Meeting: In Which Clams Hold Court
Alternately: In Which Leon Talks A Lot
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Oh, Leon blinked from where he sat in the crowd of third years. So that's why we were told to come. Huh.
Confession: Leon had never had The Talk before in any of his lives- this one he'd only turned thirteen, his first life he'd found out on his own when looking up words he'd heard that he didn't know and Hinata Hana's parents had been in denial of her going through puberty.
There was a lot of hype about The Talk, about how mortifying and embarrassing it is- how people wished for brain bleach after. But this? This wasn't like that. Oh, sure it was awkward and there were some blushes along with averted eyes but it was too straight forward to live up the infamy of The Talk.
Honestly, he was a bit disappointed though magical contraceptives (made by a group of Ravenclaws in the late 1800s as a Charms project) were interesting as was the way to prevent STDs (though condoms were still used more often because the thought of going to Snape- since the Hospital Wing doesn't keep it in stock- to ask for such a potion or it's recipe was horrifying to the general populous).
It was all very... vanilla and conservative- it made him wonder if wizards had discovered porn.
Hmm. Leon raised his hand. "What about kinks?"
"Kinks?" Alfred the Head Boy stalled, blinking.
Really, the world was lucky that Hufflepuffs, as a whole, were pretty much good folk if even a Seventh Year could somehow still look as innocent and harmless as a First Year- it'd be so easy to stage a coup since no one would expect it of Hufflepuffs of all people.
He nodded, "Well, we have a lot of magic that can do interesting things like- someone with a Daddy Kink can have their partner drink an aging potion, those curious enough could try the gender swap curse, those into BDSM can use things like the various binding spells and stinging hexes- or even minor cutting curses I suppose. Furries can transfigure themselves into kemonomimi or using an animal hair for a polyjuice po-"
A hand covered his mouth and Cedric, red faced, said. "I think we're done."
" Yes ." Mary the Prefect said with vehemence. " Dismissed ."
That's better . Leon thought as his friend dragged him to their dorm though he protested once he was let go. "But I wasn't finished!"
"Are you actually interested in doing those things?" his friend demanded.
"Not really," He admitted because he was fine with porn but actually doing it with someone made him uncomfortable. "Doesn't mean I'm not interested in learning about it." His Bag of Books was tossed at him and, before the other could speak, he said, "Note to Cedric: Make a Bag of Holding and/or Hammer Space."
"Does anything you say make sense?" Cedric demanded even as dutifully wrote it down in his handy-dandy notebook.
Leon shrugged taking out one of the newer books, "It makes sense to those whom understand the sense it makes."
"So only to you." the pureblood deadpanned, changing into night clothes.
Which was a good idea but- well, it was warm enough to sleep in his underwear. "Maybe. Now, shush- I'm reading."
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun…
It was like one moment Leon was reading and the next he was woken by his alarm (a crowing rooster) he shared with his friend, he'd have called foul play if he did still hold his book ( The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams) even if it was close. "Note to Cedric: Pocket Monsters."
"Fffgnykk." Cedric told him, both of them grabbing their things- he thought it might have meant to be 'fuck you' but as he wasn't certain he ignored it.
This time Harry was pushed out of bed- in a rather spectacular flail of limbs- and Neville's blankets poked him repeatedly but the other first year boys were left to their sleep- though Leon saw a sixth year heading over when they left to bathe. Bathing went better this time, partly because the first years didn't look bellow shoulder height and partly because the third years immediately put on towels.
Alfred, who wouldn't look at him (which was ridiculous, it wasn't as if Leon had said anything explicit ), immediately launched into a story. "In 1926, Newt Scamander went to New York City in the United States, with him he had a case full of magical creature- those creatures escaped..."
It was a good story and made him wish he'd met Newt- it was something he thought about while tackling another round of percentages ('What is 32.7% of 18?' Just- WHY!? ) that still took him an hour.
Leon really hated pre-algebra.
"We need a new meeting place." Tonks, whom had claimed Cedric's bed with Hermione, said. Mike and Sam, who were forced onto the floor when Scott offered to let the two first year boys to sit on his bed with him (their roommates let them use their dorm as a meeting place under the agreement that no one messed with their stuff which included using their beds as seats), nodded.
"With that, I call the Meeting of Clams officially started!" Leon said from his own bed. "Our scribe has transferred his duty to Hermione, who I'm sure will be more then up to the challenge. To make sure we're all one the same page, our newest minions are First Years Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom and Harry Potter. Our veteran minions are Second Years Mike Summers and Sam Summerby and Third Year Scott Stebbins. Minion Nymphadora Tonks has been promoted to Dragon status in return for a long-term favor. Cedric Diggory, as always, is the Right Hand and if you don't know me by now I question why you're here. We are, officially, the Court of Clams. Questions?"
"Why Court of Clams?" Scott questioned, sounding confused and just this side of whining. "Why clams at all?"
Leon clapped his hands. "Good! No questions! First order of business- the new books. Howl's Moving Castle and Castle in the Air by Diana Wynne Jones, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams along with Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman won't be much trouble to add on. Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton, I Am Legend by Richard Matheson, The War of the World by H.G. Wells and both The Long Walk and The Running Man by Richard Bachman may be tricky with all the death however."
"The most troubling book I believe are The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank, Lord of the Flies by William Golding, Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, Red Dragon by Thomas Harris and The Death of the Grass by John Christopher." Leon said. "Frank's book takes place during WWII, Golding's is about human nature in the absence of society, Huxley's is about wide-spread brainwashing by the government, Harris' is about a serial killer and Christopher's is a post-apocalyptic science fiction."
At the looks he said, "I was going to restrict first and second years from reading those- first years won't be able to read anything beyond Jones' books though they are still allowed to read books from previous years but I'm not censoring the books past that."
Voldemort's return put them in mind but he had to admit that he really did like reading books like that- it was a shame that books like Life As We Knew It , Tomorrow When the War Began , The City of Ember and Uglies weren't written yet. Leon really wanted to know what Hogwarts would make of Divergent .
He missed the 2000s and 2010s.
"Fine." Tonks said. "But I want those last five books restricted to fifth years and up- they're yours so you can still read them and, since you'll likely force him into it, so can Cedric- while Jurassic Park to The Running Man is restricted to third years and up. Anyone whom wants to read books restricted to them will need written or verbal permission from a guardian."
"I'm going to read some to Harry." Leon told her then Harry, "Mentors are considered guardians in a way since we're responsible for our cubs though our Head of House is still in loco parentis - which is why she is called variations of Den Mother- so I suppose the best comparison is a mix of older sibling and babysitter."
Cedric gave Neville a shrug and Tonks told Hermione, "You're not reading them until I do and decide what you can or cannot. Next?"
"We've been giving ourselves tunnel vision focusing on one point so I think we need to expand-" Leon started. "There are multiple ideas but I'll start with this; a series of books that describe both individually and comparatively Muggle and Magical culture which would include traditions, holidays, fashion, entertainment, jobs, education and home life- including things found in either homes and how housework is done- but more can be added. It can be broken into Muggle, Magical and Halfa (for comparisons and how a part-magical, part-muggle parentage effects things) series then down into individual books by the topic. A kind of what's what guide of both worlds and that narrow path connecting them."
Scott blinked, "Okay. Where the heck did that come from?"
"Got the idea from a treavellergirl." He said
Cedric frowned, "Don't you mean traveler girl?"
"I've heard it both ways." Leon shrugged then said. "Anyways. I want to do some preliminary testing on how this will be received using the first years- maybe those of other Houses to give us a better idea- so we're each going write a short something about a topic, no more then...Hm...no more then 10,000 words. Scott, Sam and Shiftpaw will be doing Halfa- Scott gets how being a Half-blood effected what kind of entertainment he partakes in, like do you play Quidditch and Football or is it only one? Sam has home life, how are chores done when one of your parents has magic? Shiftpaw has holidays, how did your muggle-born father affect how and what you celebrate?"
He focused on Mike, who was in front of him, though he looked at both Neville and Cedric. "Cedric, Neville and Mike have Magical- Cedric gets traditions and Neville has education, who taught you before Hogwarts, while Mike will do common possessions a wizard/witch owns. Harry, Hermione and I will be doing the Muggle side of things- Harry does education, what was school like compared to Hogwarts? More teachers or less, how were classes and schedules, what was considered the core subjects? Hermione will be doing stores, what kind of shops are there that you've been to? What do they sell? How much was it? How much is that in Wizarding Currency? Finally I will be focusing on muggle food."
Only Hermione seemed excited about this but everyone was at least interested enough to try their hands at writing so he only said, "Your individual groups will proofread each other's writings." Then moved on. "Next things, I want to get a range of textbooks- since we're going off forwarded lesson plans and worksheets along with a tutor- and a college course book to see if we can entice more people into muggle education. This won't be done this year as I think it would be best to implement it at the start of the year, plus it'd be easiest to get them during the back to school preparation times. Speaking of- Swiftpaw I know you're graduating this year but you are to attend mandatory Meeting of Clams during the summer that will be taking place at my house, details on when will be determined later."
"Now. Extra curricular activities." Leon said wishing for some water, the meetings never went this long- the previous longest had been twenty minutes and that had been because Tonks didn't know which dorm was theirs. "Hermione will be asking her mom to send plays, we're expecting five different Shakespearean plays so I'm sure we can convince people to do a production of at least one but we will be performing skits to introduce the idea. Each member will be writing their own short skit- from five to ten minutes in length- to give a wider range of styles and genres, I don't care what you choose to write of- the only restrictions are it is to be in that length of time and you can only ask members to act it out. I ask you be creative though, we have magic so why not use it to make it spectacular?"
"In that vein, I want to bring in instruments. Specifically flutes, harmonica, ocarina, trumpet, clarinet, saxophones, guitars, lutes, violins and cellos- more will be added as required. I'll also be petitioning to the Headmaster that we get pianos- Note to Cedric, 'Konohagakure'- but that will be later once things are settled. I think the best way is to get an expanded trunk and bring them back over the holidays." Leon told them, finally giving into the temptation to rest his chin on laced fingers. "I sent a letter to my mom and she said that The Trust has enough to pay for them though it will make a dent- for two of each instrument barring the harmonica that comes in a set of seven, it adds up to 413 Galleons, 15 Sickles and 22 Knuts. Which leaves the Treasury at 450 Galleons and 2 Knuts. Hermione will be in charge of getting music sheets to go with the instruments- you'll have a budget of 35 Galleons."
"In a similar direction, I want art supplies- paints, crayons, markers, charcoal, pencils and colored pencils along with various mediums to use them on. For this I think it might be best to simply buy the supplies in bulk and sell them rather then the standard duplicate it styled renting, this means that it will go like with the instruments in getting them here- though I'll have a few sets sent over before to see if this is something people are interested in. By Easter, let's say if there is enough interest in art, I want to see if we can't draft a few people into making coloring books and doujinshi." He said. "Think comic books that can be either an original work or based off other works or even real people."
I am going introduce Hogwarts to fanfiction, Leon thought, no matter what.
"I'll be bringing up sculpting, carving, knitting, sewing and weaving when me and Cedric report to The Four." Leon told them. "Finally, I want to introduce Physical Education- I want to at least get people moving so in that way we'll start with variations of tag and relay races- Note to Cedric, 'Paintball/Water Fight'- along with water sports. For things needing equipment I was thinking badminton, tennis, football, volleyball, baseball, dodgeball, handball, field hockey- Note to Cedric, 'Vending Machines'- and flying disks. I'll be talking to the Denma about getting a rock climbing wall and setting an area for tree climbing along with the possibilities of escorted hikes through the Forbidden Forest. Note to Cedric, 'Victory Garden and Farmer's Market'."
"And…" Leon paused then said. "I think that's it. I reiterate that everyone is to write a skit and a 10,000 word bit about your assigned topic- I add that first draft for you topics are due by Halloween and will be proofread then. I want the skits done before Halloween, preferable before the end of September because I want to start putting on the skits some time late September and early October. Hermione, I want a copy of your notes- by lunch tomorrow so Cedric and I can work out our report- but beyond that you are in charge of keeping them for any of the group whom wants to go over them."
"You forgot the order form." Cedric said before he could dismiss them.
"Oh. Right. I want to do an order form- pamphlet? booklet?- on what we offer and their prices." Leon waited a beat to see if Cedric was going to say anything else before saying, "Alright. Dismissed."
Leon, who had flopped back onto his bed as soon as Cedric got up, sprang into a sitting position. "Last thing! Note to Cedric, 'Flash Mob'."
Omake
"Hello again!" Leon grinned, "Sorry, no review responses this time- I'll be doing them every other chapter so if you want to talk to me then write a review this time and I'll answer you in the next chapter! Hey, treavellergirl did you see you shout out? Anyways! What am I doing here if not answering reviews? I am going to answer a few things. Random Question 1: If you knew you could succeed at it, what would you try? "
He let the question settle before answering, "Become an animagus that shifts into a dragon because that would be freakin' awesome - especially if I could turn into Toothless! Or defeat Voldemort with a marshmallow army- they'd be like 'mallow snowmen! Now, Would You Rather 1: Would you rather be a vegetarian or only be able to eat meat? "
"Meat definitely." Leon said immediately. "I like animals, more then people generally, and I'll eat tofu in soups but I love meat. From meatballs, pork chops, steak, the chicken in Alfredo and in Chinese take-out. I especially love fried chicken strips, nuggets or fingers- I'll eat those like chips or popcorn and that'll be all I eat that day. My favorite is ribs though- there's just something about tearing meat from the bone with your teeth and gnawing on the bones after. But, maybe that's just me. Random Question 2: If you could acquire any skill, what would you choose? "
He let out a whoosh of air. "Wow. Huh. It depends I guess. A muggle skill I'd want would be to know how to play the violin well- it's my favorite instrument along with the cello (shameless advertisement: check out 2Cellos). Magical skill would be to be a metamorphmagus. A game skill would be Quests. A ninja skill would be Summoning. A- well, see what I mean by it depending? Would You Rather 2: Would you rather be a girl? "
"Huh. Well, in my previous life I was a girl." Leon answered. "And it was fine- I do like being a boy this time though, if only because I won't have to deal with a period, getting pregnant or giving birth. Also I can go shirtless when it's hot and not get those scandalized looks if I'm not wearing a bathing suit top. Random Question 3: What was your favorite cartoon? "
"It also depends." He shrugged. "But I have to choose then it's a tie between Looney Toons and Animaniacs. Would You Rather 3: Would you rather be stuck in an elevator or ski lift for five hours? "
Leon paused. "I don't know- elevators freak me out but I'm afraid of heights (yes, flying lessons was interesting). I guess I would choose the ski lift since you can still see the sky, plus I've been forced to deal with my fear of heights before- tree climbing, rock climbing, amusement rides and now flying. It's fine if I'm doing something but things like rollercoasters are the worst. Last set! Random Question 4: What is something that you've never done but would like to try? "
"Backpacking." He said immediately. "I actually plan to do that when I graduate from Hogwarts- I'll be dragging Cedric (because is living if I have to drug him the entire time names can be put into the Goblet of Fire) along with me, though Scott declined tagging along. We're already planning on it and have, though a combination of our cut from the Court of Clams, allowances and birthday/Christmas money, saved 297 Galleons, 15 Sickles and 15 Knuts- which is 3,000 dollars or 2,198.60 euros. We're still debating where to go beyond visit the out of country Weasleys- also, I demanded we get a Canine Companion for our journey."
"Finally, Would You Rather 4: Would you rather celebrate your birthday or Christmas? " Leon hummed. "Hm. Well, beyond eating my favorite things, I don't really have big parties for my birthday- I usually go bowling, to a fair or have a movie marathon at home. So, Christmas I guess? It used to be small as it was just me and mum but since Hogwarts it's grown into a pretty big deal- it's like a full on festival at the Diggorys'."
"That's all folks!" Leon said. "Remember if you want to talk to me just write a review and I'll respond next chapter. 'Till next time! Nox! "
The world went dark.
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Tags: The Talk, Leon's not impressed, Hufflepuffs could so take over the world, Leon asks about kinks, Much to everyone else's horror, Cedric has a handy-dandy notebook, Leon makes a lot of Notes to Cedric, Cedric really isn't coherent before bathing in the morning, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them nod, ajhsgdi PERCENTAGES! - Leon, Meeting of Clams, The Court of Clams need an official meeting place, We find out what exactly Leon bribed Tonks with, Leon reveals the books he brought, Tonks doesn't approve, Leon is- technically- Harry's Big Brother, Reviewer Shout Out, Leon assigns Homework, Scribe!Hermione, (that reminds me...), Hufflepuff!Harry, Hufflepuff!Hermione, Hufflepuff!Neville, Leon is going to introduce fanfiction and doujinshi to Hogwarts, Again- Leon makes a LOT of Note to Cedric, Random Questions, Would You Rather
