Chapter 4
Rick and Michonne decided to take a break from exploring her dream and went for a walk. Rick pushed Judith in her stroller, and Michonne walked beside him with a hand on top of his.
"It's a nice day today." He said looking at Michonne.
"It really is, but I think it's going to rain later."
Looking in his eyes, what she saw in his eyes last night was still there, something new that wasn't there before.
"Yeah, I think you're right."
Judith started to get fussy and they stopped and Rick took her out of the stroller. He carried Judith while Michonne pushed the empty stroller.
"This is nice Michonne."
"What?"
"Us, taking this walk, you and me, our family, our kids. That dream of yours means everything to me. It drives home the necessity to make sure we end up on top of this mess. We didn't come this far to give up or give in."
Michonne smiled at him, but even more to herself. What she saw there was a gleam that she never saw there before. Obviously, it was hidden by clouds. She never noticed them before because they were there when she met him, but now the difference was staggering. He was becoming what she could only guess was his old self. She was loving it. If she could turn back time, he would be the one, he would always be the one. They would have had a child together, and that child would still be alive. Her lips trembled and she turned away. Rick stopped and looked at her. He put an arm around her and pulled her to him.
"I don't know what it is you're feeling right now, but I know it's big, I can feel it too. You're having that dream for a reason, and it has to be affecting you like it is me."
She looked up at him and inhaled deeply.
"What I'm feeling is in your eyes. All I can do is just imagine that this is what you were like before the outbreak. The darkness I saw in your eyes is gone now. I see hope there now."
"That's how I feel, but there is still something not quite right. A deep ache that I just noticed this morning."
"Maybe something from my dream will help."
The sky grew dark as big billowy clouds jockeyed for position above them.
"We better head back." He said putting Judith back into the stroller. Along with the dark clouds, he got the feeling that this part of Michonne's dream will bring out more than he expected.
They had a quiet dinner alone. Judith was in bed, and Carl would be spending the night in the house next door playing marathon poker with Eugene and Rosita.
Rick and Michonne sat across the table from each other and said very little. Their eyes spoke what words couldn't.
Then the look in his eyes changed slightly and she had to ask.
"What is it?"
"Who's up next in your dream?"
"Your family. Everyone you hold dear."
The rain outside was a comfort to Michonne since she and Rick made new memories for days like this. The two of them got up from the table and sat on the couch. Michonne sat with her back to the arm of the couch with her legs across Rick's lap. Their new practice on rainy days when they're at home is to open all the windows and listen to the rain and enjoy the fresh air.
"That's a lot of people."
"You took us all in."
He took a deep breath and rested his head on the back of the couch.
"There's safety in numbers."
"It's more than that and you know it. It was you. Something inside of you told you to bring us in and call us your family, not just the theory of safety in numbers. You can't cop out of this. I looked at Deanna's tapes. Everyone weighed in on your side. They all said they owed their lives to you." She looked at him and he looked around the room as if to find something else to talk about.
"I know you don't like compliments of any kind, but you've earned them."
"By killing people?"
"Because they were trying to kill us. It was to keep us alive. That's what you said on your tape."
"But look how many died."
"Look how many lived because you cared what happened to them. I told you once we were in a war, and in any war, there are casualties. Carl told me about everyone who left Atlanta with you. In my dream, they were all alive, and so were the ones we lost along the way."
Rick looked down in his lap, not really wanting to go through this.
The gathering was quite special. They all met at Rick and Michonne's. Maggie and Glenn organized everything and getting everyone there at the same time. The gathering was a surprise, so Michonne had Rick spirited away at the brownstone until everything was in place. Maggie settled for having Carl get them home by telling them she was there to visit.
"It'll be good seeing Maggie again." Michonne said taking Rick's arm as they walked up the street.
"Yeah, it's been a while."
As they walked up the steps, everyone got ready and quiet.
"SURPRISE!" They all shouted at once.
The look on rick's face was priceless. He stood there with a red face and his mouth opened. He looked around the room and couldn't believe everyone was there. Some had gone back to live at the other communities spread throughout the expanded safe zone. He had seen them one or two at a time, but all together, never.
"What is this?" He asked.
Maggie pointed him to a seat at the dining room table and for Michonne to sit next to him. As soon as Michonne sat down, Rick took her hand.
"Since you won't tell anyone except Michonne your birthday, and you've sworn her to secrecy, we made one up." Deanna said.
"A birthday really wasn't strong enough of a celebration for a man like you." Reg said standing by Deanna. "You've touched the lives of everyone here that has made a lasting impression that they take to the communities they live in which spreads and lives on."
"I wanted you to live here with us. I knew what kind of man you were. A good man, a solid man who is not afraid to take charge, and do what needs to be done for the good of everyone, and I'm sticking to what I told you about your beard." Deanna walked over and kissed his cheek.
"Maggie thought it would be a good idea if we all said a few words to you." Glenn said holding their son. "You're still a dumbass." Everyone laughed and Rick just smiled. That first day he met Glenn, he surely felt like one. "But if we had it to do all over again, which I'm glad we don't, but if we did, count me in. I'd go with you anytime, anywhere."
Tyreese stood up from where he was seated on the couch.
"I know our first meeting wasn't the best, but you made up for it in a big way. You're a good man Rick with a big heart, and I'll never forget you." He sat back down and Judith naturally wanted to sit next to him.
"You made one hell of a farmer." They all laughed again. "I'm grateful to you Rick for taking care of me and my daughters, at a great cost to yourself. You once got on me for losing faith. You were able to say that because you had more faith than anyone I've ever known. How else could you have survived, and manage to keep other alive as well. I'm glad you found love again. Michonne looks good on you." Rick smiled at Hershel. He had been like a father to him.
"I see you found that place, and you didn't let go of everything that made you who you are. I told you this would happen, not quite D.C., but this will do nicely." Bob gave Rick a thumbs up and sat down.
"I was wrong. You were the man to survive. I really didn't think you had it in you, but you did. I'm sorry brother." Rick heard the voice before he saw Shane. He stood a distance away and did not come closer.
"You've done well Rick. I realize some things had to be done to preserve life. You knew that even if it was hard for you. There has always been good in you, I've always known it." Dale smiled at Rick and sat down next to Andrea. Andrea stood and walked forward smiling at Rick and Michonne.
"I'm glad you two found each other. Both of you are strong and loving. You've done well. Happy birthday Rick."
Beth walked up and kissed Rick on the cheek.
"Thank you for coming to get me. I knew you would." She said smiling.
Lori walked up to the table and looked and Michonne and then Rick.
"I'm happy for you, and I want to tell you that I'm sorry, and I forgive you, even though you did nothing wrong. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I was the one with the problem." She looked at Rick a long time before walking back to her seat near the window.
Rick stopped Michonne and turned his head to look out the window on his left. This dream hit him hard, and he was not prepared for it. All the people who had a certain amount of influence on him. He turned his head back, but looked straight forward. He fought back tears and shook his head. He couldn't speak. His body started to shake, and he looked at Michonne with his eyes full of tears. She swung her legs off his lap and he went to the floor on his knees and put his arm on the seat cushion and cried into his arm. Michonne knelt down beside him. He sobbed so hard it sounded like he was in severe pain. Over 2 years of sorrow and loss came pouring out of him. Over 10 people he cared for and considered family all dead within 2 years. She was glad this was happening. It had not been her intent, but this was good for his PTSD. He could start to heal from this.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He said over and over.
To Michonne it seemed that he felt he owed everyone an apology. He was so guilt-ridden and racked with the pain of it, that Michonne cried too.
"They don't blame baby, they don't blame you." She said resting her head on his and rubbing his back.
He stopped saying he was sorry, turned to Michonne and he put his arms around her and continued to cry. He stopped crying after a while and sat there with Michonne in his arms. He lay his head against hers and whispered that he loved her.
"Thank you sweetheart." He said kissing her forehead. "I miss them all very much. I've tried to put it out of my mind, but they are all in my heart. When they died, I felt bad, buried them and moved on. What I needed was to deal with their deaths." He inhaled and when he exhaled, his breath trembled. "We've been through a lot you and I, haven't we?"
"Yes we have. Together."
"Yes, together. You've always been there, and I'm grateful to you for that. Even now, you walked with me through this." He got up and sat on the couch pulling Michonne up with him. "I remember crying when my grandfather died, and Lori told me to stop crying, that it showed weakness."
"It shows great strength for a man to be able to cry, and you're the strongest man I've ever met."
"Thank you." He said smiling sadly.
