(Just a quick heads up, the diary is a short version and only contains some of the relevant entries, because otherwise it would essentially just be a recap of the story and that's kinda boring if you ask me. SO whatever else is in the diary, I'll leave open to your imagination (interpretation).
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail belongs to Hiro Mashima
ACT IV: Aftermath – Psychological Wounds
Approximately X793
~ o ~ O ~ o ~
Chapter 18: Layla's story
It didn't take long before they reached Magnolia, where Lucy separated with her team and went back to her own apartment. Here she casually rested on her bed before picking up the book, her mama had left behind. At first she just stared at it before she took a moment to gently caress the book, by trailing a finger down the cover of it. After that Lucy opened the book and started reading the handwritten pages...
~ o ~ O ~ o ~
A Mother's Tale ~ Lucy's Legacy
X767
Hello Lucy, my dear.
I know I'm just being a romantic idiot for writing this story, but seeing your precious baby face reminds me that time is short. You're so adorable, right now you're sleeping in the cradle next to me. Anyway that wasn't what I was supposed to type about. This is just the beginning of the story so let's see how things unfold as time goes by, okay?
So it all started in X764 I think, when I had my first encounter with Zeref. It's actually a funny story now that I think about it...
… So yeah that's how I joined Zeref's cause and we started working together. We aren't even close to being finished yet and I suspect it might take a few more years before it's done. I gotta say thought it's really hard work! Every day I pour my magic into the gate and it's really tiresome. That's why I retired from being a mage, because I couldn't do both things at the same time.
Hopefully it'll be worth it, when we open the gate to past...
X772
Lucy, my dearest daughter,
We finally opened the gate! Okay I admit it, it took a lot more effort than I expected, because it drained me really much. That's why my handwriting is kinda slobbery right now, because I'm still really fatigued.
Anyhow, we opened the gate and you know what I saw? Dragons! Real living dragons! Or well they weren't alive as such since it was just their spirits and not their physical body, but still it was super awesome! Ohh but you wanna know the best part? The dragons brought a bunch of lovely children! Honest to god I almost couldn't keep up my façade, because they were all so gosh darn cute!
Actually I'm getting all excited thinking about it, I just can't help myself.
Okay, just so you know the children came from the war that happened almost 400 years ago, so I feel really glad I helped open the gate. Especially because it sounded like it was a dreadful place, even though the war had already ended. Igneel even told me so, because evidently a man harmed his kid, just because he wanted some easy money. Now how sick and cruel is that?
Which reminds me, Igneel's kid is such a cutie pie! His name is Natsu and he's soooo tiny and looks like he's about the same age you. Oh-oh-oh! And he has the most amazing pink hair, it's soooo adorable I just want to ruffle it all day long! It's so strange knowing that this happy kid is Zeref's brother, because they are like completely opposite from each other!
Ahem... well my first encounter with Natsu didn't go as smooth as I wanted it to and I'm ashamed to say this, but because my nose started bleeding it made him recall some awful memories he shouldn't be having. For god's sake, he's just an innocent and fragile child!
Well fortunately I managed to calm him down by telling him to listen to my heartbeat. I know this is silly to write, but he actually drooled down my cleavage, hehe.
Anyhow I guess that's all for now. I'll update this again sometime soon.
X775
I knew it! I bloody well knew it! Zeref did hide something regarding the orphans. What you might ask? Well amongst them there is one kid who has a demon sealed inside of him and guess who that is? Yup you guessed it's none other than the poor kid Natsu.
At first I was really angry he didn't tell me sooner, but that wasn't even the worst part. No, Zeref actually asked me to perform a seal on the kid. How could he ask me to do something like that on the poor child? Of course I eventually agreed to do it, because it was for the best to secure his safety but still...we had to physically hurt him and tear open the flesh on his arm, in order to conceal the key inside of him. It was so dreadful and it still pains my heart just thinking about all the blood streaming down Natsu's arm...
… Ohh and Lucy you might not remember this, but you gave Natsu your pink peppermint cats! We gave those to you awhile back, and told you that the candy would give you strength and bravery, for whenever you felt lonely. Actually I think you used them the most, when you got scared of the monsters you thought lived underneath your bed... Anyway you gave them to Zeref and told him to give them to Natsu, because you didn't need them any more.
I'm so proud of you and I'll make sure to give you a few extra kisses when I tug you in tonight!
… Now I know this might sound silly and not relevant, but you know what? Natsu can eat fire! He was all excited about it when he showed it to me and honestly it was really adorable. I promised I would bring him candy next time I see him and hopefully I'll remember it now that I've written it down.
I guess that's all for now. See you soon, my precious girl.
X777
I know I haven't written in this in awhile but I don't have much time, so I guess I'll just get down to why I'm typing this. You see I was asked to create a sealing spell on the dragons and I know it's gonna be hard on me, because I haven't regained my strength yet.
I just... No matter what happens, I want you to know that I will love you for all eternity.
I don't know if I'll get a chance to tell Zeref about this book, but just in case I'll leave it in the library. He always goes there from time to time, even when I'm not around so I'm confident he'll find it eventually.
I'm sure things will be fine though, so I know it's silly writing this. However I'm an adult now and therefore I need to take certain precautions just in case something goes wrong...
Ohh silly me, now I'm smudging out the words by crying when I'm writing. I'm too old to do something so silly aren't I?
Anyway, before I leave there's just one thing I want you to know: Lucy my dear, you're my pride and joy. You're a very special girl and always will be. Not only because you're a unique and gentle girl, but because you were created because of the greatest magic of them all, love.
I know I've told you about this and I hope you'll understand what I mean one day. If not I'll be here to give you advice when it's your time to enter the confusing and amazing journey that involves this magic. When that happens I'll be your shoulder to cry on if things doesn't go your way, because even though love can be amazing and beautiful, it can also be harsh and cruel. As your mother I promise I'll always be your rock, whenever you need guidance and help.
I love you Lucy for now and all eternity.
- Layla Heartfilia
~ o ~ O ~ o ~
Lucy was happy that she decided to read the book alone at her own apartment. Especially when she reached the last part, which her eyes had kept rereading even when her vision was too blurry to make out the words.
Of course the celestial mage had a haunch that it might be somewhat heartbreaking to read, but she wasn't prepared for this.
Lucy was proud of her mama's courage and determination, but she also cursed it. Mainly because if her mama hadn't decided to help Zeref and the dragons then maybe, she would still be among the living. Sure, it wasn't something that could be observed so simple, but the idea still lingered in her mind, that if her mama had refused to seal the Dragon Slayer's inside the dragons, then she might not have suffered from magic sufficiency and died.
In some aspects it was potentially a rather beautiful story, but since it was her mother who had died it was just tragic from her point of view. And that was the primary reason Lucy was curled up in her bed, crying her eyes out while hugging a pillow tightly against her torso, like it could soothe her somehow.
Not that it helped...
Lucy just laid there in her own bubble of despair, when she heard the sound of her window opening with a snap.
"Ey, you finished with that book yet?" she recognised Natsu's voice coming from behind her.
She didn't answer but instead hugged the pillow closer to her chest.
"What are doing in bed anyway?" he said sounding somewhat annoyed, as he sat down on the window frame.
"... nothing..." she answered with a sniffle.
"Are... are you... crying?"
"... yeah..."
"Ohh... I'm sorry"
You're sorry? That was all he had to say to that? He was sorry?
Feeling mildly angry, Lucy got into a sitting position and rubbed her eyes, with the palm of her hands.
"So... uhm... " the Dragon Slayer sounded nervous as he started scratching the back of his neck "... you okay?"
Obviously I'm okay! I'm just crying my eyeballs out here, while you're just sitting like a retarded idiot?
"... uh-huh..." she whispered and buried her head against the pillow.
Natsu blinked not sure what to say before he started twisting a few times, trying to sit in a more comfortable position "So..." he started "... you've been reading in that book, your mom left behind?"
"Uh-huh"
"... is it good?"
"Mmm-hm"
"Well... I guess it's a good thing she left it behind for you. I mean then you have some sort of keepsake to remember her with... and uhm... yeah..."
Something seemed to snap inside of her mind. Honestly she didn't know why, maybe it was because she was already so emotional fragile, but for some reason his statement made her feel furious. Like holy mother of god, every fibre of her being was suddenly tingling with anger.
"Yeah? Well sure having a book is much better than having my mama alive" her voice was dripping with sarcasm, but for some reason the Dragon Slayer didn't catch that.
"How can you say that?" he sounded astonished but also mildly offensive "If I could trade this scarf for my dad being alive, I would do it without blinking"
"Tsch! I wish he was..." she shot him a piercing glare "... because then I could kick him in the ass!"
"What?!"
"You heard me! I would kick him so hard in his gigantic red butt, that he couldn't sit for weeks!"
"The fuck Lucy?!" his eyes widened in shock at her direct statement.
"And when I'm finished with him, I would take on the other dragons, for being stupid, idiotic and selfish beings"
"Don't you dare say Igneel is stupid and idiotic!" Natsu snapped back in anger.
"Ohh yeah? Too bad he is!" she growled and got to her feet, dropping the pillow on her bed.
"No he isn't!"
"Yeah he is!" she threw her hand dismissively to the side "And I don't want you here lecturing me and telling me otherwise"
"Ohh hell I will!" Natsu growled as he crawled over her bed and placed himself in front of the fuming celestial mage.
"No! You can't tell me anything, when there's so much stuff you don't know!"
"Don't give me that shit! I don't care what you think you might know, but that doesn't give you the right to insult my dad!"
"Yes it does!" she stomped with her foot "Because you don't know anything! You know what? I hate you!"
"... what?!" he flinched, clearly hurt by her statement.
"If it weren't for you!" she clenched her hand and slammed it against his chest "And your stupid family, then none of this would have happened!"
Natsu didn't say anything, but kept glaring in confusion at the girl as she started hitting his chest with both of her hands.
"I hate you! I hate you so much!" Lucy said, her body shaking uncontrollably as sorrow mixed with her anger.
"Lucy..." the Dragon Slayer whispered.
"And yet I don't..." she sobbed, her hits weakening and becoming less forceful "you... the reason she died... if she didn't use that stupid spell then... then..." tears was once more streaming down her face.
"..."
"... she would still be here... why..." Lucy stopped hitting him and turned her head to glare into the other mage's eyes "... why did she have to die? Why?"
Lucy could actually see a similar look of pain and anger reflected in Natsu, as they stood glaring into each others eyes.
"I dunno..." the Dragon Slayer eventually sighed.
"I'm..." Lucy bit her lip for a second as a wave of regret washed over her "... I'm sorry... I didn't mean..."
"I know..."
"But..."
"It's okay..." he wrapped his arms around her and pressed her firmly against his chest.
He was shivering, she could feel it.
Lucy had gone too far and she knew it. But when the anger took hold of her, it had overwhelmed her like it was a title wave that swept her away. It was kinda scary in some aspects, because usually she could stay somewhat calm, no matter what happened.
"No... I'm so sorry..." she wrapped her arms around his waist and rubbed her head against his chest "I didn't mean what I said"
"Yeah..." he exhaled a shaking breath and placed his chin on her head "... I know"
"I'm an idiot" she sobbed "A mean and cruel idiot"
"No you're not"
"Yes I am..."
"Stop saying that, you're not an idiot"
"Ye-yeah?" her voice cracked painfully.
"Yeah" he gave her body a squeeze.
And with that she started bawling and crying, like there was no tomorrow.
It felt good... better than when she was crying alone...
Lucy didn't know but she had a feeling that their little exchange also had a positive effect on Natsu. Especially because she knew, that both of them were in pain, and that was why they needed to let out some steam.
And that's what friends are for, right?
A/N: I know the plot is moving rather slowly at the moment, but it needs to be before it really starts to escalate. Besides they need to chill, lick their wounds and bond a bit, before everything goes crazy when I unleash my cruelty on them. Like seriously the angst is just around the corner, where I yet again unleash my wicked sadistic side XD
Take care y'all!
/H
