Then

Rebecca's head was swimming. It had only been an hour and so much had happened. In those short 60 minutes, she had met with Ray, answered a few questions, received an offer, was shuffled off to Human Resources where she signed countless documents and got her ID badge and now was about to get another tour of a place she'd never thought she'd walk into again. The interview had been pretty straight forward. The questions were vague, inquiries into what style of work she prefered, how was she a team player and what were her strengths and weaknesses? Ray jotted down notes, but didn't seem to really concentrate on her answers before he put the required interview sheet away, leaned forward on his desk, his elbows balanced on the edge and stared at her. Rebecca on the other end, sat with spine straight and her shoulders back. Her hands folded primly in her lap. She wore a black skirt with a cream pin striped blouse, her hair straight and tucked back behind her ears. She'd gotten it cut to her shoulders a few days before graduation, it made her look older which was appropriate for the new phase of her life she was entering. Only it wasn't quite what she was expecting. In fact, as she sat on the other side of the large oak desk, she was fully prepared to tell Ray that she would not be taking the position he seemed ready to offer her. That was until he put his elbows on the desk and told her the salary.

One year.

That's all.

In one year she would have more than enough to go to Yale. In one year, not only would she be able to pay for Yale, she'd have enough for an apartment. Actually, she would have enough for a nice apartment now and then. The number Ray presented to her could fix everything. Would fix everything. All her worries gone. They say money can't buy happiness, which may be true, but it could buy everything else and that, made Rebecca very very happy.

So happy that she forgot about all the drama that could come with taking the position. She didn't worry about Sid or having to see him on a regular basis. She didn't think about it, because in that moment, her dream was back on. And it seemed possible.

It all seemed possible.

And so she said yes. And the hour continued to move at rapid pace. And now here she was in the hallway with Marilyn from HR getting ready for the tour. And her head was spinning, so much so that she didn't notice the voices from the far end of the hall. She didn't look in the direction to see Ray with her father and sister. Her sister who was now dwarfed in a Penguins hockey t-shirt that came to her knees. And didn't see him standing there, staring in her direction, trying to process what was happening. Instead she turned left and made her way down the hall with Marilyn, completely ignorant to the first time meeting of her family and Sid.

The Penguins won. Rebecca and her family enjoyed the game from a suite provided by the front office. It was strange. She felt as if she was now fully entering a world that was still so foreign. It was one thing when she dedicated a few hours three or four days a week. Now she would be full time. The job included nights and weekends. She had a retirement package for crying out loud. She was given season tickets and a parking pass. All of sudden she was legit. And she had yet to see Sid.

But she heard all about him.

Molly was officially a traitor. She'd spent the first period of the game gushing to Rebecca about meeting Sid. Rebecca's heart skipped a beat, hearing about the interaction. She felt warm when she heard that he'd given Molly his shirt, which she was still wearing proudly. All allegiance to the Flyers gone. And he'd arranged for them to get VIP access after the game. The Cooper family was invited to come visit the locker room and meet all the players. Upon hearing this, the reality of what was going to happen slammed into Rebecca like a top line defenseman. What would he say? What would she say? "Hello, Long time no see, I'm your new coworker?" It was ridiculous and Rebecca struggled to wrap her head around it. Nevertheless, the sensible part of her brain spoke up, it was bound to happen sooner or later. There was one way to do this. Keep it strictly professional. Feelings and actions that painted their past needed to be wiped clean. A fresh slate. She wouldn't see him all the time. She wouldn't seek him out. She could do this job. The season would soon be over and he'd been gone until the fall. And by then this year would be a distant memory and all feelings would be dead and buried, if they weren't already.

The Igloo was buzzing with the win. Rebecca, Daniel and Molly weaved through the raucous and celebratory fans, Mr. Cooper holding onto Molly's hand tightly while Rebecca led the way. Their lanyards around their necks, they crossed through traffic and went in a door. Down the hall they went and onto an elevator. Moments later the doors opened and the noise coming from the locker room burst forth like a blast of heat on summer day. There were people everywhere. And while the gesture was nice, Rebecca seriously doubted that any of the Cooper family would make it through the throngs of reporters and sponsors to actually get in the room and meet anyone.

She was wrong.

They'd only gone a few feet when a man in a black polo shirt with the Penguins emblem stitched on the breast pocket stepped in front of them and with a warm smile guided them through the masses and towards the open doors. As soon as they crossed over the threshold she saw him. He was surrounded by reporters Cameras and cell phones thrusted in his face. Bright lights hanging over him like street lamps illuminating his face and making his eyes squinty. He wore what looked to be a worn Penguins cap and he was clad in only his under armour. He rubbed at his cheek as he answered questions, the sweat poured from his temples. He suddenly laughed at the question of one of the reporters. His dimples rippled across his face like a well thrown stone in a still river and she felt her pulse begin to drum in the back of her throat.

She couldn't do it.

In an about face, Rebecca turned around and walked back out into the hall. Her dad called out her name in confusion.

"I'll be down the hall," she called back. "It's a little claustrophobic for me." She didn't stop to hear if he had a reply for her. All she knew was that she needed to get out of there.

She walked until the people thinned out and the noise was back to an acceptable level. She tried taking a deep breath to calm herself.

Once she didn't think she was hyperventilating, she began chastising herself for being so silly. There was nothing she could do to stop the inevitable. Sure, if she was really honest with herself, part of her did wish that his heart skipped a beat too. That what had happened those few months ago was just miscommunication and poor planning. That he was the person she thought he was and he saw her the way she saw him. He'd asked her to try. He'd put himself out there and she'd been the one to walk away. Could she walk back into his life? Was she being too naive to think she still had a chance?

She came to an area with chairs and couches. With the VIP credentials around her neck and the fact that she was still wearing a skirt and blouse, no one seemed to question her presence. There were a few families milling about, chatting animatedly about the game, while kids ran around the room trying to expel the energy they still had stored up on this Sunday afternoon. Rebecca fell into a nearby chair and closed her eyes for just a moment. It had been a long day. She was eager for her dad and Molly to finish up so they could go home. She had so much to do. She'd be moving in with Aunt Hilary and her family until she found an apartment. She needed to go shopping, as now that she was a full-time employee she wanted to improved her wardrobe. Ray had informed her that Claude would be made aware of the changes as soon as he was up for calls. Rebecca had gotten Claude's address from Ray and wanted to send him a get well card. Tomorrow would be her first day. She was due into the office at 8:00 a.m. sharp, so she would need to get to bed early tonight-

"Excuse me, is someone sitting here?"

Rebecca's thoughts were broken by the sound a voice. Embarrassed she opened her eyes to see a woman around her age gesturing to the chair next to Rebecca. Scanning the room, Rebecca realized that all the seats had now been taken and the only empty one was next to her, where she had set her bag.

Grabbing her bag, Rebecca replied, "No, sorry. It's free."

The woman smiled in thanks at Rebecca and came around the modern leather chair and sat down.

She was tall, her long legs crossed as she settled into her seat. She was tan and had long blonde hair. Not bottle blonde like some of the other women that mulled around the lounge, girlfriends of the players, Rebecca had assumed. This girl's hair was a hundred different shades of blonde, corn silk. She had warm brown eyes and when she smiled, her rows of teeth shone a brilliant white. She was thin, very thin and wore jeans and a white camisole with a olive collared blazer. She wore minimal jewelry but everything about her looked expensive. She looked like she belonged in Cosmopolitan magazine.

"It's crazy around here, right?" The blonde asked, her eyes bright and friendly.

Rebecca nodded, "Yeah, it's a little much."

"Do you work here?" The woman asked and she started to dig through the leather purse she had balanced on her lap.

"Um...yes, I do. Heh, I just started so it sounds strange to say." Rebecca said truthfully.

The woman nodded and smiled again, "Welcome, I'm sure it's a great place to work. Everyone here is so nice. I always feel at home." Finally finding what she was looking for the woman pulled her hand from her purse a pack of gum in hand.

"Would you like a piece?" She asked politely.

Rebecca accepted the foiled stick and fiddled with the paper. Even though she was wearing her best outfit, she couldn't help but feel sort of sloppy next to this woman. Everything about her was put together so perfectly, while all Rebecca could concentrate on was the beginning of a run in her stocking that peeked out of her black flats.

The woman continued to chat with Rebecca. Talking about the game, about her flight into town. Rebecca couldn't help but be drawn in by her engaging seatmate, so she responded to the inquiries and asked her own. Soon the two were chatting amicably. They kept chatting until two shadows came up behind them. In mid sentence the blonde turned around and looked up at the shadows.

She gave Rebecca an apologetic look that told her their conversation was done.

"Ready?" the young woman asked.

The shadows nodded, only now Rebecca could see who they were.

It was Troy and Trina Crosby. And Rebecca's heart dropped.

"He should just be a few more minutes." said Trina, looking over to Rebecca curiously.

She studied her for a minute then recognition dawned.

"You're the intern girl, right?"

Rebecca nodded dumbly. Not sure what to say.

Trina continued to look at her, she studied her in a way that Rebecca found oddly familiar.

Meanwhile, Troy looked bored and the leggy blonde's smile faltered a bit.

"I, I work here now." Rebecca finally said, her eyes darting from Trina, to Troy and finally to the woman she could only assume was Sid's girlfriend. Sure, she could lie to herself, play dumb and pretend this girl was a family friend or a cousin or something. But she wasn't. He'd moved on. And that was fine. What else could she expect?

Trina gave a small smile and nodded. With a polite goodbye, they turned and walked towards the locker room.

Rebecca watched for a moment, her heart hardened just a little more than before and waited for her family to come find her.


It was her third day when she finally saw him. The week so far had been a whirlwind. It was one thing when she was just helping out Claude, but now, with him still recovering, she was it and in the middle of the playoffs no less. Rebecca was moving at 100 mph. Everyday when she got home, she'd just collapse. There was so much to remember and she was trying not to get overwhelmed. It was like she was brand new all over again. She hadn't forgotten much over the two months she'd been gone, but the sheer volume and deadlines were more than she'd ever experienced during her time as an intern.

Her mind was in a million different directions on that third day, when she'd run downstairs to let the trainers know of a last minute change. She was so frazzled and in such a state that she didn't notice at first that someone was calling her. In her defense, they weren't calling her name. Instead as she thumbed through the pile of papers on a clipboard going over her to do list and triple checking the visitor list for the upcoming game in Washington, while at the same time walking briskly towards the elevator, she heard a deep and irritated voice, calling, "girl, girl." To be honest she didn't even think twice at first, until she heard. "Hey, what's her name, the secretary chick? Hey, you!"

She stopped realizing that "girl" was her and turned around. She was met with a very tall and very pissed off looking guy coming towards her quickly and aggressively. Suddenly the to do list was forgotten, as her eyes widened at the player coming her way.

"Hey, I need to talk to you."

Rebecca was confused.

"Um, ok." she replied slowly.

"Why the fuck was my travel denied?"

Rebecca stared, dumbfounded.

"I'm sorry?"

"Two weeks ago I put in a request for plane tickets for my buddies to Washington for Game 4. They just called and said they never got the tickets. The game is tomorrow. You need to fix this and fast."

Rebecca looked at the angry defenseman. She couldn't remember his name. Mostly because he barely played this year. She'd seen his name a few times when he'd been called up from Wilkes-Barre for a game or two, but he often had travel plans back to the smaller town a day or two later. She wasn't absolutely sure what had happened, but she had an idea. The players worked on a tier system. The bigger the star, the more tickets and travel the team provided. The smaller the star, well, then the family or friends in this case had to pay for their own ticket. A player like this, just wasn't a big enough star to get travel for friends, he was probably lucky to get his parents a free flight, especially for an away game.

She tried to think of a tactful way to tell the tall and solidly built blueliner this.

"It's a regrettable situation," she said, straightening her shoulders and trying to sound official. "I will need to double check my files, but I'm afraid your friends, do not qualify for free travel. I will be happy to help you find a fli-"

"This is fucking bullshit." He replied, narrowing his eyes on her.

Rebecca tried not to lose her cool.

"I'm sorry, but-"

"Listen here sweetie, my buddies are waiting for their tickets. You are going to turn your pretty little behind around, go up to your office, make the reservations and send them back down to me now. Okay? Because if you don't, I will have a talk with some very important people that will make you disappear. Understand?" His tone was condescending and he walked towards her breaking into her personal space that made her feel very uncomfortable. She wouldn't be bullied. But she didn't want to lose her job either. She struggled for a moment with what to say, then decided.

"No."

Her voice was clear and strong. If she was going to do this, she couldn't back down, not when her first week wasn't even up and not to this asshole. She knew she was in the right, even if she could barely swallow and it took every ounce of strength not to let her hands shake.

The dark haired man laughed, "Are you fucking kidding me? Fine," he threw his hands up, then pointed a finger at her, "Say goodbye, because your ass is getting fired."

"Is there a problem here?"

Both Rebecca and the asshole looked in the direction of the voice.

Rebecca's nerves hit into high gear as she watched Sid come around from the lounge bar and walk towards her. He wore his track pants and a playoff licensed t-shirt. She could see the patches of scruff up close now and his hair seemed longer than just a few days ago. It was wet, fresh from his shower and the curls settled around the nape of his neck.

"Sid, man." The asshole said with a grin. "No problem, bud. Just working out some kinks with the new girl. She messed up a few things, but we're figuring it out."

"Ah, well I doubt that, eh?" Sid said easily, grinning at his teammate.

Rebecca decided not to say a word, but straightened her spine and lifted her head a bit. The asshole seemed to be the confused one now.

"What do you mean?"

Sid put his hands in his pockets and Rebecca could tell he was trying to keep things like.

"Travel rarely makes mistakes. They can't you know, otherwise we'd end up in Alaska instead of Alberta. Ha, you know? I think you need to apologize."

The player looked at Sid as if he had two heads, "What?"

"I don't know what the problem is, but you're going to say you're sorry. For talking to her like that."

"But my buddies, didn't get a flight...for tomorrow." The asshole replied weakly.

"Dude, it's Washington. I barely got tickets. Your buddies will figure it out. Ok? Now you're going to apologize because from what I heard, you either apologize or you won't even make the trip to Washington, understand?"

Rebecca felt her cheeks warm at the exchange, her heart hammered against her chest.

He's moved on. She reminded herself. This is nothing.

The defenseman looked from Sid to Rebecca, then back to Sid again. Nodding, he seemed to cower to his captain, despite having at least 5 inches on him.

"Sorry," he mumbled. Then turned and scurried off like a toddler who'd just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Thanks," Rebecca said softly.

Sid grinned, "He's a bully. Works great on the ice, but off the ice, he's a tool. Sorry about that. Hi, by the way, welcome back."

Rebecca found his smile to be infectious and returned the grin. "Thanks, it's good to be back."

A weird silence followed.

Sid stuffed his hands further into his pockets and rocked on his heels.

"I met your family the other day. They told me you got a job, helping out Claude. They're nice. Your family. Your sister is a riot."

Rebecca laughed. "She's something alright. Yeah, Mr. Shero called me. It's only temporary. Until I save up enough for school. It should only take me a year, so I couldn't pass it up."

Sidney nodded. "That's great. I'm glad it worked out."

More awkward silence.

"I saw your family too." Rebecca said. Her mouth suddenly moving faster than her brain.

"I mean I met your...friend. The other night. With your parents."

Why did she say that?

Sid looked surprised, then uncomfortable.

Rebecca wanted to tell him she understood. That the past was the past and this was for the best. That she needed to be professional. There was no room for...feelings. She had a job to do. That was it.

But she didn't. They needed to maintain a distance. It was the only way. She couldn't think when he was around. And if she started talking, especially about uncomfortable personal stuff, it would just be too awkward.

"She's nice." Rebecca said, clearly her mouth was not paying any attention to her brain.

"Yeah," Sid said, but offered no other information. He didn't tell her the rest. That Katy had come back from South Africa and called him up. That she'd missed him and wanted to come watch him during the playoffs. That maybe they could talk. Work some things out. They hadn't had that conversation yet. Instead they were in some weird in between state, that Sid didn't have the time or mind space to deal with. He was locked in. Game Five was tomorrow and the Pens had evened the series up. And now that Rebecca was here, something seemed to click. You would think she being here all of a sudden would make things more complicated. But it didn't. It was better.

He wasn't quite sure why. But as he said goodbye and watched her walk back to the elevators, he couldn't help but think that this time it would be different.


Now

She pulls away and immediately I know something is wrong. I watch as she turns away from me and with as much modesty as one can muster, pulls up her panties and straightens herself up.

I pulled up my pants and tuck myself away as I zip up.

Suddenly there is a wall. And it seems bigger than ever before.

"You ok?" I ask, not sure I want to hear the answer. This is not the post-coital I was looking for. The withdrawal was immediate, but not totally surprising. After was usually like this. Neither of us sure what to say. The instinct to hold someone close, share the silence and the satisfaction after sex, was something we both denied ourselves time after time. Every Time we'd get too close, one of us would pull back. Self preservation, both too proud to put ourselves out there again.

She doesn't answer and avoids looking at me as she scurries across the elevator and starts to press the button that will get the elevator moving again.

"Wait," I shout. Im not ready for this to be done. Im not sure what the next step is and I'm afraid what will happen when she exits through those doors.

I'm still holding onto hope that we're ok. That we're better than ok. I just told her I loved her. Many times. We had sex. It's been nearly a year for me so it went faster than I would have liked. ALthough, I contribute that more to Rebecca than the fact that I hadn't been inside a woman in over ten months. I just let her off the hook for god's sake. If she's been holding onto some guilt or confused feelings since that night. If she wants to forget that happened then I will too. I will do anything. Because this is it. This is my shootout and I've got to score. Because the alternative is going home. And I don't want to do that.

She looks at me surprised at my outburst. Her eyes are sad but surprised and her chin is trembling. My insides clench at the sight of the force to keep her jaw steady.

She starts to speak, but it's a squeak. Looking embarrassed, the light sheen and rosy cheeks grow deeper, she clears her throat.

"It doesn't change anything." She says, her voice quiet and trembling.

"What?" I ask, I'm dumbfounded by this response.

She clears her throat again and her eyes meet mine.

"This...what just happened. It doesn't change anything. I'm still leaving. I don't want this. I don't love you."

My heart stops. No, not stops, it crashes. It slams against my chest with the force of the entire Russian blue line in Sochi. I would ask her to repeat herself, but I don't think I could take it.

"You're lying," I say half joking, hoping that I can still salvage this. "What did I tell you about lying." I give her a grin, turning the charm up in a last ditch effort.

She shakes her head, her eyes bright. "I'm sorry, Sid. This, us, whatever it is. It has to end. I need it to end. I can't do it. I don't want to do it. I thought I did. But I was wrong and Im sorry for that."

She stops talking and it takes a few seconds to realize she's done.

She looks at me, expecting a response, her finger poised on that button.

"How can you say that?" is my pathetic reply. My voice is scratchy and sounds far away. The stinging in the corner of my eyes betrays me and my attempt to stay cool.

She straightens her shoulders and I prepare for the line of bullshit.

"Because it's what I have to say." Her eyes are welling up and I can't look at her and not think she is immune to any feeling whatsoever.

"No you don't."

She nods. "It is."

And before I can say or do anything, she presses the button and the doors open.

Only when they open, its where we started from. I hit the emergency button so fast that we never even moved.

She looks around, accessing the surroundings and steps out.

And I go for broke.

I think that Game 3 against the Flyers in 2012 has nothing on the meltdown I'm about to have.

But I don't care. Because right now there a thousand thoughts and feelings tearing through me and I have to let them out because I don't know what to do with them otherwise.

"So that's it?" I shout from the elevator's frame. My hands hold up the sides, keeping it open.

The hall is busy. There are office people walking from here to there and back again. Phones against their ears, papers in their hands, eyes on tablets. They all stop and look up at my voice.

Rebecca turns and looks at me too. And the mix of shock and fear on her face almost make me shut up.

Almost.

"What do you want from me?" I ask her, my voice lower, but loud enough that everyone is suddenly frozen at what is unfolding in front of them.

Rebecca's eyes dart all around the hall, rattled by all the people watching us.

There is a voice in my head screaming at me to not do this. To stop. That this is beyond a bad idea. This could ruin everything.

But I hurt. I'm confused and frustrated and heart broken. And I don't feel these things. Ever. I've created a life for myself where these feelings don't happen.

Because they did before. All those years ago. She made me feel that. And for the longest time I couldn't forgive her. And then I did. Because I couldn't stay away.

Because I couldn't not love her.

"Mr. Crosby," she says shakily, "Can we discuss this in my office?"

"No," I don't miss a beat. "I want to discuss this here."

"I'm sorry…I-"

"I tell you I love you and this is what you do?"

The collective gasp in the hall is almost comical. I could appreciate the melodrama of it all if it wasn't my heart that was being torn to shreds here.

Rebecca looks panicked. She's looking all around, like a mouse trying to find the hole as the cats surround her.

"Stop." She finally says.

"No," I'm an asshole. I know that. I'm an asshole so I keep going.

"I'm tired of this. I need to know, what you feel. I need you to tell me now."

And then I see it. Not defeat, not conciliation. I see defiance, I see anger, I see fire.

"Right now?" she asks. "Right now, I think this is highly inappropriate. If you have anything to say to me, you have the decency to do it privately. I will not have my personal business put on display. Who you are does not give you the right to do this." She stalks towards me, her voice low enough for only me to hear. "To humiliate me like this? You don't do this to someone you love. Shame on you."

Her eyes well up and she's now only a few inches from me and I swallow. My adam's apple feels like a grapefruit in my throat. Her eyes bore into me, the green shines like an emerald. Why are you doing this?" she asks her voice barely a whisper.

"Because I can't lose you." I say back just as quietly.

She gives me a sad smile, "I was never yours to lose."

Then she turns and walks away, back towards her office, ignoring everyone who tries to speak to her. She keeps walking until she disappears into her office and closes the door.

Always the professional I think with a bitter laugh.

I ignore the stares, step back into the elevator and press the button for ground level.

And despite what she says, of all the loses, this one is the worst.

****Author's note: I feel like the theme of this story is elevators, lol. But anyway, so so sorry for delays, summer is not my most disciplined writing time of the year. I swear if I was reading this story, I would hate me. I promise the resolution to all this is coming and I know how much it sucks that the readers are the last to know what all happened. But I hope that how I have constructed this will pay off in the end. It might be a total failure but I had an idea for this story from the get go and I'm trying to stick with it. So a million THANK YOUS for sticking with me on this. I hope you don't see Rebecca as a total b word at the end of the chapter. I wanted to portray that through all of this she has tried to be professional at work. In her mind her dignity has been compromised by giving into Sid's sexy ways (insert winky face) and staying professional as a young woman in a male dominated business is very important to her. The most hurtful thing Sid could do would be to expose her like that. But he's not thinking clearly. He's pushing the glove, no matter how bad it makes him look. Anywho, thanks to all who are reading and as always your reviews are so valuable to me (they seriously make my day). I will say that Sidney Crosby school was a highlight of the summer and I already have Nova Scotia set stories plots running through my head! Hope you all are having a great summer! :)***