Detective Nick Amaro was about to begin his first day at the 27th precinct as a homicide detective. His nerves were starting to get the best of him, so he decided that he should hit the gym to take off the edge. An hour after leaving his apartment, the detective found himself covered in sweat attacking a punching bag. He put together combos of jabs, right hooks and uppercuts until his arms tired. The tension was slowly leaving his body as his workout came to an end. Nick showered at the gym since it was closer to his new job. The water cascaded down his face and body as his mind drifted to the woman who had been haunting his dreams. It had been four weeks since Olivia and Nick spent the night together and three weeks since they had last seen each other. Their last real conversation replayed constantly in his mind.
"Nick, I uhm, we need to talk…"
"Nothing good ever comes after that statement. What do we need to talk about?"
"Us…and uhm Elliot."
"Elliot huh? You know you've been acting really weird and distant ever since that night you two went out. Did you sleep with him?"
"You know what, this was a mistake. I can't do this with you right now just forget it. I think that we need some space. I'm choosing—"
"Him?!"
"Nick—"
"No! Just be honest with me. Are you choosing him over me Olivia?" Not wanting to hear the painful answer Nick stormed out without another word exchanged between the two.
The words that they exchanged were burned into his brain. No matter how he tried to distract himself, his thoughts always went back to that night. Nick already had his transfer in motion so there wouldn't be a conflict of interest when Olivia took back control over the unit. His former co-workers were shocked when they learned about Nick's transfer. They had no idea that Nick had plans in motion to leave SVU. The reason why he was leaving wasn't lost on Olivia or Amanda. His going away party was the last time that he saw Olivia. He considered the squad as family and they sure warmed his heart with their sweet send off. The highlight of the night for him was no doubt Olivia's speech. Even though the last time that they had talked ended on a bad note, she put that aside and delivered the best speech of the night. He remembered every word.
Nicholas Amaro, Nick…my partner and so much more. I don't even know where to begin. When you first came to SVU, I was going through a rough time. Some might have believed that you drew the short straw on getting me as a partner during that time, but I have to say that I drew the lucky straw getting you as a partner. You rejuvenated me and reminded me why I chose to be a part of the Special Victims Unit. Your work ethic, passion and dedication are just a few of many things that I admire about you. You've saved my life, literally as well as figuratively and that's just regarding work. On a personal level you've been a very important part of my life. You became a father figure to my son without even thinking twice or without me even asking you. That alone permanently solidifies a special place in my heart just for you. As for me, well to keep it simple, I simply can't imagine life without you. You're the absolute best and I hate to lose you but I know that you will shine just as bright at the 2-7. You're irreplaceable at the 1-6 and in my heart, I'm going to miss you so much partner.
Nick couldn't stop the tears that were forming in his eyes. That was the closest that Olivia had ever gotten at expressing her love for him. He knew that she didn't exactly say the three little words but he felt the love pouring from her heart into her words. And the feeling of being loved by Olivia felt absolutely amazing. That night was the last night that he saw Liv and he missed her as well as Noah terribly. This was going to be an adjustment for Nick, but he felt ready for the change. Anything to occupy his mind was exactly what he needed. God, I miss her. I wonder if she misses me? The detective shrugged off those thoughts as he continued to prepare for his first day in the homicide unit. He wanted to make a good impression on his first day and to do that he needed all of his focus to be on the task at hand, not on the beautiful sergeant that stayed on his mind.
Back over at the 1-6, things were finally starting to get back to normal. Amaro's departure left the squad in kind of a funk. The unit considered themselves family so it took them time to adjust without him. Everyone was staying mum on the reasons why he left. They speculated but they didn't have the balls to actually ask Olivia if she knew the reason why he suddenly left. There was an obvious difference in Liv and her co-workers worried about her. They didn't want to pry but she looked sad and tired all of the time. Instead of harassing or bothering her, the squad decided to give her space. They allowed her to fly solo instead of partnering her up right away. They didn't know it but she was very grateful for the much needed space.
Amanda was going through an adjustment phase of her own. She had been back to work for a month since her miscarriage and dissolvent of her last relationship. The blonde detective was finally starting to feel like she could move on with her life. Even though she missed Nick at work, his leaving helped her to really move on without having to see him every day or see him and Olivia's sickening chemistry. When she first got back to work after her time off, Amanda noticed some of the changes around the office. Murphy was still acting CO and they had a new detective in Kara. Amanda was thrilled to finally have someone with a similar upbringing that understood 'southernisms' in the unit. The two southern belles hit it off instantly. Rollins was also busy trying to rebuild her relationship with Olivia because Kara wouldn't shut up about how amazing the sergeant was. Rollins knew how good of a person that Olivia was and it didn't take a rocket scientist to see that she was going through a tough time. Amanda decided to extend her hand of friendship and be there for Olivia, like the brunette had selflessly been there in her time of need.
"Hey Sergeant, you done for the day?" inquired Amanda.
Olivia was daydreaming when Amanda approached her. The timid southern drawl jarred Liv from her thoughts. "Hey, yeah I am, I was just…uhm did you need something?"
"Actually yeah, I need to take you out for a drink. You look like you could use one…or three," Amanda teased with a sincere smile.
Olivia had been relieved when her 'feud' with Rollins had been squashed. The incident which caused the resolution wasn't idea but a resolution was a resolution nonetheless. The two women had been slowly trying to rekindle a friendship as they treaded lightly with each other. This, however, would be the first time that the two went out alone before the rift. Olivia smiled somewhat unsure of her answer, "I uhm, I don't know. I'm not really good company these days."
"Well then, I will be good enough company for the both of us. Come on, my treat."
Olivia laughed; the feistiness that Amanda possessed had always amused her. "Well how can I say no to an offer like that? Give me ten and then I will be ready to go."
The two women left the precinct together twenty minutes later. They walked a few blocks with minimal chatter. It didn't feel as awkward as Olivia thought it would. There was no tension or weird energy coming from Amanda. They walked into Rollins' favorite hideout when she didn't want to risk running into anyone that she may know. Fin and Kara were the only ones that Amanda had ever brought to her little hideaway. The place had a small crowd but everyone seemed consumed in their own misery, grief or liquor. The two ladies found two stools at the bar and were waited on immediately as they took their seats.
"Hey Amanda, your usual?"
"Yep, thanks Jay. And whatever she's having is on my tab." Amanda nodded her head towards Olivia.
"And for you, pretty lady?" Jay winked at Olivia as Amanda groaned and rolled her eyes causing Olivia to laugh.
"Make that two of Amanda's usual, please Jay," The sergeant flashed the young bartender a sweet smile.
"Coming right up and the first round is on me…" he extended his hand to Olivia so that she could tell him her name.
The brunette extended her hand to shake, "Olivia. And thank you Jay."
"My pleasure—"
"Ok, ok break it up," teased Amanda. "Jay go away, Liv and I are trying to talk."
Jay mouthed 'hater' to Amanda as he placed the women's drinks in front of them. "Here you go ladies; just holler if you need anything." He left with one last lingering look at Olivia that didn't go unnoticed by Amanda.
"Gosh he's such a creeper sometimes, sorry about him. Cheers," saluted Amanda.
"He's alright, cute even. Cheers," Liv clinked their glasses together. She took a nice sip of her beverage before stopping, her throat felt like it was on fire. "What the hell is this? It tastes like gasoline mixed with cinnamon."
Amanda had forgotten that Liv mimicked her drink. She laughed at the pained expression on her face and her accurate description of their drink. "It's Fireball, cinnamon whiskey. I can't believe that you've never had Fireball."
"And I can't believe that you like this stuff," said Liv as she looked at her glass with disgust swirling the liquid around the glass.
"It's good! Kara loves it too. I guess it's a southern thing," shrugged Amanda.
An hour had passed by while the two made small talk. They even caught up on a little office gossip, happy that it wasn't about them for the moment. The new gossip was that Barba was probably banging the notorious defense counselor Rita Calhoun. Fin saw her leaving Barba's office late one night while he was there trying to get a warrant. When she saw Fin, he said that she looked like she had just gotten busted smoking weed in the school restroom. Amanda also filled Liv in on about a little mild flirtation going on between Carisi and Kara. This gossip was definitely news to Liv's ears. The sergeant had been so consumed with her own issues lately that she had missed all of the juice.
"No way, Rita and Barba?" asked an unconvinced Liv.
"Yes way, I've picked up on a few subtle things myself. I like it though, ya know?" drawled Amanda. Her accent would thicken the more that she would drink. "He's all cocky and mouthy and she seems like she doesn't take any of his shit. He needs a woman that's not intimidated by all of his fast talking. I can totally see her telling him to just shut the hell up, ya know?"
Olivia laughed at Amanda's candid description of how she thinks of Barba and Rita's fictitious relationship. "Yeah, I know what you mean." Fireball may not be her drink but it was definitely doing the job. She felt the effects of the cinnamon fire coursing throughout her body. "And Carisi and Kara? How did I miss that?"
"I think it's more of a one-sided thing. He's always in her face and inviting himself to our outings. She thinks he's nice and all but I don't know if she is as into him as he is into her. You know Carisi; he can come on a little strong."
"Yes, I know exactly what you mean; Carisi takes some getting used to. I liked Kara right away though. She's good police and she's a great person. Her choice in music is questionable though. The week that we were partnered up she almost killed me slowly via radio. I can't get with that country music. It definitely takes some getting used to."
Amanda feigned offense, "Excuse you? That is good music ma'am. You don't know how nice it is to finally have someone in the squad that gets me. My partner is straight up old school hip-hop which is ok. Carisi likes all of these unknown local bands. Nick was too serious for music and would ride silently. And you have Beatles' Mania like it is 1965. Kara is the only one that can appreciate Loretta Lynn as well as Luke Bryan."
The mention of Nick's name sent Olivia into a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. The last few hours Amanda had successfully kept her mind preoccupied. However, the mention of his name brought her right back to her present stressors. Amanda saw the sudden and obvious change of disposition in Olivia's face. She knew that it would be risky to pry but that was her whole reason behind the outing. Amanda decided to go for it, "You wanna talk about it?"
The weary brunette thought that talking about the man that caused their rift wasn't a good idea. "No, I-I don't think…no."
"Liv, it's obvious that you've been going through a tough time since Nick left. No one wanted to bother you but I'm biting the bullet because I'm worried about you. No bs, all of that is in the past. Talk to me, have you talked to him?"
Olivia looked up to meet Amanda's gaze. She didn't see the angst or disgust that was once there when Nick came up. "Amanda, I know that we're trying to rebuild our friendship but I feel a little uncomfortable discussing him with you."
"That's all water under the bridge Liv, honestly. I can see that you need someone to talk to. No weirdness and it will stay just between us."
Olivia sighed heavily as she pondered unloading her problems on Rollins. She came up with a way to get it off her chest without making it too weird for her. "Ok, ok, I'm going to tell you but I'm using different names so it doesn't feel so awkward." Amanda nodded and smiled at Liv's obvious discomfort and at her finishing off the disgusting Fireball. "So I haven't seen Chad in weeks. The last time that we talked he got so pissed off at me and stormed off before I could barely get a word in."
"Why was Chad so pissed?"
"He thought that I was sleeping with and chose Elli—I mean Kevin over him."
Amanda could barely keep up. The fake names mixed with the liquor had her desperately trying to keep it all straight. "Ok let me get this straight…you're dating Ni—Chad and uhm, what's his name again?" Amanda waved her hand in a circular motion hoping that Liv would help her out.
"Kevin. And yes I was dating them both," Liv said as she dropped her head, exhausted and frustrated with her messy love life. "Jay!" Amanda jumped at Liv's sudden outburst. "We need more fire please."
The blonde detective busted up laughing, "Two more fire…balls please Jay." It then dawned on Rollins what Liv had said before her request for fire. "You said 'was' dating them, so does that mean that you're not dating either of them now?"
"No, no I'm not."
"What happened?" Olivia's mind flashed back to her amazing date night with Elliot. Everything was perfect before the end of the date.
"Liv, come home with me?"
"El…I can't. It's not you, it's just…"
"Nick?"
"It's me. I need to figure out what I want before we take things to the next level. You understand that right? It's not you, you've been amazing tonight and your offer is very tempting but it wouldn't be—"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah I get that. No worries, tonight was still amazing. Come on let me get you home."
"Liv!" snapped Amanda. "Where'd you just go?"
"Sorry, what did you ask me?"
"Why aren't you dating Chad or Kevin?"
"Oh yeah that's right. I told Kevin that I needed some time to decide what I wanted before we moved any further. I was going to tell Ni—damn it! I was going to tell Chad the same thing before he accused me of picking Kevin over him and banging him of course. I couldn't even get a freaking word in."
"Yeah that sounds just like him," Amanda back tracked. "Not that I know him or anything, just from what you've been telling me tonight," Amanda said desperately trying to smooth over her last comment. She got serious again before she asked Liv a question. "So have you made up your mind yet?"
"I uhm, I thought I had but now I'm not so sure. I haven't heard from Chad since he stormed out on me."
"And Kevin?"
"We've talked some but he's giving me my space to make my own decision without any pressure but I just—"
"Want Chad…right?"
Olivia snapped her head up suddenly taken aback by the bluntness. The brunette beauty pondered the question. She tilted her head slightly before she opened her mouth to answer, "I uhm-"
"Well, well, well…how'd I know that I would run into you here, Georgia?" said Kara to Rollins not even noticing Liv as her back was towards the door. Olivia turned around to see Kara approaching. "Sergeant, I'm uh sorry, I didn't see you there, hello." Both Olivia and Amanda laughed aloud at Kara's awkward formality. It was obvious that she basically idolized the vet.
"God Tennessee, lighten up," teased Rollins. "I swear that she thinks you walk on water Liv."
"Amanda! Don't listen to her Sergeant, she's obviously drunk."
"Please, we're in a bar, drop the sergeant Tennessee."
Kara laughed at the use of the nickname that she and Rollins would use with each other. That relaxed the young detective as she settled into the stool next to the women. "Well alright then Olivia. Jay, can I get my regular please?"
"Let me guess, Fireball?" asked the sergeant.
"No that's Georgia. I'm Jägermeister and red bull type of girl," smiled Kara.
"What the hell are you girls' liver made of?"
The two southerners laughed, they were used to people being shocked by their drinks of choice. The three women settled into a nice conversation. They laughed, drank and got better acquainted with one another. Kara was becoming more relaxed around Olivia as the night progressed, the Jäger definitely helped with that. It was nice to have female camaraderie with fellow police women that understood what you did for a living. There was no need to explain how certain things affected them because they knew from personal experience. After another hour of drinks and laughs, Olivia figured that she should get home before the two young detectives drank her into oblivion. "Alright ladies I'm going to call it a night while I can still remember by name."
"What a lightweight," scoffed Kara, shocking the hell out of the other two women.
"Well someone has definitely relaxed," teased Rollins.
"I see that." Liv tried to put on her best stern sergeant voice before saying, "Don't push it, Rookie."
"Yes, Sergeant," said Kara almost robotically causing the other two to laugh.
"I think you should give Chad a call," said Amanda. Liv stopped laughing instantly, realizing what was just said. "Not tonight though, drunk-dialing is the worst. But you should call him when you're sober as a judge." Rollins shot the brunette a sincere gaze and was reciprocated with a silent thank you. Kara sensed that they were having a moment and decided to talk to Jay, giving the two women some privacy.
Liv shook off her temporary daze and said her goodbyes. "I had a great time ladies, we must do it again. Georgia, Tennessee, good night. Get home safely."
Olivia caught a cab home. The ride there was her time to reflect on the night. She was grateful for Amanda sensing that she needed a friend to confide in. It was unexpected but much appreciated. The advice offered up wasn't bad either and she tried to figure out her next move. Did she even know what she wanted? I think I do, I just don't want to hurt him. The sergeant started to put her plan in motion right there in the cab. Twenty minutes later Olivia trudged her way up to her apartment. After she was settled in her bed, Liv took the time to check her phone. She decided not to reply to any messages or emails in her current buzzed state. Sleep quickly overtook her soon after she finished up with her phone. Two hours later her slumber was interrupted by a knock at the door. The sergeant instantly went into cop mode. She grabbed her gun from the nightstand as she headed to Noah's room. She saw him sleeping peacefully in his crib as she let out a breath that she wasn't aware of holding. Before leaving her son's room she barricaded him in making sure there was no way anyone could get in without the keys, which would have to be pried from her cold, dead hands.
"Who the hell is it?!" screamed an irritated Olivia as she pointed her gun towards the door.
"It's me, open up," replied the familiar voice.
The sound of his voice immediately relaxed her. She stopped pointing her gun at the door as she sighed heavily trying to get her emotions under control. Without another thought she began to unlock the door. "Hi," whispered Liv.
"Hi…"
"W-why, I mean what are you doing here?"
"I uhm, this couldn't wait." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her with everything that he had. "Olivia…I love you and I don't care about anything else. I love you and I want to be with you." Tears streamed down her face as her heart contracted with so much emotion. She didn't trust herself to talk so she grabbed his face and pulled him into another long, loving, sensual kiss.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed, sorry for the delay. Next chapter coming soon, thanks for reading.
