There was a bright, bright light. The sound of running water, like a pond or waterfall. Birds. Woodland creatures too. All was gentle, all was mild It was bright and yet I could see everything perfectly. Everything was painted in precious pastels and had halos of a soft glow around it. There was a wooden swing tied to an oak with great garlands of flowers as ropes and a small table set for tea not far from it. There sat Fan pouring tea. "Do you like this garden, Ms. Cratchit?" she asked. "I do."
I looked at the vibrant green grass, the trickling stream and rainbows of flowers and was mesmerized. Aside from the sea it was probably the most beautiful site I had ever seen in my life- no, it was the most beautiful thing I had seen and ever would see It had every flower imaginable, including a pathway in the middle of the giant yard lined with blossom trees, one of my mum's favorites. The scent coming from each flower was so sweet it nearly gave me a headache, leaving me on some sort of beautiful euphoria that I did not want to come down from. I stepped closer to her, my hair down completely and blowing in a light breeze that seemed to derive from nowhere. I was in a white muslin gown, and what I could only assume the angel before me wore the same. She spoke again, with a gentle turn of the head. "Will you sit down Ms. Cratchit? Or will you take a turn on the swing?"
She seemed so calm, as if such a meeting between us was a normal occurrence. I dared to speak though the words didn't come easy. "Am I in Heaven?" I played with my fingers childishly.
"In a way, yes."
"I am dead then?" I asked.
Fan shifted her eyes to me. "No but you are on your way." Her eyes shifted again to the tables face which billowed into a white mist and then parted into a scene of my bedroom and I could see a glimpse of myself asleep surrounded by my family and a doctor. "If you come closer you can see that you are very ill."
I spoke calmer than I expected. "I would, but you can understand Miss that I wish not to see my family in pain." I then took a slow steady seat on the swing and folded my hands.
"You are very calm." Marked the angel. "Why is this?"
I took in a slow breath as a fawn slowly made its way towards me and nuzzled my hands until I petted it. "I really don't know." I answer honestly, looking down at the fawn. "I should not be, normally my passions are stirred easily. But I suppose I am just so honored to be here."
"You doubted?" asked Ms. Fan pursing her lips on her teacup, she had a soft round face with delicate features, but I marked quite happily that she had the same blue eyes as her brother.
I blushed slightly, as if I felt foolish. "I am- or rather I was only 24 years young Miss, I did not take much time to think on my own mortality." I then look back up at her. "I suppose I am just glad it is to be me and not someone else I love, like me brother Tim. I have had a full life and I do not have many regrets." The tan fawn then rested its head upon my lap, ears twitching softly.
Fan held out her hand and motioned to the seat across from her which I took, inwardly shocked at my own acceptance of all this. "I was 24 also when I passed." She told me. "Did Ebenezer tell you this?"
I nod.
"But I had a new baby son and I did not see my brother ever truly happy and in love; I felt very much cheated." She says not harshly, but as a matter of fact and then she eyes me. "You do not feel cheated my dear?"
I felt like a long time had passed before I replied. "No, not really; my family is all well, happy. I… would have liked to have married Tom." I say the last part almost too casually even for my own liking. "but our engagement was beginning to feel like a bad game of ring-around-the-rosy or blind man's bluff, never a right time or place you know. I feel like he will be the better for it."
Fan arches an eyebrow and leant forward. "Is there no one or nothing else you will miss?"
I could think of nothing…. "No."
She reclines back again clicking her tongue and taking another sip of tea. I look up suddenly as an idea hits me. "There is one thing." I say. "I had a dream last Christmas Eve about a little boy and man. I never could figure out who it was."
At this the angel laughs a soft chime of a laugh and shakes her head. "Silly Martha, I would have thought with all the times that you and Ebby had talked you would have pieced it together." I look at her strangely and she laughs even more.
"Do you mock me?" I ask.
"Oh no, no." she beams and I frown. She sets down her cup and looks at me head on. "Why, that was the life of my dear brother that you beheld." It was my turn to cock an eyebrow now. "But why was I privy to it and privy to it still even now?"
"Because that is how I wanted it to be Martha." This statement astounds me! I gawk and gape. Had she arranged the dream somehow? Was that even possible?
"You lost breath for a few seconds that night in the milliners' shop. Only a few seconds mind you, but in spirit time it was long enough to link my soul to yours and go to my brother in a form not quite familiar to him. You see, if I went as myself it would have been more of a reunion than a lesson."
This somehow bothered me more than anything else. It was insanity to think that had been more than a dream but a dream shared and remembered by two living, breathing parties. I shot up from my seat my passions stirred. "How can that be? I never asked for such a responsibility; to be part of a man's redemption!"
"But you did ask!" retorted Fan evenly. "You asked yourself what had made him what he was." she took another calm sip of tea. "You asked your inner most heart and received an answer, and so my moral served as two lessons." She sounded rather proud of herself at this and I made myself sit back down, uneasy. "You know." I started. "Anyone who met him on the street would have asked the same. How could they not! He was a Krampus, a juggernaut!" and then a great sadness washed over me as I now recounted each of his memories painfully clear. "The look on his face…" I mused allowed touching my cheek. "It was so awful to behold. So awful…" I trailed off and then snapped my head back to attention when I heard her spoon clinking against the side of her teacup.
"You are quite the puzzle Ms. Cratchit." Fan sighed tiredly with a shrug. "One moment you call my brother a juggernaut and the next you look as if you are inclined to weep for him." She was patient as I stared at her. she was waiting for me to relent to something, but what? She lifted her head. "I mark well by the tears you refuse to acknowledge that are upon your cheek that you think him a juggernaut no more and care for him a great deal." Her tone was soft and I finally blinked before gliding my tears away with my fingers. "It was a heavy cross to bear!" I responded. "And I do not see why it had to be me, Surely, there were others better suited for the task."
"Do you in earnest not see?" she asked. "Or do you refuse to see?" she stood then and offered me her arm as the blossom trees begun to bend. "Come." She said. "You are beginning to fade more swiftly on earth, we may go deeper into Heaven and walk and talk."
I must confess that the awful curiosity of what she had been saying before tended to overshadow what she had just implied. And so, I took her arm and let her willingly lead me on. Onto the gravel path that still showed a beautiful expanse of landscape. However, the odd thing was whatever ground we had covered seemed to disappear and fade away into mist as we walked away from it. "You see, I needed an onlooker who had an idea of what the events were without being bias, or so immediately involved that my brother would easily shun the spirit or recognize them. And you an Ebenezer have silently crossed paths a great many times."
I blinked at this as it was beginning to make even less sense than when we had begun. "But how can that be?" I ask. "He is near 18 years my senior! How could our paths have crossed? Much less be parallel enough to accomplish what you are implying!"
"I told you, it did not need to be directly."
"I still do not understand." At this she release my arm, stopping abruptly and stepping away from me slowly and with parted lips as I knew something great and vast was about to occur. "How one forgets." She shakes her head disappointingly, as mist begins to shroud over everything in sight. "Perhaps if we comb through your own past you will see just how parallel your two worlds are."
I hope this makes sense... I really stepped out of my comfort zone with this fanfic...but I find-it oddly intriguing. In all the movie's I've watched the Ghost of Christmas past had always been a girl or lady and the musical introduced me to the idea that the spirits had been somewhere he had- bumped into in passing so I thought why not have Fan have a hand in it somehow... now we will see just how far the Cratchits Scroog go back ... this fanfic is either a stroke of genius or pure Mary-Sue insanity. I haven't decided yet
