I walk through the doors to the backroom of the rovers, the same place I was sitting just hours earlier but it feels so much different now.
I feel different now.
I sit down on the sofa and I just don't feel comfortable. I just feel dirty and used. I know I made a mistake, a huge mistake coming back here and I need to go. I need to escape here, I can't risk seeing him again.
I stand up, unable to sit in these clothes anymore. I need to leave, I need to shower or do anything to try and wash away the feelings that seem to be soaked into my skin.
I need to get away from them.
Before I'm able to open the door, I hear footsteps outside the door. I step away, my erratic heart beat being the only other sound I can here as I hear them step closer.
It isn't him. It's not him. Not here. Not now.
I know it isn't him, it can't be him. There's no way but it doesn't stop the fear overwhelming me.
What if it is him?
As the door swings open, I let out a deep breath of relief as Michelle steps into the room, Holly in her arms.
"What's up with you?" She asks me, clearly concerned.
"Nothing, I'm fine." I say, taking Holly off her and bouncing her steadily whilst holding her close to my body.
"Well you clearly aren't. Has something happened?" Michelle persists.
"I said I'm fine, didn't I?" I snap at her as she looks taken aback which leaves me immediately regretting saying anything.
"No, Chelle, I'm sorry." I apologise.
"Did you go to the factory then?"
"Not in the end, no" I tell her as she gives me a puzzled look.
"Well, what do you mean? What happened?"
"It doesn't matter, okay. I'm gonna go for a shower. Can you take her?" I ask her, gesturing towards Holly.
"Well sure but-" she starts.
"Thank you," I cut her off before heading upstairs, desperate to wash the feeling of his hands on my wrist, on my body off of me.
"Thanks for earlier." I tell Michelle as I come back into the back room, having showered and changed.
"No problem." She tells me, sitting next to me on the sofa as Holly sleeps in her carrier next to us. "So, are you going to tell me what happened earlier?"
I don't say anything. I can't. Robert's right. She wouldn't believe me, none of them would.
"I can't help you unless you tell me what's happened Car," she tells me as I still stay silent.
She thinks she can help me. She doesn't know the half of it. She can't help me. No one can.
"Chelle, I know you're trying to help but please, just drop it?"
"Okay, but just remember I'm always here if you want to talk."
"Here, I'll take it." I tell Michelle as I take the bin bag in her hand out of it. "It's the least I can do to thank you for letting me and Holly stay here."
As I leave through the back door, I look up at the sky which is quite dark now.
I walk over to the bin, putting the bin bag inside before I hear voices in the ginnel and go over and lean on the brick wall next to it.
"Why shouldn't I be jealous?" I hear Tracy shout.
"You're being stupid Trace."
Robert.
"Am I? Everyone knows you slept with her. Now she's back, what's to stop you sleeping with her again?" I can't help but feel sick at the words leaving both of their mouths.
It didn't cross my mind for a second that they might still be together. She was so angry when she found out that we had supposedly slept together.
"Because I wouldn't do that to you, I swear." Every word Robert says just makes my skin crawl.
Just knowing that he's a few metres from me makes me want to be sick.
I can't handle it anymore and end up walking back inside the rovers.
I try to get the thought out of my brain, desperately but it's impossible. I can't.
I can't let her carry on being with him and not knowing.
I need to tell her. I need to make her realise who he is, I can't risk her getting hurt. No matter what she's done to me, she doesn't deserve what I was put through.
I can't let her be put through that.
I have to tell her the truth.
I have to tell everyone the truth. I can't hide it anymore.
Thank you for reading! Thanks again if you left a review, if you could review this chapter it would mean a lot? Your comments always make my day. I hope you liked it and understood it. Please let me know if you're still interested as I have more ideas if you are!
