Disclaimer: In the first chapter.
Due to encouragement from you guys and already having a few plans for this story-line, I decided to continue on with this story. Besides who doesn't like a chance to fix the end of Season 6? Anyways, hope you enjoy!
Lorelai stood in front of the bathroom mirror fretting with her hair. Not that there was anything wrong with it because it looked just fine. The loose curls framed her face perfectly. No, she was just biding her time and trying to avoid the inevitable. The inevitable being Friday night dinner. To say the least Friday night dinners were never the bright spot of the week but at least they were chances to spend time with her daughter. Ever since Rory ventured off to college and began her college-activity filled life, they didn't get to see each other as often as they would like but they could usually count on Friday night dinners for at least a glimpse of one another. This dinner, however, Rory was only going to be there for drinks since she was throwing her boyfriend a going-away party before he headed off to London.
Lorelai sighed. At least her daughter's relationship was going well even if Logan was leaving tomorrow. It's more than she could say for her own relationship with Luke.
Luke. Besides Rory not being there and the fact that she was going to be alone with her parents for dinner, Luke was, in a way, another reason that she was dreading this particular Friday Night dinner. Maybe not so much Luke but her talk with her mother just the night before which just so happened to be about her relationship with Luke. She knew her mother was just trying to help and in a weird way it felt good that she actually talked and bonded with her mother over something but still she was dreading this dinner.
Lorelai just knew that after last night where her mother encouraged her to talk to Luke that she would questioned on whether or not she talked to Luke and how their talk went if she did. She also knew that if she told the truth, which was that she didn't talk to Luke, that her mom would take it as a personal slight and their bonding moment would be quickly forgotten.
Truth is, Lorelai was going to take her mother's advice. Maybe for the first time in her life. Her plan was to head to the diner as soon as she got back to Stars Hollow and tell Luke that they needed to talk. A talk in which she would try and make him see her side of the situation and see just how much pain she felt these past few months. The talk would hopefully be the beginning of them getting back to the Luke and Lorelai they once were before everything got so complicated. Or maybe they could be an improved Luke and Lorelai, a couple with better communications skills. Communication was definitely an area they were lacking in.
At least that was the plan.
However when she arrived at the diner all the lights were down in the diner as well as in the apartment above. She checked her cellphone to see if maybe he called and left her a message to say that she should stop by or something after the staff meeting she lied about that morning but there was nothing. Luke was already asleep. It would be useless to try and wake him up to have this talk. Suddenly her nerve to talk to Luke was lost.
She knew that she could always try again today to talk to Luke but for some reason she couldn't explain she found herself avoiding Luke. She told herself it was because she was thinking of what to say to him and that was partly true since she stayed up most of the night thinking of what she wanted to say but she was also afraid of what would come of their talk. Most of the possibilities that were conjured up seemed to lean towards the wrong end of the spectrum which ended with them breaking-up.
Lorelai snapped out of her reverie. In spite of wanting to do nothing more than stay home and watch movies in an attempt to forget about her own relationship problems, she knew that she had to go to dinner. With a loud huff Lorelai headed downstairs, told Paul Anka to be a good boy and not destroy the house while she was gone, and headed out the door on the way to Friday night dinner.
Lorelai rubbed at her temples as her mother paced around the room in front of her going on about why Lorelai never heeded her advice. It had only taken asking why Luke didn't come to dinner and Rory leaving early to meet up with Logan before Emily took Lorelai aside into Richard's study and asked her her talk with Luke went. As Lorelai predicted, Emily took it as a slight against her when she revealed that she didn't talk to Luke.
"I just don't understand why you didn't listen to me," Emily chided. "I'm just trying to help you."
"Mom," Lorelai called exasperated. She groaned when Emily didn't listen and continued on her little tirade. "Mom," she called again this time actually gaining Emily's attention.
"What Lorelai?" Emily snapped as she turned around to face her daughter.
"If you would have let me explain earlier instead of jumping to conclusions you would of heard that I was going to talk to Luke," Lorelai replied.
"But you didn't," Emily interjected. "Once again you didn't listen to me. I can't say that I'm surprised at that though. You would never take my advice."
Lorelai suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. "This isn't about me not taking your advice because…and I know this is going to surprise you...I was going to take your advice. I was going to talk with Luke but..."
"But what?" Emily asked.
"But it was late and all the lights were off in his apartment so it's not like I could just wake him up for this," Lorelai answered. "It's not a talk to have when you're half asleep."
"His apartment?" Emily questioned. "I thought you two renovated. I thought you two were living together. What on Earth is he doing at his apartment?"
Lorelai sighed heavily. It's not as if she meant to reveal so much to her mother. "We haven't officially moved in together. He stays at his apartment sometimes. It's not a big deal," she lied.
Truth is she hated the nights that they spent apart. Which is why they usually tried to spend every night together even when he had early deliveries. Lately though they spent more nights apart then they did together. And then the nights they did spend together, it always felt like something was weighing down on them. Those nights weren't exactly enjoyable.
"Well I just thought you two we're living together," Emily commented. "So you didn't talk to him last night, are you doing to talk to to him tonight?"
Lorelai shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know."
"You don't know?" Emily asked. "What does that mean? You were prepared to talk to him last night."
"I know..."
"You are going to continue feeling this was until you talk to him and try to work things out. It's obvious he doesn't see how this is affecting you and the Lorelai I know wouldn't just sit by and let his happen.
"Talk to him," Emily advised. "Try to be rational."
Lorelai choked back a laugh at that. Gilmore women weren't known for their rationality. "I know. I need to and I will."
"Soon," Emily added on.
"Yeah."
Emily softened her voice. "I just want you to be happy Lorelai and you said that Luke is who you want to be with so I do hope things can work out for you two."
"Me too."
The mother and daughter stood quietly, both aware that they had managed to talk openly once again without really any bloodshed. They also both held an understanding that these two moments recently could be a stepping stone to a more understanding mother and daughter relationship.
That idea alone freaked Lorelai out in the slightest way. She cleared her throat. "I guess we should get back out there. Dinner will probably be ready soon."
Emily scoffed. "With this maid, it's doubtful. She probably doesn't even know how to tell time to understand that dinner is to be served at seven."
"Well that just means more time for drinks," Lorelai pointed out. "Let's go before Dad comes looking for us."
With that Emily and Lorelai exited Richard's study and walked back into the living room where Richard sat chatting with Christopher and Emily's ill-fated attempt as a date for Christopher. Why her mother felt the need to set Christopher up was beyond her. However it was fun to watch him squirm. She had once been in that same position herself. Which is why she refused to help him when he asked. As far as she was concerned, he was on his own. She made more important things to worry about.
Dinner passed by relatively fast. At least as fast as it could go when Emily and Richard were meddling in Christopher's love life and Lorelai was lost in her thoughts on what may come of her talk with Luke. She resolved that once she was able to leave Friday night dinner that she would head straight to the diner and, barring any interruptions, she would tell Luke that they needed to talk. And talk they most definitely would. She needed to be heard and one way or another, she would make Luke listen.
Lorelai pulled her jeep into a parking spot in front of the diner. Through the window, she could see Luke at the counter talking with a customer. He hadn't seen her. She could still drive away if she really wanted to. But she told herself that wouldn't solve anything. Emily was right, she needed to sit down and talk with Luke. She needed to be open with him. Lorelai hated to admit that her own mother was right but in this case, she was. So for once, she was going to try and follow her mother's advice.
Now or never, Lorelai decided as she stepped out of the jeep and made her way towards the diner. She took a deep breath as she reached for the door handle and opened up the door. As always, the bells above the diner door signaled her arrival. They captured Luke's attention as well since he chose that moment to look up. He left the customer at the counter and made his way towards Lorelai.
Lorelai noticed that Luke looked like he wanted to say something but spoke up before he had the chance. "Hey. We need to talk."
Luke ignored her comment. "Where have you been?"
Lorelai shook her head. "That doesn't matter, just listen..." she pleaded.
"What are you talking about it doesn't matter?" Luke asked, interrupting her before she had a chance to say what she wanted. "I've been looking everywhere for you. I tried your cell. I went by the inn. Patty was at your house."
Lorelai sighed heavily. She ran her hands through her hair. "I know that but please just listen," she looked up at Luke with pleading eyes. "We need to talk."
Luke nodded, the pleading almost desperate look on her face was enough for him to stop questioning her on where she had been all day even though he spent the entire day worrying about her whereabouts.
"Yeah, okay," he nodded again. "What's going on?"
Lorelai looked around at the few stragglers in the diner then she looked back to Luke. "Do you really want to have this conversation here?"
"Right. Do you want to go back to your place or we can go upstairs," Luke suggested.
Lorelai gave a snort of disapproval. Her place. Yeah right. It was supposed to be their place not just her place. "I'll just be upstairs waiting," she replied shortly before pushing past Luke and heading toward the staircase.
Luke watched, clearly baffled, as Lorelai snatched back the curtain and stomped up the staircase. He didn't understand what Lorelai was referring to when she said that they needed to talk. It could have to do with where she had been all day since no one was really sure of her whereabouts. He tried calling her several times only to get her voice-mail. She seemed so fine recently but there had to be something going on with the way she was currently acting.
First though, he needed to tell Cesar that he now needed to look after the diner while he went upstairs to talk with Lorelai.
Meanwhile, upstairs, Lorelai paced around Luke's apartment. She stopped when she spotted a few stray lip-glosses that were leftover from April's birthday party. The party that she though was a sign that she and Luke were going to be okay since he was involving her in April's life. But then Anna got upset that she was involved which led to Luke freaking out. Any hopes that Luke would continue to actively involve her in April's life were ultimately shattered.
Lorelai found Luke's reaction to be a tad dramatic to say the least. But she could understand where Anna was coming from since they were both single moms. Which is why she went to apologize for the party and introduce herself so Anna could see that she had nothing to worry about. Though talking with Anna did little to ease her mind.
Lorelai began her pacing again. Nervous. That would be the word to describe how she was feeling now. Which she thought was insane, she shouldn't be this nervous to talk to Luke. He was her fiancé after all. But that's just it. He was her fiancé. There was so much riding on this conversation. This could take an ugly and unwanted turn and she could lose everything that she wanted.
Lorelai didn't have time to dwell on that since the apartment door opened and Luke walked in. Her pacing stopped once again as he made his way over to her.
"What's going on Lorelai?" Luke asked.
"We need to talk," Lorelai informed him.
"Yeah you said that earlier," Luke replied.
"Right," Lorelai sighed. "And we do. We need to talk. We really need to talk."
Luke nodded. As he moved to sit down on the couch, he grabbed Lorelai's elbow and guided her to sit down next to him since it was obvious since she wasn't going to move. "Okay. What's going on?" he asked again.
Lorelai fidgeted nervously with her hands in her lap. Feelings of insecurity began to sweep over her. She fancied herself Wonder Woman and hated the idea of showing her insecurities. Luke was one of the selected few who she ever truly revealed herself to. Even before they started dating. Now was another one of those moments.
"Lorelai?" Luke prompted when Lorelai stayed silent for several minutes.
Lorelai looked over at Luke. "Are we ever going to get married?" she blurted out.
She figured there was no sense in idle chit-chat. She just needed to get down to the much larger issues at hand. She feared if the didn't get it out now that she may never say anything.
"What?" Luke choked out. "Of course we are," he reassured her by taking her hand in his. "You know that. I told you before that we are getting married. We're going to get married and..."
"And we'll have lobster," Lorelai interrupted, she removed her hand from Luke's grasp. "I know you said that before but just saying that doesn't mean anything. Saying something like that, promising something like that and not taking any steps towards that isn't any kind of progress. We postponed but we're not doing anything."
"I thought you were okay with postponing. You're the one that suggested we postpone the wedding in the first place," Luke replied.
"I know. And I was..." she trailed off for a moment and thought about that statement. "At least I thought I was." She groaned. "I may have not been as okay with postponing as I made you believe."
Luke shook his head, not understanding exactly what Lorelai was trying to say here. "Then why did you suggests postponing if you weren't even okay with it?"
"I was okay with it, at least I think I was. In some way." Lorelai tried her best to explain. "I was okay with giving you time to wrap your head around everything with April especially since at that time it was all so fresh. I mean you just found out that you had a daughter. I know you and I knew that you needed that time to process. I just didn't think it would end up like this," she admitted as she looked down at her lap once again. Her voice was small and wavering.
"End up like what?" Luke questioned.
Lorelai scoffed. Unbelievable. As she looked back up at Luke, she made a gesture with her hands first pointing to herself and then to Luke. "Like this."
"What are you talking about?" He repeated the gesture that she made just seconds ago. "What does that mean?"
Lorelai groaned again. She sprung up from the couch and began pacing the floor just in front of where Luke sat on the couch. Sure, she knew Luke could be dense at times and a little too in-his-head at times but did he seriously not see how things seemed to be going for them lately? Of course he didn't notice. If he would have noticed then they would not be in this position that they are now. She would have to tell him what was wrong, what had been wrong these past few months, instead of him just being able to read her to understand that something was wrong.
Lorelai abruptly turned to face him, her hands planted firmly on her hips. "Want to know what I'm talking about?" she asked but wasn't looking for an answer. "I'm talking about the fact that for months now I've been walking around feeling like crap all the time. I'm not happy. I haven't been happy in a while."
"I-I-I didn't know," Luke stammered out.
"No, of course you didn't know," Lorelai accused. "And I don't know...maybe I should have told you how I felt sooner but I have never had to tell you before. You could always just read me. You always just knew when something was wrong. But lately I don't know where that Luke went. The Luke that knew when I was upset and tried to fix it.
"I'm still here," Luke defended himself as he stood up from the couch. "I'm still the same Luke. I just have April to consider now. And you know me, I get in my head about things. I get in my head and I can't deal with everything all at once. I'm bad at that."
"You're right. I do know that about you. I know you get in your head. I was prepared for that. I just didn't know you would be in your head this long and that it would mean completely shutting your fiancé out," Lorelai retorted.
He hadn't shut her out. Had he? No. They had spent time together. Not as much time together recently as he would have liked but they were both busy. But he hadn't completely shut her out. He would never just shut her out like that. And if he did, he didn't mean to.
"I haven't completely shut you out," Luke defended himself again. "You're still a part of my life."
"Then what do you call not allowing your own fiancé around your daughter? Your fiancé, who didn't even know about your daughter for two months," Lorelai replied, raising her voice. "Hell, you even made sure that I wouldn't even be at the diner at the same time that April was."
"You know that I wanted time alone with her so I could get to know her for myself. I'm her dad, I just found out a few months ago that I had a daughter. I needed time to get to know her," Luke countered.
"I know you did!"
"You said I could have that time. You understood that I needed that time with April," Luke replied.
"Yeah I did understand that you needed that time," Lorelai said. "I especially understood after you made the decision that I wouldn't come by the diner any time that April was there. Nice to be informed of that over an answering machine by the way."
"You didn't say anything, I assumed you were okay with it."
Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Well you know that they say when you assume…"
Both parties stood staring at one another, only the coffee table separating them. Any notion of trying to remain rational and having this be a calm talk had already flown out the window. It's not like this kind of talk could ever be done in a calm manner anyways. It was a fruitless endeavor. But still she was telling him everything that had been bottling up for months. However she was still unsure of how this talk was going to turn out.
"Look," Luke said trying to ease the tension in the room. "You know that I wanted time with April. I love that you gave me time with her. It means a lot to me. And now with Anna..."
"Yeah but see I talked to Anna and she said that everything will be fine with April once we're married. But I figured maybe if she really knew that we were getting married, if there was a date or something. Or maybe if you talked to her then…," Lorelai didn't get to finish what she wanted to say before Luke interrupted her.
"Wait, wait, you talked to Anna?" Luke questioned, he crossed his arms and stared Lorelai down. So much for easing the tension in the room.
"Yeah, I talked to Anna."
His brow furrowed. "When did you talk with Anna?"
By Luke's tone, Lorelai felt as if she was being scolded by a parent. "After the party."
"I didn't know you talked to Anna, you weren't supposed to talk to Anna."
"I know and I'm sor..." Lorelai automatically went to apologize, something that she felt she had been doing for months but she stopped herself. She threw her hands in the air, exasperated. "God, no. I'm not going to apologize. We're talking. I'm going to have an opinion. I'm not going to bite my tongue anymore. So what, I talked to Anna."
"You weren't supposed to talk to Anna," Luke repeated, the anger evident in his voice.
"So you said," Lorelai said with another roll of her eyes. "I can talk to who I want to. I just thought that Anna should know the party was my idea, that it wasn't your fault. And I thought maybe that if she knew that we were indeed serious about one another, that if we were indeed getting married that maybe things with April could be cleared up."
"You still weren't supposed to talk to Anna," Luke said.
"Oh my God, get a new line," Lorelai urged. "Okay, I get it. You didn't want me to talk to Anna. But maybe, just maybe, and this is a sprinkle of a maybe, if Anna knew that this was serious and that we were getting married that things wouldn't be this way. So I decided to take the initiative which was to go and talk to Anna so she could know who I was, so then maybe I could be involved in April's life."
"It's still too soon for you to be involved," Luke replied.
"How is it too soon?" Lorelai shouted. "I'm your fiancé, it shouldn't be too soon. We shouldn't have these two separate lives, one of which I'm not allowed to be a part of."
"I'm trying here," Luke fired back.
"Try harder!"
The silence in the room was deafening. They were just talking in circles it seemed. Well shouting in circles was probably more appropriate. But people didn't really say shouting in circles. Whatever they were doing, it was in circles. Always come right back around to the same thing while nothing seemed to be getting resolved.
Lorelai could feel the hot tears brimming at her eyes threatening to fall over her lashes and down her cheeks. She really didn't want to cry. At least not until she was alone. But the tears seemed to have their own way of thinking.
"I love you Luke," Lorelai said softly. "Do you love me?"
Luke stared in disbelief at her. Of course he loved her. How could she ever doubt that? He moved from behind the coffee table to stand in front of Lorelai. He reached out and cupped the side of her face.
"Of course I love you Lorelai, you know that," Luke replied just as softly as she did.
"Then please just let me in," Lorelai pleaded. She didn't care if she sounded desperate. "Just open the door and let me in. Stop making me hold onto the bumper."
Luke looked at her, a confused expression contorting his face. "The bumper?"
Lorelai took a deep breath trying to gain her bearings just enough to explain what she meant. "You see it's like you're driving a car and I just want to be in the passenger seat. God, I really want to be in the passenger seat. But no, the door's locked and I'm stuck holding onto the bumper. You don't even have to open the door, you just have to unlock it and say 'come in,' but you're not doing that. You just keep on driving and I'm still stuck holding onto the bumper and I'm getting hurt over and over again. You're driving and I'm just getting really badly bruised and hitting potholes," Her voice usually strong and steady, started to waver. "And I don't know how much longer I can hold onto the bumper."
"I have to figure things out with April," Luke said calmly. "I need time."
Lorelai shook her head as she looked towards the ground. She tried to hide the tears but she knew there was no use. They were already running steadily down her face. She didn't get it. They had talked. She had practically poured her heart out to him. She told him just how much she hurt over the past few months and his response just seemed apathetic. This was not the Luke she knew.
Lorelai wiped at her tears before she looked back up at Luke. She pushed her hair back behind her ear, a habit she developed when she was nervous. She sniffled loudly. "I'm hurt and I'm tired of being hurt. I don't know how much longer I can continue to hold onto this bumper."
When Luke didn't say anything in response, it hurt her. When Luke allowed her to walk out his apartment door without so much as saying her name, it hurt her even worse. When she paused outside of the closed apartment door for several minutes just waiting for Luke to make an appearance and having him not show, that hurt the worst.
Lorelai bounded down the diner steps not caring that tears were now streaming freely down her face. She didn't care when she entered the diner and drew the attention of whoever was still there just before closing time. Surely someone had already hurt that she and Luke were fighting. The news would be all over town by tomorrow morning. But for now all Lorelai cared about was getting into her jeep and driving away. Where she was headed, she was quite sure. But she knew that for tonight, she was not headed home.
A/N: I wasn't trying to have Luke come across as a jerk, if you took him that way, but I took how things happened in 'Partings' but with my own twist of them talking and not Lorelai trying to make him elope. I know things look bad now but it's all a part of my plan.Like Lorelai is headed somewhere at the moment, but she could be headed anywhere.
Anyways, reviews are always encouraged!
