New York City Friends

Season 3, Episode 2: Women Are Human Too

Starring~ Michelle McCool, Ashley Massaro, Candice Michelle, and Torrie Wilson.


Once upon a time, a woman made some delicious pancakes for her husband. He ate two and she only ate one, but she made her's with the last of the chocolate chips.

"They're good, right," Michelle attentively watched as Jack cut a piece of his pancake with his fork. "I am so proud, I made some pretty damn good pancakes," Michelle tooted her own horn.

"They're delicious and this is all pretty fucking fantastic, you know, having breakfast with my wife," Jack gushed about. He walked over to open the living room window and the ruckus of the city could wake anybody up, even a newly wedded couple in love.

It felt like that perfect 'husband and wife' moment... which only lasted so long, especially since the 'wife' also stretched far from just the 'wife' identity.

Michelle's phone began to vibrate on the table, "Oh shit, I got a message from the creative director," Michelle said.

Michelle we need you in the office, JAN's headquarters wants us all to meet up for some type of project they want us to work on- the text message read.

It looks like my 'second identity' was calling me.

Michelle began typing back- I'll be there asap. "I'm so sorry Jack," Michelle told him.

Michelle kissed him on the cheek and rushed to get a last minute outfit ready. "I have to go, it's important, I'm sorry," Michelle tried explaining to Jack from the other room.

Jack nodded, disappointed, but he knew he couldn't stop her. "Good luck," he said under his breath while he continued eating.


Michelle practically hopped down her apartment stairs, skipping every two steps. She searched for a cab, but nothing, they were all taken.

Michelle started walking as fast as her heels could take her, when an available cab did finally come across Michelle's radar two blocks away, some man in a business suit took it within seconds. "Fuck you," Michelle cussed him out, watching as the man got in the cab.

We're all human beings living in this harsh world, but this world is definitely a man's world... or at least that's what men want to strongly believe.

Michelle didn't have time to look for an open cab, so she ran to the nearest subway station. "Oh god, thank you," Michelle said while she rushed down the staircase. Michelle rushed past all of the people.

"Oh my god," Michelle fearfully yelled as she held onto her chest, "You almost pissed on my shoes," Michelle told the peeing man as she continued to rush. "And these shoes feel like they're shrinking," Michelle said to herself while waiting in line to pay the subway fare.

After finally paying the fare and after almost being stopped by some banjo-playing hippie with a very scruffy beard, I was finally in the subway... but the world and my fate wasn't in my palms. I couldn't make the subway move any faster and I couldn't make it less crowded, all I could do now was sit down and hope no freak would dance on the pole for us.


It's been two months and Ashley was just as committed to therapy as she was when she first started.

"Hello Ashley, nice to see you," the receptionist greeted Ashley. "Hello, does Tania have a patient," Ashley asked as she signed herself in. "I'm afraid so, but I'm sure she won't be long," the receptionist responded.

Ashley sat down, she had her hands in between her legs, impatiently tapping her foot on the floor. The other waiting patients turned to her, all very offended and Ashley was positive at least one of them would bring the moment up to their therapist.

"Oh dios mio, it's you Ashley," Alberto exclaimed, staring at her and waiting for her to react just as excitedly as he did. Ashley looked up slowly, "Oh no, you found me," she greeted back.

Alberto nodded and smiled, meanwhile Ashley simply turned her head back down to read the magazine. "How have you been Ashley," Alberto asked her.

"Good, sure... it was a pleasure seeing you," Ashley told him off.


"Okay, mother prepare yourself! For I have discovered a great boarding school, dad approved and I really wanted your approval too," Brooklyn asked the second he walked into the kitchen.

Candice turned to him, "Sure, why not, is there anything I have to sign," she asked. Brooklyn nodded happily, "It's just for the summer, if I like it, I'll go full time for the upcoming school year," Brooklyn explained to her.

And then suddenly Candice's mind changed from 'sure' to 'hell no'.

"No, I'm sorry," Candice said to him, handing the pen back to him. Brooklyn was confused, "Why? Dad was thrilled when I told him about it, it's a good school and any college would accept me if I went there for at least a year," he tried explaining to his mother.

Candice looked away, she took a pause and then turned to him slowly. "Fine then, you got me! If your dad says yes... then I guess I should too," Candice sarcastically said.

Brooklyn shook his head and walked away, "Sorry, baby, not today," she denied her son.


Therapy made Ashley a nicer person... according to her, but the witnesses in that waiting room testify against her to call her a bitch.

"What magazine are you reading," Alberto asked. Ashley lifted up the magazine, without saying anything, she let him figure it out. He nodded from his seat across her's, "Ahh, okay. People magazine, I love it," he exclaimed, trying to bond with her.

"No, I don't love it. If I knew I would be waiting for my damn therapist I would've carried my own magazines... or books," Ashley shot him down.

Alberto chuckled, "Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me or did you wake up to a bad day," Alberto wondered. "Sorry, that's only for my therapist to know," Ashley told him off again.

The weather was nice outside, but Ashley's cold shoulder was sure chilling up the place.

"Ashley," the therapist called from her room's door. Ashley quickly dashed up from her chair, "Well, it was nice seeing you," Alberto said to Ashley.

Ashley said nothing directly back, "Yeah sure, 'Mr. Boring Man'... who left me at a wedding," Ashley said under her breath while she walked towards her therapist.


I was about to get lost in my own thoughts, when I suddenly got distracted by a mother's conversation on the phone.

"Don't worry honey, I'll be there as soon as I can, I promise you," the woman said to her daughter on the phone. Michelle was sitting across the busy mother, overhearing the conversation and feeling some type of empathy.

"Mommy has to go now! But I promise you I'll make it to your play," the tired woman promised. She hung up the phone and caught Michelle staring, "So you overheard me helplessly promising something that I might not fulfill to my hopeful little daughter," she asked Michelle with a smile.

Michelle nodded and smiled back,"Yes, I happened to hear all of it! You get trapped in a subway, don't expect everything to be private... literally," Michelle jokingly responded.

"Right, you must be new to the city? Because people don't usually pay attention to anybody else in this place, despite how overcrowded this place always is," she said. Michelle threw her head back and laughed, "No, I've been a New Yorker for the past 17 years... I don't usually take the subway that often... I like to observe things and people, I'm always analyzing everything, so a subway to me is just overwhelming I guess," Michelle told the woman.

"In that case, this entire overcrowded city must be overwhelming to a curious woman like you," she teased Michelle. Michelle nodded and the conversation ended right then and there.

After about 15 minutes, the subway had reached my stop and the people rushed out in a hurry... the mother had fallen asleep seven minutes ago and I felt like it was my duty to wake her up.

Before exiting Michelle tapped on the busy mother's shoulder, "Hey, even if this isn't your stop, sleeping here is probably not a good idea! Just thought I'd wake you up," Michelle told her.

The woman rubbed her eyes and she shook Michelle's hand, "Right, thank you! Looks like I won't be missing my daughter's play today," she said as she rushed out. Michelle followed and the two women raced to their destinations, like the many others in the city.


Torrie and Corey were just about to leave for some afternoon pizza, when Torrie caught a glimpse of Punk picking up his mail. "Oh my god I have to introduce you," Torrie exclaimed, pulling Corey by the hand.

"Hey Punk, this is Corey," Torrie yelled to Punk as she ran across the street to him. "It's the guy I've been telling you about," Torrie told him. Punk was caught off guard, he was looking forward to just laying back in bed with his depressing pajama pants and accompanying grey t-shirt.

Punk waved to Corey and went in to shake his hand, "Hello, you must be 'Punk'," Corey questioned. "That's what they call me," Punk replied with a chuckle.

It was like they were looking in a mirror.

Torrie was happy Punk finally got to meet him, "Okay, well we should go," Torrie finally said as she started walking away. "This guy is practically me, Alicia told me, but I didn't believe her," Punk said.

Corey laughed as he tucked his hands into his pockets, "They say every person has a twin out their in the real world, I guess I found my twin! We should have like an arm wrestling match or a dance-off," Corey jokingly replied.

"Okay, fuck, sure, why not, let's have a dance-off," Punk challenged Corey.

It was like 'Step Up', except the Channing Tatum was Punk... and Punk really isn't a dancer... so I guess it really wasn't like 'Step Up'.

Corey took off his jacket and he handed it to Torrie, Punk took off his slippers and he handed them to Torrie too. "We really should get going," Torrie insisted, but the two guys were ready to dance it off.

Corey started to shake his arms, with the whole rest of his body stiff, like a mummy whose arms were injected with coke. "That's all you got," Punk teased. Corey started to move his head left then right, he then started to wobble his knees and he threw his hands in front of him like a fish without water.

Torrie wanted to laugh, watching two grown men dancing it off in the streets of Lower Manhattan was not a new sight... but she never thought she'd be a part of it.

Punk started throwing his fist in the air, he pumped it up with a rhythm, he had momentum... but then he threw his back out. "Oh fucking shit," he said. "Corey, you fucking win, congratu-fuck-ulations to you," Punk said to Corey as he took his slippers back from Torrie.

Punk walked back inside, almost hunched back and depressed-like, Torrie didn't think losing to a 'dance-off' was the reason, she knew something was up.


After a very long way to work, I was finally there.

Michelle had stopped rushing about forty minutes ago, she actually stopped for a quick Jersey style' sandwich at some stand she found near the corner.

"I'm here! And I know you called at ten in the morning and it's four PM now, but have mercy," Michelle begged the front desk receptionist. The receptionist shrugged and laughed it off, "Oh, don't worry about it Michelle! I tried calling you, but you didn't answer! They actually changed their minds after all, and I tried calling you to let you know that they didn't need you anymore," she notified Michelle.

I always thought Church was the prime example of how to waste my Sunday, but this was now the prime example.

Michelle tried nodding, but with a very disappointed look on her face. "Shit, I can't even be mad, it's my fault I forgot my phone at home," Michelle moaned about as she put her hands over her face. Michelle started to laugh at the whole messy day, "It's funny, it really is," she continued laughing. The receptionist joined to laugh, but when Michelle's laughter faded into crying the receptionist backed off. "It's funny, but pathetic," Michelle cried.

"I'm so sorry Michelle." The receptionist handed her a tissue.

Michelle took the tissue, wiping her miserable tears, "I left my husband while we were having a peaceful Sunday breakfast! I came running here like an idiot, I'm not some bionic woman... I can't do this on last minute notice," Michelle cried about.

And that's when I realized I was just a woman in fabulous Christian Dior heels, with very tired feet inside those heels.


"I picked out that Leonardo DiCaprio movie, I thought we could watch it together," Cody suggested to Candice. "Okay, sure," Candice said tediously. The two sat down, but before the movie even started, Candice paused it.

"Brooklyn can't just leave like it's his decision! It's okay if he leaves for a couple of weeks, but to leave for an entire summer and then for an entire school year, it's not fucking okay," Candice had a tirade about Brooklyn's boarding school news.

Cody nodded, but he knew she was mostly just talking to herself and didn't care for his opinion. "Let's watch the movie now," he threw in, but she didn't hear.

"You know what, I'm not gonna feel guilty about not letting him go! I'm his mother and I say no to all of this boarding school absurdity," Candice finally decided after very much thinking.

Cody rested his head back as he grunted. "I'm gonna go," Cody said as he got up from the couch. "Cody, I'm a mother of a teenager and I have to deal with shit like this, so excuse me for not having time to watch movies with you," Candice told him off.

In a perfect world a woman would have time for every man that is in need of her, but that only exists in those 60s movies.


After Jiu Jitsu class, Ashley headed home with no expectations, which her therapist advised. "Hey, Ashley! Dinner," Alberto asked with a smile. "I can't, sorry," Ashley rejected him with no second thought.

"Come on hermosa! The sky is all dark grey, but don't be fooled, the night is still young and I can show you that by taking you to dinner to some restaurant where the lights are all romantic and what not," Alberto described to her in a way that made her change her mind. "My therapist told me to stay away from men and dating and all of that," Ashley tried explaining, but she heard herself and then laughed.

No matter how hard we try, women sometimes fall like fools too.

Ashley smiled and Alberto winked. "Okay, let me just get dressed," Ashley told him as the two walked out of that place together.

Her cold shoulder soon sure warmed up to Alberto. The two had dinner and it was 'legit the shit' according to Ashley, he was sweet and he never stopped complimenting her during their date.


"I can't let you go, I'm sorry, but I can't," Candice told Brooklyn as she walked into his room. Brooklyn put his phone down and got up from his bed quickly, "Mom, I am entering High School and I need to do what can help my chances of going to a great college and this boarding school is it, you can't possibly be against that," he argued with her.

Candice shook her head and crossed her arms, "Brooklyn, no, why, because I said no! You go to a great private school, it's prestigious and you're doing just fine there," Candice pointed out to him.

"Dad says 'yes' because he understands, but you never understood," he told her. "You're self-obsessed and you're blind to everything around you... even during the divorce you were blind to the reality that it's not all about you," Brooklyn badmouthed his mother.

And the truth came out, it was like a slap to the face of Candice.

Candice turned the other cheek, "Go to sleep, I am not in the mood to argue." Candice turned around, "And don't disrespect me, I am your mother and I will stand by my decision and you will just have to accept it," she boldly put her foot down.

Candice wanted to be the super-mom that was awesome and cool, but she didn't have the energy to pretend she was okay with him leaving.


Women care restlessly, which is why some really do get tired. If something or somebody really means a lot to a girl, they will care hard and that's the part that makes a woman human.

Corey went home, they cancelled pizza night and Torrie went straight to Punk's place to check up on him. She waited for Punk to open the door, he took about three minutes, but he finally opened up. "Oh hey Torrie, where's Corny... I mean Corey," he teased, yet with such a depressing tone to his voice.

"What's going on, you've been acting really strange lately and I'm starting worry," Torrie admitted, but Punk just shrugged and waved goodbye to her. "I have to go, goodnight," he responded to her short & simple.

Torrie began walking down the staircase, she turned around one last time, "If you ever need to talk, I'm here, we can even talk right now," Torrie insisted to her depressed friend. "Goodbye Torrie," Punk repeated as he shut the door on her.

Punk opened up, only to close shortly after. Torrie stood on the sidewalk staring at the door, worried about what Punk was hiding.


Michelle decided to call Jack, but he didn't pick up, so she left a message."Hey, I'm sorry about the craziness today," Michelle apologized. "I apparently left my phone at home and I'm borrowing this one from a co-worker, it's a funny long story, can't wait to see you and tell you all about it," she chuckled softly as she hung up the phone.

As I laughed at the day I realized I had nothing to apologize for, I tried my best to make the day work, but I am just a petite human being on this unpredictable heavy world.

Michelle hung up the phone and gave it back to the receptionist, "Well off I go."

As I searched for a cab, a part of me wanted to take the subway back home.

Michelle joined the crowd of sleepless walking people on the subway, she rested her eyes for a second, only to fall completely asleep seconds later.

This woman had to recharge her battery.


Special Guest Stars~ Jack Swagger, Alberto Del Rio, Brooklyn Barrett, Corey Graves, CM Punk, and Cody Rhodes.

Published On April 2, 2016.