Chapter 9

"But I don't want to wear my coat." Emma pouted as her mom helped her get ready for school. "Can't I just wear a jacket with my gloves?"

"It's only 32 degrees out there – you are wearing your coat." Robin helped Emma put it on. "Now we need to get going or you are going to miss the bus."

"And then after school we are going to Kelly's for ice cream?" Emma smiled brightly at her mom as she asked her question.

"We'll see – it depends on what you got on your science test." Robin had been back for a week and already things were settling into a nice, normal routine. Robin helped Emma get ready for school while Patrick made breakfast. During the day, Robin was getting some much needed therapy to deal with her captivity and spending time with her family members while Patrick was working at the hospital.

Nights were peaceful with homework, dinner and a movie. Emma was thrilled to be able to catch her mom up on all the movies she had missed over the last four years and loved having her mom and dad both there to tuck her in every night. The only downside so far had been that Robin was having nightmares about her time in captivity. Patrick would come in to her room to comfort her and had attempted to talk to Robin about the dreams but she wasn't ready to confide in him just yet.

Robin looked out the window. "The bus is here." She gave Emma a quick kiss on her cheek and then handed the little girl her backpack. "Have a good day."

"You too mommy." Emma ran through the door. "I love you."

"Love you too baby." Robin watched Emma get on the bus and then shut the door. She turned around to see Patrick standing in the kitchen doorway with two cups of coffee in his hands.

"I thought you might want a little caffeine." Patrick walked over to her and handed her a cup. "Why don't we sit down?"

"Don't you have to get to work?" Robin had assumed he would go in today – Obrecht was furious with Patrick for taking off to find her. "Won't Obrecht throw a fit?"

"I don't care – we need to talk so I took the morning off and Obrecht can fire me if she wants." Patrick sat down on the couch and waited for Robin to join him. She sat down and Patrick smiled at her. "I talked to my dad yesterday and he wanted me to tell you how happy he is that you are home safe," he paused, "again."

"I will call him in the next couple days to catch up. What is he doing now – still in Seattle?" Robin was hoping to distract Patrick by talking about his dad.

"He moved to Berkeley a couple of years ago and he would be thrilled to hear from you and quit stalling." Patrick set his cup down on the coffee table. "We have been avoiding talking about these past two years and we need to if we are ever going to rebuild our family."

Robin shook her head as she set her cup down next to his. "What do you want to know?"

"What happened to you?" Patrick looked at Robin. "I know your viral load is still undetectable and that you are in good health physically but…"

"But there is more to my health than my medical status. You want to know about the nightmares."

Patrick turned so he was facing Robin completely. "Yes. What did they do to you?"

"If you are asking if they tortured me…" Robin bit her lip as she considered her next words. "Jerry loved to come in with his gun and remind me of how we met. He would point it at me and ask me if I needed any motivation for my work."

"Bastard." Patrick remembered the night Jerry had shot Robin very well and hated that the man had once again threatened her life.

"Helena was a little more subtle." Patrick raised his eyebrows at her in curiosity. "She enjoyed toying with my emotions. I can't tell you how many times she brought me pictures of Emma going to school, playing with friends, here at the house. She wanted to make sure I knew that she could get to my daughter anytime she wanted." Robin blinked back the tears that came to her eyes. "You know, I gave my dad such a hard time when he came back because he let me think he was dead to protect me. I really need to apologize to him for that."

"Why?"

"Because I did the same thing – I stayed away from Emma to protect her." Robin managed to keep the emotion out of her voice as she spoke. "I may not have let her think I was dead but still…"

"Robin, you were being held hostage by a madwoman and a sadistic bastard. You didn't seek out danger like your parents did and you wanted to be home to us." Patrick could sense that Robin was holding back. "Please, tell me…"

"No." Robin stood up. "I can't do this."

Patrick followed her. "Don't shut down on me Robin. Tell me what they did…"

Robin spun around and glared at him. "What do you want me to tell you?"

"The truth Robin." Patrick was determined to get something out of Robin and if he had to push her to do it then that is what he would do.

"The truth? You do not want to know the truth." Her voice raised as she tried to walk around him to the front door.

Patrick grabbed her arms and stopped her. "Yes I do."

Robin stepped back. "You do not want to hear this."

Patrick stayed in front of the door. "Don't tell me what I want."

Robin lost any sense of control and began yelling. "Fine – you want to hear how Helena loved to show me pictures of you and Sam together. How she rubbed it in every chance she got that no one I loved was looking for me? You want to know about the video she made me watch of you in our bed with Sam or having to watch someone attempt to kidnap our child?"

Patrick felt sick to his stomach. "God Robin…"

"No, you wanted to know." Robin wiped furiously at the tears as they ran down her cheeks. "It killed me that you would think, for even one second, that I would stay away from you if I had choice. That you couldn't see the fear in my eyes when we spoke or that you didn't try to find me after I told you I was broken."

"Robin, I…"

"I told you I was broken!" Robin fell back against the wall and sunk to the floor in tears. "You want to know about the nightmares I have been having – a couple have been about Jerry and the night he shot me, a few have been about the lab explosion but the worse one is the one I had almost every night after I found out that you and Sam were engaged. I stood outside this house and watched as another woman lived my life and I could hear my daughter calling her mommy. She was in your arms and you looked straight at me and then turned away."

Patrick kneeled down in front of her. "I would have never done that to you."

"Are you sure?" Robin looked up at him, her eyes red and swollen from her tears. "You were going to marry her."

"I don't think we would have reached that point even if you and Jason hadn't come home." Patrick reached over and wiped away a few stray tears from her face. "I was trying to create something out of nothing and it wasn't fair to any of us, especially Emma. I was blinded by grief and pain and I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that you are the only woman I have ever and will ever love or want. All I am asking for is a chance to do that."

Robin considered what he was saying. The truth was that she had to shoulder a little of the blame for what had happened over the past couple of years – she hadn't tried to tell him what was going on and she knew that losing Gabriel had been a major factor in Patrick's missing the signs that she was in trouble. After a few minutes of silence, she finally nodded her head. "I am willing to do that if you can forgive me for not being here when Gabriel…"

"There is nothing to forgive – you were being held hostage and I know that you would have been here if you could have been." Patrick took Robin's hand in his. "Let's start small - Robin, would you let me take you out to dinner tonight?"

Robin squeezed his hands and smiled. "Patrick, I would love to have dinner with you tonight."