This chapter completely revolves around the conversation between Carla and Nick. I'm really unsure about this to be honest but oh well. I hope you enjoy!
"Are you okay?"
I can't bring myself to say anything. It's like as soon as I saw his face, the strength and the determination just abandoned me.
"Carla?" He says, obviously confused to my trance like state.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
I open my mouth to speak again but I just can't find the words.
I want to tell him. I want to tell him the truth. I want to tell him how I feel. I want to tell him everything.
"I understand, you know?" He says, suddenly as I stare at him.
We still haven't moved from where we're standing, just inside the door to his flat.
"What do you mean?" I ask him, relieved to have finally found the words.
"Don't get me wrong. I'm still angry with both you and my mum but I get it. It must have been hard to have to deal with the prospect of coming back here."
He doesn't know the half of it.
"Yeah."
"I know this place holds a lot of memories for you. Some good, some, well..." He trails off.
"LA holds a lot less bad memories. I think that's the main reason that I took her there. It's a safer place for me." I explain while he nods.
It's obvious he doesn't understand what I mean, not completely. It's a safer place for me both physically and mentally.
He doesn't understand because he doesn't know but I need to tell him. I need to tell everyone.
"It's why we need to go back there." I can see he's visibly stunned by my confession.
But, there's no more time for lies and deceit. It's all over now. Lies have ruined us before and I won't let that happen again.
"You're going back?" I can see the hurt on his face as he questions me.
After a pause, I manage to get out a reply, "Yeah."
"I haven't even got to know her. I've held her once, Carla. Once." I can't bring myself to look him in the eye and see the same hurt look. Just the sight of him feeling that way because of me is enough to break my heart.
"She's six months and she's my daughter. I don't even know her middle name. There are so many things I haven't been able to do."
"You can come and visit." I attempt to make it up to him, though I know my attempts are useless. I just keep on hurting him and hurting him. "She'll know who you are and she'll know that you love her." I promise him.
"It won't be the same though. It isn't exactly easy to just hop on a plane and fly over 12 hours. Think about how much I'll miss along with everything I've already missed." I feel a tear run down my cheek before I quickly wipe it away, desperately trying to avoid him seeing me being so pathetic.
"I'm sorry."
"You don't need to be sorry. You just- you need to think about her. Think about what Holly would want. I know it would be hard for you to stay here but you've got through so much worse than this and you're strong."
I can see in his eyes how much he believes what he's saying but he's not right. I'm not strong. I'm weak. I'm pathetic. I'm worthless.
"Nick-" I start before he interrupts me.
"Please Carla. Just please think about it." He pauses as we both look into each other's eyes as the feelings I thought were buried start to rush back. "I don't want to lose you again, either of you." He moves closer to me, putting his hand on my cheek as he wipes away the tear stains on my face with his thumb.
"I love you." A tear runs down his cheek almost simultaneously as to one runs down mine as he says the words. The three precious words.
Three simple words that can change everything in an instant.
"I love you too."
I don't hesitate before leaning towards him, pushing my lips gently against his as he kisses me back.
As we slowly walk over towards the bedroom, returning each other's kisses, my back suddenly collides with a wall. But, all the fear has gone.
The fear of not being loved. The fear of being seen as damaged goods.
I feel safe with him, I always have.
Thank you for reading. Please leave a review to let me know what you think. I have plenty more stuff to write so let me know if you're still enjoying this. I wasn't originally planning on taking this chapter this way but it just kind of worked out like that. Either way, I hope you liked it.
