A/N: It has been SO long since I decided to write and post anything on here! Apart from rewriting my Black Butler fic "I'd Rather Be Damned With You," for the third time, I haven't really been up to much. I did change my name though! Griffin-queen-of-silver-skies was the name I chose all the way back in 2004 when I joined , and though it was a pretty big part of me as a person, I decided that it was time for a change, so I'm WonderChild90 now :D. Other than that, I've been working and doing college things, which doesn't always leave much time for my thoughts to wander. BUT I hope there are some of you out there who will enjoy this. I know I had a blast writing it, and by blast I mean the mental image for one part of it made my ovaries explode at one point. BEFORE YOU FLAME ME I realize that it may be OOC, particularly for Sebastian. I am ready to admit that it is, but I had too much fun writing it not to share it with all of you lovely people. Basically, my own headcanon is that Sebastian hides a lot because it's not relevant to being a butler. But based on things that other characters have said about him, and a few other quirks of his, I've jumped on the bandwagon that developed the idea that Sebastian isn't a typical demon, and that he does things that are maybe not so demon-like because reasons. lol. SOOO on that note, I hope you enjoy this one! Please leave a review if you did. They make my day :3
"Remind me again why you insisted I accompany you on this trip into town?" Ciel glared at his butler, pulling his fluffy cloak tighter around himself in an attempt to keep as much warmth in as possible. He swore that if the wind blew the hood off of his head one more time he would re-purpose his sturdy walking stick and personally see to it that Sebastian's shins never forgot this day. His blood rose from a light simmer to a full boil as he watched his butler's face dissolve into that sickeningly sweet smile.
"Does the young lord not remember telling me that his wish was to accompany me next time I travel into town to purchase tea?" Ciel lowered his head a bit, his mind wandering through the myriad conversations he had had with his butler recently…
"For today's afternoon tea we have a pot of earl grey accompanied by an assortment of pastries. Is it to your liking, my lord?"
"It's fine, Sebastian." Ciel's reply was disinterested, but Sebastian silently reveled in the hungry glint in the child's eyes as the three tiered tray of expertly prepared sweets was placed in front of him. He watched greedy little fingers reach out and grab the first pastry, a light and flaky puff full to bursting with fresh raspberry jam. The butler was mesmerized by the way the child's blood took on a different scent after the first blissful bite caused endorphins to flood his small body. Ciel would never admit how much he loved everything that Sebastian brought out of the kitchen, but the scent of his blood was all the doting butler, no, the utterly fascinated demon needed to pique his own amusement for the day. Sebastian was momentarily lost in his own devilish thoughts, and did not notice the look of dissatisfaction dance across his young lord's face.
"Sebastian, this tea doesn't taste as good as usual. What have you done to it?" Sebastian snapped out of his thoughts and looked down at Ciel, tilting his head slightly.
"I have prepared it the same as I do every day." Sebastian inhaled deeply through his nose, picking up the scent of earl grey among all of the other mingling scents in the room. "Pardon me, sir, but I can't detect any unusual scents in the tea."
"Perhaps your nose is losing its edge. Next time you go into town I've half a mind to go with you and choose the tea myself." Sebastian gave a graceful bow.
"If quality control is my master's desire, I shall thoroughly enjoy his company the next time I am in town." Ciel rolled his eyes, making a small noise of disgust.
"Take the tea away. I'll have no more of it. It will only serve to spoil my appetite anyway. The pastries will be just fine." Ciel took another pastry, a miniature mille feuille, and bit into it. Sebastian's senses were flooded with the scent of natural endorphins again, and he chuckled quietly as he loaded the teapot and teacup onto the cart he had delivered afternoon tea on.
"Will that be all for now, my lord?"
"Yes, you're free to go Sebastian." Sebastian bowed again.
"Very good, sir. I shall return again when dinner is ready." With a dismissive wave of Ciel's hand, Sebastian left the room.
Snapping his head up, Ciel shot his butler an irritated glare.
"That was a bloody week ago! Did you honestly believe I meant that?" Sebastian tilted his head, his face fell into mock confusion, a look that Ciel knew very well, and frequently wanted to remove it with the back of his hand.
"Oh? My sincerest apologies. I was unaware that my young lord was joking. I was under the assumption that you took your tea quite seriously, and wished to ensure that I purchase only the finest leaves for you." Ciel growled.
"Damn demon!"
"Would you prefer it if I brought you back to the manor before continuing my shopping?"
"We've come this far already, let's just get it over with! If I freeze to death out here, your punishment will be swift and severe!"
"Oh come now, my cantankerous young lord." Sebastian's voice took on a sweet, nurturing tone, something he knew would only irritate Ciel further. "You know I would never allow such harm to come to you. After all, if I could not keep my master warm on the most frigid of days, then what kind of butler would I be?" Sebastian could very clearly hear Ciel's teeth grinding, and it took all of his demonic resolve not to fall into a fit of gleeful laughter right then and there.
"If you're looking for me to throw you a bone, then I suppose I can admit that it's nicer to be out travelling with you than being left at home with the other servants. Last time you went to town I thought Mey-Ri-" Ciel suddenly realized that his butler was no longer walking with him, and had instead stopped dead in his tracks a few feet behind Ciel. "Se-…Bastian?" He called out to his butler, not receiving a response. Sebastian was staring off into the distance on their right side. "What's wrong? What do you see?"
"Pardon my boldness, but there is something I must investigate." Before Ciel could respond, he was swept up in the demon's strong arms, being carried off to an unknown location. The hood of Ciel's cloak was blown off by the wind that was created as Sebastian ran. Ciel growled and fixed it with a huff as the cold nipped at his ears. However, he could feel heat radiating off of Sebastian's body, and it was enough to warm him completely. In fact, Ciel found himself being lulled to sleep. The tranquility was quickly replaced by panic as the all too familiar smell of smoke filled his nostrils. Ciel immediately tensed and lurched in Sebastian's arms.
"Calm yourself, young lord. You're alright. It's not your mansion that's burning this time." Ciel looked up, successfully fighting off tunnel vision as he saw the smoldering remains of a house that had recently been consumed by fire. Smoke still rose into the air, though the crowd of onlookers and the inhabitants of the house had already left the scene. Crackling and creaking filled Ciel's ears, bringing a cacophony of painful memories along for the ride. "Will you be alright if I bring you inside with me?"
"Inside? Why the bloody hell do you want to go traipsing through a still-smoking skeleton of a house?"
"Master, I believe I have asked you a question." Ciel's eyes widened. Normally, he would have raised his hand to grab his butler's tie. However, there was a distinct urgency in Sebastian's eyes that Ciel deemed impossible to ignore.
"Yes, I'll be fine. However YOU might not be if you speak to me in such a way again." Sebastian bowed his head, moving into the building with Ciel still in his arms. The smoke soon became overpowering, and Ciel began to cough. Shortly after, a white handkerchief appeared in his field of vision.
"Please keep this over your nose and mouth. We don't want you suffering from another asthma attack."
"I'll have to remind the dumb clod who brought me into a smoke filled building. Oh wait." Ciel quipped, earning a knowing smile from his butler. Sebastian placed Ciel back on his own two feet.
"Please wait here. This place is no longer as structurally sound as I had initially thought."
"Alright, but finish whatever it is that you're doing as quickly as possible." Sebastian turned on his heel and moved further into the house. Ciel watched with utter disbelief as Sebastian dropped to his hands and knees and began sifting through the ash and charred wood. "You've gone positively mad, haven't you?" Ciel's question caused Sebastian's attention to split, and he didn't notice the massive ash cloud billowing forth into his face as he grabbed a wooden plank that disintegrated in his hand. Ciel's only response to his question was a peculiar sound that he had never heard before, but would remember for the rest of his life.
Sebastian sneezed…
It was a mighty sound that forced the demon backward, and his balance faltered enough to cause him to fall back on his rear end. Ciel's eyes were as wide as dinner plates, and he clapped the handkerchief over his mouth again.
"Ble-" Ciel's shoulders shook. He took a deep breath. "Bless you!" The words sprang from Ciel's mouth along with fits of laughter. Sebastian stood up and turned around, sniffling quietly and rubbing at the black smudges that now stained his cheeks.
"I'm glad you find it so funny Ma-….M-maste-"Sebastian's words were cut short by another great sneeze that Sebastian managed to catch with his forearm. Sebastian growled, now irritated by both his burning nostrils and the boy's raucous laughter.
"What do you even say when a demon sneezes?" Ciel continued laughing, now gripping his sides. "Bless you just doesn't feel quite right now does it?"
"My young lord is positively hilarious." Sebastian deadpanned, now thoroughly embarrassed. If there was one thing that Sebastian hated above all other things, it was feeling embarrassed for any reason.
"Oh come now, Sebastian. You're the plonker who decided this little venture was a good idea. What are you looking for, anyway? Some buried bones to chew on?" Ciel celebrated his victory over the demon as soon as he saw Sebastian's shoulders tense, and his posture straighten. He knew that Sebastian was fiercely devoted to his butler's aesthetic, and apparently that didn't include things like sneezing. Sebastian's vanity was one of the things that intrigued Ciel the most about his demon. There were times, specifically small displays like this sneezing fit, where Ciel thought that his demon seemed more human than he let on. Sebastian began looking around the room, growling.
"Now I can't smell a damned thing but ashes and charcoal." Ciel had to bite his tongue to contain his laughter, now noticing the frustration dancing across the demon's face.
"Sebastian, you still have not told me what it is you're searching so desperately for. I grow tired of this little ga-" Sebastian moved a plank of wood, and Ciel's statement was interrupted by the squalling cry of an infant. Ciel's jaw hung slack for a moment, watching the tension leave his butler's shoulders. Before Ciel could react, he was yet again swept up into Sebastian's arms and carried away. Ciel breathed a sigh of relief as they exited the remains of the house, and were once again out in the chilled winter air. The two kneeled on the brittle, frozen grass as Sebastian quickly removed his coat and wrapped it around the infant. "A-…. A baby?" Ciel was not entirely sure if he had lost consciousness due to the smoke, or if the scene before him was reality.
"Shh. Come now. There's no need to cry anymore." Sebastian held the child close to his unwaveringly warm chest, rocking it ever so gently. Eventually, the child's cries ceased, and it slept soundly within the demon's arms. "There we are. You're safe now."
Ciel could not find any words to force out of his mouth at the moment. Of all the sights he had seen in his short life, of all the things he thought possible in this lifetime, a demon nurturing an infant was absolutely the last thing his wildest dreams could have imagined. He watched as the demon's eyes gazed down at the infant, absolutely captivated by the tiny bundle.
"Look how small you are. Where did your parents go, hmm? It was most unkind of them to leave such a sweet little thing as you behind." Sebastian took his free hand and removed his soiled glove with his teeth. He reached out and gently brushed his fingertips over the child's face, running them over tiny cheeks, and through the hair that was almost as fine as spider silk. "Perhaps they weren't left with much of a choice." The child yawned, opening an eye to briefly look up at the demon who had saved her life. Sebastian looked as though he would melt where he sat. Gently, he pressed his finger into the impossibly tiny palm of the child's hand, watching as tiny fingers curled around his. "So tiny. So easily broken and yet, here you are, still alive and fighting."
"Sebastian. What the hell is going on?" Ciel asked, a dangerously confused tone in his voice. "It's an infant. Y-you're a demon." Sebastian looked up at Ciel.
"Yes? Those are both perfectly true statements."
"What are you doing with it?"
"I heard her screaming within the wreckage."
"So you decided to play the hero all of a sudden?" Ciel's face darkened. "You're not going to…to…."
"Young Master, whatever it is you wish to ask me, please do so."
"Are you going to eat its soul?" Sebastian's eyes widened, and Ciel felt the color drain from his face. The look on his demon's face was indescribable. He had never seen such a combination of emotions on Sebastian's face before. Hurt? Shock? No. It couldn't be. The smoke had obviously gone to his head.
"I'll do no such thing. Honestly, do you think me such a low born demon that I would resort to eating mere infants as if they were petit fours?"
"How the hell should I know what to think? You're a demon. You eat souls. Wouldn't this be some sort of snack for you?" Sebastian's gaze intensified. "Stop looking at me like that! What, have I hurt your feelings or something? Please." Sebastian's eyes grew sad for a fleeting moment, and Ciel was fairly certain no one else but him would have noticed. Sebastian looked back down at the infant, rocking her gently again.
"Some demons find the taste of infant souls to be among the most delicious. It makes some sense, I suppose, as they are the purest kind of soul you could ever hope to find. An infant's soul has not had a chance to be stained in any way, regardless of its conception or birth conditions. I find it despicable, and well, if I am honest with you Young Master I find it unspeakably cruel."
"You? Cruel? Aren't those words just synonymous with each other?"
"I have done many things in my long life that humans would consider despicable and cruel. I was responsible for a plague that decimated Europe's population. However, I would never deliberately perform such acts on an infant."
"Countless infants and children died from the Black Plague, Sebastian, you're not making sense."
"A result of madness-inducing boredom that you could never hope to understand." Ciel was beginning to grow very uncomfortable with his butler's honesty. Sebastian never offered even the slightest glimpse into his past or his inner workings. Ciel constantly wondered just what was going on inside his demon butler's head, but could never swallow his pride long enough to ask. Why now, at the mercy of an infant, was Sebastian giving such information away freely? "This infant deserves a chance to grow up, and live a life as vivid and complex as any other human. You humans are able to find such joy in life despite a constant barrage of hardships and strife. I do not yet understand it, but it fascinates me. Should this child grow up and decide that she wishes to become a meal for a demon, well, she will learn where to find one without much difficulty. For now though, it is my solemn wish that she is able to live and grow, and it is neither my desire nor my right to interfere with either."
"Sebastian…" Ciel was always painfully aware that his butler wasn't human. However, what he had never acknowledged was that maybe, just maybe, Sebastian had personal beliefs and desires of his own. That under the stoic façade and demonic power lay an individual. While it was true that Sebastian could be sadistic, vain, impulsive, and sometimes heartless, Ciel did not believe for a second that the other side of the emotional spectrum was absent from his enigmatic demon's heart. This was the first time he had had the chance to test that theory, and found that the evidence was overwhelmingly conclusive. Though, based on said evidence in front of him, he was positive Sebastian was unaware of his own feelings, or at least how to identify them. "I-I thought you said you used to eat all kinds of souls…" Ciel was losing this battle, and running out of rebuttals.
"Yes. I used to be quite the terror, if I do say so myself. I saw the error of that way of life long ago, and even back then I could never quite bring myself to feast on an infant." Sebastian smirked. "I only crave high quality souls now." Before Ciel could speak, the infant began screeching once again. Sebastian smiled, rocking the bundle in his arms. "You're probably downright starved, aren't you little one? Well, off we go to the church then."
"The church? You intend to leave it there?"
"Unless you've a better course of action for me? Perhaps I could bring HER home with us, so you and the Lady Elizabeth could have a small taste of parenthood." Sebastian smiled, watching the small shudder work its way up the little lord's body.
"Th-that's quite alright. The church isn't far from here anyway." Ciel spun on his heel and began walking swiftly in the direction of the church. Sebastian smiled and followed, keeping the infant close to his chest.
As the two reached the church, they opened the large double doors and walked inside. They were greeted by a priest, who was previously tending to the candles lining the walls.
"Ah, Lord Phantomhive. What can I do for you, my child?" The priest looked down at Ciel with a warm smile. Ciel nodded his head, gesturing to Sebastian.
"I believe my butler, Sebastian, requires your assistance." The priest turned his gaze to Sebastian.
"Yes. I found this poor infant in the wreckage of a house that must have burned down today, or within the last few days. She was relatively unharmed, save for a few scrapes, bruises, and the desperate need for a bath. I daresay I'm not sure how she survived, but here she is. I must leave her in your care, as my master here is but a child himself, and requires all of my attention and the attention of my fellow servants." Sebastian could feel the daggers from Ciel's glare piercing his sides, and a devilish smile laced his lips. The priest jumped, and dropped the candleholder in his hands.
"Th-the house down near the bakery? W-w-wait here! Please!" the priest took off toward the back of the church. After a few minutes, he was seen escorting a battered woman toward where Sebastian and Ciel waited. As they approached, the woman's eyes grew wide and immediately teary. She broke free from the priest's arms, and began limping toward the two, only to fall to the ground moments later.
"My dear, you must let me help you. Your leg is still broken, you know." The priest picked up the woman, and brought her to Sebastian and Ciel. The woman dissolved into sobs, unable to speak for a few minutes.
"M-my baby!" She finally rasped. "My s-sweet Emily i-is safe!" She looked up into Sebastian. "H-how did you find her?!"
"I could hear her screams from outside while I was in town with my young lord." Sebastian's eyes darkened. "You left her behind." The tears pouring from the woman's eyes seemed to increase.
"I didn't think she was still alive. I was asleep in my bed when the fire started. I am still not sure how it happened. I was sure that I put the fire out completely before going to bed that night. My husband is no longer of this world due to an illness that robbed me of him within three days' time. By the time I woke up, the house was engulfed in flames, and I could not hear any trace of my sweet Emily. I had assumed she was already taken by the flames, and as you can see I barely made it out myself. Please, sir, do not think less of me. Panic does strange things to us all." Ciel could see sympathy written all over the demon's face, and could not tell if Sebastian was actually feeling said emotion, or putting on an act. Sebastian said nothing, only offered the child to the woman.
The woman took the tiny baby in one of her arms. With the other, she leapt from the priest's grasp and threw her arm around Sebastian's neck, kissing both of his cheeks before sobbing against his chest. Shocked, Sebastian put his arms around the woman, comforting her until her crying stopped.
"You're an angel. You must be. You've saved my baby girl, and given me something to live for again." Sebastian smiled.
"Oh, I'm no angel, my lady. I am merely a butler. Nothing more."
"Well, butler or no, you're a savior to my child, and me as well." Ciel rolled his eyes, and Emily began screaming again. Sebastian looked down at the child.
"She is frightfully hungry, I imagine. You should see to it that she is fed, bathed, and examined by a doctor as soon as possible. I can give you the name of the doctor who attends to my master if you require it. He is wonderful with children."
Ciel chose to ignore the comment, waiting patiently as Sebastian wrote down a name for the woman. Sebastian was profusely thanked once again, and the two took their leave from the church, making their way back to the Phantomhive Manor as the frigid wind began to pick up. Ciel was still in utter disbelief over what he had seen that day. Unable to contain his curiosity, he decided that he would press the issue tonight at bedtime. The rest of the day passed by uneventfully, with little more than minor bumbling from the servants, and busywork related to the newest Funtom developments to occupy the time. As Ciel was being prepared for bed, he spoke up.
"Why did you divulge all of that information to me? I want to know." His question seemed to catch his butler off guard, but the response was as flawless as ever.
"Normally I don't see any particular reason or use for stories of my past, or any matters pertaining to me personally. However, every once in a while it becomes relevant, necessary even, to share a little bit with you. To "throw you a bone," as you so delicately put it earlier." Sebastian gave a nonchalant shrug. "Perhaps I am simply so comfortable around my young master that I feel as though I can share anything with him." Ciel scoffed.
"Smug bastard." Ciel briefly wondered whether that last part was a joke or not. Sighing, and throwing all caution to the wind, Ciel motioned to the bed. "Come. Sit with me." Sebastian faltered for a moment.
"My lord?" He asked, confused.
"Do I need to make it an order?" After a moment's more hesitation, Sebastian walked back into the room, sitting himself down on the edge of the bed. He had tucked Ciel into this bed countless times, and yet he had never realized how plush and comfortable it was. He could see now why the child was reluctant to leave it on some mornings.
"Would you care for a bedtime story?" Ciel shook his head.
"I don't want a story. I want to talk to you." Ciel felt Sebastian's muscles tense briefly.
"Have I done something that you do not approve of, young master?" Ciel gritted his teeth.
"Are you thick? No." He cleared his throat, evening his tone before he spoke again. "No. I just want to know more. More about you, I mean."
"Ah. Quite a greedy request, isn't it?"
"Call it what you like, I think I have a right to know a bit about the man who cares for me day in and day out." Sebastian smirked, and he raised an eyebrow
"Mmm. Playing the formality card, I see. Very well then. What would you like to know?" Ciel was quiet for a moment. What exactly DID he want to know?
"Do you hate humans?" Sebastian's eyes widened, and he tilted his head.
"All of the myriad questions you could ask a demon, and you begin with that one? Honestly, master." Ciel growled, and grabbed his bedcovers in his tiny fists. "Now, now, I'm only teasing you. It's just such an ambiguous question."
"It doesn't seem like an easy question. That's why I asked." Sebastian took a measured breath. Ciel studied every inch of his demon very carefully, looking for the same spark of captivating individuality that he had seen earlier that day.
"It does seem like my answer would be black and white though, does it not? The short answer to your question is no. Of course I don't hate humans. But it wasn't always that way. Would you care to hear the rest?" Ciel pulled his covers up, reclining back into his pillow, his eyes wide and watching Sebastian's every move. Sebastian resisted the urge to reach up and clutch his chest, not understanding why his heart felt like it was swelling as his eyes met those of the sweet child awaiting his bedtime story.
"Yes. Let's have it." Sebastian sighed.
"Would you mind if I made myself more comfortable first?"
"Quit dawdling and do it, if you must!" Sebastian silently removed his shoes and tailcoat, placing them neatly on the chair near the bed. Instead of sitting on the edge of the bed this time, he perched himself fully on the large bed, drawing his long legs up and crossing them underneath of him. Ciel was momentarily stunned by the sudden informal state of the beautiful creature on his bed. Sebastian's face was handsome even in the dim glow of the bedroom, and though he was a bit farther away now, Ciel could still feel the heat from Sebastian's body on his toes. "Move up a bit. My feet are cold." Sebastian chuckled at the request, and did as he was told. He could feel the tiny, chilled feet wriggling under his thigh.
"What you are asking me to explain to you spans my entire lifetime, pieces of which I don't even remember. I have been around for an expanse of time that is incomprehensible to humans, but to me it has been as fleeting as the blink of an eye. When I was a younger demon, I reveled in feasting on any souls I could get my hands on. I don't quite know why, really, I was just insatiable."
"Did you have parents to teach you?" Sebastian smiled and shook his head.
"No. While I do have parents, I've never met them. All demons are abandoned at birth." Sebastian continued quickly, not giving Ciel a chance to inquire further. "At any rate, I used to despise humans. I used to find you to be terribly stupid creatures, who often do ridiculous things all in the name of such an intangible, useless cause such as faith, or a belief in a god." Ciel noticed Sebastian's far away gaze, wondering exactly what it meant. "After countless years went by, a-"
"Was this before or after you spread the black plague?" Sebastian sighed. Ciel knew his butler hated being interrupted.
"Actually, shortly after I caused that beautiful little catastrophe, I had an epiphany. I had seen so much suffering, death, and sickness during that time. Families destroyed, lovers separated, so many lives falling to pieces around me. It was wonderful, and I relished every moment of the destruction I had wrought upon your fragile species. And then…"
"Then…?" Ciel sat up again, hanging on Sebastian's every word.
"I opened my eyes, and started actually looking at what was happening around me.' Chuckling at Ciel's confused face, he continued. "Throughout my life up to that point, I had little concern for what was going on around me, and acted merely on my own impulses and desires. However, behavior like that often leaves little room for observation and consideration before moving on to the next best thing. When I decided to stop, to really stop and observe my surroundings, my entire world changed. For better or worse, I cannot say, but it was never the same again."
"What did you see?"
"Humanity. What it truly means to be human. In that time where corpses piled up in the streets, and filth and disease were inescapable…" Sebastian trailed off, looking down into his lap. "I saw more courage and strength than I could wrap my mind around." Sebastian looked up at Ciel, his heart experiencing that odd swelling feeling again. "Though, in my mind, it should have been far easier to lay down and accept death, that is not what I saw. You humans have such an indomitable spirit within you that it baffles me. How you can pull through the darkest of times, armed with nothing but faith in the idea that things will get better. I have seen the lust for life on countless faces, and how you are able to find joy in something as simple as the sun shining on a summer day, or the morning dew on blades of grass." Sebastian gently removed his glove, running it along the lush bedcovers. "Or the feeling of a soft, warm bed on a particularly chilly morning." He sighed, wishing that he could stop speaking and exit the room, but something about the child's eyes urged him to continue. "I wanted to know what it was about these simple pleasures that was so important, and it drove me mad for quite some time. That ridiculous will to go on, and to grasp that spider's thread no matter what is gnawing at your ankles and chaining you down." Sebastian's eyes grew markedly sorrowful. Ciel almost felt a pang of compassion when he looked into those woeful, suddenly weary eyes. "Have you ever thought, and I mean actually sat and considered, how long forever is, Ciel?" Sebastian inwardly gasped, he hadn't meant to use his master's first name. Damn this child, this inquisitive, remarkable, wonderful, beautiful child for causing such detestable weakness in him... It was enough to make the demon's gut twist with something stuck between self loathing and rage.
"I mean, I suppose I've thought about it once or twice. But I don't have forever on this earth, so it's difficult to define it, really. I don't see why I should care about something I'll never obtain."
"Exactly. Think about that for a moment, if you will. I have seen so much of what this world has been, and provided that I am not killed, I shall see all that it ever will be. I will be around until the end of days if I am not struck down somehow. Can you imagine that?" Sebastian paused, wishing once again that he could disappear from the room before the child could blink his eyes again. "It is the most isolating, wretched thing I can possibly think of. Worse than a thousand deaths from a reaper's scythe." Ciel's jaw dropped.
"What? How can you say such a thing? To live forever, and to see and do everything you could ever want to do without the fear of dying? Without the fear of time running out? What an incredible gift, and you don't even see the value in it. Typical selfish demon." Ciel crossed his arms, but he faltered again as he watched the demon's eyes grow even more weary and depressed than they had previously been.
"That is exactly the response I would expect from you, a human. One who has such a lust for the tragically short life you have been given that you have the conviction to go out and live every day as if it were your last. I don't understand how you do it." Sebastian gripped the bedcovers in his ungloved hand. "When you have an eternity, nothing matters to you. Why should I take pleasure, or have urgency in doing anything, when there will always be time to do it? There will always be another day, another year, another century. Nothing is out of my reach. Whereas a human must live and dream as much as possible, for one day it will be too late. The sand will all eventually reach the bottom of the hourglass, and the human must close his eyes for the very last time. What a beautiful thing, to shine with such unyielding brilliance, then to burn out entirely, like a lone star in the limitless dark." Ciel looked up, and swore on his family name that he saw shimmering tears lining his butler's eyes, and streaming down his pale cheeks. However, when he blinked his eyes, they were gone, and there was no evidence that anything had been there in the first place. He did, however, notice the slightest of cracks in Sebastian's voice when he spoke again. "To answer your first question, Master, no. I don't hate humans at all. On top of being my only form of sustenance, you are some of the most beautiful, interesting creatures I could ever hope to know, and I often wonder why it took me so long to realize it." Ciel was speechless. He had unknowingly shifted closer to his butler, and was now sitting in the same position as Sebastian, their knees just barely touching. "I have a profound respect for each and every life on this planet. Even the ones I take."
"It's hard for me to believe. You can be quite a heartless sod." Sebastian smiled.
"I am still a demon at the end of the day. To deny my nature completely doesn't quite suit me. I have made great strides in understanding humans and their way of life, but there are still countless things that elude me. I'm not perfect, you know."
"You're perfect to me…" Ciel uttered without thinking. After a moment, he snapped his head up and shook it violently. "I-I mean, as a butle-, or-, oh don't let it go to your head you git!" But it was too late, the demon had already received the compliment.
"I believe you are the first person to have ever said such a thing. What a strange thing to hear."
"Oh, shut up, you." Ciel pouted for a moment, before reaching up to place a gentle hand on Sebastian's face. His skin was impeccably soft and smooth. He felt the demon unexpectedly lean into his touch, and his curiosity led him on. Sebastian's eyes fluttered closed as the small hand glided along his cheek. His heart felt as if someone was squeezing it, and he was mere seconds away from plunging a hand into his own chest and removing the accursed organ. However, that small, fleeting touch on his skin was far too interesting for the time being. Ciel's hand moved from Sebastian's face up into his hair, toying with the silky locks that seemed to effortlessly meld with the shadows in the room. Sebastian's mouth hung open ever so slightly, basking in the small gesture, before his eyes opened again.
"Is there…Something on my face, master?"
"Sometimes I feel the need to remind myself that you're real. That all of this is real. That's all." Sebastian smiled, and the sincerity of his smile almost knocked Ciel over.
"There's no need to worry about that. I shall be at your side until the very end, my young lord. Until the day that lies beco-" Sebastian's mantra was interrupted by a yawn. "Another time, perhaps. I believe it is well past time for you to be off to sleep. I apologize for my intrusion on your bedtime."
"Idiot, I wouldn't have asked you anything if I wasn't prepared to stay up past bedtime." Ciel yawned again. "But I am tired now, and want to go to sleep. And don't you dare think about going anywhere until I do." Sebastian felt the tiny feet wiggle around underneath of him again.
"As you wish, master. I will be right here. Pleasant dreams." Ciel closed his eyes without so much as another sound.
Mere minutes later, Sebastian heard the child's breathing become soft and deep, and his heart rate slowed to a resting pace. Silently, with the utmost care and grace, he crawled over top of the sleeping form, his hands supporting his weight. He loomed over the small body, taking a moment to embed the image of the sleeping child in his mind for safe keeping. He leaned down and pressed his forehead against Ciel's, closing his eyes.
"In all my countless years, I have never met a human with whom I had any desire to share my tales of bygone days. For you to be so unassuming and ironically innocent that I have no qualms about bearing my own blackened, withered heart to you… What a special child you are. How fortunate I am to have found a worthy soul such as yours, able to bring liveliness and purpose even to a wretched life as horribly long as mine." Sebastian leaned down and kissed the small forehead. "My little treasure… Bless you."
Sebastian climbed effortlessly off the bed, and disappeared into the dark hallway. His aching heart was now more plagued with confusion than it had ever been. Come what may, Sebastian was well aware that Ciel Phantomhive was different than any human he had ever encountered before. Long after their contract was complete, he would remember the small boy until the end of days. The lone, unbreakable star in the limitless dark of a demon's forlorn heart.
