Chapter 6
They would have spent the early part of that morning in bed, but Judith had other plans for her parents. When Carl finally woke up after the poker game, he came home and the four of them had lunch together and spent the rest of the day doing chores around the house, and every now and then stop to listen to Carl relive some of the antics and colorful language Eugene used during the poker game.
The afternoon was a cool one, and Rick stood outside and leaned on the rail really wishing he had the opportunity to explore his life earlier, but like Bob always said, things happen the way they were always meant to. He smiled to himself thinking about how life was so different than it had been last year. He had always been a diehard family man, and this day with his family had been like no other. This is the family he saw in his own dreams. A loving wife with children nurtured by a caring mother. They were all happy, and even though that could change before they took their next breath, he didn't care. It was good right now, and this family would last in his memory for a lifetime, because it was real.
He didn't like to, but he compared this life to his life with Lori before the outbreak. At times she seemed unhappy with him and with her life with him. Nothing he did pleased her. To her, his best never was good enough. He never would forget the look on her face when he told her he killed Shane. But wasn't that what she wanted? Loathing is the only word he could think of to describe that look. Their 12-year marriage broken beyond repair with just one look.
Now, he finally felt like a man in love should feel. His marriage to Lori would not have lasted even without the outbreak. He was happy now. Michonne told him that in her dream Lori apologized, now he was able to forgive her. Hershel told him before he died that he and Lori had talked, and that she was sorry for what she had done. At that time forgiveness was not possible because the seed she had planted in his mind concerning Shane, and hearing Shane quote her exact words right before he killed him, made it easy for him to dislike her. Of course he would always love her because she was the mother of his children, but he was done with her before they took the prison.
Also in her dream, Shane had admitted that he was wrong about Rick. The proof of it was obvious; Shane was the one dead. He had to forgive them, Shane and Lori, so he could move on. There was never the time to think on these things before. Not forgiving weighed much more on his life than forgiving. He would never forget the bad things, but he would no longer bear the guilt of his failed marriage and his lost friend. He smiled sadly to himself. Not a smile of regret, but one of hope going forward.
"I like that smile on your face." Michonne said joining him at the rail.
"It feels good on my face. Did you get done what you wanted to get done?"
"No. I ended up falling asleep stretched out across the bed."
He laughed.
"I'm sorry I kept you up."
"No you're not, but you don't hear me complaining."
"I tell you what. Once we get Judith to bed, why don't we turn in early?"
"Sounds like a plan. I'm going back up to see if I can get something accomplished."
"Hey, have we finished your dream?"
"There's one little bit left."
He nodded.
"I'm going to go check the wall and see how Negan's haul is coming along."
"Okay."
Rick and Michonne took turns yawning through dinner. Carl looked from one to the other and started laughing and shook his head.
"What?" Rick said trying not to laugh. "Yawning is contagious."
"Obviously, between you two."
"Wait for it." Michonne said smiling at Carl.
No sooner had she said that, Carl yawned and then Judith. They all erupted into laughter.
"I guess it is contagious." Carl said smiling.
Rick was ecstatic to see his son happy. It had been a long time coming, but it seems that although they had been together all along, he should have been closer to him. He was closer to him now, and he made a promise to himself to give Carl more of his father, and less of Rick Grimes.
"I'm tired." Rick said yawning again and climbing into bed.
"We've been up late the last couple of nights." Michonne said settling into Rick's arms. He kissed her neck and shoulders several times before speaking.
"After we came back from Woodbury with Glenn and Maggie, I had mixed feelings about you. You were great in the field, but I didn't trust you, and there was something about you I couldn't put my finger on that infuriated me, so I brought you on the run with me and Carl. I had to find out what it was."
"Did you?"
"I did. I wasn't looking for love or a romantic relationship. What I needed, and what I found in you was a friend, so did Carl."
Rick pulled her onto her back so he could look into her eyes.
"I needed a friend then, someone who understood what I was going through. Someone besides Hershel who would stand up to me and call me on my b.s. You stopped me from completely losing my mind back then. I felt all alone until you showed up at that fence, and you've been with me every day since that time. I can't imagine ever being without you. Your dream showed me those things I kept pushing down. I'm the most blessed man there ever has been because I have you."
They both reached up to wipe the tears from the other's face and he kissed her.
"I love you and I know you love me, and you're afraid, so am I." Rick said looking directly into her eyes. "I thought Negan was going to kill you to get to me, to break me. Just the thought of that nearly did. He would have had to kill me too, right then. Since I've already had that scare, he won't get that reaction from me again. Over these last few nights talking about your dream, I've gotten stronger and more focused than I've ever been. You've freed me through your dream Michonne."
"He'll still try to break us."
"He can try, but we bend, we don't break. Jesus came by today and said he wants to take us to a new community. It's going to happen. We'll have Negan and his saviors soon enough."
She looked into his eyes and nodded.
"Yes we will. I wonder how many other communities are out there."
"I don't know, but more than just us on our side will help."
He looked down and rubbed her arm.
"I want this to be the last time we talk about Negan here in our bed."
"Okay."
"Every time I think about him all I want to do is kill him. I don't want my thoughts of him mixed in with you here."
Michonne was proud of Rick and how he sounded now. Confidence, not arrogance pushes him forward.
"I'm yours Michonne, and the only fear I have is that you'll stop loving me. Everything else can be managed or handled. I'm prepared to lose everything but you because at the end of it all, we will only have each other. Our kids will grow up and have lives and loves of their own. The love we have is strong and Negan doesn't exist in here. We gain strength from each other in here, so that when we go out there and have to deal with him we are strong, together. He can't stop me from loving you. No matter what he does."
He kissed her and nearly forgot he had more to say. He slowly broke the kiss and looked into her eyes.
"I wish I had something to give you like the dream you gave me. That dream was everything."
"You have given me something."
He frowned and looked at her, and it made her smile.
"You."
She sat up and turned to him and he rolled over onto his back.
"After the prison fell and I found you and Carl in that abandoned house. You trusted me with Carl's well-being, your son. You gave me back a portion of what I had lost from the loss of my own child. When you said Carl needed me; that was the beginning for me, a second chance. The truth is, I needed him. Not my own child, but a child I could love. You helped me feel again, and I thought I would never get that back. That's what I needed, that's what I wanted, and you gave it to me, and you added a bonus, Judith." She said looking at him through eyes full of love for him.
He looked in those eyes of hers with a heart so full he thought it would burst.
"What were the names of our kids again?" He said with a voice full of emotion as he pulled her down to him.
