***Author's note: Now that we are in the now, I will be using only 3rd person POV. As much as I love the emotion and rawness of writing in the 1st person, it is incredibly difficult for me, so yay for that***

We are frivolous with our hearts

Watch them bend til they break, then we pick up the parts.

We give, we take, we save and condemn

And we live just to love again.

- The Loneliness Waltz,

The Ballroom Thieves

Now

Rebecca braced herself for the feeling that always came next. The feeling that would creep in after any of her encounters with Sid. The feeling of guilt, disappointment, sadness. Even though her brain was in overload with all this new information, she was trained to expect the bad feelings. And even though her heart now knew differently, her brain had to catch up.

And so after a few minutes of just standing there, wrapped in his embrace, she waited. Waited for those feelings. But they never came.

She didn't feel sad or disappointed. There was no guilt that threatened to suffocate her.

Instead there was a new feeling. One that she never allowed herself to feel.

Hope.

And even stranger, happiness.

She wasn't sure how to feel those things. It was sad really. She wouldn't expect anyone to understand, or even feel bad for her. I mean, who would pity a girl struggling to accept happiness with an enamoured Sidney Crosby?

Nevertheless, she felt herself struggling to deal with her emotions and defenses kicked in, making her feel awkward in his arms.

She didn't know how to do this. How to be truly happy. How to move forward knowing everything she now knew. How to do that and not feel the utter devastation that so many years were wasted. So much time lost, because she was so stubborn and so determined not to let him know what effect he had on her.

"Your thinking too much again, aren't you?"

His voice was low, quiet, but playful. She could hear the smile in his voice and the teasing tone he used when he could feel her begin to panic in a situation that overwhelmed her.

"I am," she confessed, speaking into the soft fabric of his shirt.

"It's a lot," the soft timber of his voice sent a chill down her spine.

"Yeah," she said dumbly, because what else was there to say?

The last fifteen minutes has literally taken everything out of her. She wanted to replay it, dissect it, process it. But there was too much.

It was, as he said, a lot.

She felt him pull back, his hands still holding her, but now at a short distance so that he could take a look at her.

And suddenly she felt shy. Sort of embarrassed, by the way she'd acted. How she'd let it all out. How she'd exposed herself after so many years of masking her feelings and her love for him.

She could tell he was looking at her, but her eyes focused on chair behind him, in the low righthand corner of her view

"Becs."

She didn't say anything. The feeling of vulnerability trumping any of the other emotions bombarding her at this moment.

"Becs, look at me," he said softly.

She did. She did and she knew that he could see it all. Anxiety, love, hope, fear. But she could see it too. His brown eyes damp and shiny. And everything she was feeling, he was feeling it too.

She could see it.

All of it.

"It's ok," he said with a small smile, his thumb brushing at an errant tear that lay still on tip of her cheekbone. "We're going to be ok."

Rebecca nodded, her eyes filling up again. She struggled for a moment, blinking once, then twice. "I just…" she hated how this sounded but she had to get it out. "It's just for so long, I didn't think...I didn't think this," she swallowed, the tear threatening. "...was possible."

Sid's eyes softened with understanding but before he could reply, a sound drew both their attention to the door.

The voices were quiet, then louder, then faded away again. Rebecca looked to the other direction and could see that activity had started up down on rink level. A crew was putting on a floor made with rubber mats.

Life was continuing around them, despite the revelations that were occurring in the suite.

They couldn't hide forever.

"Do you," Sid's voice scratchy, "Do you want to come over to my house, we could have dinner and talk?"

He waited for her response, that seemed to take a moment or two to come. Anxiety was coursing through his veins. Finally she nodded, "yes, that sounds nice."

They drew away from one another but neither seemed to know what to do next.

"I um, I'm sorry about earlier. What I said in the hallway. I know everyone is going to be talking about it now. I didn't mean to make it harder."

Rebecca look surprised, then he watched her cheeks grow red. "I forgot all about that. God, that was today? I feel like that happened months ago ."

It was true. Only a few hours earlier had he taken her in the elevator. When she told him she didn't love him. When he didn't know that for all these years, she thought he'd rejected her.

He watched her try to figure out what to do, the wheels in her head spinning.

"I don't want to hide this," he interjected. "Us." He felt his face grow hot too. "I know it's my fault, but I don't want any secrets, not anymore. But if it's easier. We can leave separately. Meet at my car."

Rebecca nodded, still thinking.

"I can drive us," he said. "We can come back for your car."

Rebecca nodded slowly. "Alright. I need to stop at my office. But I will meet you in the parking lot. We should drive separate though. That way you don't have to come back, you know, to take me back to my car."

"I don't mind," he said quickly.

Rebecca was surprised. "I know, but it just makes more sense for me to have my car. It's easier that way."

"I don't want it easier," he said, his voice raising an octave. He was feeling uncertain. He hated that feeling. How did he tell her, how did he explain that he was worried, no not worried, terrified that maybe, somehow in the walk to her office or during the drive alone to his house that she would change her mind.

About everything.

That once she re-entered that outside world, that something, someone, anything would make her realize that this, them, wasn't a good idea. It sounded crazy. He knew that. But fuck it, he was scared. He hadn't felt connected to her in so long. What if he lost that. Even if it only was a few minutes.

Rebecca seemed to sense this, "How about you follow me to my house, I can drop off my car and...pack a bag, stay over," she offered. "You can take me home tomorrow." She gave him a small smile and Sid felt his throat closing up.

God, it was like he was in grade 7.

"Yea-" he voice was a bit strangled. He cleared it, "Yeah, that sounds good." He managed to say.

"Ok, I'll see you in 15 minutes," she said decidedly. She waited a beat, then pushed forward, leaning up and pressing her mouth against his for just a moment.

True to her word, she walked up to him standing by his Range Rover exactly 14 minutes and 25 seconds later. She had a flush to her cheeks, her coat buttoned up to her chin. On her shoulder was her work bag. And she was looking at him like she did years ago.

"All set," she said.

"Everything go ok?" Sid asked.

Rebecca nodded, "Yes. I had to check in with Brandon, make sure a few appointments had been made. I told him I would be a little late tomorrow." She gave a grin and her cheeks grew pinker.

Sid's grin grew a mile long.

He followed her to her house, trailed after her as she let herself in. She told him she would be just a minute and headed up the stairs.

He stared at the surroundings. The boxes were still there, half full. Pieces of artwork, framed photographs still sat on the floor, leaning up against the wall. All around him were reminders that she was leaving.

But he didn't want to think about that right now. The future was uncertain, but he really thought they could make it work. They had come too far not to.

Moments later, Rebecca came bounding down the stairs. She'd freshened up and changed out of her work clothes, as well as packed pajamas and clothes for work tomorrow just in case. Butterflies filled her stomach as she packed up her toothbrush and made sure to bring conditioner, in case Sid didn't have any. This was all so new. Her brain was scrambled eggs and tonight was far from some romantic getaway, as there was still so much that needed clarifying, but she allowed herself the butterflies. Because this had never happened to her and she was going to enjoy it.

"Hi," she said grinning

He smiled back, "Hi."

She ignored the boxes around her and in this moment, she didn't have a single care in the world.

"Ready?" he asked.

Rebecca nodded and watched as he told her bag and slung it over her shoulder and put out his hand for her to take.

She stared for a second, then slipped her hand into his. Smooth and warm his palm met hers and then closed with a firm hold. She felt the jump of her heart beat and gave a light squeeze.


The drive to Sid's was filled with nostalgia. Rebecca spent the 25 minute drive stealing glances at Sid. There were so many memories of sitting next to him in the car. From the sweatshirt disaster when she'd gotten drenched by him years ago, to the drunken disaster she had been on her birthday, to the date disaster that was just a few days ago. Rebecca frowned. She was tired of the disaster memories. From now on she only wanted good ones.

They were off the freeway now and going through the backroads to get to Sid's house. She saw a clearing up ahead and had an idea.

"Sid."

"Hmm?"

"Pull over."

Sid looked at her in confusion.

"Is everything ok?"

Rebecca nodded, "Yeah, just please pull over for a second."

"Are you going to be sick?" Concern scrunched up his handsome features.

"No," she replied quickly. "Just, right here, pull over."

He did what she asked, pulling into the lot of an old deserted gas station. Putting the car in park, Sid turned to her.

"What's wro-"

Rebecca didn't let him finish his sentence, she unbuckled her seat belt and leaped towards him, cradling his face in her hands and pressing her lips soundly to his.

If he was surprised, she didn't notice and pretty much immediately his mouth moved expertly against hers. It was an awkward angle, so she tried to maneuver herself over the seat and into his lap. On the way she kicked the radio and loud music filled car, then her butt fell back against the horn, letting out a loud series of honks. Not to be deterred, she lifted herself off the steering wheel as Sid reached his hand out and shut off the music. The real kicker, or knee-er was when Rebecca squirmed herself into his lap and accidentally kneed Sid right between the legs. Up until then they'd managed to keep their mouths together, but the contact was too much as Sid tore his mouth away with a yelp.

Rebecca looked down and frantically moved her leg to the side but there wasn't much space. How did people do this so easily in movies or in books?

"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, her hands balancing on his shoulders as she tried to get comfortable.

Sid's face twisted in pain and he took a few deep breaths as Rebecca looked on worriedly.

"It's ok, I just need a sec." He said squirming in his seat.

A moment or two later his face relaxed and his hand reached out and cradled her jaw pulling her close. For a moment, he brushed his nose against hers, softly and Rebecca felt a heat that shot through her and tighten in her belly.

Then he kissed her.

For many minutes they explored the recesses of their mouths. Hands wandered, Sid's palms cupping her ass, while Rebecca ran her hands up and down the hard planes of his torso.

Despite the tricky steps to get there, Rebecca was confident that this would be a good memory.

Until the police lights illuminated the dark street and Sid and Rebecca sprang apart like two teenagers caught in the school parking lot.

Luckily the lights came and went as the police car sped by, clearly taking no notice of the Range Rover pulled over.

But it was enough and Rebecca made the awkward crawl back to her seat and Sid adjusted himself, the evidence of his arousal growing painful.

Rebecca groaned as she put her seatbelt back on.

"Well that didn't go exactly as imagined," she said bashfully.

Sid looked at her and chuckled. "What exactly were you imagining?"

Rebecca looked slightly embarrassed. "I wanted to make a happy memory."

Sid's smile grew wide, then leaned forward and brushed a light kiss against the corner of her mouth.

"Well, I think you succeeded."

"But it was a disaster," Rebecca began to protest, but her words were swallowed by Sid's lips.

"I'm happy," he said pulling away, his eyes bright and playful. "Are you?"

Rebecca nodded fervently, "Very much."

"Then it's official. A happy memory. Now let's go home."


The moment the door closed behind them, they came together. Rebecca pressed herself into him, as Sid's arms held her tight. There was time to talk, time to have dinner, but both of them knew this was the only thing on their minds. But it felt different from the start. Despite having a physical relationship for years now, this was something completely new. The feelings for one were different. Every kiss, every touch felt new. And Rebecca felt...nervous. They kissed in the entryway. Sid moved slowly while Rebecca tried to speed up the pace. Her heart was hammering against her chest, as his hands slipped under her t shirts and circled her waist. His mouth moved sensuously and at times they seemed a bit out of sync. But both were all in, so any problems they encountered, they had plenty of time to fix.

Rebecca wasn't sure what to expect. Part of her thought the idea was to get the clothes off and get down to business. She tugged at his pullover and fiddled with the button on his jeans. The fact they were still in the hallway made no difference.

Sid pulled back with a slight laugh, "Whoa, easy there tiger." He said with a grin. But Rebecca frowned. She wasn't being too forward. This was what they both wanted. Sure she was eager, but she figured so was he.

"What?" she asked with a mix of frustrated desire and impatience.

"There's no rush," he reasoned, his eyes soft as he leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to her jaw. He pulled her back into his arms. "I've been waiting years for this," he said peppering warm and wet kisses up and down her jawline. "I want to savor it."

Rebecca suddenly felt inexperienced and clumsy. She knew how to have sex, but she'd never made love before. She knew the basics. She knew how to get him off and herself off, but that was it. The soft touches, the tender kisses, the slow and building pleasure was a mystery to her. That was what Sid wanted right now and she didn't know how to do that. A slight panic hit her. Could she please him in that way? What if she couldn't do it the right way. There were so many things that could go wrong. Her nerves were starting to take over. It had been such a long and exhausting day. She just wanted to get the edge off. But that was the problem. In the past, it was always just to get the edge off. Satisfy the itch. This was different. This was sharing yourself completely with someone else. Letting them see all of you.

This was intimacy and it scared her to death.

She tried to take a deep breath, but she couldn't get her lungs to cooperate. She tried to touch him, get into this slow and steady build up, but her hands felt like they belonged to someone else. Sid pulled the collar of her shirt to the side and pressed his mouth against her shoulder, his hands warm at her waist.

"You taste so good," he said throatily, "Let's go upstairs."

Rebecca pulled away. "Um, I'm hungry after all. Maybe we should make dinner first." Her voice trembled and sounded high pitched.

Sid looked at her confused, "Really? Are you sure? Because…" He gestured between them, "I thought this was going pretty well…"

"Oh it is." Rebecca said quickly. She took another step back. "You know, I think I just need to use the bathroom. I'm just feeling a little...tired. I think maybe just a drink of water should help."

She sounded so lame.

She watched as he tried to mask his disappointment.

Rebecca felt terrible. She was being silly. "How about I take my bag upstairs and use the bathroom and then we can pick up where we left off."

Sid seemed to perk up. "I'll meet you in my room?"

Rebecca swallowed and nodded. "Sure."

She grabbed her bag and started up the the large staircase. She could feel him watching and was sure he thought she was insane. She just needed a minute. She hadn't ruined this. Not yet. She just needed a minute and everything would be okay.

She went straight for his bedroom. The large bed stared back at her and once again she felt the nerves. This was really ridiculous. What was her problem? She set her bag down and went straight to the connecting bathroom. She closed the door and locked it. Then leaned against the door taking deep breaths. Rebecca stayed there for a minute. Closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing. Everything, everything she ever wanted was here. Right now. Waiting for her. Everything she thought she could ever want was on the other side of that door. Today she was given the second chance she'd always dreamed of. Today she learned that everything that made her feel small and insignificant, unworthy and unloved was just a simple misunderstanding. Here was her fairy tale ending and she was having a panic attack because she was afraid she'd be bad in bed?

It was more than that and she knew it. There were thoughts, places that she couldn't even go to in the recesses of her mind. Places where this, them didn't make sense, couldnt make sense, not when he was him and she was her. There was family and friends. Teammates, bosses, an entire city, an entire country that would have opinions on this. On her. On them. Being intimate, making this real was more than just testing her skills in bed. It was testing her skills as a partner. As a significant person in his life. His crazy, over exposed, high pressure life.

It was overwhelming.

Suddenly this was all so real. And she had so many fears that she would mess this up. She was already off to a great start.

She felt the sharp prick in the corner of her eyes. Don't cry. She chastised herself. Keep it together. She stared at herself in the mirror. Be that girl you were just an hour ago. Let yourself be happy. Let yourself be scared. Face your fears. Because running from them hasn't gotten you anywhere but being sad and lonely. Your life is on the other side of that wall. Enjoy it, embrace it. You deserve it.

Not a bad pep talk, she thought to herself with a smidgen of pride. She shook out her arms and took a deep breath.

There was a light knock at the door. "Becs?" Sid's voice was soft and laced with worry. "You ok?"

She started to say something, but he continued.

"We don't have to do anything if you don't want to. I know it's been a long day. We can order dinner and just talk. I just...I'm just really glad youre here. We don't even have to talk. We can watch a movie, whatever you want. I know it's overwhelming. It is for me too. This is new for us. It doesn't have to be perfect, we will figure it out. I promise."

Rebecca wanted to say something, but the tears were already streaming down her face.

She leaned against the door, his voice so close.

"I'm scared too." She could hear the emotion in his voice.

They were in this together. She had to remember that. Everything that she worried about, he did too. He was just so much better at hiding it.

But now they didn't have to. There was no hiding anymore.

Rebecca wiped her cheeks and unlocked the door, opening it slowly. Sid took a step back and waited for her to say something.

She gave a small shrug. "I don't want to disappoint you." She said honestly and felt the tears start to fall again.

He was to her in a stride and a half, his thumbs wiping away the tears.

"Listen," he said, his gaze steady on hers. "You will never disappoint me. Never."

Rebecca nodded and wrapped her arms around him. "I love you," she whispered into his chest.

"What's that?" he asked, a grin growing on his face as he pulled back and looked at her. His fingers played with the strands of hair that fell across her forehead.

She made a face. "You heard me."

"I want to hear it again," his voice playful.

She locked her eyes on his. "I love you Sid. I love you so much."

He grew serious. "I love you too. More than I ever thought possible."

She pressed her mouth against his, then pulled back and looked at him, "I'm nervous, I feel like this is my first time. It sounds stupid but I just, I don't do...closeness very well." She swallowed. "I want to show you how much I love you, I just don't want to do it wrong."

He could see the trepidation in her face as her cheeks grew red , but he could also see the desire, the need and most of all the love.

"As long it's you and me it will never be wrong," he replied. Sid took her hand and pulled her gently towards the bed. "I know that from now on it's going to be different and I also know it will take some getting used to. But the best part is we can do lots and lots of practicing." His grin stretched from ear to ear.

Rebecca grinned too, "Well I do like to do things correctly. And I am a quick learner."

Sid sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Rebecca close. With ease he pulled her shirt up and over her head, his lips pressing against the smooth soft skin just under her pale pink bra. He tugged her onto his lap and kissed gently at the exposed skin.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured. With a flick, her bra came undone and his hands pulled at the straps and cast it to the side.

Rebecca's chest heaved with anticipation. He ran his hands up and down her torso, his mouth latched onto her neck, as a palm came up and covered her breast, his fingers playing with her pebbled nipple.

"I want to take it slow, but if it gets too intense, just tell me ok? I promise you can just ravish me then instead." Sid reasoned playfully.

Rebecca laughed, her heart full. "Now that sounds like a win-win to me."

Sid grinned and with a quick turn laid her down on the bed. He steadied himself over her and kissed her slowly and languidly. His mouth slow and tongue heavy as it caressed the inside of her mouth. HIs hands moved slowly as his tongue sought hers. It took some time and there were moments when Rebecca felt like she was fumbling, but soon their clothes we gone and their hands roamed freely. He kissed her as his fingers moved between her moistening folds. One finger slid easily in as his thumb pressed firmly against her bundle of nerves. She clung to him as he added another finger and found a steady rhythm. Soon she was coming undone, her fingers clawed at his back, as he urged her on. Within moments, she was consumed with pleasure as she rocked against his fingers enjoying the delicious friction. A moment later, she felt the head of his penis press against her and she spread her legs wider to accommodate the size of his arousal. Within seconds he was fully inside her, he didn't move, not at first. Instead he held her and kissed her and all she knew was him. And it was everything.

Then he began to move. Slowly, in and out. The hard heat of him moving excruciating slowly against her warm, slick, velvet channel. "You feel so good," he whispered in her ear. The low timbre of his voice tickled.

"So do you," she replied, as she wrapped her ankles around the back of his calves, urging him further.

In and out he moved. The rhythm of his kiss matching each thrust.

Back and forth they moved. Finding their rhythm, relishing one another, finding that connection and completeness they spent so many years denying. Rebecca pulled Sid close, her hands enjoying the muscled planes of his back. Then he began to move faster and faster.

"Rebecca," he panted in her ear. "Baby, come for me."

Rebecca closed her eyes, concentrating on the avalanche of emotions and sensations taking over.

Sid sped up his pace. He hovered over her. Her tender soft skin, now slick against his muscled torso. Rebecca writhed beneath him, clutching onto him, urging him deeper into her, her pelvis rising up to meet him, needing more. He knew he wouldn't last much longer. Pulling her close, he snaked an arm under her back and in a precarious move, flipped positions and brought her on top and pulled them into a sitting position. Rebecca at first seemed surprised, but then as she felt the head of his cock hit her at a new angle she voiced her appreciation and wrapped her arms around him tighter. They held onto one another, rocking up and down together, their movements gaining speed until that crest hit them both like a sledge hammer.

"Sid," Rebecca gasped, her mouth desperately seeking his, "Oh god, more, please."

He was happy to accommodate. They slow and tender was good, but this, right now, what they needed was fast and hard. He felt her inner muscles clamp around him and he knew that it was only a few seconds til his nirvana would come.

Rebecca was already there as she surged forward and her body locked up as the effects of her orgasm overcame her. Sid soon followed, he shouted her name as his release poured into her, hot and satisfying. He felt the twitch of his penis as his body strummed with satiated ecstasy.

It was always good with Rebecca, but this, this had been something on a completely different level. They're limbs entangled as they held each other close. Rebecca's head dropped onto Sid's shoulder as she took in gulps of air. He held her tight, his palms splayed against her back as he pressed his lips to her shoulder, the tangy taste of her damp skin stinging his lips in the most delicious way.

"I love you," he whispered against the skin. "I love you."

He felt her lips at his pulse point, her tongue poking out to taste him as well. She gave him a warm damp kiss, then whispered back. "I love you."

They stayed entangled for a few minutes, silent, their heartbeats finding a matching rhythm and then slowing. When then finally pulled apart, Sid pressed his mouth to Rebecca's for a short but sweet kiss.

"Not so bad, eh?"

Rebecca smiled and shook her head. "It's a good thing we are both overachievers," she teased.

Sid pulled at the blankets and maneuvered the covers over their cooling bodies. Rebecca seemed stiff at first, but he pulled her into his embraced and waited patiently for her to get comfortable. It took a minute, but soon her hard angles, turned soft and she folded herself into him.

"I'm so tired," she confessed.

Sid buried his nose into the thick softness of her hair. "Go to sleep, love. I promise I'll be here when you wake up."

Her eyelids became heavy and a deep, peaceful sleep overcame her.

And hours later when she woke, he was right there, holding her tight.

At long last they were both where they needed to be.

****Author's note: Ah, happiness. What a feeling, although I always have my poor heroine dealing with too many emotions. I know Rebecca is all over the place in this chapter, but I really tried to convey the ping pong feeling of super happy and in love with terrified and sure the other person has it so much more together than you do, especially when that person is the perfect Sidney Crosby ;). Also please forgive some of the hokiness in this chapter. Writing happy feelings is always a little clumsy for me. But I really hope you enjoyed the long awaited now part. There is still some more to tell, but we are rounding the corner to the end of the story. As always thanks for reading and reviewing! Your feedback is always my favorite part of the process. And as always Go Pens!***