As the woman's eyes closed slowly and her head fell tiredly on his shoulder, his heart and mind burst with despair. It was happening again, it was his fault again, it didn't seem to matter whatever he did to avoid it, it just kept happening, over and over…
'Move.'
A soft but firm push moved him away from Namie's body, which he had been holding close for so long now that his arms were numb. Confused, with his mind clouded by the shock, he looked to his side to see who it was, and it took him longer than it should to process that his friend was actually there at last.
Shinra had entered hurriedly and without as much as asking what had happened; he went straight to the one who needed him at the moment. Completely focused on the wound, he ignored Izaya, who couldn't do anything but to stare at him and at Namie.
'I always had the feeling that I'd have to do this someday, Yagiri-san…' Shinra whispered absentmindedly as he took his instruments.
Izaya didn't hear him, he was too lost among his own thoughts. Thoughts of Namie's breath fading, of her body trembling, of the pain when the man stabbed her and of the smile that had preceded that fatal moment…
He noticed suddenly that his hands were sticky, and looked down to see her blood on them, shining bright and red against his paleness...
'Orihara-kun, pass me the gauze.'
Thoughts of how it had been his knife…
'Izaya!'
Like waking from a trance, the informant finally turned at his friend's voice, looking as if he hadn't noticed he was there until that moment.
'Pass me the gauze.', Shinra repeated, more calmly now.
Izaya did as he had told him, and he tried to concentrate on helping him as much as he could, but it was easy to see that he wasn't himself at that moment.
Shinra took a quick look at him.
'The koinobori is tearing up, huh…', he thought.
Izaya's expression reminded him that one he had had when that incident in high school took place, only now he looked far worse. His eyes were irritated and he had lost all little colour he had, except for his lips, swollen and pink, and for the reddish marks of blood on his neck were Namie had laid her head.
'I need you to press here.' Shinra told him. 'Don't put too much strength, but hold firmly.'
Izaya proceeded to do so, but as soon as his hands touched the woman's skin, his mind went back to the despair it had been trying to get rid of up until then.
'Cold… So cold…', he thought. Stress built up within him.
Shinra noticed this immediately.
'It's not too late, we can still help her.', he assured him. 'I won't let her go, and neither will you.'
…
The fresh, white sheets felt soft against her skin, but they weren't her sheets.
The pillow was comfortable, but it wasn't her pillow.
The room was nicely decorated and clean, but it wasn't hers either.
It wasn't any she had seen before.
So where was she?
And more importantly...
What was that horrible pain in her back?
'Good morning, Yagiri-san.', a cheerful voice greeted her. And this one she knew.
Turning her head slowly to where the voice had come from and blinking to adapt her eyes to the light, Namie saw her former colleague standing beside her, with a wide smile on his face.
'Kishitani-san?', she said with a sleepy voice 'What happened? Where am I?'
'In my apartment. You were kidnapped and stabbed on the back.' he explained. 'We thought we'd lost you for a moment, but now you seem to be out of danger.'
She remembered now. That useless bunch of her ex-subordinates had taken her, asking for the stupid head. They had beaten her all over, which had to be why her whole body was aching. But the bit about the stabbing was somewhat blurry. Although she could recall the pain quite clearly.
'I had to intervene you, but rest assured, everything went fine.' the doctor continued. 'However, to be on the safe side, I recommend that you stay here a few days. It'd be troublesome if the wound opened up, and it's not the only injure that must be attended; they gave you quite a beating. Still, there are no broken bones and… Yagiri-san, you are not listening, are you?'
Namie had been trying to sit up on the bed while Shinra spoke, but the wound would cry in pain as soon as she moved.
'I imagined you'd be like this.', sighed Shinra. 'You mustn't move yet, give it a few hours at least!' He tucked the sheets and blankets in, trapping her in the bed (which, incidentally, seemed to had been stolen from Yagiri Pharmaceuticals).
'Kishitani-san, this is already quite embarrassing as it is, please don't make it worse.' she protested.
'Embarrassing? Is it because I saw you in your underwear? You mustn't worry about that; not only I am a professional but also I couldn't look at anybody that wasn't my beloved Ce-'
'I didn't exactly mean that,' she interrupted sharply, annoyed. Shinra's ramblings could go on for quite a long time, and she hadn't forgotten that it was best to cut them off as soon as possible, 'but I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk about it.' She was actually trying her best not to punch the man who had just saved her life.
Speaking of which…
She was starting to recall the details of the stabbing, including her boss' presence. He had gone to take her out of there, and when that coward stabbed her from behind, he had held her and talked to her…
He talked to her…
What had he said…?
'Please don't...'
'Yagiri-san?' called Shinra with and inquisitive face, 'You seem miles away, is something wrong?'
'No, I just…', she started, but got lost on her thoughts again, remembering more.
'Kishitani-san...'
'Yes?'
'Where is Izaya-san?'
…
After they had taken Namie to Shinra's apartment, the doctor had immediately carried her into a room that served as an operation room, and started with the proper surgery. Izaya had to wait outside, not really sure about what to do.
He sat defeatedly on the sofa, nervous as to what would happen to her, and trying not to care at the same time.
He could do nothing but to think about all that had just happened in only a few hours. Even if he was used to this kind of chaos, to be so close to it was kind of new. And the more he thought about it, the more he despised his reactions.
He didn't even have a good professional relationship with Namie; they were both quite distant with each other. It might have been true that this seemed to be changing little by little as they got used to the situation, and that Namie's apartment had showed him that she probably wouldn't quit as soon as she got a chance, as he had presumed, but neither of them could say as yet that they "got along". So why had he been that uneasy when she disappeared? And why had it pained him that much when the man stabbed her? He had even tried to encourage her not to give up, which was something very human he wouldn't usually have done. If he was getting empathetic, he should do something about it before it supposed a problem for him.
It had to be that; after all, Namie and him were quite similar in some ways, and getting stabbed was certainly something he could relate to.
It had to be empathy. And empathy was troublesome.
Not long after, Shinra finally got out from the room with good news. There hadn't been any complications, and Namie was pretty much stable.
'She'll probably wake up in a couple of hours,' he was saying 'but I want to keep her here for observation for a few days.'
'I see.' answered Izaya. 'Good job. See ya.'
He headed to the front door nonchalantly, but before he could even reach the doorknob, the tall figure of his friend loomed before him, looking almost as dark as the being he loved, and blocking his way out.
'Where do you think you're going, Orihara-kun~?', the doctor's voice sounded calm and collected, but his facial expression was actually quite scary.
'Home, of course. I don't have anything to do here.'
'Oh, I don't think so.' He put his hands on his shoulders and started to push him away from the door. Izaya was slightly surprised at his strength. 'You're not going to leave your wanted-dead-or-alive secretary in my apartment just like that and not take responsibility for her.' Izaya was leaning backwards, trying to get away from Shinra's frown, which he kept very close to his face, as if scolding him. 'Not to mention how heartless it would be of you to leave her alone when she has barely escaped from death.'
'To leave her alone…' The words echoed on Izaya's mind for a split second.
If he stayed, he would have to face her sooner or later, and just thinking about how awkward that was bound to be gave him the chills. However… The feeling of her dying in his arms without him being able to do anything to stop it, with the whole thing (he believed) being his fault… It had been too much of a rough time, and something he wasn't likely to be able to forget. Even if part of him wanted to avoid seeing Namie, he actually needed to see her, to see with his own eyes that everything was alright now.
'Fine.', he finally conceded.
'Good!', exclaimed Shinra with a smile. 'I knew you'd be reasonab-'
'But only so I can see you explaining Celty that I'll have to live here a few days.'
Shinra's smile faded slowly as he imagined the situation.
'You're a horrible person, Orihara-kun.'
…
Shinra didn't see that question coming. He had been sure that Namie would ask him if her brother knew she was there or something of the sort, but that the first person she had wondered about had been Izaya was certainly unexpected.
Actually, Shinra was quite probably the only person who could claim to know both Izaya and Namie pretty well. He had grown up with the first and worked for a few years with the second, so he was indeed someone who had had the chance to observe them well. And now he thought about it, they weren't as different as one could imagine. For instance, both displayed astounding intelligences like nothing he had seen before; they were proud, cold and calculating and thought themselves to be above everybody else… To be honest, Shinra doubted any of the things they had in common were good, but they sure were a lot. Even on looks they stood out in a similar way: neither Izaya nor Namie were the kind of people to go unnoticed.
Bearing this in mind, even if they weren't the kind of people to "make friends", their personalities mustn't clash much, so Shinra supposed they might have been kind of close. Although he was sure neither of them would admit such a thing.
'He's at the living room, watching Hanamaru Kindergarten.' he answered her. 'Personally I don't understand what does he like about it.'
'Can you ask him to come here?'
Shinra couldn't hide his renewed surprise, but he didn't comment anything. He thought she probably wanted to thank Izaya for going to take her out of there. Maybe.
She didn't seem the "thank you for saving me, how can I ever repay you" kind of person, though.
'Well?', she said, getting impatient (as was more common on her) at his silence.
'Right! Yes! I'll tell him…'
Shinra left the room with a puzzled expression and walked to the sofa, where Izaya was sitting, watching TV as he had said.
'How is she?', he asked, without looking away from the screen.
'Good. She seemed a bit confused at first, but she's alright.'
'That's good to hear.'
'And she wants to see you.'
'I see. Wait, what?'
This time he did look away from the TV.
'She asked me to tell you to go to her room.', Shinra explained.
'I don't think so.', he snorted.
'You don't think you'll go?'
'I don't think she asked! Why would she ask such a thing?'
'How about you go and ask her?'
Izaya opened his mouth to reply, but didn't find anything to say. Which was rare. Shinra squinted at him.
'Is there any reason why you wouldn't want to go in there, Orihara-kun?'
'Don't be ridiculous, what reason could there be?'
'Well then, it's bad manners to keep people waiting.'
…
There were tons of reasons. But the ones he was most concerned about were that "moment" they had had before she got stabbed and everything that followed, especially what he had said to her.
Although she probably didn't remember any of that. After all, she had been almost unconscious, and the pain couldn't have let her pay much attention to what he was saying. It was probably best to pretend that nothing had happened.
He knocked on her room's door, and he came in after Namie's voice had told him to.
He closed behind him, and not without effort, he looked at her.
The scene was so strange it took him a while to get used to it. He had always seen her with the same sort of clothes, without any kind of flaw on her, always perfect and immaculate. Now she was wearing a hospital light blue coat, she was pale and full of dark bruises, her hair was slightly dishevelled and she had a tired look instead of the usual cold one. She was sitting up on the bed, but in a way that made clear that the wound didn't let her sit more comfortably.
And he really could relate.
All thoughts of empathy being a problem vanished as the only person he had been close to for the last six months was going through the same pain he had not so long ago gone through.
And neither of them was saying anything.
Even though she had been the one to ask for him to go there, Namie realised now she had Izaya in front of her that she wasn't really sure what it was that she wanted to say to him.
No, actually, she did know. Among other things, she wanted to ask him about what he had said to her before. She just knew she had somehow witnessed a side of her boss she hadn't even imagined he would have, although it was hard to give that side a name. Probably "compassion" was the closest one to whatever it was. Be that as it may, the thing was that for some reason she was really curious about it, a bit fascinated even. There was something compelling about it.
But she couldn't find a way to bring up the subject. So even though she had called him, she hadn't said anything yet.
Izaya found that weird.
She had asked him to go but she hadn't said what she wanted yet. And that got him somewhat anxious. He still thought that she couldn't possibly remember all that had happened, but part of him feared that she did, and that she wanted to make some comment about it.
Determined as he was to pretend that none of that had happened, he decided to break the ice as naturally as he could.
'How are you feeling?', he asked.
'In pain, but fine.', she answered. Her voice sounded raspy and tired, but as resolved as usual. 'Kishitani-san treated me really well. Please thank him on my behalf.'
'Hm, I will.'
Silence again. It was as if they had just met on an elevator. They had got used to each other a few months ago, and could talk quite easily on a regular basis, but all of a sudden it was as if they had started all over again, like everything was different now.
'Is that why you called me, to thank Shinra?', he finally asked.
'No.' decided Namie.
'What is it, then?'
Namie closed her eyes, put on a strange face like she had bitten on a lemon, and took a deep breath.
'I wanted to thank you.'
Izaya could almost see her swallowing all that pride.
'Me?'
'There's no one else here.' Namie frowned a little at his disbelief.
For some reason, it looked as if her words displeased him.
'There's nothing to thank me for.', he said, suddenly getting serious.
Namie had expected him to get all full of himself and arrogant, and she even thought he would mock her or make some stupid comment. Anything but that.
'Are you being modest now?', she said. 'That's not like you.'
Hadn't he joked about wanting to be "the knight in shining armour" when he had untied her? What was with that attitude now?
'No, I just didn't do anything.'
'Yes, you did.', she argued, starting to get annoyed.
'I didn't.', he said curtly.
They both finally understood: Izaya, that Namie did remember everything; Namie, that Izaya wanted her to forget it.
Neither liked any of that one bit.
'Is that how it is?', said Namie after a while; quietly, but obviously vexed.
'What?' Izaya couldn't believe she was insisting on the matter.
'Nothing. Forget it.', she blurted. 'You may leave.'
The way she saw it, Izaya had seen her in the weakest state she had ever been, and there was nothing she could do about that. But also he was denying her his own moment of weakness. He was trying to erase it, to dismiss it like it had never happened. That annoyed her to no end.
'What are you getting angry for now?', asked Izaya, showing that he himself was quite irritated too.
'Angry? I'm not getting angry about anything. You must be imagining things.'
The reproachful tone she had used made clear what she meant. For a moment he looked kind of embarrassed, and even seemed to blush a little, but he soon went back to be himself.
'Fine, whatever.', he said, bursting out of the room, almost slamming the door shut.
He had got out so furiously he hadn't even seen Shinra and had almost hit him. The doctor was surprised at the turn of events.
'Orihara-kun?', he called, 'What's wrong?'
'Nothing!', Izaya snapped.
'Okay… So, how is Yagiri-san now?'
'Oh, she's fine! The same as always!'
Shinra felt really lost as to what was going on. Izaya wasn't actually the kind to get mad like that; he usually just automatically planned revenge and never did any shouting. He observed how he was getting a beer from the fridge and drinking it angrily, and thought how "normal" he looked just then.
'Really? I found her quite different from how I remembered her.', he commented.
Izaya glared at him from behind the beer can, looking like he wasn't in the mood to listen to his stories. But his curiosity was piqued.
'Right, I had forgotten you worked with her.'
'More like for her, but yes, she would give me a lot of work from time to time.'
'How was she as a boss?'
Izaya had calmed down quite a lot. His curiosity for humans was stronger than his anger, as Shinra had predicted.
'Well, she could be quite strict and easy to get mad, and I'm not going to lie: when she got mad she was scary.', told Shinra, 'But she'd praise you when you did a good job, and she paid generously. So she wasn't that bad.'
'How come she got kidnapped by her ex-employee, then?', Izaya pointed out.
'Ah, that. Well, I don't know much about him, but for what I had heard when I was in Yagiri Pharmaceuticals, he hated to have a woman for a boss. Also, rumour had it he had tried to hit on her before he knew who she was, and apparently she had rejected him in front of a lot of people. I guess that's where his grudge comes from.'
Izaya tried to imagine the situation. Knowing how good Namie could get at being cruel, he could totally picture the whole deal as something really humiliating for that man. Bearing in mind that he had to work for her after that, it wasn't a wonder that he had grown to hate her.
He remembered then one time he had ordered a pizza and a new delivery boy had come. Izaya hadn't failed at noticing the way said delivery boy had stared at Namie. He also hadn't failed at noticing that, from that day on, every pizza he ordered was delivered by him. Finally, one day, the poor guy had gathered enough courage to ask Namie out. The glare she had answered him with had given chills to Izaya himself, let alone to the guy, who never came back. But it had been quite an amusing scene to watch.
'What's so funny?', asked Shinra.
'What?'
'You were smiling.'
'I wasn't.', denied Izaya.
Shinra squinted at him.
'...Okay. You're weird today, Orihara-kun.', he said.
'Takes one to know one.', was his reply.
Shinra ignored him as he turned to the kitchen to make some dinner for Namie. Izaya remembered then what she had told him before they argued.
'By the way, Shinra.', he started.
'Yes?'
'She told me to thank you for your work.'
'Oh, I see. I'll tell her not to worry about that when I bring her dinner.'
He was preparing soup. Izaya observed him cooking while he thought more about that day's events.
'Actually, I too should thank you.', he finally said.
Shinra got somewhat serious.
'Well.', he said, 'I think I owed you.'
'How so?'
He looked at him with a sad smile.
'I hang up on you, remember?'
It took him a second to realise what he was talking about.
When he had got stabbed, Izaya had called Shinra and he had hang up after saying something really hurtful. Of course, Izaya would never admit that it had pained him, but Shinra knew him too well. He hadn't given it a second thought after he had said it, mad as he was at Izaya for managing to get the police to call him; but seeing him in that warehouse, holding Namie's almost lifeless body, Shinra felt like something had changed. Because he had rushed to help the woman, he couldn't see the scene properly, but he was sure his friend looked as if his own life was leaving him. So later, when he reflected upon this, he felt guilty for having forgotten how easy to break his friend could actually be.
'I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry, Orihara-kun.', apologized Shinra.
'I shouldn't have led the police to you.', admitted Izaya.
Shinra was surprised once again. He hadn't expected any kind of apology from him (although it had hardly been an apology, but coming from Izaya it was good enough). He was more and more sure about his belief that something had actually changed in him.
'Are we even now, then?', he asked.
Izaya nodded.
And so Shinra continued cooking.
…
When the soup was ready, Shinra poured it in a bowl and carried it in a tray to Namie's room, while Izaya went back to the sofa to watch TV. It wasn't until he had got to the door that Shinra realised he couldn't neither knock nor open it while carrying the tray, so he turned at Izaya.
'Could you give me a hand, Orihara-kun?'
He gave him a couldn't-you-have-asked-before-I-sat-down kind of look, but he got up nonetheless and knocked. There was no answer, which didn't bother Shinra, who thought she was probably just sleeping, but got Izaya on guard. It had felt like when he had called her when she disappeared and couldn't get through, like when he broke into her apartment and she hadn't been there. Shinra told him to open the door, and came in to find that she was, as he had thought, asleep. Izaya was relieved, but didn't want them to notice, so he head back to the sofa… or so he had intended, but he got distracted.
Shinra had left the tray in the bedside table, and was shaking Namie's shoulder lightly to wake her up. Once again, the scene transported Izaya back to the warehouse: seeing Namie lying down, with her eyes closed and all those beating marks reminded him how he had held her and how seriously he thought she wouldn't make it.
She finally opened her eyes, and Shinra told her she should eat something. As she tried to sit up, she happened to look at the door and saw Izaya staring at her from the other side. She remembered their argument immediately, and giving him a hard look she asked Shinra to close the door.
Seeing the door getting closed at him got him angry again, and with a pout he finally sat to watch TV and try to forget about his uptight secretary.
…
A few days went by like this. Izaya and Namie would only talk to Shinra and not with each other, still mad and prideful.
Shinra was paying a lot of attention to Namie, for a series of reasons: one, so that her wound could cure well; two, so that it would cure fast and get them both out of there, and three, because Izaya was being cranky and he couldn't really stand him like that.
Having those two at his apartment was nearly a nightmare for Shinra. When told about the situation, Celty had decided to disappear until everything was back to normal, and she was probably spending those days at Anri-chan's place, so he obviously missed her. As if that wasn't bad enough, dealing with them wasn't easy. They were both on a terrible mood, and he wasn't even sure why. He could understand it on Namie's part, as she was partially in pain and had gone through a lot; but when it came to what the heck was wrong with Izaya, he was at a loss. He knew he was mad at Namie, and that she as well was mad at Izaya, but the reasons were a mystery for him, and frankly, he'd rather not ask. But Izaya wasn't being a nuisance only because he was angry with Namie, but also because he was terribly bored.
And soon he wasn't the only one. One evening, Namie asked Shinra if he had anything she could read. Since she was getting better quite swiftly, she didn't feel too tired, so now she didn't feel like sleeping all the time as before, and was simply bored. Shinra promised to provide her with something that would entertain her, but he soon realised he had spoken too fast. After almost fifteen minutes searching through his shelves, he hadn't found anything.
Annoyed at the noise Shinra was doing with the books, Izaya got up from the sofa he seemed to have hijacked those days, and went to where he was crouching.
'What are you doing?', he asked him.
'Yagiri-san asked me for something to read, but I'm afraid I only have medicine books.', explained the doctor, discarding a manual on anatomy. 'And Celty only has some about aliens, and I don't think that's on Yagiri-san's interest.'
'Certainly not.', said Izaya, thinking about the library he had found at her apartment, filled to the top of mainly classic literature and some bestsellers. He remembered how it had surprised him to find so much fiction in there: he had Namie for a woman with no interest on anything that wasn't real, especially since she had claimed that she hadn't bothered much in investigating the mythology behind Celty's head. However, when he had been at her apartment, he recognised a few books on that subject, some of which he owned too, and which seemed to have been bought recently. That made him smile.
'Shinra.'
'Yes?', he answered absentmindedly, checking out another book.
'You really mustn't give her that book on poisons and venoms; I'm pretty sure she knows plenty about that.', said Izaya. 'I'll go get her something.'
Shinra turned to him.
'Really?'
'Yeah, why?', Izaya frowned.
'It seems like a too nice detail to be coming from you.', explained the doctor.
'I'm offended, Shinra.', he lied. 'I'll be right back.'
Izaya went to the door and took his coat.
'Orihara-kun!', Shinra called him from the living room.
'What now?'
'If you aren't back in an hour I'll tell Shizuo to go after you.'
'Fine, fine, I got it.', he said, leaving the place for the first time in a week.
…
'Come in.', said Namie after Shinra had knocked on her door.
'How are you feeling, Yagiri-san?', he asked, closing behind him.
'Fine. I haven't felt any pain all day. You really are a gifted practitioner, Kishitani-san.'
'Oh, no, I'm nothing out of the ordinary.', he assured, but he couldn't help to blush a little. 'I'm glad you're healing this well; you'll probably be able to leave in just a few more days. Oh, I got what you asked for.'
He handed her a small package, wrapped in brown paper. Namie tore the paper off to find a poetry book, one by Yosano Akiko. It was a new edition of one she had at home.
She stared at it for a long while.
'It's… one of my favourites…', she said quietly. 'How did you know?'
'Actually, it was Orihara-kun who got it.', he told her.
She raised her head to look at him.
'What?'
'Yes, uhm… I don't have much literature here, so he went to the book shop and bought this. He chose it himself.'
Namie looked back at the cover, looking like she wasn't sure if it really was the book she had thought it to be.
'I see…', she murmured.
'You seem surprised, Yagiri-san.', commented Shinra.
Namie caressed the book's spine with her index finger.
'I guess I'm not used to gifts.', she said.
…
A few hours later, when Namie was already reading the book for the second time, paying special attention to her favourite poems, someone knocked on the door again. She expected it to be Shinra bringing dinner, but she was only half right: the one carrying the tray this time was Izaya.
They hadn't seen each other since their argument.
'What are you doing here?', she asked, more bluntly that she had intended.
'Well, I think it's pretty obvious, I'm bringing you your dinner.', he answered, obviously irritated about her tone.
'I meant, how come you are the one bringing it?' She tried to sound nicer this time. 'Where's Kishitani-san?'
'Oh, that. He's had some problems with the kitchen.'
In that moment, Namie could hear the unmistakeable sound of a fire extinguisher.
'He's got it under control, though.', continued Izaya.
Namie stifled a laugh.
'So, there you go. Bon appetit.' He left the tray on the bedside table and gave a step towards the door.
'Izaya-san.', she called.
He stopped and turned to look at her.
'Did you really buy this book?'
Izaya was a little puzzled about her question.
'Yeah, I did. Why, you don't like it?'
'Actually, it's one of my favourites; I'm just wondering how did you know.', she explained.
He stared at her for a second, like he was trying to decide if he should said something or not.
'I broke into your apartment when you disappeared.', he finally confessed.
Namie didn't seem surprised.
'I had figured you had.', she said. After all, he had mentioned the pictures from her living room when she had got stabbed. It didn't seem to bother her.
'Well, that's how I knew.', he shrugged. 'I saw it in your shelves and it looked so used I thought you must like it a lot, if you read it that many times. That's why I picked that one.'
Namie nodded, and for a split second Izaya thought he had seen her smile. He resumed his walking to the door, but stopped again once his hand had reached the knob.
'Also…', he muttered, more to himself than to her.
'Also?', echoed Namie.
He looked at her again.
'I read some of it at the book shop. I thought it suited you.'
And with that, he left.
…
The argument and its aftertaste seemed to have vanished from then on. Since Namie had recovered enough to leave the bed, she would spend some time at the living room now. She even sat to watch TV with Izaya sometimes, but she would still get tired easily and be advised by Shinra to go back to bed. At those moments, Izaya would go back to the bookshop and bring her more stuff to read. He always chose it on his own, and she always found it to be a good choice.
On another note, Shinra was extremely busy those days, so he often had to leave to attend some patient, and couldn't take care of Namie. It was Izaya's turn to do so then.
He seemed a bit annoyed to have to at first, but he soon got used to it. He would cook and the like, just as he used to do for himself before Namie started to work for him. She even complimented his cooking once. Another day, a Sunday to be precise, when he had brought her some tea, he was going to leave the room when she suddenly asked him not to. She had read everything already, and the bookstore was closed that day, so she was bored again. Her confinement made her feel isolated from the city's events, so she wanted him to tell her what was going on outside, just as he would do if they were at the office, on an average working day. And thus, being Izaya quite bored too, he told her everything that was happening those days, until the sun had set without them even noticing.
…
That very day, Shinra came back quite agitated. There had been a shooting between some yakuza, and a good deal of them were from Awakusu-Kai. He had to attend to them all, and it was likely that it would take him all night to do so.
'This isn't good, Orihara-kun.', he was telling Izaya. 'I'm worried that something might happen to Yagiri-san while I'm not here to help her.'
'But you said she was healing just fine.', Izaya reminded him .
'She is, indeed; I'm quite positive she'll be able to leave in one or two days, but that's precisely why I'm worried. I don't want to tempt luck.'
'So what are you going to do?', asked Izaya.
'I was hoping you'd watch over her for me.', said Shinra with a nervous smile.
Izaya squinted at him.
'I'm not sure I follow.'
'I want you to stay at her room tonight and to keep an eye on her, so that if anything happens you can call me right away.'
'Right.', said Izaya.
'So you'll do it?', asked Shinra with a bright smile.
'No way in hell.', answered Izaya, crossing his arms in sign of denial.
'Why not?', exclaimed the doctor, clearly disappointed.
'Well, let's see.' Izaya started to count with his fingers. 'First, because she'd killed me if I spent the night in her room. Second, because there's no need: she's fine. And third, I don't want to sleep on a chair.'
'You wouldn't have to sleep on a chair!', protested Shinra. 'Sleeping would be missing the point completely.'
'Whatever, you can forget about it.' Izaya proceeded to go back to his sofa (at this point it was practically his), and to ignore Shinra.
But the doctor wasn't keen on giving up.
'Alright then.', he said, calmly, walking to the sofa. 'But if something does happen, it might just be that I won't be able to make it here in time. We were lucky last time, but who knows what could happen if she were in danger again.'
Izaya pretended not to be listening so well that Shinra started to doubt that he was paying him attention, but he continued nonetheless.
'And if the worst came to happen…'
He leaned on towards Izaya from behind the sofa.
'...it would be your fault.'
Izaya's mouth twitched at his words. He tried to keep his composure, but Shinra had already noticed how he had stiffened.
Izaya closed his eyes and put on his most prideful expression.
'I don't care what you say, you're just being paranoid. I'm not going to do it.', he said.
'Fine, suit yourself.', said Shinra, shrugging. 'I'll be off, then.'
He took his physician bag, and taking a last look at his friend, he opened the door and left.
But he stayed at the other side of the door, waiting.
A couple of minutes later, he distinguished the sound of knocking on a door coming from inside the apartment, and smiling, he finally could leave feeling at ease.
...
'Hey.', he had said on coming in. 'So, I've got bad news.'
'Bad news?', repeated Namie, confused.
'Yes. I'm afraid I'll have to watch over you tonight. Shinra will be out and he's incredibly paranoid about the possibility that something might happen to you while he's not here.'
'Yes, I heard.'
Izaya's eyes widened.
'Wait, you heard?'
'Yes, the walls are paper thin.', she explained. 'But I thought you had refused to do it.'
Izaya sighed deeply.
'I tried, but if I don't do it Shinra will nag me about it forever. So I might as well do it.'
Neither of them really believed those words. It was pretty obvious that he had got paranoid as well. But Namie decided not to tease him about it.
And thus, a couple of hours later, Izaya found himself sitting on a chair, with Namie sleeping soundly on the bed beside him. He had thought she wouldn't be able to sleep a wink, as he imagined she would be too annoyed at his presence there, but she had actually fallen asleep almost immediately.
So, without any chance of conversation with his secretary, and nothing to do but to look at the wall, Izaya was bored out of his wits. His eyes caught a glimpse of the first book he had bought for Namie, the poetry one, laying in the night stand. He reached out for it and started reading it. It was a pleasing poetry, even calming, so much so that he started to feel sleepy. He kept reading in order to avoid that, until he reached a poem that closed with "...as she sleeps beside me". He looked up from the page and stared at the woman who was actually sleeping beside him. She had her back turned to him, so he could only see her long black hair spread over the pillow; bluish reflections shining on it because of the streetlamps light that came through the window. The reflections started to get more and more blurry, more and more unfocused, as his eyes finally closed, and he was completely asleep.
Yet sleeping on a chair can be quite tricky, and not long after, as soon as he moved a bit in his sleep, his shoulders slipped from the back of the chair towards his left, and his whole body followed immediately, making a loud noise that resounded through the whole room.
Namie woke up suddenly, startled, and looked around nervously in search of the source of the noise, only to find that Izaya wasn't anywhere to be seen… until she looked down to the floor.
'What are you doing?', she asked him with a frown.
'What do you mean what am I doing; I just fell down.', he retorted, getting up and rubbing his back.
Namie blinked at him.
'You fell from the chair?', she asked, sounding somewhat amused.
'You find it funny, huh...', said Izaya with a glare, sitting back on the chair.
'No,', she denied, clearing her throat in an attempt to muffle her laughter 'I don't… pfff… I don't find it funny…'
'You're laughing at me even though I fell because I'm watching over you. How heartless.'
'I'm not… hahahaha… I'm not laughing at you… hahaha- AH!'
She grabbed her wound, stung by sudden pain caused by her laughing.
'Ah, see? That's karma.', Izaya scolded her. 'Let me check the wound.'
Namie stiffened.
'I'm fine.', she assured him.
'I'll be the judge of that.', he argued. Namie gave him a defiant stare. 'Look, Shinra will kill me if I don't make sure that everything is fine, and it'll just be a moment.'
She held her stare for a few more seconds, but actually she didn't want to take risks either.
'Alright.', she conceded. 'But make it quick.'
She turned, giving him her back, and pulled up her pyjamas' cloth slightly, showing the scar she would probably have for the rest of her life. It was almost completely cured already. Izaya approached to take a good look to it, searching for any sign of bleeding and the like.
'Laughing when you're recovering from being stabbed is not recommendable, you know?', he chatted meanwhile. 'Just like jumping on the bed…'
Namie looked at him over her shoulder in confusion.
'Why would I jump on the bed?', she asked.
'Well, some people do.'
'After being stabbed?', insisted Namie. 'Who would be that stup-? Oh. I see.' She sounded amused again.
'Anyway,', Izaya interrupted her, 'seems like it's fine.'
He sat back down on the chair, trying to find a comfortable posture, while Namie just observed his fruitless efforts.
'What?', he said, annoyed at her staring.
She then clicked her tongue quietly and sighed.
'Fine.', she said. 'Come here.'
Now it was Izaya's turn to blink at her. Several times.
'Excuse me?'
'You understood me perfectly well; don't make me repeat it.'
Izaya wasn't that convinced that he had understood correctly, though. Because if he had, that would mean that Namie, his cold secretary who didn't seem to care about anything or anyone other than her brother, and who most likely despised him, was asking him (or rather, given her tone, allowing him) to be in the same bed as her. Which was impossible. But it really did sound like that was the very case.
'Are you sure?', he finally asked.
'Just come in already.', she demanded.
…
A few minutes later, when they were already accommodated, Namie tried to get herself back to sleep and to pretend that her boss wasn't lying just a couple of inches away from her; but the feeling that someone was observing her wouldn't let her relax. She opened her eyes to find that Izaya was, as suspected, looking at her quite intently.
'What? Don't look at me like that.', she exclaimed with irritation.
'I'm not looking at you like anything,', he assured, 'I'm just trying to figure this out.'
'Huh? What is there to figure out? Just go to sleep.', she said, turning her back on him and trying to sleep herself.
'I can't sleep, it's too strange!', he exclaimed. 'I've been observing humans for so long now most of them have become predictable, but this… This is something I didn't expect. I mean, don't you hate me? Aren't I supposed to disgust you?'
Namie responded at all his overexcited questions with a sigh, giving up on the idea of getting some sleep that night.
'Don't be ridiculous.', she said. 'You are not disgusting.'
Izaya blinked slowly.
'I'm not?'
She turned again to face him.
'Fine, do you want to know why I let you in here?', she asked him.
'I do.'
She took a deep, slow breath, pretty much like she had done before their argument, and then said:
'Because you saved me back then. And not only that: you've been hiding me. You even gave me a job, even though you didn't need to, and you pay me generously for it. You even tried to sleep on a chair, checking that I'll be fine. And I might not seem so, but I'm not ungrateful. This is the least I could do.'
Listening closely to her words, Izaya remembered how her apartment looked like it had been prepared for a long stay, and how the lock hadn't been changed. Was it because of that, because she was comfortable with her job and the protection it implied? Did it mean that she actually, really trusted him, and was that why she had let him into the bed?
Was that why she had smiled before the fatal moment? Because he had gone to save her?
Had she expected him to rescue her?
If that was the case, if she trusted him on that level… it only made it worse. His protection was faulty, that's how they had got her. And if she had trusted said protection that much, it was all the worse for him.
'So…', he began, 'this is like thanking me.'
'In a way, yes.', she affirmed.
Izaya turned then to look at the ceiling.
'I already told you, though: saving you is hardly something you should thank me for.', he said.
'I still don't know what do you mean.'
'I practically put you there. My protection was full of flaws.'
His voice fell to almost a whisper.
'It's my fault they caught you.'
Namie was astonished. It had never occurred to her that his attitude about the matter could be due to a feeling of guilt. She was surprised to find out that he blamed himself for what had happened to her. And she also thought it was really stupid.
'What are you even talking about?', she blurted. 'They would have taken me ages ago if it weren't for your protection. They have been looking for me fruitlessly all this time; they were quite mad at how difficult you made it for them. And you took me out of there. I'd be dead now… if it weren't for you.'
He just frowned, as if he was thinking 'I don't know about that…'.
Namie looked at him, at how he wouldn't even look at her.
'Besides…', she added, her voice turning gloomy, 'As much as it pains me to admit it…'
Izaya took a glance at her from the corner of his eye.
'...you were the only one who noticed I had disappeared.'
This time he turned completely, finally looking at her again.
'You hadn't been away for that long…', he started, but she interrupted him.
'I'm not talking about that, and you know it.'
Her meaningful look was quite eloquent. He had indeed suspected she was not only talking about her kidnapping.
'Why are you telling me this?', asked Izaya suddenly.
'Because I heard what you said.' Her voice was now raspy. 'And you're not the only one who…' She fell silent there, unable to say out loud that she too was lonely. She took a breath again. 'I've been missing for half a year and my family hasn't even tried to find me. Yet you noticed in only a few hours…'
They both looked at each other with a pitiful look. Soon enough, Izaya couldn't stand the heavy atmosphere that their conversation had enveloped them with.
'Well, of course I would notice.', he said lively, with his usual careless, laid-back way of speaking. 'Work piles up, you know? Can't have you slacking off like that.'
'I'm sure you could manage without me.', smiled Namie.
'Not anymore, I can't.', replied Izaya slowly.
Her smile faded.
A long silence followed.
Those words had come out so naturally they didn't even feel weird at first. After a while Izaya started to wonder why he had said that; of course he could manage without her, but it would be a bother to have to now, well, maybe he couldn't? Everything was easier when she was around, to be honest, and it wasn't as if she annoyed him, only when she spoke about Seiji, that could be annoying, really annoying indeed, but now he thought about it she had stopped doing that sometime ago, he wondered why, did it had to do with what she had told him about her family not caring for her? She did seem tired of it when she had said it, she didn't seem that tired now but she was staring at him…
She was staring at him, wanting to mock those words, to dismiss them as if they were just one of his silly jokes, as she would usually do, but she didn't feel like it; he had done it again now, what he had said had given her a feeling of acceptance, a feeling of acceptance she couldn't get before and that she had thought she didn't need, but now she got it it was hard to ditch it, she hadn't known what she was missing, she hadn't even noticed she was missing anything like she hadn't noticed the moonlight, no, wait, it couldn't be moonlight, there was no moon that day, what was that white light shining in his eyes, then? Streetlamps, must have been the streetlamps light coming through the window from the other side of the room…
The streetlamps light shined like moonlight on the curve of her cheekbone and made it look like smoothed snow, it was white where the light shined and blue where it didn't but wait there was some blue where it shined? It looked like a shadow but it was weird, it couldn't be a shadow... Of course. It was a bruise. Blue and small and round and it shouldn't have been there, he thought, as his thumb caressed it lightly, like trying to brush it off..."
It took him a while to realise what he was doing. His eyes met Namie's. They both seemed confused.
Izaya retreated his hand, not sure about when he had stretched it out in the first place.
He wanted to say something before Namie could kill him for touching her, but words failed to come, and also, she didn't do anything.
'We should probably sleep.', she managed to say after a while.
'Yeah.', he agreed, quietly.
Namie was feeling strange by the awkward atmosphere, and she could tell that Izaya was feeling like that too.
'I mean, you must be tired from hitting the floor.', she teased, trying to lift the mood.
'Ha. Hilarious.', he responded sarcastically.
But he had smiled.
'Good night, Namie-san.'
That took her off guard, but she answered nonetheless.
'Good night, Izaya-san.'
Izaya finally closed his eyes to sleep, but now it was Namie who laid wide awake. It wasn't uncommon to wish good night, it was actually a very normal thing, yet…
She couldn't remember the last time somebody had wished her good night.
She couldn't even remember if somebody had ever wished her good night.
…
Izaya was sleeping soundly at last when something interrupted his dreams. He didn't wake up immediately, as it was just a feeling, like something tickling his cheek, or rather, the corner of his mouth. It had probably been the sheets. He turned, still dozing, and felt something again, tracing and cupping his jaw, as he heard a soft, distant voice.
'Izaya…'
'Hm?'
He felt the tickling again, but now it was at his lips.
That's when he started to wake up.
He was still half asleep, though, and didn't quite get what was going on. He might still have been dreaming, but it felt too real. Yet couldn't be real; it couldn't be real that Namie was kissing him.
And yet it felt very real, and very nice, and before he was actually fully aware of what was happening he found himself kissing her back, not opening his eyes in case that would wake him up from that dream, feeling her long, slender fingers running through his hair…
It was too good to be real, so he wanted it to be real, and he had to know if it was real, so in the end he decided to open his eyes, risking the fantasy to fade. And there she was, his beautiful secretary, eyes closed and close to him, so close he could have counted her eyelashes, and she was really kissing him, until she noticed he had opened his eyes at last. He opened his mouth to say something, and she immediately reacted and kissed him again. After a while she said, with her lips still against his:
'You tend to spoil stuff by talking… I'm not letting you talk this time.'
Then, as Namie trapped his lower lip between hers, Izaya noticed that there wasn't any need for her to stop him from speaking.
There wasn't anything he would want to say at that moment.
…
The rising sun shined through the window, substituting the streetlamps light. This time, Izaya woke up easily, but he didn't open his eyes immediately. He wanted to feel the sunlight tickling his eyes, like someone had tickled him before, and to feel the softness of the sheets, remembering that of her skin. But when he ran his hand up the sheets he noticed there was too much space on the bed. He opened his eyes to find out why, and confirmed what he had suspected.
Namie wasn't there.
For a moment he thought that maybe it had all been a dream after all, but he remembered it too well. And then a noise made him realise what was happening, a noise coming from the apartment's front door being closed.
He hurriedly got up from the bed and out of the room while getting dressed. He almost ran into Shinra, who seemed to have just got up too, as he was wearing his pyjamas. Izaya hadn't even heard him getting home that night.
'Oh, Orihara-kun, good morning.', he yawned. 'Hey, did you hear the front the door just now? Maybe I just... imagined it…'
Shinra fell silent, finally taking a proper look at the state of his friend.
'Wait a second, why are you half nak- OH MY GOD YOU DON'T MEAN-?', he exclaimed, looking with eyes wide open at Izaya and then at Namie's room.
Izaya ignored him, or rather he wasn't even listening, and once he was fully dressed he hastily grabbed his coat from the hook and got out of there, already running.
