Everything moved in an odd way, as if it happened in some parallel world to Cordelia's. She watched Hank carry Misty's body to the living room and put her down on the couch, while she herself floated behind him. She didn't feel her feet touch the floor, she didn't hear the words the other's said. The only thing she heard was the sound of her own crying, so violent it hurt her throat already. It rang in her ears, when she kneeled beside the couch, her vision blurred from the tears. But the sight of Misty still cut through her brain like a razor, so sharp it send waves of aching cramps through her chest. She reached out to touch Misty's cold skin again. Maybe she could warm it, bring it back to life.
She put a hand to Misty's cheek. Her messy curls tickled the back of Cordelia's hand and it made her chest tighten with cramps again. She heaved for air to cry more. She moved her hand to Misty's neck, felt for life. Found none.
"Mom, I can't feel her pulse." She thought her voice sounded foreign, as if it didn't come from her own mouth, but appeared somewhere close to her ears. Like someone else was speaking for her, a stranger of her own making.
Her mother's hand appeared, placed it over Cordelia's.
"Your hand is shaking. Let me try."
"No, don't touch her!"
Other hands held her shoulders, gently insisting as they pulled her away.
"Let her try, Cordelia." It sounded like Hank. She had forgotten he was here. He wasn't alive a minute ago, but now he was, only it felt like everything was dead around her and she couldn't sort it out anymore. Hank's arms pulled her up and into a tight embrace. She cried against his chest, clung to him with what strength she had left.
His warmth felt so good. She wished she could clear a space in her mind for this feeling of comfort alone, but there was no room. It was all screaming and crumbling and breaking apart inside her.
He shushed her with a gentle, low sound, like he used to when she got upset. He ran a hand over her hair and kissed the top of her head.
"I'm relieved you're here", Cordelia whispered into his chest. "I'm so glad you're alive." It was all she could offer him. Only silence followed and she tried to breathe into it. But breathing felt so useless.
"Anything?" She heard him ask. She didn't hear an answer.
"Can't we call an- an ambulance?" Cordelia asked. She didn't dare move and cried the words into Hank's shirt. It smelled as if it hadn't been aired out in a long time. Like it had been kept in a sealed little room for weeks. A coffin. Because Hank had just come back from the dead, she reminded herself. The thought made her want to laugh, but then she remembered the price and her chest cramped again.
"You know the hospital can't help her. This is not mortal damage."
Fiona's words made her push out of Hank's embrace and turn around. She didn't look long at the regret in her mother's eyes, but looked at Misty instead. If she was losing her, she needed to take in what she could while there was time.
It was different, being faced with the body. Hank had vanished into nothingness, for a while taking her mind with him. Faced with Misty's cold body, witnessing the life seeping out of her, Cordelia was able to cry. And cry she did again, when she kneeled a second time. And she was afraid to stop, because when she did, a new, much deeper and much more terrifying black hole waited for her. One she would never escape. She knew this beyond a shadow of doubt.
She looked at Misty's face and for a moment, she thought there was a smile playing at her lips.
The smile was too much. It couldn't end like this. New waves ached, new tears came, while she fisted her hand into Misty's dress, right over her chest. It felt like her heart was beating, when Cordelia's hands trembled atop her chest like this.
Please don't leave me, she thought. You're right. We are everything. So you can't leave me.
There was movement beside her. Motions of the outside world and someone stepped closer.
"Did she cry over me like this?"
Fiona answered, before Cordelia could say anything: "She did something much worse and is now really the time to beg for attention?"
There was no answer. Instead Hank kneeled beside her. She could feel his eyes on her, but she couldn't tear herself away from Misty's face.
"You love her", Hank said. It wasn't a question. There was a tone of finality in his voice, a determination she didn't recognize in him. It felt like an end and she couldn't handle any more ends, so she kept her eyes on Misty.
"Yes", she only whispered. She could sense him nodding slowly, gathering himself.
"But you still love me. You keep saying so. Do you love her more than you love me?"
"This is not the time to be cruel, Hank!"
"Look at me, Cordelia." His voice was hard, but not without emotion. The determination was still there in his tone and it scared her. She looked at him. His eyes were like his voice, hard and determined, but loaded with emotion underneath. "Do you love her more than me? That's all I want to know."
"I love her more than anything", Cordelia finally admitted.
He nodded again. She expected him to yell, or that his eyes would water up, but it was only that nod. And a sigh. "She makes you whole, doesn't she? I've never known you without that hole in your chest, but now that I've seen you two together… It's her spot, right?"
Cordelia sniffled and didn't bother to stop the tears from running. "It is. I'm sorry."
He sighed again. "Yeah. Me too."
Cordelia looked at Misty again, caressed her cold cheek and tried to breathe through the cramps. They were eating at her gut too. The darkness of the night was starting to take solid form around her. Opening up beneath her, ready to swallow her. She knew what it meant and she would at least attempt to break one chain, before it was too late. She forced herself to look up at Hank again.
"There's a new black hole coming", she told him. "I won't get out. You should go now, before you get caught in it too. You don't deserve to be stuck here with me."
"Cordelia-"
"I mean it. You know how I was back then, with Myrtle. This will be much worse. Don't waste your life on me."
"But Cor-"
"I think my daughter is trying to tell you, that you've finally overstayed your welcome, Hank."
Hank looked up at a spot behind Cordelia's field of vision with an acidic gaze. He received no response, of what Cordelia could hear, but looked at Cordelia again. "Are you sure?"
She gave him a nod. "I am. It will be no life for either of us. But maybe I should tell you…"
"Don't", he said. "Not if it gets me stuck."
"Okay."
"Okay", he repeated. He leaned in, pressed a kiss to her forehead and got up. "I better leave now then. Goodbye, Cordelia."
She tried to smile. "Goodbye. I love you."
"Yeah. I loved you too."
Then he turned and walked out of the living room. She only heard a few minutes of ruffling around in a distance, before the front door opened and closed again.
Silence. It almost echoed. Rung with the whispers of the voices about to creep in again. She was really alone now.
As if reading her mind, Fiona came in her view, sat down in the armchair a few feet away. Her arm lingered on the armrest by Misty's head.
"It was mean of you to say that", Cordelia told her.
"He needed a push out the door. It's better for all. Now what about… Misty? Should we-"
"Give me more time. I can't do it yet. I can't say…" She couldn't even say it out loud. She clutched Misty's dress tighter. Misty's body moved slightly by Cordelia's trembling grip, but her face remained expressionless and pale.
"She could still wake up. We don't know how her body works. She's not all silent, maybe…"
"Don't give me hope. Just wait."
So they did. Hours went, as the darkness grew tighter around Cordelia, colored the floor black underneath her, formed a gate in a distance. The light emerged outside, but the breaking of dawn was something that happened to everyone else. Cordelia was stuck in the never-ending night. She couldn't think. Her mind went in a cruel empty loop, reminding her of what she knew already. She's dying. She's dead. She was the one good thing in your life and now you've taken her life too. The voices would gain strength from this, when she entered the hole again.
Every breath brought the dark closer, every tick of the clock added shape to it. The hole expanded and a dark man stood waiting at the top of it now, guarding her descend into it. It was Papa Legba, smiling, welcoming her. He tipped his hat, but she shook her head at him.
"You can't have me yet."
"Who're you talking to, Cordelia?"
Cordelia shook her head again. She felt tired now. Her hand was locked in Misty's and her own heat had warmed it a bit, enough that it felt alive.
"I'm just waiting a little bit more."
Fiona got up from her chair and sat down on the floor beside Cordelia. Put her hand on top of hers, the one that held Misty's.
"I think this is enough waiting now, darling."
"No."
"Listen. Misty told me to tell you something, before she left. She wasn't sure she would make it and she wanted me to make sure you understood what this meant. She valued your happiness more than her own life. She really loved you. I think she always has. Christ, I was a fool for trying to stop her, but she always has, Cordelia. Right from the start. All she ever wanted was to make you happy. And sitting here won't get you there."
"She left me again."
"She didn't leave you, goddammit! She traded her life for your sanity!"
Cordelia wished she could make the trade back. But she had nothing to offer any god willing to make that trade. Papa Legba certainly wouldn't give her a second glance, if he could have Misty. Misty was supernatural, she wore her supremacy like an aura. Like the hum of warmth about her. Cordelia wished she could brand that hum onto her own skin, so that it would never leave. She was everything.
"Cordelia, look. I think I saw her chest rise. I think she's still breathing."
O0O
Darkness had never seemed so alive as the black space around Misty did. It was almost breathing. It lived. Something called to her from it, but she couldn't quite focus on it. And at the same time memories flickered across her mind, like broken leaves in the wind. She saw her eight year old self sit beside a young version of Cordelia, holding a hand to her burning cheek and Misty remembered she said the words: "You can't get me sick, silly. I'm a self-healer." She remembered Cordelia had the flu and all she wanted to do even then, was to make her better.
But it wasn't Cordelia's voice she heard now.
The darkness took shape, birthed something. The colors changed, grew light enough for Misty to see the surroundings. It was a forest, her own swamp, but in darker colors and distorted by shade. The ground was crisp and withered, the branches cracked and bent out of shape. On a broken branch in the middle of a clearing sat a figure. Misty had never seen him before, but she knew who he was.
"Misty Day", Papa Legba said with his croaky, smoke roasted voice. He spoke with slow words and they had an echo of cadence to them. She neared and he tipped his black top hat at her. "Welcome."
Misty looked around. It wasn't her swamp after all. It looked like it, but there was no Stevie, no shack, no Nick. It was all grey and broken down. And dead.
"Am I dead?" She asked.
Papa Legba smiled. "You ain't much alive, darlin'." He followed her with his odd red eyes. His skin looked as crumbled and dead and the ground she stood on, his long jacket draped over the cracked tree, he sat on, like an all-consuming shadow.
Misty could feel it now, the absence of her usual energy, the absence of life in her being. Her whole body dragged her down, every limp felt like it was loaded with lead. It was suddenly unbearable to even stand, but she had a feeling sitting down would lose her the battle.
"I messed up, didn't I?" She said. "I wasn't supposed to die. I knew I would, when I did it, but I shouldn't have. Cordelia, she- I have to get back to her." Her pleading voice only made his smile grow wider.
"You could stay here. As you see, there be plenty of damage for you to fix. The gift of resurgence. You'd be real interestin' to keep down here."
"I can't stay here."
He chuckled, laughed his croaky laughter and his eyes had her nailed to the spot. "Who said you could leave? You might not even want to, if you take a look around. Don't it ache in your body to heal all this land? It's a job for all eternity."
She looked around the devastated swamp and it did ache. It screamed at her, it begged her, it pulled at her to sit down and put her hands to the ground. She wavered, swayed with the exhaustion. The wounded forest floor was right there, it would be the easiest thing in the world to sit down and rest.
"Maybe I could sit for a while. I'm real tired… But Cordelia..."
He shook his head, slowly and held up a hand. "No rush getting' back to your woman. I saw her. She about to come join us."
His threat shocked Misty's mind back to clarity. "What, no, she can't do that!"
"Oh but she will. I extended my invitation and she said not yet. She only need little time."
Misty tried to breathe through the heaviness of her body. Cordelia couldn't go to this place, wherever that was. She needed to get back. Her muscles trembled, they tired more by the second, but Misty resisted the urge to seek relief.
"I ain't lettin' her put herself here with you. I won't have it."
"She headed for a black hole again, you know. She might not even be there when you return."
Misty shook her head. "That don't matter. I told her I'd never leave. So I won't."
Papa Legba stared at her for a long second. Then he shrugged. "See if you can find your way then. My offer stands. Goin' back might hurt you. I think you'd find there's no fightin' life down here. If you let your woman join us, life can't weigh you down no more."
"That's 'cause there ain't no life here. I'm leavin' now."
She turned before he could say more. She only heard him sigh, long and heavy, before the colors darkened and the shadows grew dense again. She remembered telling Cordelia that she was a self-healer. Now, as she rushed back into the dark, she prayed she hadn't been lying.
Suddenly it was everywhere. It knocked her off her feet and she fell. The blackness tore at her heavy body, pushed her down and then the wind caught her back. It held her up as the sensation of falling rushed through her body. Until it abruptly stopped. She was still.
Then the sounds started to come back.
There was a voice that she vaguely recognized, sharp and familiar, yet softer than she remembered it:
"There's more color in her cheeks now, isn't there?"
"Mother, please don't… If you're wrong, I just can't…" Cordelia's voice. This one she recognized without effort. It sounded so agonized, so tormented it ached in Misty's chest. She could barely feel her own body, but she could feel the ache. She wanted to open her eyes, to reach out and pull Cordelia close. Tell her to stop breaking her heart with those tears. But Misty's eyes were so heavy and her limbs carved of solid rock.
Still she tried. She fought to locate her arms and legs, her throat, her tongue, so she could speak.
The sounds got clearer. She could hear Cordelia's sniffles, she could sense her presence right by her side. She could feel her hand in her own now. It was warm against Misty's cold skin. She tried to move her hand, force it to respond to Cordelia's touch. She knew how awful it felt, when these gestures weren't returned.
She felt a tingle in her fingers and she heard Cordelia gasp.
"What happened?" Sharper. It must be Fiona.
She heard uneven breathing, the way Cordelia drew her breaths when she was on the verge of crying.
"Misty?" It was a fragile sound. There was so little hope in that voice, she couldn't endure it.
Misty forced herself to breathe. It felt like a bubble of air blocked her throat, choking down her breaths. She mobilized what strength she had to give and pushed a breath out of her throat, coughed the bubble out and drew a clean breath in. Finally, she opened her eyes. They stung like little fires, but through the blur, she started to see real colors.
The very first thing she saw was Cordelia and Misty immediately searched her eyes. They were red and the skin around them swollen, the circles underneath them were impossibly darker, but her eyes weren't empty anymore.
Misty smiled with relief and the grip around her fingers tightened.
"Misty? Misty, can you hear me?"
"Hey", she whispered. It was all she could manage. But it was enough.
"Oh", she heard Fiona exclaim. Tears welled up in Cordelia's eyes, but these were good tears, Misty knew that. With more effort, she made her hand turn around, return Cordelia's squeeze and the contact brought her home. She felt energy slowly return to her body, life flowing back into every corner and curve. She started to feel more than just her eyes and her hand. The other hand was there too now, her chest, her torso, even her legs. She felt whole again. Papa Legba and his dead swamp was but a glimpse of a feverish nightmare in the back of her mind.
Cordelia held a hand to her mouth and started sobbing. Her eyes held Misty's, wide and full of new hope as they searched.
"Are you- are you r-really here?" She asked between crying gasps.
"Yeah, I'm really here", Misty answered and watched a bit of light settle in Cordelia's gaze. Misty closed her eyes for just a second, held tight onto Cordelia's hand, when she protested. All the while trying to believe the words herself. She tried to sort it out. It seemed that even though her gift of life could be given away, it never quite left her. She took comfort in that and opened her eyes to the world again. She heard Cordelia breathe a sigh of relief.
It was all just a little brighter now. She remembered going away at night, but the beams of a morning sun crawled in through the window, reflecting droplets of a soft rain.
"Look, Delia, there's a sun shower outside."
Misty heard a broken, hoarse laughter from above and then Cordelia's lips crashed into hers. It was a kiss wet and salted with tears and Cordelia's grip on her face was so tight it hurt, but Misty didn't care. She managed to lift a hand to her face, stroke her cheek and wipe the tears away.
"I love you", Cordelia whispered in one ragged breath. Her entire body shook. Her fingers almost vibrated against Misty's skin. "I love you I love you I love you I love you."
"I love you too, darlin'."
"I- I told you to never scare me like that again!"
Misty ran her finger through Cordelia's hair, tugged it behind her ears, and watched her expression soften. "I'm sorry. I just wanted you to be okay again. I didn't know what else to do. But did it work? Where's Hank?"
A momentary shadow ghosted across Cordelia's face, but it was different, Misty noticed. It was a ghost of sadness, but not of guilt.
"It worked. But I told him to go. I didn't think I was going to make it out, if you… He's gone. It's just you and me now."
"Just like I always wanted it."
Cordelia nodded, her eyes serious and still wetted with tears. Her hand went down to rest against Misty's neck, fingers at her pulse, as if to make sure it was still there. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I am now."
It took a moment before Cordelia accepted that. Then she offered her a hand and Misty used it for support to sit up. She still felt drained, possibly more drained than she ever had before, but she knew for sure that the worst was far behind her. Only now did she realize that she was in the living room of the Goode mansion, on the couch. By her head, in front of the armchair stood Fiona and watched her with a scrutinizing gaze. Shock was still frozen in her features, and Misty caught the light giving away tears at the corners of Fiona's eyes.
"Fiona, are you crying?"
She started, as if ripped out of a trance and did her usual scoff. "Please, I don't have tear ducts." She eyed Misty a second time and asked: "How are you feeling, kid?"
"Good." Their eye contact was brief, but Misty felt a warmth coming from it, which felt just a little less cold than it used to. She turned back to Cordelia. "Help me outside? I wanna see the rainbow."
Cordelia chuckled with disbelief and nodded. She reached an arm around Misty's waist and Misty grabbed her shoulders. Together they got up from the couch and though Misty swayed slightly, her knees threatening to buckle, she stayed up. Fiona came from the other side, held her steady as the three of them walked outside.
It was the most soothing rain Misty had ever felt. Light, like little kisses of cool water on her face. She smiled at it, clung to Cordelia and let herself be lead to the garden. Fiona let go and stayed back, as they turned around, looking for the colorful reflection in the sky.
"There it is", Cordelia said and pointed. Misty found it and stared. A wave of childish joy washed over her, as she watched the bow of colors draped over the sky, and she regained strength from it. The sun too. She turned back to Cordelia, hugged her close and then watched the sunlight bathe her face. It was a beautiful sight. It was reassuring seeing so much light in her features at last, sunlight or not.
"What is it?" Cordelia asked. Misty couldn't explain it. Instead, she leaned down and kissed her. She had weeks to make up for and Cordelia responded as if she had the exact same thought. Hands folded around her neck and pulled her closer. She felt Cordelia's breath on her lips, inhaled it, and it was the feeling of balance being restored.
Misty broke the kiss and hummed into the air between them. Light drops fell on their shoulders, but neither of them noticed anymore.
"It feels different now", Cordelia said. "Easier. I'm feeling less guilty I suppose."
"Somethin' else is different 'bout you too."
Cordelia smiled. "Of course you would now. I'm pregnant. I think… I think maybe you fixed me."
Misty put her hand to Cordelia's stomach, snuck it underneath her clothes and she felt it again. Vibrant skin. She realized now what it was she had felt earlier: It was new life that she touched, hidden away right behind Cordelia's skin.
When she found Cordelia's eyes, Misty was at loss for words. But it didn't matter. She only flashed her widest grin and said nothing. She knew Cordelia understood.
A/N: Now we have only a tiny epilogue left! You didn't really think I was going to off Misty, did you? ;)
