Summer 2014
"Is it time yet?"
Rebecca looked up from her book to see her sister hanging in the doorway, her head poking out to the large wrap around porch where Rebecca sat, feet propped up, a book on her lap, the sun strong and light wind cooling the warm Delaware air. She glanced at her phone on the side table, pressing the button to illuminate the screen and show her the time.
"About another hour and a half" she replied to Molly.
Molly made a face, "Ugh, I can't wait any longer!" Then disappeared back into the house.
Rebecca smiled, but the truth was, she couldn't either.
It was July and three and a half weeks since she'd seen Sid. He was coming to visit her in Delaware for the first time. He'd be here for a week and she was about to crawl out of her skin, she missed him so much.
Over the past few months they'd maneuvered schedules and travel to be together, but this had been the longest period of time so far and though she tried to distract herself with a book this morning, the truth was she'd read the same page about 34 times.
It was a beautiful day. Summers in Delaware had always been a mixed bag for her. She loved the solitude, the quiet and serenity, but she missed the routine of a school year. A nerd through and through she had probably been the only kid that counted down the days until she could go back to school.
As an adult she appreciated it all a little more. The past few weeks she'd kept busy prepping for school that would start in just over a month. She spent quality time with Molly, going to the movies, shopping, even kicking around the soccer ball. Rebecca wasn't any good, but she tried for her sister. She'd also started up her two a week sessions with Pamela. A counselor. Rebecca wasn't ready to call her a therapist. Counselor was a little bit easier, but mostly she just referred to her as Pamela. The first time she met with Pamela. She just cried. For the whole hour. Ugly cried. Wracking sobs, with violent hacking and snotty nosed. It had been a low point. Rebecca thinking that in some ways she could never be right again. But then the second time she only cried for 15 minutes and Pamela just let her. Then there were no more tears left and they started to talk. Seven sessions in and Rebecca was learning a lot, a lot about herself and how she processes events and experiences. It was enlightening, it was frustrating, it was humbling. But it was helping and she was grateful.
What took up most of her time though, had been the photographs. Hours spent at the beach, in small towns, up in the hills and down in the valleys, Rebecca shot everything. Brilliant sunshine on the Atlantic, dilapidated buildings small towns, misty mornings deep in the woods, she had the mosquito bites to prove it. She'd traveled all over the state of Delaware and even into Virginia to capture bridges of all shapes and sizes. Then she'd spend hours in the basement developing the images. Lines upon lines hung across with images clothespined to displayed the places and things that she'd seen.
Photography shut her mind off. It allowed her to shut off her brain and looks at life through a different lens. And she had Sid to thank for that.
After that night at her house. When she'd felt so out of control. So confused and overwhelmed. Intimated even of Sid's ability to stay composed and logical after she'd felt so stupid and irrational. After that night, everything then began to move so fast. The movers came a few days later and took everything back to Delaware, to a storage unit for the time being. He didn't ask her to stay. She found an apartment in Philly that she would move into in August. She spent time on campus, learning the lay of the land and getting her schedule. She had some hard but productive conversations with her father. They talked about her mom, about Sid. They talked about grief and moving on. About expectations and boundaries. It was very grown up and it was exhausting. Two days later, she called Sid. Fifteen minutes later, she was packing a few suitcases and headed back to Pittsburgh. When she'd pulled up to his drive and punched in the code to open the gates, he'd been standing there, waiting. Hands shoved in pockets, but a wide smile on his face. Before she'd even gotten out of her car, he'd pulled her into his arms and kissed her so deeply, she'd felt her toes curl. It was then she realized, that though there was a lot of distance ahead of them, when she was with him, she'd always be right where she was supposed to be. That night, they devoured one another. Limbs tangled, hearts pounding, sweat pouring down their cheeks, they came together over and over. In the morning she'd woken up sore and sated. Reborn almost.
But time didn't stop. Sid had to leave early for the rink and it was late in the evening until he returned home. She didn't have a job. She didn't have any responsibilities. So she was left to figure out what to do with her time. She visited her aunt and family. She shopped with Chelsea and had lunch with Brandon. She went to games, but sat in the stands with Chelsea or her uncle or even old co-workers. She wasn't quite ready to rejoin the WAGs. She visited her mom's grave, but rather than it be sad, she spent the time telling her mom about her life. In past visits she'd sit silently, tears streaming, remembering this woman who at times seemed like a distant memory. Now, she talked about school and Sid, about dad and Molly, about what she envisioned for her life. She talked about the future, asking her mom for advice. She was sure if anyone were to overhear her, they'd think she was crazy. But even though there was no voice answering her questions, no face smiling at her stories, Rebecca could feel her mom was with her.
Nights were spent with Sid. Dinner on off nights, late night snacks on game days. They'd talk, watch tv, play games, he was teaching her chess. At first she was terrible, but he was a good teacher and of course he never let her win, so she strived to learn the game and beat him. Finally she did so only a week into her return. It had been a victory she relished. Sid hadn't been the most gracious loser, so she'd given him a little TLC to soften the blow. Although...there had been nothing soft about the blow that night in bed. That was something else too. The intimate part of their relationship was being worked on too. Sex with Sid had always been complicated. Even in the past few months, there had been still baggage. It was different now. They were working together on making it different.A healthy and loving sex life was the ultimate goal. And they both loved the practice.
But still Rebecca needed something to do. So one day, when Sid was at an away game in New Jersey, she'd gone for a walk. It was like the world around her was in technicolor. For so long colors, sounds, noises, were all muted and dulled. She was too stressed, too preoccupied to notice. But now, she was happy. And more importantly, she was healthy too. And suddenly the world was alive. And she wanted to capture it. She took over a hundred pictures on that walk all with her iphone. And then the next day, she got in her car and went to a local state park and took another hundred pictures. And the next day Her old camera was packed away in Delaware, but her phone worked fine. When Sid returned that evening she'd spent over an hour showing him the pictures. Her cheeks pink with excitement, her eyes bright, she'd swiped over and over sharing the images. She knew he was tired, but he looked at each image, intently. Asking questions. Showing genuine interest.
A week later was her birthday. She'd woken to an empty bed, but only a few moments later Sid had appeared with a tray filled with food. Breakfast in bed he'd announced. He'd placed the tray on her lap gently, then leaned over and pressed his mouth tenderly to hers, his large palm on her cheek. "Happy Birthday," he'd said softly. He had a game that night, so they had a birthday dinner late that night. Take out from her favorite place and then a cake, that he proudly brought into the dining room, adorned with blazing candles. She'd blown them out and locked eyes with him. "I already got my wish," she said softly. He smiled and taken her and the cake upstairs to his room. Hours later, they showered, washing off the sugary substance that their mouths and tongues hadn't completely licked clean. Under the hot and steady stream, he surrounded her, his mouth hot on her neck, his lips savoring her wet skin. He pushed his solid body against her soft form and lifted his face to hers, his hand pushing back her dripping hair. "I love you," he breathed.
"I love you too," she'd replied every cell in body buzzing. He'd then dropped to his knees murmuring against her skin that he was bringing back a birthday tradition. As he hooked her leg over his shoulder she remembered the birthday three years ago when he'd first done this. It seemed like a lifetime ago. But as his tongue pressed against the bundle of nerves the memories came flooding back.
The next morning over breakfast he pulled out two wrapped boxes. Gifts that had been forgotten the night before. She opened the first to find a camera. Specifically a Nikon D500 DX. She'd read about this camera on some of the photography blogs she had started following. Rebecca looked at him wide eyed, not believing this. "Sid, how…?" She didn't know what to say.
A blush graced his cheeks and he smiled, "I asked some of the media guys about what would be a good camera. They said this one is the best. You can shoot digital or on film. They told me that a lot of people who photograph outdoors like to use film. Also it's supposed to be easier to use than some of the others, not that you don't know how to use a camera," he added hurriedly.
"It's amazing," she lifted the camera out and started playing around with the buttons and adjusting the lens. "And really expensive," she added looking at him.
He gave her a look and pushed forward the other box. She tore open the wrapping and lifted out of the box a camera bag, inside a long lens that cost even more than the camera. The bag had been monogramed with her initials. Her fingers glided over the embroidered letter, and she realized that the monogram wouldn't change if someday her last name changed. She wondered if he realized that too.
She stared at her gifts. Not overwhelmed, but full. Full of gratitude, full of love, full of happiness.
He misunderstood her silence. "I know they're not the most romantic gifts…" he said hesitantly.
She looked up at him, her eyes shiny. "No, it's perfect." She could have said more about him spending too much but it wouldn't accomplish anything other than him feeling even more self conscious.
She leaned forward and kissed him, her fingers curling into the hair at the nape of his neck. "It's the most perfect gift I could ever receive. Thank you. All of this is perfect."
And it was.
Perfect.
But life proceeded to get more and more hectic as the playoffs began. She finally met Troy and Trina properly and in her new role. It was awkward at first. She sat with them for a few of the games because she knew how much it meant to Sid. They struggled to make conversation at times, but bonded over mutual outrage at how Sid was being mauled by Brandon Dubinsky in the Blue Jackets series.
Things made a turn for the worse in the Rangers series. Most nights Sid was quiet. Not withdrawn but very introspective. She knew he was stressed out. And when the unthinkable happened and the team lost after carrying a 3-1 lead, she could see lines deepen on his face as another year ended in disappointment.
The morning after the loss she found him sitting at the kitchen island staring off into space. She knew he was taking it hard, mostly because changes were going to come to the organization and he felt responsible for most of them. Quietly she pulled up a seat next to him and put her arm around his middle . She dropped her head onto his shoulders and they sat in the silence for a long while.
Afterwards, he pulled out his phone and pad of paper and asked her to do the same. There at the kitchen table they went over their schedules for the next few months. Dates and locations, travel plans they needed to make. Once the school year began and the season started up again there wouldn't be much time. So making adjustments and planning for the summer was important. It wasn't the most glamorous conversation. In fact, there was a little bickering and a lot of compromise, but in the end it all worked out. It was like she was back in the travel office at the Consol, only instead of scheduling an entire team, she was scheduling a new team.
Their team.
And lucky for her, she had the best player on her side.
The drive to the airport was a blur. Parking, making their way to the gate. Molly talked a mile a minute, but to Rebecca it was just noise.
She was filled with a nervous excitement. She had all sorts of things planned. He'd gotten an Airbnb in wilmington and though her dad had invited Sid to stay with them, there was no way she could truly "enjoy" his visit in her parents house, in her childhood bed.
Molly craned her neck, while Rebecca checked her messages.
"There he is," Molly shouted. Rebecca looked up. Sure enough behind the small crowd coming down the small Wilmington airport she saw a black hat bent down, along with a distinct stride.
Molly waved her arms and then after a moment or two, he looked up. His eyes found Rebecca and he grinned.
Then her legs began to move, quickly walking, then breaking into a run. It was as if she had no control of them. She knew she was making a scene, as she weaved through the crowd.
It was a blur, but suddenly his bag dropped and she was in his arms. Her feet lifting off the ground, his embrace strong and familiar. His smell, the same as always.
He'd gone to Europe while she'd gone to her sister's graduation. He'd won the Hart while she was on a family vacation to Montreal. But in between, they'd found a way. She'd come back to Pittsburgh, flown out to California and now he was here.
And it was perfect.
Fall 2014
"It's ok," his voice was quiet. She could hear the disappointment and it made her heart ache.
The whole thing made her heart ache.
It was late September. She'd been in school for six weeks and it had been a blur. She was a little rusty at first, getting back into the routine. But soon she was thriving. Her classes were demanding but fascinating, her classmates focused and intense and the amount of work was insane. Lots of reading, lots of research, lots of writing. Already she had pulled a handful of all nighters. Her life had quickly become a strict routine. Wake up, go to class, go to the library, read, write, read some more. Then head back to her apartment late into the night. In the small spaces between, she facetimed Sid, occasionally met Molly for lunch and slept a fraction of what she used to. She'd made some casual acquaintances. Not really friends, but study buddies. They kept the friendship on the surface. She didn't get into details about her life and she hadn't told anyone who her boyfriend was.
Sid had a little more flexibility, but not much. In the six weeks she'd been there he'd visited twice. Just for a few days. They hadn't gone out, but instead spent 36 hours in her apartment. Talking, watching tv, eating take out and of course christening her new apartment. Her body craved his and the time spent together only gave her a taste of what she was missing. She'd forgo homework for extra cuddle time and then pay for it the following week. But a few extra hours at the library and a few less hours of sleep were well worth it. More than anything she loved sleeping with him. Actual sleeping. Waking up in the middle of the night to feel the heavy presence of him. To burrow into him, her feet tangled in his legs, her cheek pressed up against his heart, the steady rhythm pulling her into a deep and sound sleep.
It was the beginning of a new phase, but so far they were making it work.
Sid had been great. Understanding and patient. Flexible and supportive. And now she was letting him down. Right when he needed her most.
His grandma had died. The funeral was in two days. And Rebecca couldn't go. She had a presentation the morning of the funeral. One that she couldn't miss. She'd talked to her professor about it, but the stern older woman had looked appalled at the request. Rebecca had dreaded making the phone call. Telling him she couldn't come.
Rebecca had met Kay on her first visit to Nova Scotia. She'd gone up for two weeks in early August. To celebrate Sid's birthday and meet his extended family. Everyone had made her feel so welcome. Especially Kay, it killed her that she couldn't make the trip.
"When are you leaving? I could catch a flight to Pittsburgh this afternoon, see you before you go," she offered.
"Im catching a flight in a couple hours," he said stiffly. Then silence. She heard a sniff, then a cough. His voice became wobbly. "I knew it was coming, I just...I wasn't ready."
"I know," she said softly into the phone.
Sid cleared his throat. "I've got a lot to do before I go. I'll text you when I get there."
"Ok, stay strong Sid, I love you."
"Love you too."
She ended the call and sat in the silence of her apartment, the noise of the city outside just a distant hum. There was so much work to do to finish her presentation, so she knew she needed to get back to it.
That night she lay awake thinking about the past years and all the times he'd been there for her. Especially regarding her mom. She thought about the rooftop and the dead car battery. The way he'd waited for her that night at the cemetery. Never once rushing her, even though she was sure he had something he was missing.
She couldn't miss the presentation. But she couldn't miss the funeral either. He needed her and she couldn't let him down.
It was a private service. Sid stood in the doorway as family members and close friends filed in. They gave him hugs and comforting glances. He nodded politely at acquaintances and embraced family as they gathered to grieve the loss of their matriarch but celebrate a life that was no longer in pain. He made his way down the aisle and to his seat. His parents and Taylor on his right. He crossed his hands in front of him, while the minister began to speak. Suddenly there was a shadow that came up next to him. Slipping into the pew. A warm soft hand closing over his clasped hands and a palm fitting into his. He looked over in surprise.
There she was. Her hair a bit mussed, the collar of her black dress askew. Her cheeks bright red and her chest heaving from exertion. She gave him an apologetic look, "I'm sorry I'm late," she whispered.
He wanted to ask how, but instead he gave a grateful smile and squeezed her hand.
Later he would find out that she'd given her presentation as soon as class started. Then rushed to the airport. She had developed a good relationship with the Flyers travel secretary despite the team's' rivalry and was able to pull some strings to get a chartered flight to Halifax. Then raced through the airport and caught a taxi to the church. She'd told Trina of her intentions and gotten the address of the church but begged that Sid not be told in case it didn't work out.
He'd been overwhelmed, grief mixed with love mixed with an appreciation he'd never felt.
He'd had some amazing teammates throughout the years, but the greatest teammate was the one standing at his side.
Christmas 2014
"I think I had too much eggnog," Rebecca said giggling, plopping down onto the couch and curling herself into Sid. He pulled an arm around her and drew her in close.
It was just them. After a long day of entertaining family, both his side and hers, it was finally just the two of them. The large tree twinkled before them, as they watched the snow fall steadily through the large bay window. Friends had left, family were all tucked away in the surplus of guest rooms Sid had in Sewickley home. It had been his wish to host Christmas Eve, with the Coopers and the Crosbys coming together for the first of what would be many holiday celebrations. Rebecca had been nervous, skeptical even, but it had been a success. An exhausting but wonderful success. She was on break until the new year would stay in Pittsburgh until she had to return for her next semester.
"I think it went pretty well, even if you had to resort to drinking to get through it," he teased.
"Hey, I had to," she exclaimed. "Your dad is very intense. It was the only way I could talk to him. He talked my ear off about mutual funds. Mutual funds! At Christmas."
Sid just laughed. His dad wasn't a great conversationalist. Normally the father and son spent about 95 percent of their conversations talking about hockey. He wasn't really sure what else his father was interested in.
Rebecca's eye caught the clock and she gave an excited squeal, something he suspected he'd only hear when she had consumed a few drinks. "It's officially Christmas," she told him, springing from the couch and bouncing towards the tree to pick up a large wrapped box with a gold bow. She brought it to him and placed it on his lap.
Sid gave an "oof" as the heavy box landed on his thighs, then pointed to a small box wrapped in green paper, "That one is yours." Rebecca picked up the box and settled down next to him.
"Shouldn't we wait until morning?" he asked, but Rebecca shook her head no.
"You first," she said, a wide smile on her flushed face.
He acquiesced, and began to unwrap his present. He pushed away the paper and lifted the lid of the box. Three large framed photographs sat stacked on top of one another. The first he recognized immediately. It was the lake at his house. The sun setting, the photograph was a mosaic of oranges and purples, the glistening water looking like liquid metal in the picture. The second was of the Halifax skyline, illuminated. The third a morning shot of woods, the lush green melding into the brilliant blue, the sun situated in the corner like a child's drawing. They were all beautiful. Lastly there was a small frame. The size perfect for a side table or mantle. It was his grandmother. Sitting and laughing on the dock of his house. The sun behind her, making her glow like an angel. A shadow cast on her, showing her age and beauty. It was perfect. All of them beautiful.
"Where did you get these?" he asked voice strangled.
"I took them, when I came to visit in August," she said shyly.
He looked at her, "You took these?"
Rebecca nodded.
"They are amazing, Becs. You have true talent." He looked at her with such admiration, she could feel her warm face grow even hotter. "Especially this one," his voice caught in his throat, as his fingers skimmed over the image of his grandmother. "You captured her, perfectly, I just…" he stared at the picture. "Thank you," his eyes were wet and that sobered her up quickly. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth.
"You're welcome," she said softly.
"Your turn," he said gesturing to the small box in her hands.
She nodded and peeled off the paper, lifted the lid of the Tiffany's box. A necklace gold and dainty lay before her. She fingered the fine jewelry. "Oh Sid, it's beautiful," she breathed. The gold shown in the twinkle of the lights, an infinity charm holding the two ends together. The symbol of neverending, no bounds. It was perfect.
His fingers moved deftly and unclasped the necklace. His arms came around her as he fixed the necklace in place. Rebecca's hand covered his and she turned her neck to find his lips in a gentle kiss.
"There's more," he said. His eyes glowing with anticipation. Sure enough there was a folded up piece of paper in the box. Rebecca pulled it free and looked at Sidney confused.
He gestured for her to unfold it, so she did.
Staring back at her was a picture. Of a house. A cabin. A mix of wood and stone, camouflaged by a sea of trees and flowers. A stone path leading to a large porch. Under the image were details of the home, along with a location. Burnt Cabins, PA.
She looked at him, shock on her face.
"What is this?" she asked.
"It's a house," he replied simply.
"A house?"
"Your house, our house."
"You bought me a house? Us a house?" She stared not quite comprehending.
"Well, sort of. It's in Burnt Cabins. Some name, eh? It's exactly halfway between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia. I've rented it. For the next two and a half years. I thought that while we're apart, whenever we can, we meet there. In the middle. If you have time off or I do. You can study and I won't be under your feet. We can go there in the summers if you need to stay in state for those internships you told me about. Its there for us, whenever we need it."
She stared at the paper, then up at him. Tears began to stream down her face.
"Oh hey, hey," he reached out, his fingers brushing at her tears. "We don't have to stay there, it was just an ide-"
He was cut off by her lips covering his. Moving quickly and urgently against his. "I love it." She murmured against his lips. She pulled back and focused her wet green eyes on his dark brown ones, "It's perfect. It's more than I could ever imagine." She blinked away the tears, her lashes becoming thick and clumped with moisture.
He smiled. It had been quite a year. Ups and downs. Love lost, love found. Challenges and hurdles. Victories and celebrations. Of love. Of togetherness. Of them.
And it was only the beginning.
****Author's note: First of all...Stanley Cup Champions! Yayayayay! I can't think of a team who deserved it more. The perseverance, teamwork, hard work and grit this team has is amazing. It is the first time a team I have ever rooted for has won a championship (at a pro level). I started following the Penguins in 2012, so I never got to experience the excitement of 2009. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Last week when I posted the latest chapter, it was the first time I had ever felt bad about something I had written. I struggled with time management and inspiration for nearly a month. Every time I sat down to write I just wanted to turn off my computer. I don't know if I got burnt out on the drama or wrote myself into a corner, or if I just wasn't a good enough writer to convey what I was trying to say. I appreciated all the reviews and it made me really spend a few days reevaluating this story. I tried to go back to the heart of this story and write in a way that I love to write. This story was never meant to be as long as it was. I definitely didn't intend for it to be stretched out so much or to go so long in between updates. I think at times I lost my way and I tried to use cliches or tired plotlines to get myself back on track. I strive to put out a story that I am proud of. Something that I would want to read. As you can see this chapter is entitled 2014. There will be a 2015, 2016 and an epilogue. I'm happy that last night's events will fit quite nicely into this story and we can end on a high note. Thanks again for your feedback and reviews. They mean the world to me! Go Pens!***
***Author's note 2: If you are on tumblr, you may have seen the mini Sid and Kathy coming out party! I'm glad to see that she is emerging a bit more, but for my story's sake, just picture Rebecca instead of Kathy on the ice, lol. But this story is just that, a story, pretend. I hope that there is nothing but love and happiness for Sid in the future. And boy did he look happy last night!***
