Amanda was sitting on her couch sobbing uncontrollably. Although a baby wasn't in her immediate plans she still mourned the incredible loss. Motherhood scared her because of her own upbringing but she knew in her heart of hearts that she would have done her best to make sure that her offspring wasn't raised like she was. Thinking of her loss automatically made her think of Nick, his comfort and nearness is what she craved. She missed him terribly and didn't care that she was still mad at him, she needed him close. The break-up completely blindsided Amanda, she loved Nick and wanted him back. Losing their baby was the salt added to an already exposed wound. The knock on the door jarred her from her see-saw of emotions as she cleaned her face, and then went to open the door.
"Nick," she muffled through tears as she wrapped her arms around his neck, breathing in his familiar scent. He returned the embrace and held her close for a long while before he released her and spoke.
"Are you ok?" his dark intense eyes locking with her puffy blues awaiting a response.
"No, I'm not. I found out that I was pregnant and lost my baby all at the same time. Physically I'm ok, the pain meds help but I feel, I feel so empty." She broke down again as Nick wrapped her in his arms and led them to the couch. He cradled her in his arms as he stroked her blonde locks, soothing her as well his aching heart.
"I'm so sorry Amanda; I don't even know what to say." Nick's eyes burned with unshed tears but he refused to let them flow to so that he could be there for the broken woman in his arms. He placed soft kisses to the top of her head and reassured her that she would get through this. "I'm here for you, you're going to be ok, trust me." Amanda felt so safe in his strong arms; she emptied her mind of her troubles and focused on the man comforting her as she drifted off. Nick realized that Amanda was sleeping after her choppy breathing now relaxed into a subtle wheeze. He lifted her off the couch and placed her gently on the bed; he placed one last kiss to her temple and began to leave as a hand grabbed him.
"Stay," mumbled a half sleep Amanda. "I need you, please."
Nick had never seen her so vulnerable and his heart broke for the desperation that he heard in her voice. "Of course I'll stay." Nick removed his shoes and shirt leaving him in jeans and a black tank top. He stretched out beside her as Amanda draped her right leg and arm over his solid body. He slid closer to her and caressed her face with his left hand and planted several kisses to her forehead before sleep overtook them both.
Olivia woke up Monday morning refreshed, re-energized and ready to work. She enjoyed her weekend with Nick and had spent Sunday thinking about a possible future with the man that was the main star of her fantasies. Friday night had been on repeat in her lustful thoughts. She shook her head trying to stay focused and remember that she wasn't going to sleep with him again until she knew what she wanted. The sergeant knew that it would be difficult, very difficult but she was determined to stay the course to ensure a future not fueled by sex alone. She finished getting dressed, kissed Noah and headed to the 1-6 ready for the week ahead.
As Olivia walked into the precinct she received a few unsavory glances from a few people but she didn't let it bother her as she approached the squad room's door. Those damn posters. She knew that Amanda wouldn't be in but she was a little surprised not to see Nick, given that she was a few minutes late. She placed her items on her desk and headed straight for the caffeine as Lt. Murphy called for everyone to gather up for a brief meeting.
"Ok listen up, Rollins is out on some personal time and Amaro called in sick as well. We have been short staffed lately and I feel that it's time for a new member to be added to this elite squad, so I put in for a request last week. I want everyone to welcome Detective Kara-Lynn Snow. She comes to us from Memphis, TN MPD Narcotics, highly qualified with an impeccable reputation. Benson she's with you this week, Fin you've got Carisi. Get to work."
Kara-Lynn Snow was 5'8 with caramel skin, slender build, dark hazel cat eyes and short curl-spiked hair. Her face was pretty and welcoming as she took in the slew of faces surrounding her. Kara had been in New York for exactly two weeks; she was eager but nervous to work in such a big city. Olivia's mind was elsewhere, she had stopped listening to Murphy after she heard that Nick was out sick. She fell asleep early Sunday night, missing his call. When she woke up she figured she would just see him at work and apologize in person. She retrieved her phone to send him a quick text. Hey sorry I missed your call yesterday. I didn't know you were sick, hope you feel better. Give me a call if you're up to it. I will swing by after work.
"Sergeant Benson?" Kara asked trying to get Liv's attention.
"Yes," responded Liv, quickly putting away her phone.
"Nice to meet you, I've heard so many great things. Kara-Lynn Snow." She extended her hand awaiting a hand in return. Olivia smiled and gripped the young woman's hand.
"Thank you, Olivia Benson. Nice to meet you as well, Kara-Lynn."
"Just Kara, I'm a Yankee now." Olivia chuckled at her choice of words as they both went to grab their jackets.
"Come on, we've got a victim to interview."
Olivia was truly impressed how the young detective conducted herself during the interview. She was warm, professional, understanding and reassuring. She would never admit it to Murphy but he had made a great decision bringing in Kara. They were headed back to the 1-6 when Liv realized they were right by Amanda's apartment. She had told Rollins that she would stop by after work but since she was in the area she decided to stop now plus she wanted to see Nick after work. Olivia told Kara they had a quick detour and pulled up in front of Rollins' apartment building five minutes later.
"I'll be quick, and then I'm going to take you to lunch. You're ok for a rookie." Olivia smiled and hustled into the building heading for Rollins' floor. She knocked on the door as she glanced around, always checking her surroundings. A familiar male voice had her attention placed back on the door in front of her.
"Liv,"
Olivia saw the stunned look in his eyes. She checked him out, noticing his bare feet, missing watch and bed tousled hair. Her eyes then gazed slightly to his left where she saw Amanda in a robe with her wet hair tied with a towel. Trying to keep her composure, Olivia took a deep breath and tried to calm her racing heart before she spoke.
"I-I was here to check on Rollins, I didn't mean to interr—"
"Liv, it's not what it looks like," interrupted Nick. "I was just, Amanda called and I just…"
Liv threw up her hands to stop him from making it worse. "I should have called Amanda, I just wanted to check on you but I see that Nick clearly has that covered. I've got to go; my rookie is waiting on me in the car." Liv stormed down the hall as Nick was hot on her trail. He lunged forward to grab her arm as he spun her around.
"Liv wait, let me explain."
"Don't touch me!" exclaimed Liv as she forcefully pulled her arm away from his grip.
"She had a miscarriage, Liv. I was just trying to be there for her, she called me all upset and crying, I felt terrible. What you saw, think you saw…"
"Nick, just stop. I know what I saw and I knew about the miscarriage. She told me not to tell you and now I see why, looks like it worked. You don't owe me anything, you're not mine. So go and continue to 'comfort' her, I know she is hurting. I can't do th—" Nick kissed the words right off her lips. He wrapped his arm tight around her waist and pulled her into his body as he ran his fingers through her silky brunette hair. Feeling her resolve weakening by the second Olivia pulled away and looked him directly in the eye; staring back at her was sincerity, remorse and heat.
"Nothing has changed Liv, nothing."
"I've got to go Nick." Olivia left Nick standing in the hallway as she made her way back down to the car where Kara was singing some God awful country song that Liv had never heard. Kara stopped singing and turned down the radio when Olivia entered the car.
"Hey is everything alright? You look…bothered." A genuinely concerned Kara asked.
"Yeah everything is good. Sorry to bust up your concert," teased Olivia. "Country music, huh? I'm going to have to get used to that."
Kara was smiling from ear to ear, slightly embarrassed but amused nonetheless. "Back home my family and friends would tease me about my love of country music. Like a sistah can't like country music? I might be a Yankee now but I will always love my country, I will try not to torture you too much."
"I appreciate that." Olivia smiled, she liked Kara a lot, and she felt that she would fit right in with the other detectives. "Let's go and grab some lunch."
After Olivia left him standing alone in the hallway, Nick trudged his way back to Amanda's apartment. He saw the hurt and shock in Liv's eyes when he opened Rollins' door and he wanted to kick his own ass for causing her any amount of pain. He knew that he was playing with fire by spending the night wrapped in Amanda's arms while he was pursuing another woman. The news of the miscarriage had stirred some emotions in him and he felt an obligation to not let Amanda go through that alone. He put his head against the apartment door before he entered; preparing himself for what awaited him on the other side. Nick stepped inside to find sad blazing blue eyes glaring at him.
"Do you love her?" asked a broken Amanda.
"Amanda…"
"Do you love her, Nick?"
"Amanda, I'm not going to discuss her with you. Last night I may have blurred the lines for you but I wanted to be here for you and for myself. It was my child too."
"And I'm glad that you were here for me but I don't just want one night and if you don't love her come back to me. Yes last night was about comfort but there was something else there too, I know you felt it." She closed the distance between them, grabbed his shirt and planted a kiss right on his lips. She tilted her head to deepen the kiss, encouraging him to take it further. He did still have feelings for Amanda but they weren't strong enough to make him stay. He kissed her softly before pulling away with a hand on her cheek, looking into a sea of blue; he planted one more kiss on her forehead and pulled her into a strong embrace. What am I doing?
The rest of the day went by without incident. Liv showed Kara the ropes and briefed her on what to expect with the job and gave her the lowdown on some of the people that she would be working with. She told her about how certain cases would affect her emotionally and that if she ever needed to talk that she would be there. The sergeant was ready for the day to end and six o'clock couldn't come fast enough. Olivia had tried not to think about Nick or Nick with Amanda but her mind kept going there. She felt bad for Amanda sure enough but was also convinced that Rollins was more than happy to have Nick 'comforting' her. She just couldn't get the image of her and Nick together alone in her apartment out of her head. He's not yours, you can't be mad. It still bothered her regardless of the fact that their relationship or whatever was title less.
The tired brunette made it home around seven as she dropped all of her bags by the door and went searching for Noah. She found Lucy on her laptop with Noah sleep in his crib. Her phone buzzed with a text message and she prayed that it wasn't a new case. Hey partner I'm in the city, let's get a beer. Don't text back anything but where. See ya soon. A smile stretched across her face as she imagined the bossy voice in her head, she responded a minute later. Where? She checked with Lucy to make sure it would be ok if she left for a few hours, which was fine. A quick shower and forty-five minutes later she was ready to go, she kissed Noah on her way out of the door.
Nick decide to walk home after leaving Amanda's, he figured that he could use some fresh air and clear his mind. He replayed the last seventy-two hours in his head trying to make sense of it all. Friday making love to the woman he'd been longing for to Sunday being intertwined with his destroyed ex. His choice was easy but why did he feel so guilty about it. Spending the night with Amanda and kissing her had Nick feeling sick to his stomach. He tried to think about if Olivia would have done that how would he react and the images had him seeing red. The thought of someone else consoling or kissing her besides him drove Nick mad. He had to see her right then and explain everything that he was feeling. Nick hailed a cab and headed straight for Olivia's apartment.
"Liv, open up, it's me," screamed Nick followed by two loud knocks.
Lucy opened the door to a wild looking Nick. "Hey she's not here, she's out."
"Out? With who?"
"She said her partner, I-I assumed it was you."
Nick's face fell as he figured out who she was 'out' with. Son of a bitch. "Do you know where they are?"
Thanks for reading, stay vocal and hilarious!
