Disclaimer: Fairy Tail belongs to Hiro Mashima
ACT IV: Aftermath – Psychological Wounds
Approximately X793
~ o ~ O ~ o ~
Chapter 16: Searching
It was soooo not worth it...
The Dragon Slayer thought to himself as he sprinted through the forest as fast as he could, with huge frightened eyes. After he had received the message from Gray, he had of course gone to Porlyusica's place, even if he had done so somewhat reluctantly.
But oohh boy, she sure as hell was one scary old lady.
Natsu gulped and felt a chill run down his spine, as a mental image of Porlyusica threatening him with her broom spawned in his mind. Actually she had managed to hit him rather hard a few times on his head, before he had a chance to escape from her angry fit.
"Stupid old hag..." Natsu pouted defiantly and felt how a huge and sore lump was starting to form on his head.
The Dragon slayer kept running until he eventually reached the guild, which he burst into rather loudly.
"My, my someone looks like he's in a hurry" Mirajane chuckled warmly "Welcome back"
"Uhm yeah, hi Mira" his head turned around frantically as he kept searching for one specific person. It didn't take long before his eyes spotted her blonde hair, making him race over to her.
Currently Lucy was chatting with Levy and he had no doubt, that it was about something boring.
"Luce!" he yelled and slammed his hands against the table, making the contents on it shake from his outburst.
"Ye-yeah?!" the celestial gasped in surprise, because she had been so involved in her conversation, that his sudden gesture shocked her.
"You busy?"
"No... not exactly, I'm just talking to Levy about this new book that was published the other day..."
"Uh-huh, okay great" he nodded, only hearing the keyword no.
"You think so?" the blonde blinked in surprise.
"Of course!" he crocked an eyebrow, before grinning widely "I need you to come with me!"
"Wha...?" Lucy was abruptly interrupted, as Natsu grasped her wrist with the thought of dragging her with him, but because he was in such a rush he completely forgot that she couldn't move her legs. Well that was until he heard her squeal in surprise as she started falling down from her seat.
"Ohh... woops!" having quick reflexes he caught her shoulders with his hands, preventing the girl from colliding with the floor.
"Th-thanks..." Lucy muttered before snapping her head up, her eyes glistening with annoyance "... you moron! Think before you act!"
"Yeah sorry about that..." Natsu chuckled sheepishly, but quickly turned into his serious mode "... I need you to come with me"
"Oh... okay?" she answered feeling perplexed about what was so urgent all of a sudden.
"Neat!" smiling brightly he quickly scooped the girl into his arms, making her squeal yet again. "I'm sorry Levy" the Dragon Slayer turned his head to send the blue haired girl a smile "I'll return her later, kay?"
"You just take good care of her, you hear?" Levy waved with her hand and smiled brightly at exciting duo.
"Aye!" Natsu blushed and ignored the blonde's almost inaudible protests as they made their way outside. It didn't take long before they were outside of Magnolia, but they didn't stop until they reached a huge lake.
"This should do it" Natsu nodded to himself as he turned his head to look down at Lucy who looked slightly annoyed.
"Do what? Why did you drag me out here?" the blonde narrowed her eyes and gave him a look that clearly implied that if she didn't like his answer, then she might actually kick his butt later on.
"Well I just got back from Porlyusica"
"Ohh! How did it go?" Lucy asked sincerely wanting to know about the meeting.
"Ehhh..." he rolled his eyes "... okay until she started hitting me with her broom"
"I see..."
"Anyhow she told me a lot of confusing stuff... so..." he narrowed his eyes for a second, debating how much he actually wanted to tell her.
"If you tell me what she told you, then maybe I can help making it less confusing?" Lucy smiled, trying to encourage him to proceed.
"Yeah..." he quickly glanced at the sky, before sighing heavily "... yeah..."
"Good but... uhm... would you mind putting me down?"
"Ohh yeah sure"
Natsu gently placed her on the ground, before sitting down in front of her.
"So... " the blonde tilted her head to the side "what did she say?"
"Well..." he rubbed the skin where his markings were "... she essentially said some of the same stupid stuff Gildarts told me... or well, she said something about the demon somehow being in my blood, which means it's a part of me I'll have to live with, since it ain't something that can be removed. So I have to accept it, even if I don't want to" he sighed in frustration "So yeah... she said that right now my demonic side is dormant, but it could be unleashed whenever I give in to anger, since that's apparently what fuel my curse"
"Mmm..." Lucy rubbed her chin in thought "... but what about your markings?"
"She said I should keep an eye on it, because if they start glowing then that indicates that the demonic powers are trying to spawn"
"Ohh..." the celestial mage muttered "... but didn't she give you any advice or something?"
"Yeah she told me that I need to accept my former self" Natsu said sounded impatient as he ruffled his hair "That should help me to control my demonic powers"
"That makes sense... I mean it's almost spiritual when you think about it"
"How so?"
"Well in order to make your mind and powers stable, you need to accept the demonic personality you're evidently carrying"
"But... that's what I don't get, he isn't someone else" Natsu pointed at himself his eyes flashing with sadness but also confusion "... he's... me"
"Exactly"
"What?"
"Because you're him and vice versa, then you need to accept that he's a part of your past. That's why it's almost spiritual because right now you're unconsciously blocking or suppressing that part of you, but in order for you to become a whole being you need to accept your past. If you don't accept your past, then it could damage your mental stability, since whatever you experienced could potentially try to force itself forth at inconvenient moments"
"Argh!" Natsu groaned and shook his head "That's so confusing"
"Not really" Lucy smiled warmly "If you want to gain control, then you simply need to accept the past"
"I see... okay yeah that kinda makes sense" he closed his eyes feeling somewhat defeated, but also slightly annoyed because he didn't truly want to acknowledge his demonic side.
"Yes" Lucy nodded "Did she give you any advice on how you can do that?"
"Uh-huh" Natsu groaned his shoulder visibly dropping "she told me to mediate at a nice and calm place, preferably near water for some reason"
"Ahh so that's why you dragged me out here"
"But you know what?" Natsu shook his head defiantly before forming an x with his arms "I'm not doing it"
"Why not?" the celestial mage blinked.
"Because meditating is boring" he raised an eyebrow and gave her a sceptic look "And you know I'm not a patient person"
"Yeah that's true..." Lucy hummed and placed an index finger on her lips "...would you do it, if I do it with you?"
"Uhm... no? I don't think so... besides..."
"Besides?"
"I'm not sure I want to be in control of my demonic side" Natsu looked at the sky with a sad expression "I mean why would I want anything relating to that... thing... when I know it caused so much suffering in the past"
"I understand why you feel like that..." Lucy said in a serious but warm tone "... however this is something you need to do, in order to gain control of your powers. I mean wouldn't it be worse if you accidentally summoned him again and you actually killed someone you care about?"
"I..." his eyes widened momentarily in horror, before he turned his head to look at her "... never thought of it that way"
"Yeah sorry for being so direct about it" she chuckled sounding somewhat nervous.
"No it's fine" he exhaled a shaking breath.
"So about this meditating thing" Lucy scratched her chin "How about we turn it into an event?"
"An event?"
"Yeah, I mean if you'll let me help you, then I could treat you to something delicious to eat when we're done"
"Really?" he blinked suddenly excited about the prospect of food.
"Yeah sure why not?"
"Deal!" Natsu smiled widely revealing his canines.
"... why do I have a feeling that this might ruin me..." she massaged the bridge of her nose and let out a groan.
"Sorry?" he said trying to sound innocent.
"Yeah, yeah..." Lucy sighed loudly "... you want to try it out right now?"
"Uhm okay" he shrugged "So what do you want me to do?"
"First you need to get into a meditative stance, so cross your legs and place your arms on top of them"
Natsu did what he was told without saying anything.
"Right, now close your eyes and focus on your breathing"
Exhaling loudly he did that too.
"Now relax and feel how the air enters your body" Lucy said in a calm voice "Imagine the air flowing through every inch of you, making your muscles feel more heavy but also more calm. Imagine how your muscles are being pulled downwards, like gravity is somehow weighing them down"
Not sure why that would help, Natsu tried his best to imagine it. But after a few minutes he felt how he seemed to enter a drowsy state, making him feel relaxed on a level he hadn't experienced before.
"Let go of your thoughts and focus all of your attention on the sound of the waves as they gently hit the shore" the celestial mage said, secretly feeling proud that the Dragon Slayer had come this far without throwing a tantrum about it being boring.
Actually Natsu was trying his best to take it seriously and do what she said, because if it could prevent future disasters, then why not give it a shot? Besides there was also the prospect of sweet delicious food...
The thought of food, made his jaw drop, before a small amount of drool streamed down his chin.
"This ain't rocket science, so will you stop being disgusting and focus?" Lucy said impatiently.
"Ahh sorry..." he chuckled before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"It's fine, now focus"
"Uh-huh" Natsu took a few deep breaths as he tried once again to calm his mind and body. It didn't take long before he felt relaxed again, as he sat listening to the sound of the waves.
"Now I want you to feel the soft wind, blowing against your skin..." Lucy said in a soothing tone ".. feel it as it brushes against your skin"
As Natsu sat there he realised that he had never really noticed how soft and gentle the wind could feel. It was like the wind itself was caressing him in an almost loving gesture, which felt rather amazing.
The Dragon Slayer was feeling really calm after a while almost on the brink of falling asleep, when Lucy spoke again.
"Now I want you to search inside of yourself. First you need to imagine your soul, as something physical inside of yourself"
Furrowing his eyebrows he tried doing that, even though it was rather difficult at first. It was like searching for something in a big dark and vast area, without any light or guidance. However after a few minutes he could feel an essence inside of him. It was rather warm and almost radiating in various colours.
"Have you found it?"
He nodded briefly to answer her question.
His soul or whatever it was felt so innocent, like it had never seen or experienced anything evil.
For some reason it made him feel somewhat happy, to see that it wasn't contaminated by the demon.
"Don't be so full of yourself... " he heard Gildarts voice suddenly repeating in his mind "... Your hands are still drenched with your friend's blood ..."
It's a lie... it had to be a lie... his soul was too pure to be something so wickedly and cruel as the demon represented.
"... you still need to accept the fact that you're him" Gildart's voice continued.
No, he couldn't be...
Still being somewhat in denial, Natsu felt an unpleasant shiver run down his spine.
"You need to accept and come to terms with the fact that you're END" this time the older mage's voice was twisted and sounded more threatening and cruel, unlike how he had said it in reality.
I don't want to... Natsu thought and felt how angst started to itch it's way into his system, like it was an unnatural creature that started digging it's large claws into him.
An image of Gray suddenly entered his mind. It was all blurry, but he could still recognise him.
"Come on! Snap out of it already!" the ice mage said sounding really pissed.
"You'll pay!" another person said in a voice that was dripping with unrestricted anger "I'll make you pay for what you did!"
The sound made the Dragon Slayer flinch, as black flames started to spawn around his glistening soul, threatening to overwhelm and consume him.
"For what?!" he heard Gray snort in annoyance.
A sudden sadness spawned inside of him, but he had no idea why. It was rather unpleasant because it was something he couldn't control. The thought of not being in control caused him to momentarily panic, which his body reacted to by making few droplets of cold sweat run down his face.
Just as fast as the sadness had spawned it was replaced with an unreasonable anger.
"Ohh... I'll spell it for you" the unknown voice stated while laughing hysterically "... yes I'll write it in capital letters on your face, with my fists!"
The black flames started to pulsate in a weird way, before they started growing in intensity. There was something ominous and foreboding about it, that the Dragon Slayer suddenly felt paralysed by fear.
A ferocious and lethal growl echoed through his mind as the flames started to consume and extinguishing the brightness of his soul, almost as if it was trying to eat his personality. It felt absolutely horrible, because it was as if he was slowly drowning in madness and anger.
Natsu was heaving for air and felt how more sweat started pouring down his body.
"... at..." a female and gentle voice called from somewhere, but for some reason it was hard to hear what she said.
"...wa... up... co... ba..."
It sounded so much like Lucy but what was she doing there?
"... come..."
Come where? His mind was suddenly at a standstill, frozen in time like it was put on pause.
"... wake up..."
She's dead... dead and gone...
No... she's right there calling for him...
Why was it so hard to breathe?
"Come back!" Lucy's voice boomed loudly all of a sudden, making him snap his eyes wide open.
At first it was like Natsu was blinded, as he sat staring into thin air with a haunted look.
"... your eyes..." the celestial mage whispered in fright, as she leaned backwards and away from him, where she sat staring at his right arm with horror written in her eyes.
Feeling confused Natsu tried not to think too much about her actions, instead he focused on trying to do something as basic as breathing properly, because he was very close to hyper ventilating.
His heart was pulsating in a heavy and fast pace, making it boom loudly inside his head, but fortunately the sound soon started to vanish as he regained control of his body again.
"Ahh..." exhaling Natsu closed his eyes before wiping his face with both hands, to remove the unpleasant layer of sweat.
"You.. how are you feeling?" Lucy asked sounding somewhat nervous.
"I'm okay... I think..." he opened his eyes and glared at her trembling body "... what's wrong?"
"N-nothing" she faked a smile and waved with both hands in front of her "Don't worry about me"
"Mmm..." narrowing his eyes in suspicion he kept glaring at her.
"I... uhm..." she fidgeted feeling rather uncomfortable by being in his spotlight "... so uhm... what happened?"
"Not sure..." Natsu answered truthfully, not totally understanding himself what he had just seen.
"You wanna talk about it?"
"No... not really..."
"Okay... well just know that I'm here if you need anything"
"Yeah..." he smiled sadly to himself "... thanks"
None of them said anything for a few minutes, they just sat trying to digest in their own minds what had happened.
"So..." Lucy broke the silence "... this might sound random, but I was wondering, if you would like to go somewhere with me"
"Mmm?" Natsu blinked "Where to?"
"Well according to Porlyusica, I should regain the movements in my legs in a few days and I thought it would be nice going back home"
"Home?" he tilted his head to the side and looked rather confused "To your apartment?"
"No to my family's mansion" Lucy looked down on the ground "Remember Zeref said that there was a book written by my mum there"
"You sure that wasn't a lie?" he asked feeling sceptic "I mean it's not like we can trust that guy"
"Nevertheless I want to see it for myself" the celestial mage said in a determined tone "I have to make sure whether or not the book exists"
"Well then why not go tomorrow? I mean I wouldn't mind carrying you"
"It's okay, I want to search for the book too and I can't do that when I can't walk"
"Well alright if you're sure"
"I am" Lucy nodded with a smile "Thank you"
"You're welcome..." Natsu smiled brightly and got into a standing position, where he stretched his arms above his head, making some of his bones crack "... mmm... I guess it's time"
"Time for what?"
"For you to threat me to something to eat!" Natsu said sounding really excited.
"Ohh... right..." Lucy said in a somewhat gloomy voice.
"Yosh!" he nodded eagerly to himself "Let's go!"
"I... woooooa!" the celestial mage squealed when he scooped her up into his arms and started running back towards the city.
Food... and especially comfy food was the best after a loooong day of struggling...
A/N: Now that's some hardcore meditating o.O
As I mentioned in the beginning of this story and in the summary, this will somehow end up in Nalu being a thing (I'm sorry I can't help my romantic heart). However it isn't the main focus, because sure, there'll be some bonding and cute moments, but it's mainly for building up their relationship and to answer some vital things that relate to either the plot of this story, or the struggles the Dragon Slayer is having (I'm not done tormenting him, bwahahaha!).
And about the whole demon thing, remember what Zeref said a few chapters ago:
"In some aspects yes, however that doesn't mean he can't evoke the raw power of the demon that is still a vital part of his being. I mean being a demon is what he is in his blood, so it's still a latent part of him, until the time he summons it. That essentially means he could turn, if he pass the limited boundaries in his body that is now keeping it under control"
So uhm... yeah! Take care you guys! Have a nice one on me :)
/Hejmdal
