A/N
Thank you sammygirl1963, Christine, No1butjoe and Wunjo for the great reviews :D
Ready for more feels? I know I am!
Jacob listened intently to the details that Sam gave him, strangely drawn into them. Sam spoke them with a certain subtle reverence. These were memories that he'd held onto for a long time. There was a sense of hope attached to them that Jacob could see from a mile away. He hoped more fervently that something would actually come of his offer to help.
"Ah, hang on," he said, holding up a hand before getting to his feet. He crossed the room to the table, remembering halfway to try to walk a little softer. That was going to be strange to get used to. He snatched a notepad and a pen from the table and returned. "Dean ... Winchester," he muttered aloud while he wrote it down. He wrote down the other details before he forgot them, having Sam repeat the license number once more to make sure he had it.
He looked over what he had written down once it was done. It suddenly came to him that the writing on the notepad wouldn't even reach Sam's full height if he were to stand next to the block of hastily written text. It wasn't a lot to go on, but some of the details were important. There had to be something there. "Okay, it's good you have details on the car. I think that'll probably be the best lead."
Jacob glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. The dark windowshades were already a clue for this, but he figured it'd be too late in the day. "There probably won't be anyone at the station this late, but I'm gonna call first thing in the morning and see what they find." And that way, maybe he'd get someone before their coffee so they weren't as likely to question why he randomly wanted to know about this guy and his classic car.
Sam smiled, the first real smile he'd had so far since his desperate lunge for the cracker. Hope was poking at his heart, a real hope that gave his day unexpected light, despite the darkness outside. "That sounds like a plan," he agreed with Jacob. "I… should get back, anyway." His family needed the food, and Sam couldn't wait to bring it to them. Peanuts and dried fruit were a rare treat, and Sam could cut into the thick chocolate to be found inside the candy shell of the M&M. With hope like this, he could afford to indulge himself in his favorite snack. It wouldn't be the same as chowing down on a bag of M&M's that fit in his hand, but it would be close enough.
Hitching up his satchel, Sam stooped down and picked up the cracker that had caused his capture. With the offer from Jacob to help find Dean, Sam was almost grateful he'd been sloppy enough to be caught. He'd be on his way back home right now, his trip a success, but his life destined to never leave the walls of the motel. Even the bruises he could feel developing on his chest were worth that hope.
"So, when should I check on things?" Sam asked Jacob, his eyes drifting to the paper that held the information on Dean and the Impala. His every hope was contained on that simple slip, inked out in letters the size of his hand.
Jacob tilted his head and his gaze became absent as he thought about it. "I'll probably call in at like seven, seven-thirty, that's usually when someone is around. I dunno how long it'll take them to find anything and get back to me, but I bet if there's anything and they don't have other things to do they'll be fast." Assuming there wasn't a huge crime wave in Iowa, which was exceedingly unlikely, Jacob had high hopes. "Probably eight-thirty at the earliest, but I'll be around most of the morning." Jacob looked back at Sam at the end of his explanation, encouraged by the more hopeful demeanor he could see in the smaller man.
With that said, Jacob set the notepad down on the bed, tossing the pen to land on it. He threw one glance towards the floor, noting how high up that had to be for Sam. Since Jacob had put him up there in the first place, he thought it might be courteous of him to help Sam get down.
He reached toward the smaller person and gently scooped him into his hands, cupping them beneath him. Jacob was careful not to trap Sam or pinch him as he gathered him up along with his bag and the cracker he'd claimed. He lowered Sam to the floor next to the nightstand just as carefully, flattening his hands for him.
Instinctively, Sam tried to flinch away from the hands that suddenly swooped around him. It was too late to stop Jacob, the human moved too rapid for Sam to be able to escape the grip. He ended up on his back on the huge palm, staring fearfully up at the human with no way to know what was about to happen. Two huge hands surrounded him on both sides. Even without being pinned down by a finger, Sam knew he was trapped like this. At any second the hands could snap together and trap him in a dark cave or crush him with no resistance.
As luck would have it, Sam's fears were unfounded. Vertigo struck as the hands swiftly moved downwards, instead of up to the human's level. Jacob simply lowered him to the floor, the hands flattening under him when the ground was near. Sam scrambled off as fast as he could, shrinking back against the side of the nightstand to give himself a modicum of cover. His heart was pounding in his chest from the unexpected transition, his eyes flashing to the sight of Jacob's shoes. He'd been planning on climbing down the back, using the conveniently placed cord to the alarm clock to get down. Now, he was face-to-shoe with exactly how small he was compared to the human.
Sam stared up at Jacob, trying to slow his breathing and calm his heart. "I… I thought we agreed no grabbing," Sam managed to get out. If he wanted to come back to the room, he needed to know he could trust Jacob. If he couldn't trust the human to do what he asked, Sam would be in danger and he just couldn't afford to take that risk. Not when he was small enough to be trapped in a single hand and there was no one else he could rely on to save him. Sam was on his own here.
Jacob drew his hands back and frowned with concern. He hadn't expected such a fearful reaction to his gesture when he did it. But watching the way Sam looked up at him warily, practically trying to blend into the nightstand, he realized what he must have done. His lips thinned to a line and Jacob felt his face heat up as his cheeks reddened with embarrassment.
He hadn't thought he grabbed Sam at all. But Jacob remembered musing to himself about what he must look like to Sam. Big enough to completely hide him in a fist if he wanted. And Jacob, thinking he was being helpful, had simply picked Sam up without warning.
No way of knowing he wasn't about to be trapped. No way of stopping it.
"Fuckdammit ..." Jacob breathed, grimacing and covering his eyes with a hand for a second. Then, he shifted slowly, lowering himself to his knees a few feet back from the nightstand. Seeing Sam cowering there like that drove home his mistake. He didn't want Sam to cower. He didn't want him afraid. "Sam, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," he hurriedly explained. "I thought I was just being helpful, I didn't... I wasn't even thinking." He held up his hands in a gesture that usually stood for 'no harm meant,' but quickly stuffed them into his hoodie pockets as he was reminded all over again about the size difference. Jacob stared earnestly down at Sam, feeling so big and clumsy for his mistake. "I'm sorry. I won't do that again, I swear."
With Jacob down on the floor, Sam let himself slip away from the wall. The consternation on Jacob's huge face helped. Things that were threatening to Sam were commonplace and simple to Jacob. They lived in completely different worlds, and as long as Sam was going to be interacting with a human, he needed to remember that for his own safety.
"It's just… you move really fast, Jacob," Sam said. He needed to let Jacob know these things. It was impossible for the human to have a similar frame of reference to his experiences. "Remember, I can't say no when you move like that, and there's no way for me to stop you. I can get myself around if I have to. I've lived this size for at least thirteen years now. I'm actually pretty good at climbing, believe it or not." Sam shifted the flap of his satchel, displaying the three-pronged hook he'd scavenged some years back. "At least ask, okay? That way I can let you know if I want to be picked up."
Jacob listened intently, practically hanging on Sam's every word. With Sam down on the floor, he couldn't help but think of how much he loomed, even from a couple feet away. He tried to hunch a little lower as he listened, his cheeks still burning with shame over his mistake. He thought he'd been making good progress with Sam, after his rocky start with the little guy. Jacob wanted to make a better impression, but he wondered if he'd even be able to.
He could try all day to imagine what it was like for Sam, but the solid truth was that he'd never be able to understand it.
"You got it. I'll uh, I'll ask if, um. Next time." He sighed and avoided Sam's gaze for a second. But he glanced back at the hook and let himself be a little fascinated again. He wondered what it looked like, to see Sam in action with that. And he wondered if he'd manage to see it. If I quit making these damn mistakes. "Sorry again, man. I'm gonna do better. I didn't mean anything by it."
Sam nodded. "Just remember that, and you'll be fine." He gave Jacob a strained smile. "This is new for you, just like it's new for me. If you're willing to learn, I'm willing to give it a shot."
And he was. In thirteen years of living out of sight, Sam had learned the value of patience. If Jacob truly listened to what he said, Sam was perfectly willing to keep trying, so long as the human continued to learn from his mistakes.
Sam took another step back. This time, it wasn't from fear or lingering intimidation. It was time for him to go. His family needed the food, and it was late. With all the excitement in the last hour, Sam needed to sleep and digest all the new revelations. He needed to think things over and consider his options in the safety of his own home.
"I'll, ah… see you in the morning then, I guess. Just… do me a favor, and watch your step, okay?" Sam was completely serious as the words left his mouth. He glanced at the huge shoes, knowing that a single misstep from a human like Jacob could end Sam, or leave him crippled.
Sam turned, and vanished into the shadows.
Jacob stayed where he was long after Sam left. He could hardly believe Sam had actually seemed to forgive him for the slip up. The terror that kept cropping up on the tiny face was like a slap in the face. Jacob couldn't believe he'd ignored it at first in the name of his own curiosity. He'd ignored Sam's fear, and struggles, and he'd hurt him without even realizing it.
And Sam said he'd come back in the morning? Jacob glanced over at the notepad on the bed thoughtfully. He stood and picked it up, moving it to the nightstand. He set it down right where Sam had stood a few moments ago. The letterhead, with the motel's logo and contact information, was bigger than the piece of cracker Sam had salvaged. He'd been convinced that cracker alone would be enough to hold his family over for some time.
While Jacob trudged to the bathroom to clean up for the night, he watched every single step he took. Even though he knew Sam was long gone and unlikely to be out in the middle of the floor, he couldn't help but notice how big his strides were, how much they echoed in the floor. Sam was just so small. He could be so easily missed down there if Jacob didn't know. And he lived like that all the time. Humans were too dangerous to let them know about his existence.
Jacob had done a stellar job proving exactly that.
He left his shoes by the table and shut off the lamp there, leaving the lamp on the nightstand as the only source of light in the room. Jacob got into bed with a sigh, but didn't feel tired at all. He set the alarm for an early wake up and left his phone sitting on the notepad, and settled down for the night. After a long pause staring at the scribbled details about that 1967 Impala, he flicked of the lamp and lay with his eyes open. He closed his eyes before they adjusted, and replayed things over and over in his head.
It was a while before Jacob drifted off, letting himself rest after the guilt and resolving to do better in the morning.
The darkness between the walls of the motel closed around Sam. He let out a sigh, slumping back against the wood paneling that surrounded him. Dust rose at the motion, billowing up around the downsized human.
For years, the darkness he could find here had been a reassurance. It was a place where there was no danger of being seen by the much-larger humans that came and went. The mice that shared the nooks and crannies of the motel were friendly and helpful. Sam had even raised one as a pup, at least until Mallory had found her hiding in Sam's room. He'd returned her to her mother, sadly saying goodbye to the small rodent. She was the closest he'd ever come to having a dog of his own.
That hadn't been the last he'd seen her, luckily. As she'd aged and grown, she'd never forgotten her childhood friend. Any trinkets that she found, she'd give to Sam, tracking him down when he was out in the walls scavenging for supplies. She even brought him the occasional present of food, especially when everyone was short on food, and he made sure to return the favor when he found food of his own.
The walls could be dangerous as well. Along with the mice and small people that lived there, spiders and rats could lurk. Fast and dangerous, either of them could easily kill someone Sam's size. A rat would come out to equal the size of a full grown grizzly bear at Sam's four inches. He'd helped Walt take them down more than once. Walt had a razor, carefully sharpened. Sam's knife was a godsend for him. It made taking a rat down easier and less dangerous, though the danger was still potent. A single mistake could cost Sam or Walt their lives. Mallory hated to see them go out on a hunt, but she knew as well as anyone that rats needed to be killed. If pest control set their sights on the motel, everyone was at risk of death.
Spiders were smaller, but far more insidious. Fangs that could close around his throat, multiple types of venom that could infect him... Sam had no interest in risking a tussle against an arachnid. The exoskeleton made them hard to kill, and the eight legs made their movements hard to predict. There was no easy way out if he needed to take on a spider. It was one of the creatures that made Sam miss his former size most of all. There had been a time where he could simply step on a danger like that. Now it was a battle for his life if he took the risk.
Sam pulled himself away from the wall. He sent a brief glance over his shoulder, wondering at the way the human had let him go.He wants to make up for the way he acted, Sam thought to himself. In the morning, he'd check out the room, survey it to confirm that Jacob was truly trying to help him track down Dean.
If not... he'd just vanish into the walls and never look back. Jacob would never see him again, and Sam would make sure no one else ventured near the room of the human.
But if he was telling the truth, and trying to track down Dean...
Then Sam's life might be changing. And hopefully for the better.
It was late by the time Sam got back to the small home he shared with Walt and Mallory Watch. He glanced surreptitiously around at his surroundings before pushing the block of wood that they used as a door out of his way and let himself into the cozy interior.
"Sam? Is that you?"
Out of the darkness, Mallory materialized. "Oh, thank goodness," she said with a soft smile, drawing him into a hug. "We were so worried about you."
Sam smiled gently. "I'm fine." He carefully pulled her arms from around his shoulders, lowering them down. "I found food for us, plenty to live on."
She followed him over to the counter they used, a small block of wood that was repurposed from an old renovation on the motel and covered up with a fabric drape that Mallory had created herself. Sam dropped his satchel on the block, unclasping both of the metal clasps and pouring out his 'findings.'
Mallory gave a small gasp. "That much?" she asked with surprise coloring her voice.
Sam nodded, glad Walt wasn't around. The older man was good at seeing through Sam, and the last thing he wanted to do was worry his adopted parents. "I found a bag of trail mix. Grabbed what I could from it. I didn't mean to be out so late..."
"At least you found what we needed," she finished for him. "Sam, just make sure you keep safe, okay? Walt is out getting what he can, but I know he wasn't having much luck. Just remember that the food is worth nothing without you around. We need you to be safe."
Sam let her give him another hug before she started to bustle about. The room was dark, but both of them could see, her a little better than him. Years of exposure to the darkness in the walls had helped Sam's eyes adjust to the dim lighting that was around him constantly.
"That reminds me," Sam said as he started to help put the food away in their tiny pantry. "I might be gone for a few days." He gave her an abashed smile. "I was thinking about going further out to explore. Y'know... see what's out there that I haven't been able to see before."
It wasn't a lie. If he ended up leaving with Jacob, that would be the farthest that Sam had ever gone since being cursed. And he'd see things that he'd never seen before at his reduced size. He didn't want her or Walt to worry, but if there was a possibility of finding Dean...
Sam would have to take the chance. Even if it was only so he could tell Dean what really happened that night and say goodbye.
Her eyes were surprised as she met his gaze. "Of course, sweetheart." In her and Walt's mind, Sam knew that he must be following the expected past. Going out, finding a new home to raise a family in. Krissy was a nice girl, and both families would approve.
It was just what was expected. No one ever said a word about it, but everyone knew the day would come when they settled down together.
Little did Mallory and Walt know that Sam's heart wanted to take him in a direction that lead away from the motel in its entirety.
After the food was away, Mallory returned to the room she shared with Walt, bundling herself into the nest of covers that made up their bed. Sam retired to his own room. Inside, instead of a nest of fabric, there was a small bed and a matching desk. Both came from a set of dollhouse furniture that they'd scavenged from some years back. Mallory and Walt had allowed Sam to take the desk and bed because of the way he was torn between the two worlds. Having a bed to sleep in again had helped focus him, remind him of who he'd once been, and who he was becoming. The desk had been welcome. Sam had also found a small journal with that furniture. Next to his knife, it was his second most important possession.
Sam brushed his hand over the desk, but was too exhausted to think about doing anything but sleeping. So much had happened during the day. It was time to lay down, close his eyes, and reflect on what was happening. Think things over with a clear mind and let sleep claim him.
With that plan, he sank into the bed, flopping down facefirst. Sam gathered his pillow into his arms, bunching it up as he finally relaxed for real after a day full of shocks. Even the bruises that covered his front from Jacob's clumsy handling did nothing to dissuade the comfort he found in the bed. By the next day, he almost expected his entire front to be black and blue from the feel of how tender his chest was. The bruises would heal, he knew. They just needed some time.
Dean...
What if they found him? What would Dean be like after so many years apart? Sam found himself remembering his older brother. The smirking, snarky kid that Sam had looked up to all his life. He'd be... 25, now? 26? The years had slipped away in the limbo of the motel. Over half Sam's life, spent locked away from the world he'd known as a child.
However old he was, Dean would be a man. More than likely, he'd be a hunter as well. Approaching him, even with Jacob for backup, could be dangerous. Jacob, though he was huge all on his own, was younger than Sam. It was easy to tell from his softer features. Even his actions with Sam came across as someone that didn't have as much experience. He was clearly trying even as he made mistakes.
Dean, older than both of them, would be more set in his ways. A hunter that would be able to handle himself without a problem if he was anything like John after all these years. As much as Sam could wish that his older brother had found a peaceful life away from the constant dangers of hunting, he doubted that Dean would follow any other path. The older boy had idolized John Winchester, doing everything their father said and trying to be just like him.
The same way that Sam had tried to mimic his older brother's mannerisms and confidence. Following in Dean's footsteps even as a child, wanting to be just like his big brother.
Those footsteps will be a lot bigger now...
He had to push away the images of Jacob's huge shoes away. Dean's feet might be even bigger than that, and Jacob was big enough. The image of a human's massive boots walking towards him popped into his head, sending a chill up his spine at the disparity.
Sam could only hope that Dean remained the person he remembered. There had always been a light in Dean back then. Goofing off with Sam, even the weeks where their father had rode the older boy hard for things that Sam didn't understand... things he'd come to realize had related to Sam himself. After reading the journal, Sam had learned that John had blamed Dean more than once for putting Sam in danger.
Yet Dean was always the good big brother around Sam. Letting him eat the rest of the Lucky Charms, making Sam a knife of his own for protection... always watching out for him. No matter what.
That side of Dean, he hoped, would never vanish. Even so big that Sam would barely be the length of a finger... if that part of his big brother remained, Sam would be safe.
He tried to imagine once more staring up at Dean. Seeing his brother for the first time from his new perspective. Dean would be a giant.
What will he look like?
All Sam could remember was green eyes. Spiky hair that teetered on the edge between blond and brown. Freckles that dotted a nose and cheeks. A mouth that was either smiling or smirking constantly. A mischievous glint in those eyes.
It was strange to realize that Sam might be forgetting what Dean looked like. Maybe... maybe Jacob had come just in time. Before Sam's past slipped away from him completely and he settled down at the motel, prepared to live his life out. Have children. Raise a family in a place they were never truly safe.
It would become his life, and it would be a lie. Every second, he'd know he didn't belong. He wouldn't deserve a family if he thought like that, but he knew there was no other way for him to think.
He didn't belong here.
Sam's thoughts drifted in and out of coherence as the world faded away at last.
A/N
It's nice to offer help, but make sure the person you're helping knows ahead of time! Otherwise, misunderstandings may occur.
Sam has a lot on his mind after everything he's gone through in the last hour...
Next: Coming July 31st, 2016 at 9pm est.
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