New York City Friends

Season 3, Episode 8: We Get Drunk, High, and Heartbroken...

Starring~ Michelle McCool, Ashley Massaro, Candice Michelle, and Torrie Wilson.


It all started when I invited Mark to Candice's party and everything from there went somewhere I could never quite understand.

"You've been through enough shit today, let's go out! We both need to, be my date to Candice's party, it'll be fun," Michelle insisted. Mark was having a small headache, so he sat on the couch while Michelle went off to get dressed.

Mark contemplated while on the couch, but he gave in when Michelle came out of the bathroom all ready to go. She looked stunning and Mark thought it wouldn't hurt to accompany her, so he quickly freshened up in the bathroom.
"I'm buying you a new button-up shirt, there's an H&M around the corner," she told him. So the two went off into the night. Mark picked a long sleeved button-up, it was a light shade of blue.

Michelle was pleased, "I like that color, it's very soft and mellow to the eyes," she said, "You're gonna love the party, we can go for at least an hour so you can get back home without making Victoria suspicious."

Now looking back, it was like we were having an affair and the party was our sex. But we both needed that party and it felt good.


The next morning, I woke up in Candice's bathtub... well the Hamptons King's bathtub.

Michelle rubbed her eyes and she awoke to the smell of pancakes, "Where am I," Michelle asked herself. A model was brushing her teeth, she turned to Michelle and waved.

"Hi sweetie, the party was to die for," the thin model told Michelle. "Where's Candice," Michelle asked the model with long brown hair. The model pointed downstairs, "She's making pancakes," she told her, "Hey, do I look fat," the model asked.

Michelle ignored her and proceeded to walk downstairs. "Hey, where's Mark," Michelle asked Candice. "He went home, Victoria was calling him and I don't blame her, it was 1 A.M. by the time he left," Candice told her.

"What a fucking party," Candice exclaimed, "It was at a mansion, which I didn't even have to pay for, it was exclusive and all my girls were here, finally... oh and it was for charity of course!"

Everything was a blur to me, I could not remember one thing.

The two stayed quiet for a while, both yawning and still somewhat hungover. "Oh my fuckin' god, my husband cheated on me, that little fucker," a woman abruptly said. The woman was middle-aged, she had golden sunglasses on and a floral dress that reached all the way to her feet, and a giant straw sun hat.

Michelle and Candice didn't know what to tell her, they didn't know her. She randomly walked in from the backyard, "I'm gone for three days and the son of a bitch cheats on me, can you believe that," she told them.

"My husband moved to New Jersey, and here I am partying in the Hamptons... he's been gone for about a week," Michelle told the woman. "Well expect to be cheated on," the woman warned Michelle and then walked away.

And then I got to thinking. Everything I thought I knew suddenly started flying out the window.

Michelle watched as the woman walked away. Candice turned Michelle away from the woman, "Don't listen to her, Wade cheated on me and we we're living together when he cheated," Candice reassured her.

Michelle tried staying calm, but it was now running through her mind.


Ashley and Mickie also went to Candice's party, but they spent their morning a little different.

The city was chilly that morning, but Ashley's sheets were very warm. The room began to get hotter and hotter as Mickie began kissing Ashley all around the neck and shoulders. She started down, kissing until she hit the 'jackpot'.

Mickie started slowly with her fingers and then she used her mouth to intensify the feeling, her tongue tingled around and inside Ashley's 'jackpot'. Ashley held onto the sheets, with a satisfaction that made her moan.

"So you like that baby," Mickie murmured. Mickie rubbed the 'jackpot' one more time and then lied on her back, waiting for Ashley to return the favor.

Ashley got the hint. She sat up and got in between Mickie's legs, but she had no clue on what to do with it.

It was their first time, and Ashley did not know what she was doing.

Ashley used four fingers in a bunch and she tapped Mickie's 'little box'. "Mmm," Ashley tried sounding convincing, "Yum." She slowly placed her mouth on it, but her entire face was trembling and she couldn't bring herself to do it.

Either way, Mickie began shoving Ashley's face into it. She then grabbed a pink vibrator and within minutes of using both hands, one to force Ashley's tongue and the other to use the vibrator, Mickie finished.

"Oh my gosh, wow," Mickie moaned as she closed her eyes. Ashley on the other hand, was practically traumatized.

Ashley was just taking a nice swim in the lady pond, only to find herself drowning and suffocating.


After finally getting home, Michelle took a shower to wash away the hangover and surely enough she did, but she couldn't wash away the things the doubts and questions. Michelle felt paranoid that Jack was going to stop loving her or cheat on her- Why wouldn't he? They were living in different states and they haven't been talking in the past week.

I couldn't shake the doubts, so I called Jack. I was ready to patch things up, at this point, I was even willing to move to New Jersey with him.

"Please pick up," Michelle waited. He didn't pick up though, so Michelle left him a message. "Jack, I'm sorry, about everything, I really am and I just want things to go back to how they were," she begged of him, "I want us to live together like a married couple should, so..., call me back, I'll move to Jersey with you."

She hung up. She couldn't bare hearing a grainy empty sound coming from the phone and around her, she missed her husband and she was beginning to wonder why she didn't just move with him to begin with.


It was a Friday morning, Candice was unaware of that until the hospital called her to see where she was. Candice rushed home and quickly got into her nursery scrubs, she had no time to do her makeup.

She put her hair up in a messy bun and everything else about her was messy, so to make up for it she put on some killer heels.

Five blocks later, Candice was regretting the heels. She kept hustling and sweating, oh and still hungover too, while everybody shamefully glanced at her.

Hangovers are a bitch.

Before even walking into the children's hospital, Candice put on her appropriate, professional mask on. Being surrounded by sick children while still a little tipsy is probably the worst case scenario.

"I'm never throwing a party on a day before work," Candice whispered to herself. Everything went well- Candice greeted her co-workers, she attended the sick children, she managed to keep conversations, and she was able to think straight.

Candice kept a smile throughout those eight hours and the children liked the cherry lollipops she carried and her sweet strawberry smell.

Candice had an alter ego while at work at the children's hospital- she described her alter ego as a hotter version of Mary Poppins and she used Torrie for inspiration.

After work however, Candice could no longer hide the fact that she had been drinking the day before. She went to freshen up in the restroom, minutes later she ended up asleep in a stall and she stayed asleep for the next two hours.


Over across a bridge in Brooklyn, Ashley played around with some alter ego's too. She began to feel confused with the fact that she wasn't attracted to vagina, but was romantically attracted to a woman.

Next to her art studio there was a little thrift store and Ashley stopped by during her lunch break.

Ashley once tried to change her dressing style for a gay man she thought was straight, then she began over-sexualizing her image for other men, and now she was trying to butch herself up for a lesbian.

She went through the racks and began picking out all the flannels she could find, and there were a lot. She also picked out some baggy pants.

Ashley rushed next door to her art studio and she locked the place to play around a little. She threw on some things and she mixed & matched a few outfits, until she finally found the perfect 'lesbian outfit'. The outfit included a long red flannel, a pair of black lose Avril Lavigne styled pants, her good old black punk boots, and a beanie.

She called Mickie and she set up a date at her art studio.

Ashley really didn't know what she was doing now.


Back in the Lower East Side, it was another typical working day for Torrie, she left home for lunch and found a little surprise waiting for her on her doorstep. After editing and after a few more revisions, Torrie's book was complete and ready to publish. The package was labeled 'Book by Torrie, for Torrie'... of course that wasn't the name of the book, Torrie was still undecided on the title.

"Oh my, oh my," Torrie excitedly cheered as she picked up the box. She shook it and she could hear her book, she even caught a whiff of that classic 'book smell'.

Torrie began opening it, the whole world seemed to stop and she felt like she was on the edge.

Opening that box for Torrie felt like opening the zipper to a really hot guy's jeans, you expect a lot, only to be let down.

The soon-to-be author took the book out and 'yuck' she thought. "What is this?" Torrie was not amused. The book was plain yellow, with tacky orange and bright pink squares on the sides and on the top. It looked like a powerpoint slide.

"What is this, oh god, what is this," Torrie cried out. It only got worse, "They couldn't even at least spell my name right," she cried out.

Torrie ran to her room and she hid the book under the bed before going back to work.


For Mark, the bad designs haunting him were far worse and much more permanent.

Mark had disappeared after Michelle somehow fell asleep in a bathtub in some millionaire's mansion, she had no idea what he did afterwards. So Mark began telling her everything that transpired after he left the party at 1 A.M.

"Victoria was pissed, I don't blame her, she went off on me and the baby cried, it was a mess," Mark told her, "She told me that I can no longer live so recklessly and she told me that I needed to grow up... so I got a tattoo."

Michelle gasped, "Oh no, Mark, please tell me you weren't still drunk when you got it," she asked fearfully. He looked ashamed, "Kind of... I wanted to piss her off and I did it to be rebellious-" Mark couldn't finish, Michelle cut him mid-way.

"You sound like a fucking teenager Mark," she told him. Mark shook his head and carried on with the story, "Anyway, so I thought, 'Okay, she want's me to be more grown', so I got a tattoo of my credit score," he then proceeded to show her the tattoo.

On the side of his rib-cage he had his current credit score and next to it it read- 'Do Yo Taxes Man and Keep Yo Credit Score High Brotha'.

He was like a teenager, and he was also like one of those people with the 'gone wrong' tattoos you read about online, and he was also like one of those parody guys in those commercials credit scores and taxes.

Michelle laughed, she couldn't help it. "Oh, wow, Mark," she said. She held onto her stomach as she laughed, Mark found it funny too, but not nearly as funny. "I'm a fucking joke for crying out loud," he declared, while laughing.

I shouldn't have been laughing, my own life wasn't too pretty either. I guess we can all be like teenagers, mistakes, and walking jokes sometimes.


After a nap in the bathroom stall, Candice finally woke up to the noise of a janitor sweeping the floors. "Shit," she uttered after realizing how screwed up she was.

By then her hungover was gone, but Candice continued to shamefully walk past some of her co-workers who stayed in late and by patients. "Hello," Candice waved to the people as she walked by, "Hello."

She stepped outside and felt the fresh air take over her, she felt so free and relaxed. Her phone began to ring, she looked down and hell ruined that. It was Wade, he rarely called her, and it was never good.

"Hello Wade, why are you calling me," she asked.

The entire party was a messy non-existent blur to us all. For example, Candice left an embarrassing crying voicemail on Brooklyn's phone and she totally forgot about it.

Wade paused and then he ran her down. "Why did you leave that disturbing message on Brooklyn's voicemail, he called me and told me that it was embarrassing... especially since he accidentally had it on speaker while he was with his friends," he caught her up on.

"No," Candice whispered. "You screwed up Candice, you need to apologize because he was really upset and worried about you," Wade told her, "Even I'm worried about you, what is going on with you?"

Candice rolled her eyes, "Okay, I'll call him and fix it, but please juse stop judging me Wade," she told him off. "I make mistakes, and you do too... like cheating on me and breaking our family," she spoke the unspeakable.

"Candice, are you having some type of meltdown," he asked his ex-wife. Candice chuckled sarcastically and hung up.


It was a smoky afternoon- the city was jazzy and the people were all going somewhere on that Friday. Including Mickie, she was excited to finally have a one-on-one date with Ashley.

Mickie wore a pretty blue vest and a white mesh lace dress, she even wore her little brown boots that she dubbed her 'good boots'. She looked like a angelic gypsy- authentic and gorgeous... then came Ashley.

Ashley was far from authentic, and nowhere near gorgeous. Ashley didn't understand the true colors of individuals, how everybody can be their own person without fitting into exaggerated stereotypes.

Mickie hopped out of the cab, bubbly and excited. She then saw Ashley and her spirits dropped. Ashley approached her, but Mickie pushed her away. "What are you wearing," Mickie asked Ashley.

Ashley shrugged, "A big flannel, some baggy jeans, and some boots man," she responded. "Because I like women and vagina and boobs," Ashley playfully added.

Mickie shook her head, practically feeling mocked. "You're being offensive Ashley, and I don't know why you're acting like this," Mickie said.

"Uh, maybe because you practically shoved my face into your vagina and I didn't like it one fucking bit and if I can't have sex with you... then what the hell happens," Ashley admitted.

"We can still be in a relationship, sex isn't everything and I didn't know you felt that way, I guess I was too rough," Mickie admitted.

Ashley and Mickie just didn't fit- in Ashley's eyes they were destined to dissolve fast.

"It's not just that, I don't fit in your world, I don't fit in with your friends, I don't fit next to you," Ashley explained to her. Mickie's eyes melted away, she closed them for a second and then hugged Ashley. "Well, off you go and off I go, and I guess that's it," Mickie said.

Ashley and Mickie were done, just like that, they had broken up. "And by the way, you need to be more confident in who you are," Mickie advised Ashley. Mickie gave her one last piece of advice, "I hope you find a man who will really make you feel confident and comfortable."


The night began to sink in and the air swayed around the city, pulling people and moving buildings so smoothly like a dance. Torrie was far from feeling smooth and mellow, she was desperately trying to change the cover of her book, but her publisher was telling her that it would cost them extra money and extra time.

Brock came over to see if Torrie was free, but he saw how stressed she was about her book. "Hey, listen, you can't do much about it," he tried comforting her, "That's business, sometimes you can't always have it go your way."

"Brock, are you not seeing the book cover, it is horrendously lifeless," Torrie cried out. Torrie kept on calling, but her publisher kept on arguing with her that nothing could be done.

It was a dead end road for Torrie, she felt exhausted, but still not hopeless somehow.

"Come on, lets go out and just forget about the book for now," he suggested. Torrie shook her head and shooed him out as kindly as she could, "Sorry, I have to see what I can do to change the cover," she told him.

He left, with no love or sugar. Torrie was running into a wall, but she had a hammer in her hand and she wasn't going to let that wall be the end for her.


The Friday night was slowly getting darker and colder. Candice called Brooklyn and she apologized for the disturbing voicemail, Wade shamed her like she was some mistake.

Candice took another nap, before finally calling Brooklyn and really apologizing. "It's okay, just don't do it again, that was really uncomfortable for me," Brooklyn told her. "Are you sure you're okay mom," he asked.

"I'm doing great, and I hope you are too," she insisted. The conversation went back and forth like that for just two minutes or so. "Okay, well, I have to go now," Brooklyn told his mother.

Candice wanted to stay on the phone with him forever and just hear his voice. "Take care honey, and, I miss you so much, I'll be waiting for you when you get home," she promised him.

"Drunk, or sober enough to really be there," he asked, half jokingly, but with a concerned undertone.

Candice wanted to promise him the world, and she wanted to carry that world for him... but unfortunately, she wasn't sure anymore.

After chuckling, she stayed silent for a while. "I promise," she claimed. Her eyes got watery and the call ended.


Candice didn't know what she was doing, Ashley and Torrie didn't know either, and I was just as lost as them. We all didn't really have perfect vision that Friday night.

After her breakup, Ashley called Michelle and told her everything, she didn't feel like spending the night alone and Michelle insisted she should stay at her place for the night.

Torrie also came that night, she showed them the book and they were all trying to convince her that it was fine... but they finally admitted that Torrie had to fight for a better book cover. Eventually, Candice joined the three. After feeling like shit, Candice needed her girls to make her feel like more than shit and reassure her that a little fun never hurt nobody.

It was a girls sleepover, plus Mark.

Mark showed his tattoo to Victoria, and Victoria was not happy. According to Mark, the two fought and Victoria told him to sleep on the couch. Mark was sure going to sleep on a couch, but on the couch of Michelle.

He showed up the same way the other three women showed up to the door, Michelle invited him to stay the night and Mark was grateful for her.

The girls were grateful that they were spending the night together, I was grateful that the girls were keeping me away from the loneliness of my apartment, and Mark was grateful that the girls and I were all present. Because the girls didn't know what they were doing at this point, I was no longer sure why I didn't move with Jack, and Mark would feel weird if it were just him and I in the apartment we once shared.

It was 11 P.M. and somehow marijuana ended up in their hands. It was a long story, a silly one, one they couldn't really recall anymore.

"I once smoked pot with Punk, and this is exactly how it felt," Torrie told them, "Magical, oh my jeez!" Torrie smiled as she jumped up and down happily.

Candice laughed, with her head rested on the living room window. "How did we end up here, I never thought I'd see the day," Candice said, laughing uncontrollably.

"Shit happens," Ashley responded. Ashley was lying on the floor, with no shirt on, just a bra and a pair of old jeans.

Michelle lied on the couch, hanging upside down like a bat. She had her legs up on the couch and her head on the floor, the blood was rushing up her head and the world felt like a rush too. "I haven't smoked pot in such a long time," she said while chuckling.

Mark hung upside down too, right next to Michelle. He turned to her and shrugged, "Life is weird," he said.

And my friends, life really is weird. Not just the day, but our lives in general and some of our decisions. They were confusing and somehow we justified them, but we were all just running around like chickens without heads. After no longer being high on weed, I packed my bags to move to Jersey at 4 in the morning.


Special Guest Stars~ Mark Calaway, Mickie James, Wade Barrett, Brock Lesnar, and Brooklyn Barrett.

Published On May 21, 2016.