A/N: You know when you have the urge to just not stop smiling? Yeah... Me too. Some people are amazing. And when you've been missing someone for days... And then they tell you they miss you more... and then you start planning how you'd spend your days together...

I don't think I've been this happy or sad at the same time... I've never been in love... But if it doesn't feel like this then love needs redefining... It's pain and happiness all at once... And I think it's enough to kill someone you know.

Simon awoke with tired at eyes at around 2 am in the morning. It had seemed to become some sort of schedule. He would wake up at 1 am or 2, and look around, but he was always alone.

The space beside him in bed was empty.

Of course he knew what Baz was doing; working on the book he was too tired to complete. And it hurt, it hurt that this legacy that he wanted to be his last thing to remain on earth, long after he and Baz were both dead, was becoming the child of other people, and he was simply profiting from their labours.

He knew he didn't have long. The time that was left was a constant sea of pain.

And Baz, of all people, understand the most. Of course he did.

He understood that I didn't want to be distracted.

I wasn't depressed, I wasn't gloomy, I wasn't moody, I was dying.

To most people dying seems to be this sort of romantic concept, the idea that those closest to you will eventually show their love for you because you're running out of time, but to me, it's always felt fake. Their love for you hasn't increased at all, they just realise they have to pack all the love they would have given you throughout your life into a short space of time, and that doesn't feel good.

It suffocates you. But Baz understood, and so we just took it. Every bit of pain, we endured. Together.

LINE BREAK

I am not a romance writer. I am neither a tragedy writer. Writers such as John Green and Jodi Picoult have brought to life the pain and anguish of those of us who are dying or who wish to die.

So I want to stress that I am not a tragedy writer. I am simply writing the last account of the man I love.

I don't want to do this. I must stress this. This is not a character that I have bestowed this terrible fate upon, but instead this is real.

All my life I have hidden behind words like a blanket in an apocalypse, but now I can't do that. Cancer is pain, but I wouldn't wish it upon anyone else just to save my Simon. Because me Simon is strong, and he will beat this. He will beat this.

We will beat this.

Baz typed the last four words with a sense of finality so forceful that it physically hurt his fingers as he bruised them against the keyboard keys. This was by no means that last entry of the book, nor the best one, but it was the closest baz could get to an actually inspiring piece.

Because of course, he knew the truth. That Simon would of course die. He was just hoping for one more week.

One more day.

One more hour.

One more minute.

One more second of pain, a crushing pain and dread. And yet, he wouldn't let himself fall into depression, not that there was anything wrong with that, but rather, Simon wouldn't want that for him. He had words, and as long as he had those, he could bring Simon back to life. Again, and again, and again.

Because that's what words were. Life.

LINE BREAK

Simon trudged towards Baz's study, or more like stumbled, the sleepiness weighing down on him forcefully, causing a strange swagger to his gait. He went to knock on the door, but stopped himself when he heard the sound.

Heart wrenching sobs, and Baz hunched over the desk of their study rubbing his face with his hands, and Simon could see the glisten of tears under the dim light of the room, despite his tiredness.

"Baz?" He whispered tiredly, "What's wrong?"

Baz started and freaked out, groaning as he hit his leg against the desk as he struggled to turn around quickly at the unexpected sound.

Knowing Baz he probably thought it was some kind of ghost. No wonder Baz's books were so popular, his imagination always ran wild with his head.

Once Baz had stared straight at Simon for a few minutes he seemed to calm down, clearly deciding that Simon was in fact, not a ghost.

"I'm fine. What are you doing up? It's 2am!"

"I could ask you the same question!"

Baz thought about it for a moment, "Yes... I suppose you could..." He admitted.

Simon just stared back in silence, waiting for an explanation for the tears he was now wiping off of Baz's cheeks. He took Baz's hands in his.

"Baz. Love. What's happened?" He whispered quietly, holding Baz hands up to his lips softly.

"Come here. You're not going to believe this." Baz said, leading home over to the computer.

It didn't take Simon long to recognise the blue and white layout of twitter. Baz was scrolling through the tags he had recently been tweeted in. And some of them came up thousands of times:

#SimonSnowLives

#TogetherTheyAreStrong

#ReasonsWeLoveSimonSnow

Baz wrapped an arm around Simon's waist, holding him close.

"Now do you believe me? You're not worthless. These tag s have been cropping up all over the place ever since you collapsed. People care about you Snow. No one more than me." Baz said, though it was obvious he was tired; as he was listing to the side.

"You need to be in bed Baz..." Simon whispered, as Baz leaned heavily on him.

"No... I'm working on a chapter..." Baz mumbled.

"You can finish it in the morning, now come on!"

He struggled a little under Baz's weight, using the wall to help support him, before dropping Baz unceremoniously on the bed where Baz wrapped the covers around himself like a cocoon, and promptly fell asleep. Simon had to struggle for a few minutes to get the covers free from his grasp so he could wrap them around himself.

He lay still for a minute, just staring at Baz's face, all signs of wear and tiredness faded away.

Simon could almost imagine what Baz dreamed about. Stories of dragons and pirates and adventure, a black flag, or magic... Things Simon couldn't even begin to comprehend.

He stroked his hands against Baz's face, kissed along the bottom of his jaw, and Baz twitched in his sleep, making Simon smile.

And in that moment, he didn't feel sick. He didn't feel tired, he felt inspired.

So he got up from the bed and headed to the lounge, because he knew he couldn't sleep until his creative juices were allowed to flow completely.

LINE BREAK

Simon plucked the strings of his guitar softly. He had been struggling with which chords to use for a while, and eventually settled on something simple and meaningful.

The camera was set up and recorder ready to go, so as he started them up, he began to sing:

Each day is longer than the last

But sometimes I wish each hour didn't go quite so fast.

There's no time to cope,

Nothing left but hope,

The day just isn't short enough.

The day isn't short enough,

The night isn't long enough,

Breathing's never strong enough,

Thinking's never good enough,

Living's never real enough.

Dying's never close enough.

I hide inside a reality that isn't real,

There's no escape from what I feel,

The exhaustion,

I'm just. So. Tired. But I have to try,

Have to hide.

The night isn't long enough

The day isn't short enough,

The night isn't long enough,

Breathing's never strong enough,

Thinking's never good enough,

Living's never real enough.

Dying's never close enough.

And maybe one day I'll be able to breathe,

I'll have time to believe,

But when you spend more time thinking than breathing,

You know that living's just a waste of breath.

But eventually days will be too long, perhaps that moment has come,

Soon nights will be too short,

Breathing will finally be strong enough,

And I can think and cope,

And live and hope.

And maybe then finally that's when it all disappears.

For a while.

LINE BREAK

A/N: This song is original, don't worry it's not been taken from anywhere, I couldn't do that. I'm... I'm ok. I had the most beautiful conversation today. Have you ever had that feeling where all you've wanted is to be with someone? And when they say things to you... You just melt... The whole world melts away... And I know I'm in pain.. But I wouldn't give it up.

I wouldn't trade it for all the money or happiness in the world. Not for this moment. Ever.

I'm sorry... I'll stop ranting... a review would mean a lot. Thank you all so much, and this isn't over don't worry :)