She said, "I wonder when it'll be my day, 'cause I'm not too far from breaking down. All I've got are screams inside, but somehow they come out in a smile, and I'm wondering if I'll always feel this way." - A Day To Be Alone, One Less Reason
Your Beautiful Ending by Astraea97
Chapter Three
During the war, Blaise had become accustomed to the sense of desolation that hung in the air. He had grown used to the helplessness that had seized his heart and stolen the fight out of him. He'd stopped appreciating the little things, because they had been all but smothered into nothingness by the misery that surrounded him. Now, he made a point to enjoy life's little treasures: the warmth that filled him in the presence of his loved ones, the sound of rain drumming against his roof at night, the shades of orange when the sun was setting on the horizon.
He hated Granger for tainting one of his treasures.
The first time he had spotted her sitting out in front of the lake watching the sunset, he had been taken back by how beautiful she looked under the setting sun. School had only been in session a few days, and he had returned to Hogwarts at his mother's insistence along with many others who had abandoned their education during the war. He had made the decision after the war to appreciate the beauty in things, and Hermione Granger was certainly beautiful. It was only when she opened her mouth that she shattered the illusion. He had briefly considered returning the way he had came, but quickly decided against it. Her presence, though irritating, could not prevent him from enjoying his favorite time of day.
Watching the sunset allowed Blaise to center himself, to remind himself of the both inevitability and certainty in knowing that the sun would always set in the evening, only to rise again at dawn. And just because the day was coming to a close, just because something was ending, did not mean that this ending could not be beautiful.
Hermione woke the next morning after a long night of tossing and turning. Her anger towards Zabini had not waned until the early hours of the morning, after many hours of trying to shove the thoughts of him out of her head. Tired and irritated, she pushed herself out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. After getting out of the shower, she almost laughed at her appearance, noting the dark circles under her eyes. After drying off and dressing, she reached for her makeup bag in hopes of bringing a little life to her tired face. She returned to her room to grab her books and school bag, and headed down the stairs to meet her friends who had already gathered in the common room. Ron and Harry greeted her with tired mumbles while Ginny sauntered up to her.
"Morning, 'Mione! You look lovely today," she beamed.
Hermione eyed Ginny in disbelief. She would never understand morning people.
"I don't know about lovely. I could barely sleep last night," Hermione said with a yawn.
Ginny giggled and lowered her voice suggestively, "Why? Thinking about doing naughty things with Zabini all night?"
"What was that?" Ron asked in suspicion.
Hermione flushed and sent a glare Ginny's way, "Nothing."
Ginny laughed and moved towards Harry, taking his hand in hers. She pulled him towards the portrait hole and turned to look back at Ron and Hermione. "Let's go eat, I'm starving."
Rolling her eyes, Hermione followed them out of the common room towards the Great Hall. Once they had seated themselves for breakfast, she found herself glancing over at the Slytherin table before cursing herself and resolving to pointedly ignore that damned Slytherin. 'I do not want to do naughty things with Zabini', she told herself.
"Hogsmeade this weekend, yeah?"
Hermione turned her attention back towards her friends. "Sorry?"
Ginny looked at her knowingly. "The four of us are still planning on going to Hogsmeade tomorrow, right?"
Hermione smiled eagerly while regarding her friends. She was looking forward to having some time to relax, just the four of them. "Of course."
Across the room, Blaise also found himself looking for the Gryffindor amongst her friends. It was curious, the way he could loathe her and still seek her face out in a crowd. While he was musing this over, he noted that Draco had sat down rather dramatically beside him.
"I think Parkinson wants to have a go at me."
Blaise pulled himself away from staring at Granger in order to look at his friend in amusement.
"Pardon?" he asked.
"She keeps rubbing up against me and whispering dirty things in my ear."
Blaise laughed, "I think it's pretty evident what she wants then."
Draco looked troubled. "The thing is, now that I see how Granger tends to get you all hot and bothered, I think I would like to have that kind of passion with someone. Pansy just doesn't do it for me."
"Granger does not get me hot and bothered!" Blaise cried.
Draco regarded his friend with a smirk. "Sure she doesn't. Anyways, I'm more interested in that hot little Hufflepuff, Rowen Turner."
Blaise furrowed his brow. "Turner hates you."
"Yes, but I like to think of yours and Granger's relationship to give me hope. Now come on, we're going to be late for Potions."
Groaning, Blaise rose to follow his friend to their first class. They slipped in right before their new Potions teacher, Professor Fitzgerald, was about to close the door. This earned them a rather pointed look from the tiny Scottish woman, whom they had learned in the first few days of classes did not take any shit from anyone. This class, and most of Blaise's other classes, consisted of the many students returning to complete their seventh year at Hogwarts. As such, there were students from every house in the class, which made for an interesting mix of personalities.
Professor Fitzgerald had warned on the first day of classes that she would not tolerate any disruptions of any kind in her class, and had cautioned her students to leave their prejudices at the door. She had also taken the time to suggest that the times for prejudices and discrimination was behind them. It was that kind of hate, she said, that had led to the unspeakable sins and unthinkable crimes had occurred during the war. It was those kinds of attitudes that served to divide the wizarding world instead of uniting it. And as a result, they had all suffered the consequences of this hate. They had all lost loved ones. They were all left to pick up the pieces that this hatred had left behind. It was a somber message that all of her students had taken to heart.
"Today we're going to be pairing up to start our work work on a rather difficult potion, Gilchrist's Essence. As seventh years, I expect that I do not need to warn you that extreme caution must be taken when working on such challenging potions. Some of the instructions and ingredients can be found on the board behind me. This potion is unique in that the ingredients may differ, depending on the type of essence that you are your partner should choose to produce. As such, a written component will be required at the end of the month, when you turn your potions in. I will be expecting a fifteen page paper, detailing the ingredients used and what influenced your choice to include them." At this, the students gave a collective groan. The professor narrowed her eyes before continuing.
"Now, I have already assigned your partners. No complaining," she paused to regard her students rather purposefully. "Tracey Davis and Justin Finch-Fletchley. Harry Potter and Susan Bones. Anthony Goldstein and Ernie Macmillan. Blaise Zabini and Hope Fawcett. Ronald Weasley and Pansy Parkinson. Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger…"
Draco turned to look at his friend with a mischievous grin on his face, to which Blaise shot his friend a withering look in return before gathering his belongings and moving to sit beside Hope. As Draco also moved towards Hermione, he noticed that her stance seemed to be rather stiff. He guessed that she was not happy about being paired up with him, and rightfully so. Draco's ideologies had changed quite dramatically during his time away from Hogwarts, and he had come to regret the many times that Hermione had been subject to his bullying because of the hate that had been instilled in him by his father. He made a mental note to apologize to her one day, if the opportunity allowed.
"Granger," he greeted.
"Malfoy," she returned, her eyes narrowed at him in suspicion.
The professor cleared her throat once the students had settled. "Right, today we're going to be discussing the theory behind Gilchrist's Essence. Keep in mind that this potion is a collaborative effort on both your parts. I expect this to be reflected and explained in the written component as well. Ideally, you should discuss your ideas and find some sort of middle ground for the direction of the potion."
The rest of the class went without incident as Professor Fitzgerald explained the purposed behind the potion and gave many examples of how it had been brewed in the past, hoping to give her students some ideas to go off of. As she dismissed the class for the day, she urged her students to start their research over the weekend in order to be prepared to start come Monday. After she had finished talking, Hermione turned to Draco.
"I'll probably be going to the library tonight to work on some of my other homework. You can meet me there if you'd like so we can start our research," she said, keeping her tone as impartial as possible. Draco could sense that it was taking her an incredible amount of effort to talk to him this way.
He cursed inwardly, not particularly wanting to spend his Friday night in the library. He supposed that since he would be going in to Hogsmeade in the morning, he would rather not have to meet on the weekend.
"Shall we say seven o'clock?" he tried.
"Seven it is," she replied plainly before leaving to join her friends.
Draco sighed as he waited for Blaise to finish up with his own partner. It would be a long month.
At dinner that evening, Hermione found herself dreading meeting up with Malfoy to work on their assignment. Noticing her obvious discontent, Harry gave her a sympathetic smile.
"That sucks about being paired with Malfoy."
Ginny turned to him, interrupted from her conversation with Ron. "What's this about Malfoy?" she asked.
"I've been paired with him in Potions," Hermione sighed. "The potion takes a month to brew, and there's also an essay we have to work on collaboratively."
Ginny looked thoughtful. "I've noticed that since you lot have been back, him and quite a few other of the more nasty Slytherins have been keeping to themselves."
"Doesn't change the fact that he's a right git. They're probably just embarrassed that their pureblood, elitist, Death Eater family's were beaten by a half-blood," Ron snorted.
Ginny squeezed Harry's hand under the table, knowing that he didn't like talking about the war. It brought back too many painful memories.
"It does make you wonder, though…" Ginny replied slowly.
"Wonder about what?" Hermione asked.
"Well, his father's in Azkaban and his mum's dead." Ginny shrugged, "I'm just saying that war changes people."
Hermione considered this, chewing her lower lip in thought. Glancing at the clock, she reached down to grab her school bag. "That may be the case, but Ron's right. Even if Malfoy has had a change of heart, that doesn't excuse his past behaviour. Anyways, I'm off to the library now. I'll see you all in the morning."
"Well just tell us if gives you any trouble, Hermione. I'll set him straight for you," Ron huffed.
Hermione gave him a grateful smile. "Thanks, Ron. I suppose we shall see."
Hermione had only been sitting for a few minutes when a tall figure approached her side and cleared their throat. Startled, she looked up and was met with the stormy eyes of Draco Malfoy. He was regarding her rather carefully, a thoughtful look on his face. She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.
"Malfoy," she greeted before gesturing for him to sit down.
He nodded in response, eyeing the textbooks she had gathered on the table.
"I've already picked out a few books that we might be able to pull from. Feel free to take a look," she stated.
"Yes. Uh, right," he began lamely. "Should we discuss our ideas before getting in to it?"
Hermione considered this, "Okay."
The next few hours were spent discussing their individual interests for their potion and going through the texts Hermione had gathered. Every so often, one of them would share with the other a relevant passage they had found or make a comment about the assignment. Hermione was surprised at the ease to which they were able to agree on the kind of potion they wanted to produce. She was also surprised that Malfoy hadn't thrown any insults her way. As the library was about to close, Hermione closed the book she was reading and glanced up at her partner.
"I think we can call it a night for now. We've made quite a bit of progress today; we'll be able to start brewing on Monday." To both of their surprise, she gave him a small smile.
Draco stared at her. "Yes, I suppose I'll see you in class next week."
Hermione frowned and rose to sling her book bag over her shoulder. "Goodnight, Malfoy."
"Goodnight," he returned.
Hermione was on her way from the library when she heard someone running her way from behind.
"Granger!" Draco shouted as Hermione turned in surprise. Once he had caught up to her, he looked as though he was beginning to doubt himself. Running his hands through his hair, he looked at her hesitantly. "Look, I, uh…" he trailed off.
Hermione raised an eyebrow at him in question. When he failed to continue, she rolled her eyes and moved to continue on her way. Draco cursed before forcing himself to continue, "I just wanted to apologize." At this, Hermione's eyes widened. "You know, for the way I used to act towards you. After my mum died, I realized that my father's hatred had cost us both the ultimate price. And I no longer wanted any part of it."
Regret flashed through Draco's eyes. His body seemed to deflate, as if the prejudices that had once allowed him to stand tall were now weighing heavy on his shoulders. Hermione's face softened as she continued to observe him.
"I just want you to know that I'm sorry… That I'm different now." Draco ran his hands through his hair again in uncertainty as he regarded the girl standing before him.
Hermione looked at Draco with an indecisive expression on her face, chewing her lower lip in thought. Draco could see why Blaise found the girl attractive. It was a few long moments before Hermione replied, "I appreciate your apology, Malfoy. I often forget that it was not only my side that suffered during the war. That just because someone does evil things, doesn't mean that they are evil themselves," she paused. "Yes, I think it's time that I try to see past my prejudices as well."
Draco offered her a tentative smile. She noted that he looked much better this way, as opposed to the constant sneer that she was accustomed to seeing on his face.
"Well, thanks again for tonight. I'll see on on Monday," she said as she turned away from him again.
"See you," he responded.
Instead of making her way back to Gryffindor Tower, Hermione found herself moving towards the Entrance Hall instead. Despite the imminent curfew, she wanted to clear her head and she found it much easier to think in the fresh air. She slipped outside without incidence, walking slowly towards the Great Lake. Though it was already dark outside, she enjoyed watching the water ripple in the wind, illuminated by the moonlight. Sitting close to the edge of the lake, she was glad that the weather had yet to turn cold for the winter as she wrapped her robes around herself for warmth.
Hermione stared out at the vast body of water before her, her thoughts turning somber. She oftentimes found that she was still consumed with the same hopelessness and despair that had circled her during the war. Yes, they had won. But this victory had been at the expense of many lives, lives of people that she had loved. Despite her Gryffindor bravery, it had been difficult to remain hopeful during a time that was filled with so much death. And like many others, she found that she was having a difficult time moving on after the war. She carried the deaths of her loved ones on her shoulders, like a constant burden. She dreamed of them at night. Dumbledore, Tonks, Lupin, Fred…
Tonight, Malfoy had reminded her that it had not only been her people who had died. She supposed that she had allowed herself to be blinded by her grief, by her biases. The war had changed her immensely, and it was presumptuous to assume that those who had experienced the war from the other side were not changed as well. For so long, she had been taught to see the world in black and white, to believe that there was only good and evil. She realized now that this was wrong. Just because someone had been on the other side of the battlefield, did not mean that they had not suffered too. It did not mean that they had not suffered the same grief as her.
She thought back to Professor Fitzgerald's speech at the beginning of the term. She had urged her students to move past their hate, because it had been this hate that had almost destroyed their world entirely. At the time, Hermione had wholeheartedly agreed with her professor, and it had made her respect the woman immensely. Hermione recognized now that she had not really allowed herself to put these views in to practice. And that made her feel ashamed. She wanted to think of herself as part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Her thoughts then shifted to Blaise Zabini. Over the past few days, they had made their dislike for each other quite apparent. It made her question what it was about him that made her so angry. She supposed it had something to do with the way her body responded to his proximity. She cursed herself for thinking of him in this way, which undoubtedly complicated her feelings for him. She couldn't help it though. Just thinking of his chocolate skin, his chiseled arms and the way his eyes burned deeply when looking at her was enough to form knots in the pit of her stomach.
Shaking her head, Hermione pushed herself up off of the ground. It was getting late, and she needed to be up early for Hogsmeade with her friends. She walked quickly back towards the castle, her thoughts still lingering on Zabini. She had just gotten up the stairs past the Entrance Hall when she smacked right in to someone's chest, sending her sprawling backwards. They caught her around the waist before she could fall any further.
"What the fuck, Granger?" Blaise glared at her.
Her apology died on her lips as she glared up at the Slytherin. She was about to retort angrily, before she remembered that she had resolved to leave her prejudices behind her.
"Sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going," she explained.
"Evidently," he said, rolling his eyes at her.
Hermione was very aware that Blaise was still holding her around the waist. Becoming self-conscious, she stepped pointedly out of his embrace.
"Are you stalking me?" he tried again.
Hermione bristled at the accusation, her anger flaring as all thoughts of remaining impartial flew out the window. "Why would I be stalking you? If I'm not mistaken, during our last few encounters it was you who approached me."
Blaise smirked down at her in response. "Because I'm so attractive, obviously." His eyes widened slightly as he watched her gaze trail down his body in appreciation.
"Yes, well, it's a bloody shame you're such a git," she countered.
His smirk widened, "So you think I'm attractive?"
"I wouldn't be so cocky if I were you, Zabini. The fact that you're such a wanker really ruins it," she said, her hand moving to her hip to stare at him haughtily.
At this, Blaise's eyes narrowed. He could feel the familiar anger he often felt in her presence beginning to take over.
"I warned you not to fuck with me, Granger," he snarled at her.
At this, Hermione's lips slid in to a smirk of her own. "Or what?"
He closed the distance between them slowly, rage evident in his eyes. He noted dully that this proximity between them was becoming quite the recurrence.
His voice was low and dangerous, "You don't want to find out, little witch."
At this, Hermione laughed. The sound was nice on his ears.
"I already told you, you don't intimidate me." She stepped closer to him, so that her body was pressing against his lightly. "In fact, it's quite the opposite."
She moved her hands to his chest, causing Blaise's anger to diminish and his breath to catch in his throat. As one hand descended lazily downwards, Hermione stood on her toes until her mouth was dangerously close to his ear. "Keep your enemies close and all."
She moved to step away from him, to which he swore and grabbed her waist again, pulling her against him once more. He growled, "You're such a fucking tease, Granger." He noted the way her eyes flashed in indignation.
"I recall it being you who declared war. Don't start something you can't finish, Zabini," she warned as she reached her hands up and shoved him away from her roughly.
She glared at him one last time before she continued down the corridor towards Gryffindor Tower. Once she had rounded the corner, Blaise groaned. This woman was driving him mad.
A/N: Hello all! After many, many years, I am attempting to finish this story. I have come back to it many times over the years, but have never had the time to fully commit myself to writing. However, this story has always held a special place in my heart, mainly because I really felt like the writing was so personal. I hope you all enjoy.
Astraea97
