Chapter 26: Deeply and Irrevocably
This scenario might have been unbelievable if she had not witnessed it firsthand. Despite feeling paralyzed, Sakura sat up in the bed and dangled her feet over its edge. Her already low heart sunk a little lower when Sasuke entered the room carrying a basket of blueberries in one hand.
"Someone brought you the most boring fruit basket I've ever seen," Sasuke announced. He sounded unamused, but walked over and set it on the nightstand next to her, anyway.
"We're not dating," Sakura insisted. Hopefully a reality check would distract him from questioning the blueberry basket.
He arched an eyebrow. "Why not?"
"Why would we?" she asked incredulously. Sasuke was not the dating type and now was not the time for dating.
"Because you need all the help you can get in facing Danzo. I'm not saying that you can't take care of yourself by any means—you're not the hapless girl I left behind when we were twelve. But you shouldn't underestimate Danzo. If you don't want to end up dead, allies are what you need right now. If we're dating, it sends a public message that if someone wants to get to you, they'll have to go through me first. And I know a thing or two about fighting." He smirked and then let it fade into an even gaze. "I wasn't lying when I said that I missed you. I really thought you were dead. Sure, I went on with my life at the time, but I'd rather not lose you again if I can I can stop it."
Sakura gulped and blinked a few times. His words left her speechless.
Sasuke sighed. "Just think about it. I have some business to take care of, but I'll be back once I'm done. When I'm back, we can talk. Considering all the time you spent with my brother, I'm sure you have a lot to tell me."
"You have no idea," Sakura thought to herself. Sasuke was in for the surprise of his lifetime.
Suddenly, he lifted her from the bed onto her feet and wrapped her in a bone-crunching hug. Slow with heavy uncertainty, she lifted her arms to return the embrace.
"I know that you'll probably want to be alone for a while. Just be careful. I don't want to come back and find out that you've gone missing again. I've lost enough people for one lifetime."
He dropped his arms and hers fell away, too. He stepped back, gave her a plangent look of goodbye, turned around, and slowly walked toward the door. Sakura listened to his footsteps quietly tap on her floor until their padding paused—perhaps he hesitated at the front door. Finally, she heard the knob turn and the door whisper a click as Sasuke took his leave.
Sakura took one glance at the blueberries before deciding that she needed a shower first. Her hands ruined everything they touched right now and she knew that she would regret it if the dark wooden basket ended up among the casualties.
Upon looking down at herself, Sakura suppressed a shudder. She had not showered or changed since returning to the village and her appearance made that evident. For a moment, Sakura actually wondered how Sasuke could overcome her squalid stench to hug her. Moreover, it was nothing short of a miracle that Naruto did not question her tattered appearance during their reunion.
Feeling disgusted by the worn dress's significance, she pulled at its already distressed seams and let it fall to the ground like a pitiful abomination; she could burn it later. Sakura was naked, but felt comfortable—and even liberated—to be so in her own safe space.
Slowly, she walked toward her bathroom, got out a clean towel, and let the water run for a few minutes. Once it was satisfactorily hot, she stepped under the showerhead's stream and let the scalding water run over her body. As she stood there attempting to scrub the actual and metaphorical dirtiness away, the water swirled down the drain as a muddy red for five minutes before lightening to a pinkish hue. She doubted that she would ever take such a rewarding shower again in her lifetime.
A half-hour of scrubbing, steam, and suds left Sakura's skin a raw red; she supposed that she was probably clean by now. With a tired sigh, she turned off the water and began to dry herself. As she worked, the towel stayed its intended color, so that must have meant that her shower did its job. Mindlessly, she wrapped the damp towel around her torso and returned to her bedroom in search of suitable clothes.
Without much concern, she grabbed a set of red, silk pajamas and slipped them on. Comfort was a priority right now and the silk pajamas fulfilled this role well. The next step to comfort would be to climb back into bed, but she was finally clean and knew that a combination of sweat and dried blood covered her sheets; she did not wish to re-expose herself to their grime. However, Sakura was disinclined to let dirty sheets stand in the way of her comfort, so she tore them off and threw them to the floor. She had neither energy for nor interest in replacing the filthy sheets with clean ones and decided that a bare mattress with its comforter would have to do.
Feeling as if she were nothing at all, she rolled into her red comforter like a caterpillar into a cocoon and pulled the basket of blueberries into her lap. Perhaps if she stayed here long enough, she would emerge as a metamorphosed butterfly. Determined to wait and see, she popped a handful of blueberries into her mouth and attempted to process everything that had happened over the past few months.
The blueberries were succulent and bittersweet—an appropriate flavor for her tumbling thoughts, but one that made her miss Itachi more than she liked at the moment.
"Do you still take orders from Danzo?" she wondered aloud. Sakura suspected that he might and felt her once profound respect for him dwindling at the unconfirmed thought.
Suddenly, a more morbid thought seized her: What if Itachi not only accepted her imprisonment, but also played a role in its orchestration? Her stomach turned at the thought, but she knew that her disappearance would make his life markedly easier. After all, if he could have her whisked away to one of Danzo's cells and beaten daily, then it might conveniently expedite her death and the death of his secrets with her. As she wondered about the depth of his guilt, she felt relief at having kept her ultimate escape plan a secret.
She already loathed Danzo for what he had done to the Uchiha clan, but death might have been more merciful than the unjustified punishment she had personally endured. He was a uniquely reprehensible being.
Sakura murmured to herself, "It was worth it, though."
Enduring unimaginable torment really had been worth it—she survived and did so with the ability to bring restitution and rightness to the sins committed against the Uchiha family. She held knowledge mighty enough to decimate Danzo's unchecked power.
As she contemplated her informational clout, she wondered how to break the news to Sasuke in a way that would make him believe her. While she weighed her various options, she realized that her brutal imprisonment at Danzo's orders had made her ultimate job substantially easier: Danzo capturing her indicated that she held critical knowledge he feared she would reveal. Even if Sasuke would have a hard time seeing his brother as less of a cretin, this would provide infallible evidence totally outside of Itachi's influence and control.
Suddenly, Sakura did not feel so sickly about her imprisonment. Sure, it was ineffably awful, but it was also for a higher purpose. She said she would do anything to ensure that Sasuke found out the truth and this was just one of the costs. Sakura survived the redheads and Ibiki Morino to emerge even stronger than when they had pulled her under.
Sakura could do this—she could do all of it. She could tell Sasuke the truth and help him cope with the aftermath. She could help Naruto re-assimilate into society and rebuild Team 7. Maybe she could even set aside her confused feelings for Itachi and try to fall in love with Sasuke again.
Dating him couldn't hurt too much, could it?
Dating was not a top priority for her right now, but she thought that having a significant other might help Sasuke on his road to recovery. Naruto had plenty of friends and Hinata who would be tripping over herself to date him, but Sasuke had burned away any bonds he might have had outside of Naruto and herself. He would need all the help he could get if he wanted to return to a normal life.
As Sakura pondered the future, she reached into the basket for her next mouthful of blueberries and found herself scraping at its papery bottom—a papery bottom? Experiencing tactile confusion, Sakura tilted the basket toward her so that she could inspect the rest of its contents.
Her fingertips had not lied: there was a thick envelope lying underneath the basket's original blueberry contents. For a few moments, she simply stared at the envelope in refusal to accept its existence. However, the longer she waited, the faster her heart raced. So, she finally reached into the basket and scooped it up.
Upon taking it into her hands, she flipped it over to inspect its exterior. The envelope was made of quality, cream paper stock—tarnished by the occasional blueberry stain—and sealed by a plain circle of crimson melted wax. Drawing in a deep breath, she tore open the seal and unfolded the envelope's contents.
The envelope held a letter written in recognizably neat calligraphy with dubious red blotches spattered across the paper:
Sakura—
I am deeply and irrevocably sorry for what I've done.
I thought Danzo might leave you alone if he saw my continued loyalty and your innocent behavior. Then, I thought he would leave you alone if I threatened him. But, there are no adequate excuses for what you've suffered: I should have known better.
My attempted penance began by prioritizing Naruto's life over finding you. This was the second hardest part of my atonement to you, but I did it because I knew that it was what you would have wanted. I hope that Naruto is well now.
Next, I decided to eradicate the four aberrations. I have taken care of the first three, but I will let you decide what to do with the fourth. I will still serve Konoha as a spy in the Akatsuki, but I will no longer do it at the will of Danzo.
Lastly, and most painfully, I give you full endorsement to tell my brother the truth. I know that this is something you would do anyway—after all, I don't imagine that anything could stop you once you've set your mind to something—but, I offer you my help in convincing him if you wish.
Now that I've already written it, I suppose that "lastly" was an inappropriate word to use in the previous paragraph. There is no "lastly." If you ever want or need anything, place a request inside of an envelope on your windowsill. It will be taken care of.
In my mind, you have been and always will be the debt that I can never pay off. But now I suspect that this feeling is not only in my mind, but in your mind, too. Even though I will never forgive myself, I hope that one day you might feel magnanimous enough to grant me your clemency.
I am deeply and irrevocably sorry for what I've done.
Purveyor of perdition,
Itachi Uchiha
Authoress's Note:
Alright, so it's back to the academic grind for me, which means that my updates have potential to grow extra spotty again... Sorry about that - I promise I'm doing my best. Moreover, good luck to anyone else who is returning to school for the fall. :)
As usual, thank you all for reading! Also, a gigantic thank you to those who take the time to review - I read them all and cherish all of the feedback. It's nice to know that people are enjoying the story.
I hope you all enjoyed the chapter ,
A
