Beta'd by the Wonderful Sunflower Fran. Any mistakes left are all mine!

I don't own Twilight.

Chapter 17

Bella

Christmas day is busy from the moment Edward and I come downstairs from our morning lovemaking. It was beautiful and intense, the way we stared into each other's eyes as he moved inside me, hitting a spot so deep that my toes curled and heart raced. We came together holding onto each other, as we both whisper I love yous.

We spend the remainder of the morning opening presents and enjoying everyone's company.

I smile at Edward, passing him his gift.

"I hope it's something I can take off you." He winks as he tears into the wrapping paper.

"You can take it off yourself, Asshole." I tell him as he pulls out the t-shirt with his name on it or his nickname.

The matching keychain falls out as he holds up the t-shirt that says 'My Asshole.'

"What does it say?" Esme asks, smiling over at us.

Edward turns the shirt around and holds up his keychain with it. Everyone stares at the shirt in silence. Both Alice and Jasper shake their heads knowing our nicknames for each other.

My dad clears his throat. "Why are you calling him an Asshole?"

"Because that's what he is, Dad. My Asshole," I lean over kissing Edward on the lips.

"And she's my Brat." Edward smiles and leans over pulling me into him for a more intense kiss.

Our tongues intertwine and I hum enjoying the taste of him.

"I love it, baby. I'm proud to be your asshole, I won't disappoint," he winks at me.

"I know you won't," I push his shoulder.

"You two are strange. Is that some kind of foreplay?" My dad asks causing everyone in the room to laugh.

"Charlie! That's inappropriate!" My mom yells at him.

We all turn towards her in shock.

Esme stands up and starts walking towards the kitchen. "Since when do you care what's inappropriate?"

"Yeah. Did Bella threaten to cut off your liquor supply if you didn't stop flirting with Edward?" Alice asks.

"I wasn't flirting with Edward. I was complimenting him on his good looks." She says defensively.

"Is that what it's called these days? Because I swore, you wanted a divorce just the other day." Dad raises an eyebrow in challenge.

Edward leans over to me and whispers in my ear.

"What the hell did you do to her? I don't want to promote mother/daughter violence," he says bumping his shoulder against mine.

"I may have given her an example of my grandpa calling her edible. It totally freaked her out." I say simply.

He pulls me onto his lap kissing me hard. "Damn it woman, you're a genius! I'll thank you later."

"You better or I'll let her loose on you again," he shudders and I laugh at him.

"That is not fucking funny," he gives me a hard stare.

I try to get off of his lap but he pulls me back down tickling my side.

"Will you stop mauling my daughter in my house!" My dad yells at us.

"Sure thing Charlie, I'll just wait to maul her in our apartment."

My dad glares at him not amused at all.

"They're better here than they were at my house. They actually disappeared to the tree house all morning." Carlisle says laughing at the shocked look on my dad's face.

"Oh! That reminds me, we have to clean it, before my grandbaby will play in it!" Esme yells from the doorway of the kitchen.

"Mom you have a few years before Jasper and Alice's baby is big enough to play in it," Edward shakes his head at her.

"Oh I plan to take Junior in it his first day at grandma's and grandpa's!" Jasper says excitedly.

"You will not use your fucking baby to get into my tree house. I'll take him or her but you are still not allowed!" Edward points at Jasper.

I get off his lap standing. "Could you two not start!"

"I swear you only got me pregnant to play in that damn tree house!" Alice stands and rushes up the stairs.

Jasper runs after her, calling her name. Esme just shakes her head and goes back to the kitchen while the rest of us listen to Alice scream at him.

Eventually, Alice and Jasper rejoin us downstairs just in time to greet all of our relatives. Esme stays busy in the kitchen, both Sue and my aunt Kate drop off dishes to add to the menu.

My mother stays away from Edward every chance she gets. It's getting a little damn comical and I think he secretly gets a kick out of it. He keeps walking towards her just for her to rush to the other side of the room. Poor Mom, I'm starting to feel a little sorry for her.

When Grandpa and Grandma Swan show up from Port Angeles, she practically ashen.

"Renee, you look lovely as ever. Come give an old man a kiss." Grandpa says pulling my mom into a hug.

Her eyes go wide and her body freezes. Edward and I silently laugh at her discomfort.

"Doesn't she look just edible grandpa?" I ask him.

His eyebrows scrunch up in thought. "I don't know about edible."

My mother rushes out of his arms practically running into the kitchen.

"What's wrong with her, Charlie? That girl has always been a little crazy," Grandmother says walking over to me.

"Let me see that ring!" She grabs my hand smiling widely. "Edward, you have exquisite taste. I can understand why my granddaughter is so in love."

"I'm the one in love, Grandmother Swan." Edward gives her his best smile and she's a goner.

"Edward … " She cups his face with her old withered hand, "I can see your love for Bella, it shines through when you look at her. You will be very happy together and have many children."

Edward smiles at her in confusion. I'm use to her saying strange things my entire life. She congratulated me on getting into Columbia before I received the letter. A month later my acceptance letter arrived. There have always been small incidents such as that my entire life.

"Come, Martha, you'll scare the poor man with your prophecies." My Grandfather mumbles as he pulls her away.

Edward pulls me to his side, "Well, at least, we know I'm going to keep you knocked up!"

"Keep it up Asshole and you are not getting any tonight," I hit his shoulder.

He pulls me into him, gripping my ass. "I'll like to see you try."

Edward leans in and kisses my lips passionately. He's right I couldn't even damn try if I wanted to.

"Bella! There you are." My Aunt Kate's voice is loud and screeching as she interrupts us.

"Aunt Kate. How are you? You remember my fiancée, Edward, from Alice's wedding? I give her a smile.

"I remember my Tanya had her eye on him. She'll be here shortly with her fiancée, Aro. He owns a few Subways in Seattle," she says very proudly as if she owns them.

"Wow, that is impressive. Bella, you've really gotten the short end of the fiancée pool." Edward says trying to contain his glee.

I turn to him rubbing his shoulders. "It's okay, baby. You can try to buy a Subway when owning your own advertising company doesn't work out for you anymore."

"I didn't know you owned an advertising company." She says smiling over at Edward.

"Yeah, it's among my many talents. If you'll excuse me, Aunt Kate, my brother is looking a little forlorn. Nice seeing you again," he kisses my cheek and then leaves me alone with her.

I give him the dirty look following him with my eyes as he ends up next to Jasper, who does, indeed, look like something is wrong.

My aunt takes my hand in hers, hard, her nose practically touching my ring.

"I can't believe it's real! What an exquisite ring." She stands and looks at me, then over at Edward, who is patting Jasper on the back. "Tanya should've really snatched him up at the wedding."

My mouth drops open and I firmly take my hand back. "She tried but I won him over."

"What did you do to win him?" She asks with too much attitude for my taste.

"Oh you know, fuck him. Excuse me." I walk away leaving her with her mouth agape.

That's what her ass gets for trying to insult me. I walk over to Edward and Jasper.

"What the hell is wrong with him?" I ask nodding at Jasper.

"Alice kicked him out of their room. She asked if that dress made her look fat and dumb ass didn't say anything." Edward shakes his head.

"I thought silence would be the best answer! The dress was fitting a little tight but I couldn't say that." Jasper hangs his head in defeat.

"Go to your wife right now and tell her she looks amazing in that dress, carrying your child." I push him towards where Alice is standing, looking miserable.

He sighs and straightens his shoulder walking over to her. She ignores him as he wraps his arm around her.

Edward laughs at the scene in front of us. "If you act like that when you're pregnant, I'm just going to fuck the hormones out of you."

I roll my eyes at him. "You're such an Asshole!"

"Yeah, and you love it," he pulls me into him.

His arm is strong around my waist and I'm feeling all sorts of wrong in a room full of people.

"Mmm, God help me, but I do love it. If I act like Alice, you have my permission to fuck the hormones out of me … often." I stand on my tiptoes and kiss is lips.

We lose ourselves in each other, not caring that my family is around us. My fingers find their way in his hair and I pull as our tongues intertwine. His hand grips my neck holding me in place.

"I see you two haven't changed one bit." Tanya's whiney voice interrupts our little make-out session.

We break apart to find her and a tall, slimy looking man staring at us. His hair is pulled back in a long ponytail like he's been teleported from the eighties.

"Tanya!" I give her my best fake smile.

"Edward, you're looking very well. I hear congratulations are in order," she says ignoring me.

Edward's grips me tighter around the waist. "Yep, this sexy woman agreed to marry my sorry ass. Life couldn't be better."

He kisses my temple being a little too affectionate for company, but I know his game. Tanya's eyes never leave Edward even with her fiancée by her side.

"We hear you have some news? You and …" I wait for her to provide Aro's name although Aunt Kate has bragged about him.

She seems to just realize he's next to her. "Aro, my cousin and her fiancée, Edward," She says the word fiancée with such disgust that it's almost comical.

"Aro, glad to meet you. I hear you own a few Subway franchises. I was looking to get into the business myself," Edward says as he shakes his hand.

"Really? I would love to give you some pointers. I'm looking to open a third you know." Aro says excitedly and Edward tries to get out of his grip but he seems to have a passion for Subways.

That's what the asshole gets for trying to be funny.

Edward

We sit down to dinner and I sit in between Jasper and Bella, officially escaping Aro. I let out a sigh of relief until I see him take the seat directly in front of me.

"Edward, the key is location! Once you find prime real estate, then you can practically reel in the money. I suggest maybe something by a university." He rambles on and on.

I was just being fucking funny, but now it's like I'm stuck with the dude.

Jasper leans over to me whispering.

"You're buying a Subway? You couldn't tell me about that? I'm only your financial advisor, why should you confide in me. It's that damn tree house all over again." He starts rambling like the little brat he's been my entire life.

"Jasper, shut the fuck up. I'm not buying a Subway. You would be the second to know if I wanted to change professions." I tell him as Bella leans over me.

"That," she says tilting her head at Aro, who is momentarily lost in conversation with Bella's Uncle Billy. "Is the product of him being an asshole."

She's right, I was making fun and now I can't shake him.

"Edward, Aro tells me you are going to invest in a Subway," Billy says from across the table.

Bella is trying to contain her laughter and I reach under the table and squeeze her thigh.

"I was considering it, but with the wedding coming up I don't want to make any brash financial decisions." I smile adding some stuffing to my plate.

Thank God my mom cooked. I pile my plate full not noticing that everyone is staring at me.

"You've picked a date and didn't tell me!" Alice yells from the other side of Jasper.

"Or me!" My mother says from the other end of the table.

"You could've at least told your own mother, Bella. Am I really that awful?" Renee pretends to dab at her eyes.

Now I see where Alice gets it.

Bella leans over. "Thanks a lot, Asshole," she takes a deep breath. "We were waiting to tell you all, but the wedding will be June fourth, in Maui, on the beach. I'm still working out details, so I was waiting a week or two to tell you."

She's annoyed and it's turning me on. I stroke the inside of her thigh, trying to calm her down. I hear her breathing increase and I smirk as I take a bite of ham.

"That's perfect, the baby is due late July so I'm sure the doctor will clear me for early June. I'm going to be huge, though." Alice points out.

"You will look perfect, Ali." Jasper leans over and kisses her cheek.

"Hawaii, again? Couldn't come up with something original?" Tanya asks in a nasally voice.

I can't believe I almost fucked her. I shudder at the thought and suddenly I realize how close I came to not having Bella and the life we have.

"I could've, but we wanted to go back to the place where we first fell in love. You know, after the wedding we spent four glorious days together, forgetting everything and everyone." Bella says leaning into me.

Her lips kiss my cheek as one of her fingers run down my chest. She's making it clear whom I belong too, and damn if I don't love it.

Tanya rolls her eyes clearly upset and I don't know why. It's not like she had a chance in hell to be more than a fuck. Not to mention, Aro's an okay guy even with his Subway obsession.

The rest of Christmas dinner is spent with my mother and Renee hammering Bella with questions about the wedding. Jasper continues to suck up to Alice. Aro engages me in more conversation about getting a Subway franchise, while Tanya pouts next to him.

By the time everyone left the Swans' house on Christmas I am ready to ravish my fiancé very loudly, but I have to remember we are only two doors down from her parents. Thank God, we are leaving the day after tomorrow.

Once we're home, I'm going to have her screaming my name for fucking days.

A/N: Love you! Mean it!