working out usually upped her sex drive, but she found herself too lazy to do anything about it. One thought about Jared having his way with her and all of that turned into nothing.

He rubbed over her clit in hard circles, while he drove his hips forward, burying himself into her with the same furious pace of his fingers. She cried out 'no' into the room, as her body felt as though it were on fire. She didn't want it to stop. All the heat in the room consumed her whole, as she drew closer to her orgasm. She felt it climbing up her legs, threatening to spill over.

She gave into it, arching, and sighing with pleasure and desperation. The image of him above her, watching her let go, was what had done her in. Sure, imagining his hard, thick cock covered in her arousal wasn't bad, either. But under his gaze – that was something different. Even when he was silent, she felt that he was always judging her, which made being vulnerable in front of him so goddamn terrifying.

Her body trembled, as her fingers slowed in rhythm. Her walls were pulsing around them, making it difficult to retreat. How pathetic was she, being reduced to this? It was like high school all over again, fawning over a crush. Except high school was worse and that never happened.

She grabbed the pillow beside her and held it to her chest, wondering if she could survive tomorrow. How could she act indifferent…?

It felt impossible.


TBC