Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Or the drinking song sung by the cook, which is from LotR
A/N: On a perfectly unrelated note... when one posts a fanfic there's this thing that tells you what country the person/computer reading the story is from. I often wonder who these people actually are. Is someone all the way in Finland reading my stories? What to people in Finland do? Do they sing the Finland song from Monty Python? Though as far as I know there aren't any Finlanders reading this. A British person is reading this, though. Perhaps I shall reference Doctor Who or something!
Soon enough, Magenta found her daughter staring at the live footage of Nikto wandering in confusion. She cleared her throat to alert the girl of her presence.
"What are you doing?" Magenta asked, crossing her arms.
"Isn't he dreamy!" Miranda exclaimed.
Magenta sighed wearily. "Answer the question…"
"I was looking at this young man. It seems he's gotten lost in our forest somehow. May I go help him?"
For a while Magenta contemplated this. There seemed no harm in letting, and it would keep them both out of the way for some time.
"If you'd like," she finally said.
Gleefully, Miranda ran off to find him. She knew the way to where he'd been wandering. So excited was she that she failed to notice her mother switching the screens from camera to camera until she found four other people...
Riff Raff, the De'Lordy brothers, and Columbia were hopelessly lost. They wandered aimlessly through the forest, while Magenta and Dr. Scott watched them from inside the house on the elaborate security camera system. Magenta found this both funny and saddening. She could see her brother and his friends, but she couldn't interact in any way with them. It took all her self-control not to run off after them.
Soon enough the four sat down on the ground. It was awfully muddy, so Barada quickly stood up to avoid ruining his clothes. Everyone else was too tired to care much.
"You're an Earthling, Columbia. Can you explain where we are?" Barada said, eventually.
She rolled her eyes. "I haven't been here in about two decades. How should I be able to do anything to help? I'm just as clueless as you!"
Nobody spoke for a moment. They just sat (or, in Barada's case, stood) there in dull silence. This wasn't a good day for anyone – especially Klaatu. It was he who first spoke, when he remembered something very important:
"Where do you think my son is?"
Nobody knew how to answer this. Before, they hadn't bothered thinking about the rest of the crew. There were many more people than these four. Though from the tone of Klaatu's voice he'd clearly figured that his son had died.
Columbia smiled at the poor man. "I'm sure he's alright! Nothing happened to us, so why should something happen to him? The cook, the Jester, and others are also missing. Perhaps they're all together! Maybe Nikto is having fun with all of them…"
"Or he might've been eaten by some fearsome Earth-beast," Barada said nastily.
"There aren't any beasts here – assuming this is the US, like you all claimed before the engines went all fizzily. Squirrels or raccoons or bears – they're all fearful of people and mostly harmless – are the worst you'll meet,"
Klaatu raised an eyebrow. "Mostly harmless?"
Cheerfully, Columbia nodded. "Of course. Bears might hurt you if you bother them though I think your son is smarter than that. The cook might not be…"
"Stupid old Mr. Starka would probably try to kiss the bear or something. He'll be killed very quickly if he even went near something dangerous," Barada muttered.
"Unless he offered it something to drink," Columbia pointed out. "You know, I hear Earth-beasts like alcohol. Hey! I've gone native! Calling animals from my ex-home 'Earth-beasts'. What madness shall happen next?"
"We shall be eaten by bears," Klaatu replied solemnly.
Contrary to what those four thought, Starka the Cook and the Jester Trinculo were both perfectly safe. Both were wandering around purposelessly very near each other. Also near them happened to be Brad. He'd decided he needed a walk. Alas, he'd gotten caught in one of traps and had managed to get dunked in wretched green paint. This stuff had ruined his clothes. Thinking he wouldn't run into anyone, he hadn't bothered to change. What bad luck that poor man had.
"Who are you?" Trinculo asked. "An Earth-beast?"
In the dim lighting Brad did look sort of beast-like. And he blended in with the trees thanks to the paint. He was so very surprised by Trinculo's presence that he didn't reply. Instead he just stood there, still dripping paint.
"A dumb Earth-beast!" Trinculo cried.
"You're an alien, like my boss," Brad said, dully. "I don't really like aliens."
Trinculo beamed. "And you're a not dumb Earth-beast! So nice to know you can speak. How do you do?"
Though his paint-stained Clark Kent glasses Brad glared at the jester. This person was dressed quite oddly and looked a bit insane, though was for some reason treating Brad like something subhuman. That didn't seem right.
It was then that they heard a slurred, drunken song being sung from somewhere not far away: "To the bottle I go… to heal my heart and drown my woe! Rain may fall and wind my bloooow but there still be… many miles to gooooooo!"
"That's Starka the cook, Earth-beast," Trinculo whispered. "He has been drinking again. He is, currently, drinking. We might be forced to hear many wretched drinking songs about the moon, women, and other not-so-bad things. And I thought I'd lost him!"
Brad, on the other hand, though he'd lost his mind. Drunken cooks and beasts! Being locked up in that terrible madhouse with Janet seemed a better situation than being semi-lost in a dark forest, covered in green paint, and being referred to as 'Earth-beast'. Especially since a man who looked like a cross between Frank and the Joker was the one calling him 'Earth-beast'. This was not a good day.
A/N: So... Magenta is Prospero, Brad is Caliban, Janet is loosely Sycorax, Dr. Scott is Ariel, Columbia is Gonzalo, and Riff Raff is 'evil' Antonio. Ye Gods! I suppose many are much nicer than their apparent Tempest counterparts.
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