Chapter Six – The Starship Enterprise
It had been five weeks since the events of the away mission, apart from spending one week in the Med Bay recovering Fallon had kept herself away from prying eyes. Not that it was too hard being tucked away in the Hydroponic's Bays. While Fallon had been in the Med Bay for one of her follow up appointments Doctor Sosawe had taken a seat on the stool next to her bed, his warm eyes looking into her red raw blue ones.
"There are two types of treatment that have been shown to be effective for treating PTSD, counselling and medication. Professional therapy or counselling can help you understand your thoughts and reactions and help you learn techniques to cope with challenging situations. Research has shown several specific types of counselling to be very effective for treating PTSD. Medication can also be used to help reduce tension or irritability or to improve sleep. We can work together to figure out what will work best for you."
"Thank you Doctor." Fallon smiled weakly.
"You're not alone Fallon, remember that. In just a few months these treatments can produce positive and meaningful changes in your symptoms and quality of life. They can help you understand and change how you think about your trauma and how you react to stressful memories." He gave her knee a light gentle pat then moved away.
As she hopped off the side of the bed a door to one of the private offices opened, McCoy strode through and stopped in his tracks when he noticed Fallon. His face fell, he took a large intake of breath, as if he'd been underwater for too long. Fallon just stood there, unable to move in that moment. He looked as if he was about to close the gap between them but a Nurse shouted McCoy's name and as he turned his head to address the young Nurse Fallon dropped her head and began to make her way to the door to leave. Before she stepped over the threshold she turned to see McCoy still staring at her. She could see sadness in his eyes, a thought entered her head, she realised she reminded him of what had happened on that planet and at that moment promised never to see him again. The last thing she wanted was to bring him more pain.
McCoy was about to step towards Fallon but a look that flashed over her face stopped him, that and one of the damned Nurses. He wanted nothing more than to hold her again, but the Doctor in him didn't want to jeopardise her well being. She needed to concentrate on herself, not some flirtatious CMO too long in the tooth.
Spock had been to visit her, explaining that, while he understood her reluctance to talk about the events it would be detrimental to her mental health in the long run. She knew this of course, but the idea of having to talk to someone wasn't what she felt she needed right about now. She had thrown herself back into her work, sowing crops and carrying out research.
"Doctor Wright, you performed exceptionally well." Spock dipped his head.
"I'm not sure that is true Mr Spock."
"Vulcan's do not lie Doctor."
"No, I suppose they do not, but they have opinions. You won't take offence if I say I disagree with your opinion?" Fallon questioned.
"Indeed not however, my opinion is based on logic. It would be illogical not to accept my 'opinion'."
"Indeed, thank you Mr Spock." Fallon smiled and bid the First Officer farewell.
Spock had pensively meditated on the experience, not for the first time he felt his Vulcan side had been a hindrance to him behaving admirably as First Officer. He was tormented with the idea that human emotion, although at times highly illogical would have somehow conceivably limited the risk the away team had encountered. Kirk had apologised to him in a singular display of feeling for the Captain, he had refuted it of course. Never the less, it dawned on Spock that Kirk was still trying to find the right balance within himself. His unwavering bravado and sense of there never being a no win scenario had beaten him, it had cost him the lives of his Officers and undoubtedly had a life changing impact on his friends.
"We humans are full of unpredictable emotions that logic cannot solve." The Captain had said to Spock. They had more in common than he initially comprehended.
Fallon had initially been angry at Jim Kirk, feeling like it was his fault for putting her in the situation in the first place. Not knowing the true characteristics of the Captain she felt he'd been foolhardy, a disregard for the threat they had faced but as time had passed she understood why he had acted the way he had. An unflinching belief that the Federation and therefore himself and his crew were there to bring harmony to those in need. A greater sense of what was right, not just for one's self but for others. That primary feeling had quickly dissipated when, holding her hand in the med bay when they had first returned from the planet she had seen a glisten in his eyes as he apologised. It was nobody's fault. She had later visited his ready room with a pot plant, telling him to look after the shrub and that she would check up on it from time to time. Her way of telling him that she didn't hold him accountable, she saw the relief in his eyes and the actual physical weight on his shoulders dissipate. They'd share a dram of whiskey, keep the conversation light and then she'd bid him good night. He was thankful for her honesty.
"You'd make a good Officer Doctor Wright."
"I'm a Gardener not a Starfleet Officer Captain."
"You sound like someone I know." Kirk smiled.
"Do I? Who?"
"Never mind."
McCoy had kept his distance, he'd been nothing but the stalwart professional when they had first returned to the ship. He didn't treat her directly, putting her in the care of another Doctor. He'd returned to calling her Doctor Wright in the short time she had been in the Med Bay, all remnants of there ever being a connection between them ostensibly vanished. Fallon understood, it had been a highly volatile situation, people's emotions and behaviour typically aren't their customary dispositions. She couldn't help but think what he must have done to get them out of there and she couldn't deny it scared her a little. After their chance meeting she knew any kind of friendship between them had been irreconcilably destroyed. She still found herself thinking about him though, usually when she had returned to her quarters and it was deadly quiet, bar the hum of the ship. It was ridiculous really, she knew nothing about the man. Yet, his face is what she would see before sleep finally found her. It was his face she would see when she awoke from the nightmares. If she couldn't see him in reality it was enough that she saw him in her mind.
Kirk had rallied around his friend, not allowing him to drown his sorrow with Romulan Ale. McCoy had eventually opened up to him, relaying some of the more gruesome details.
"Bones, you're my friend, personal bartender, confidant, counselor, and priest. Talk to me!" Kirk pulled the cork from the bottle of liquor he had gripped under his arm.
"Damn it Jim! What the hell happened, I mean, none of it should have ever happened."
"I know Bones, I know. You'll never fully grasp the effect it's had on my knowing what I did to you, to Spock." Kirk took a large swig of his drink, Bones looked at him for a moment. "I've been in touch with the Admiral, I've placed a formal grievance. We should never have been allowed to go into such a volatile situation like that. I also know I shouldn't have been so bull-headed."
"We signed up for this, we knew it was part of the job, but Fallon Jim, god damnit, she's a damn Gardner!" McCoy let slip some of his anger.
"I know! When Spock and I were there, tied up not being able to do anything, seeing her being dragged away by the neck..." Kirk couldn't finish, they just looked at each other.
"My God, what did I do?"
"What you always do. Turn death into a fighting chance to live."
"How is she doing?" Bones couldn't help but ask.
"You haven't spoken?"
"No." A look of guilt flashed on McCoy's face.
"What happened with you two?" Kirk poured another glass.
"I don't know Jim, I don't know." The Doctor ran his hands through his hair shaking his head. "All I know is that I haven't been able to bring myself to speak to her. Something happened on that planet, I knew I had to do everything to get you out of there, even that damn Vulcan. But I also knew I had to do everything to get her out of there. She didn't deserve it, none of us did."
~O~
As she lay on the small patch of lawn in the bay she closed her eyes, smelling the Sweet Peas on the trellis nearby. Chef had given her a long list of produce he urgently required, she knew what he was up to but glad of it. Feeling the blades of grass between her toes made her smile, splaying her fingers she picked at the lawn, letting it flutter away and land on her jacket. She'd heard the cargo bay door open and close a few moments ago but thought nothing of it.
"Fallon?" McCoy looked down at her, she opened her eyes and peered up into his. She didn't move.
"Hello Doctor McCoy."
"What happened to Leonard?" He asked honestly.
"You tell me." There was no sarcasm in her tone of voice, just a pleading for truth.
"I'm not sure." She moved over on the patch of grass and patted the area next to her, McCoy took the hint and sat crossed legged next to her, their shoulders touching ever so slightly.
"I've experienced a unique situation that has taught me a surprising lesson about the scope of the human race's ability to choose love over hate, understanding over anger and belief over fear." She looked at him, he shook his head.
"I did none of those things."
"You did all of those things." She countered.
"I'm a Doctor, I'm suppose to save lives, not take them."
"You saved ours."
"How can you be like this, after what happened?" He was astonished, as CMO of a Federation Starship he'd seen his fair share of horror and the impact it can have on a crew, both physically and mentally. He wondered perhaps if she was still suffering from delayed onset PTSD or MTBI.
"You're looking at me like I'm one of your patients." He didn't know what to say. "What's that old saying?"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"? Well, Leonard, this will only make me stronger." She placed a hand on his forearm, looking down at the physical connection between them McCoy exhaled loudly.
"I'm sorry." He put his hand over hers.
"You promised you'd get me out, you did." She countered matter of factly. She gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, she could feel his stubble on her lips, biting her bottom lip the sensation lingered slightly. To him it felt like a butterfly landing on a delicate leaf.
"I don't know what this is?" She understood what he meant.
"Neither do I, but it's comforting." She smiled, standing up she outstretched her arms to him, taking the offering she helped him rise. "Take your shoes off."
"What?"
"Take them off McCoy." Looking at her a moment longer he placed a hand on her arm to steady himself as he took his boots off. Feeling the grass on his bare feet he smiled at her. "It's good huh?"
"Yeah, reminds me of home."
"You'll be okay Leonard."
"Thank you Fallon." He pulled her to him and then hesitated.
"You need to turn your Doctor head off for a moment Leonard." He looked at her incredulously, as if not fully understanding how she knew what he was thinking. Ever so slightly he brushed his lips over hers, pulling back faintly he looked into her eyes, she was smiling. "I'll see you later?" The question was loaded with much more than he cared to think about at that moment. She seemed to understand.
"Of course."
~O~
Two months later and Fallon and Leonard found themselves again sat on the small patch of lawn, Fallon had grown honeysuckle around their little oasis as they'd come to call it. Fallon, resting her head on Leonard's stomach as he lazily lay on the grass read her PADD.
"The Captain mentioned an away mission that's coming up, there is supposed to be some incredible flora on the east coast of the continent. He asked if I wanted to be a part of the away team."
"Are you kidding me? You cannot be serious? Of all the idiotic ideas I've heard come out of that kid's mouth this takes the biscuit!" Fallon arched her head to look at him.
"Leonard, I can't be kept wrapped up in cotton wool for the rest of my life. You know Spock implemented new policy regarding away missions after what happened. That's beside the point, my Mother use to say if you fall off your bike the best thing to do is get straight back on. Well this is me, getting back on my bike." Leonard opened his mouth to say something but seemed to change his mind and closed it again. "My counselling is going well, there are no indications to show that it would be a negative experience. You know this anyway." She turned and sat up to look down at him. "I'm not asking your permission, I'm just asking you not to blow that vein in your forehead." She poked him in the ribs.
"Darlin' I…"
"I know you do." She leaned down and kissed him softly. "Doctors make the worse patients." She muttered against his lips.
"We do not, Jim makes the worse patient."
"True, but you could give him a run for his money."
"You're taking your own personal security officer and…" She stopped him with another kiss.
"My man." She teased.
"Wait until you come down with a case of Andorian shingles, then let's see who'll be laughing! My god! Does everyone on this ship have a death wish?"
"I'll have you here to make it better." Her faced changed then as a serious thought crossed her mind, Leonard noticed the change.
"What is it?" He asked.
"There's no nice way to say this…"
"Oh hell…" He interrupted.
"Let me finish, there's no nice way to say this but I have to ask, for both our sakes. This..." She waved her hand between them. "Are you with me today because you like me or do you feel, I mean, do you think you need to be with me to comfort me because of what happened? A sense of obligation? Would this be happening if I hadn't been on that away team? I'm sorry I've asked but I would regret not asking, I think it's only fair not only to me, but to you too." He couldn't deny he'd thought about it, but he knew the answer immediately.
"You know, Jim caught sight of you first, in the mess hall. He was intrigued as to who you were, dragged me into trying to find out who the 'contractor' was. I knew I wanted to get to know you after we shared that turbo lift ride together. When we were on that planet and I had heard what had happened to you and the others my first thought was of you. I did what I did because of you, Fallon." He couldn't go on.
"I'm glad."
"You are?"
"Yes."
"When we came back I was so focused on making sure everyone was okay I forgot to check if I was. I wasn't, damn I wasn't. Spending time with you made me okay again. I'll never be able to thank you enough for that."
"Good." They lay there for a little longer before McCoy's comm beeped and he had to leave. As he was walking to the bay doors he noticed a small run of corn.
"What are you planning on doing with that?" He asked, enjoying their habit of easily making small talk.
"I was thinking I might get Chef to show me how to make corn bread."
"Darlin', you do that and I'll never let you go."
"You promise?"
"Promise."
Well, that's all folks! I hope you enjoyed it! For some of you original TOS fans there are a few quotes in this last chapter, Easter Eggs I guess! Please review and let me know what you thought, it was a pleasure writing this and a big thank you goes out to all of you that favourite/ followed and reviewed. It really is appreciated. X
