This is the 2nd to last chapter...be warned.
Nick woke up and saw that it was already after 8 am. He got out of bed and walked out of the bedroom, noticing right away that the second bedroom's door was open. He walked down the hall and saw Greg sitting on their sofa, looking out the window in what seemed to be deep thought.
"Hey, how long have you been up?" Nick asked him as he walked over. Greg turned his head and seemed rather dour.
"I don't know; a little while I guess," he shrugged.
"You've just been staring out the window, here in silence?" Nick asked as he carefully watched him for any show of emotions.
"Yeah, I have been. I enjoy the quiet," he told him with a distant look in his eyes.
"That's new. You used to never be able to sit with no background noise around." Nick always thought Greg had to have some kind of white noise going on.
"Yeah, well I've changed a lot, in case you have forgotten," he said with a terse reply.
"No, I haven't. I'm sorry. Look, have you eaten? I can make us something," Nick offered, not wanting to anger or upset him.
Greg turned his head away and looked out the window again. "I ate a bagel before. I'm good." He didn't eat anything; he just was not in the mood for food. He only wanted to do one thing but still didn't know how it was going to happen. He knew Nick didn't plan to leave his side for a few days, if at all. Greg knew he was going to have to figure out a way to get him to leave. The other option was finding enough time to run away from the house. He figured maybe he could try when Nick took a shower, but sometimes Nick was really quick with them and it may not give him enough time to get far enough away.
He had been thinking he would need enough time to grab his drugs and stuff and leave the house. He could not take his car, since he knew that could be tracked by GPS. He knew a bus stop was not far down the road but timing of getting the bus to come by when he could break away was not promising. He could call a cab but that could also take a while. The easiest way was to get Nick out of the house where he knew he would be gone for over an hour at least. Then he would have the time to just do it at home. There was a part of him that didn't want to do it there, though. He didn't want to be that cruel to Nick and kill himself in their home. So he kept going back to trying to get away even if Nick left, he would have more time to get away from the house and accomplish his final goal.
"Okay, I'll just get myself a bowl of cereal," Nick said to him, breaking him out of his thoughts. Greg decided to ask him what his plans were for the day.
"So, what's it going to be like for the next few days or weeks; you and I sitting at home all day? You watching me like a hawk, waiting for me to break and me, going stir crazy?" he asked, snidely.
Nick turned around and looked at him, wondering where this was coming from. Greg seemed to look annoyed. "You've hardly been home 24 hours and you are already going stir crazy?"
"Well, not yet but I am sure in another day I will be. I know how you like to coddle me and I'm not in a coddling mood."
"And here I thought you were thrilled to be coming home. It seems you were just wanting out of the hospital," he frowned and went back to pouring his milk in his cereal bowl.
"Yes, I was ready to get out of the hospital. But I didn't want to go from one dreary place to another dreary place," Greg told him.
Nick walked over to the table and placed his bowl of cereal down first and then he shook his head at Greg. "If you really want dreary, you could have been sent to Desert Emotional Health Center again."
Greg narrowed his eyes at him. "You wish I was there and not here, so you would not have to put up with me."
Nick smacked his spoon down on the table. "Stop putting words into my mouth. I don't want that at all. I want you here. Tell me what you want me to do."
Greg realized this was not how he wanted things to go. He leaned forward, looking down at the ground. "I don't know, Nick. I just…I just don't like feeling that you don't trust me."
Nick sighed. "It's not that I don't trust you. I am just worried about you. You've had so much happen and can you tell me that you trust yourself?"
Greg closed his eyes, knowing he didn't trust himself and knowing he had to tell Nick that also, because he would never believe him otherwise. "Perhaps I don't at times. Gosh, I don't know. I think I just need some fresh air." He suddenly stood up and walked to the patio door. "I'm just going to sit on the patio for a little while, okay?"
Greg glanced back in Nick's direction. Nick nodded to him. "Sure, go ahead."
Once outside and out of Nick's view, he berated himself for his stupid conversation he just had with Nick. "Way to make him watch you even more, whore."
Greg sat out in a chair, thinking about new ways to get away. Maybe he could get out of the house with Nick, get him to take him to the movies. Suddenly his mind had a terrific idea and this might have been the answer he needed. He pulled out his cell phone that Nick had given him back yesterday. He pulled up movie listings, since he had no idea what was even playing. He found a few that sounded interesting playing at the movie theater right on the strip. If you ever wanted to get lost quickly, go out on the Las Vegas strip and run in the masses of crowds during the evening. Yes, it would have to be an evening show they saw. His plan was all coming together now. He could see his end was near and it actually made him happy.
It was evening and Greg had managed to get out of the house. He managed to convince Nick that what he needed was just to see a good movie, picking a comedy, saying it would cheer him up. Nick had been hesitant at first, but seeing as Greg had taken a nap during the day, he guessed going out might do some good. He could keep his eyes on him and was not really too worried as Greg seemed to be better after their conversation in the morning.
Greg had grabbed his hoodie again since it was cooler outside. He grabbed his stuff from behind the bottom of the sink and stuffed it all in his pocket. It really was not much overall, so Nick didn't even notice anything out of the ordinary, which is how Greg needed it.
He grew nervous as the approached the movie theater. Still, he had no doubts about what he was going to do. He was so tired of acting like he was feeling okay with everything when he was not at all. It was getting harder and harder for him to hold it together. He had to pull this off tonight. If he somehow failed, he didn't think he could hold on to the last bit of control he had over his emotions. He knew if he let it all out in front of Nick or anyone that knew him, they would worry about him and definitely make him go back to the mental rehabilitation center. He knew he could never be rehabilitated anymore. Too much emotional pain lived inside him after Frankie finished with him. All he wanted was his death and hopefully by the end of that night, he would be successful.
When they walked inside the theater, Nick asked Greg if he wanted anything from the concessions. Greg told him he was not in the mood for anything right then. Nick was not really hungry, so he skipped anything too. Greg was glad because his plan was during the beginning of the movie to change his mind and try to go get something. He only hoped he could convince Nick he could go alone. Nick still seemed to want to be with him nearly every minute.
They took their seats in the theater and Greg made a point of talking a bit excitedly about the movie they were about to see. Nick seemed happy to see him happy. Greg looked at Nick in the light from the pre-movie show and knew he was going to destroy Nick's emotions soon enough. He did feel some guilt about it but not enough to make him change his mind. Overall Greg was convinced that Nick would eventually move on with his life. He knew he would grieve over him for some time but Nick was stronger than he was. He would move on.
"Nick, thank you for everything you have done for me. You're a wonderful man. I love you, never forget that," Greg said to him suddenly. Nick looked at him, curious as to why he was suddenly saying this, but thought it was probably because he was letting him get out into the world and enjoy something.
"I love you too, Greg. And you are welcome but I am the one who is thankful you came back into my life," Nick said to him. Greg was finding it really hard to keep his smile on his face now. He lowered his head and looked away from him. "I know, you keep saying that," he replied.
"It's true. Now just relax and enjoy the movie," Nick said to him. Nick wanted to put his arm around him but knew Greg didn't want to be touched like that right now.
Greg saw that the previews were about to start. This was when he planned to make his move. He looked at Nick, with a little bit of a cringing smile. "Don't be mad at me, but I am a little hungry. Can I get some money for some popcorn and a soda maybe?"
Nick shook his head but with a smile. "I'll get it. What do you want?"
"No, don't bother. I mean I can get it. After all I need to use the bathroom too. I'll use the bathroom then buy the stuff and be right back," he told him, knowing that was far from the truth.
Nick frowned a little but could see Greg seemed a bit jittery so maybe he did need to go to the bathroom. "Okay, get a large popcorn that we can share and a large soda. Think you can handle all that?" he asked as he pulled a $50 out of his wallet. Greg's eyes widened, not expecting anything more than a $20. "Yeah, I sure can." He took the $50 bill from Nick's hand. He was about to get up and go but decided to do one last thing. He grabbed Nick's face and turned it towards him so he could give him a kiss goodbye. Nick deserved that much. Nick looked totally shocked when Greg finally broke the kiss. "I do love you. Thank you!" Greg said to him. He then added "Be right back," to cover any suspicions Nick might have had.
Greg took off with the money and walked all the way out of the theater, going out onto the street. Since they were at the theater on the Strip, taxis were all over the place. He flagged one down quickly. He got in and told the driver to take him to Hollywood Regional Park. He sat back. He was glad he was given the $50 because he could go farther away than he initially planned. He sat back and watched the city go by, taking in the views for the last time. He would miss Las Vegas in some regards but truly it didn't matter because he would be dead soon enough and here would be nothing to miss.
Vegas brought him his first and last love, but it also brought him some painful memories, the worst being the word carved into his flesh. All in all though, the last few years of his life had been some of the worst and he knew it was his fault. Now he was able to finally make amends by ending his miserable life, so Nick would not have to save him again and again.
The weird part was, this was the calmest and most at peace he had felt in ages. He knew that soon he would be at his chosen location to end his life. He wasn't going to die in some roach infested motel room. He was going to go out breathing in the outside, night air one last time. It would be a peaceful ending. At least Nick would not have to find him in some horrible location. It was better this way.
The taxi driver pulled up to the entrance of the park. The park itself closed a half hour prior. He was not there to go into the park he was there to be out in the desert next to it, with a view of Vegas behind him.
Greg handed the $50 to the driver and told him to keep the change. Once the driver was gone, he started walking further away from the road and into the darkness of the desert, with Vegas at his back. He stopped a few hundred feet out by some random bushes. He sat down cross-legged and unzipped the pocket that held his death weapon of choice.
He pulled out the spoon and syringe and carefully placed them in his lap. He took the rubber tourniquet and placed it around his left arm. He opened a baggie of the heroin and put some in the spoon. He took his lighter and started heating the spoon, watching as the powder turned into liquid. He had done this so many times in the past it was like eating to him. Once he was satisfied, he took the syringe and collected the heroin from the spoon. He looked at it in the syringe and tapped it. Then he placed it to his arm and made his first injection. He then took more powder and started heating it, even as he started feeling the first hit. He was going to make sure he overdosed and died. He was going to keep pumping it into himself until he passed out.
Before injecting the second dose, he picked up his cell phone and turned it on. There was no signal out there at the time, as he suspected. He turned on the video camera and started filming himself.
