Hello my people. How have you been? I hope the world has been far kinder to you than my updating skills with this fic. Sorry it took so long. Also, I'm using google translate for this, so it is probably wrong. And since I'm not fluent in German, or know someone who will translate all this stuff, and I don't speak it at all, this is the best I have. Be ready for some feels.
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Eren POV
Warm….. I'm warm. I feel like I'm slowly floating through warm darkness. It's… Comforting. My mind is still sluggish though, everything seeming to be just out of my grasp. I try and think of how I got here… finding the action too taxing I relax back to how I was, feeling my mind almost expand due to the action.
I end up searching through it, pushing and probing through my head, guessing I'm asleep. My mind slowly ageing, like I was growing from a child to my old self in a matter of moments. A tingly feeling spreading through my body, almost like tiny sparks are dancing across my body, leaving tiny pinpricks of pain before vanishing.
My mind seems to be adding memories to itself. No… More like… Making them available. I could easily think of when I was 3, but everything past that was almost like it was coded, and I could only grasp feelings and the briefest flash of images.
But now it was like a flood gate, and there was nothing I could do as I was slammed with everything. From my mom to my dad to the fall, jumping from there to training. Rushing through the years before suddenly I'm running through Trost again, I was myself, but I couldn't move on my own. My body did, and I could feel everything, but I couldn't change anything, I could only watch my life play out before me.
I watched as the wall was broke again, as I lost my leg again, feeling the pain arc through my body anew. I watched as I almost lost Armin again, and how I saved him. My first shift, and the saving of the Trost district. My trail, Levi, and my own joining the survey corps. I watched as Levi and I got together.
Watched and felt every smile and laugh and touch all over again before speeding through the day that started everything. I felt myself be changed once more before everything went white. I glance around, happy to once more be in control of my body, but curious as to this completely white world.
I look around, trying to figure out where I am, or at least, why I'm here. As I move I see him, drawn up to his full height to provide a rather chilling effect, stands my Titan. He huffs down at me, steam coming out of his mouth as he watches me, eyes far more intelligent than any other Titan I had ever encountered.
I look up at him, waiting for something to happen, yet as time passes, nothing does. He simply stares, unmoving as he seems to study me. After some time I let out a growl, glaring up at him before shouting "HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO STARE AT ME?"
My Titan seems to raise an eyebrow at me, before shaking it's head and saying "Until you accept me into your heart, my Jäger." (Hunter) I nearly jump out of my skin when he speaks, staring at him in awe at his reasoning, and feeling the smallest amount of joy at hearing the language I grew up in.
"How-" "Can I talk?" I nod slowly, still startled by his sudden ability to talk. "We're in your mind Kleiner." (Little One) I nod slowly, letting that sink in before asking "Why can't we work together? The other shifters easily control there Titans, but I can't do that with you. Why is that?" He blinks at me before shaking his head and saying "Sit down, and I shall explain the difference between you and them."
I do as he says, sitting down on the surprisingly comfy floor, and look up at him. He sits as well, crossing his legs and looking down at me. "The reason that they can control their Titans, yet you can't control me, is because they came here, the same as you, and defeated them. They subjugated their very souls in order to use them. But because of this they themselves lost some of their soul."
I tilt my head, raising an eyebrow and asking "How is that?" "When you become a shifter, part of your soul is separated into a Titan. The Titan is made from the darkest part of your soul. As it's made from your soul, it is part of you. In order to truly master being a Titan Shifter, you must form a bond within your soul. That is why you can't control me, as I am the very manifestation of all of your doubts and fears.
In order to control me, you must choose between two paths. The first, you destroy me, leaving my form for you to do as you please, yet sacrifice your humanity. The second, you accept me back into your soul, by facing the darkness within you, and heal your soul. But if you fail, you will die. Permanently and completely. Your body will simply cease to function." He says, his disheartened voice echoing in my ears.
I look up at him, weighing my options. Kill him. Or accept him? He's the reason people see me as a monster, maybe I shouldn't accept him…. But. He's me in a way. The darker part of me and I can't kill him without losing a part of me. So…. I look up, standing as I do and hold out a hand to him. "I accept you as part of me, as part of my soul, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make us whole again." I say with conviction.
He stares at me, surprised slightly by my answer, before nodding and reaching down. Instead of touching my hand, his finger goes to my head, gently touching my forehead with his extremely hot finger. "Try and relax Kleiner. It will hurt to regain what you have lost." (Little One) He says, voice soft and comforting. My eyes become heavy, as I sway slowly, feeling myself slip quickly out of consciousness.
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Levi POV
2 HOURS LATER
It's raining….. I think, glancing up at the sky. The thick gray clouds blocking out most of the sunlight, making everything seem darker because of it. The mud is thick underfoot, yet slick as well, due to the sheer amount of rain, which is pounding down on me without the slightest hint of wind. I glance down, noticing that I'm in my usual uniform, along with my cloak, which has it's hood pulled up.
I glance around, seeing Erwin walking toward me slowly, looking more grim than usual. What's on his mind? I ask no one, simply waiting as he comes to me. He dressed as he usually is, cloak hood pulled up over his head as he gives me a sad look. He takes a deep breath, letting out a tired sigh as he comes to a halt in front of me.
The rain was quickly soaking into both of our cloaks, making the green of the cloak quickly become darker with the water as the moments pass. Within seconds I'm shivering, but it doesn't seem to be fazing Erwin who simply continues to give me a sorrowful look as the rain seems to slowly increase.
"What is it?" I ask after a moment, annoyed at receiving such a mournful look for so long. He jumps slightly, looking guilty for a moment before saying "It's Eren…." Voice trailing off after his name, seeming to have a loss for words as I stare at him in fear, terrified at what might be wrong with him.
"Well? What is it? Is he okay? Did anything change? Hanji said he was fine… Just in a coma…." I prompt him, trying at see if Eren was alright as dread slowly begins to seep into my body, leaving a cold emptiness in it's wake.
He takes a deep breath before saying "She tried everything she could…. He just declined to fast. His body seemed to almost be rejecting the injection. There wasn't anything we could do….." I stare at him, not fully able to move yet as understanding comes to me. "He's dead…." I say softly, the words feeling heavy and final on my tongue, as I beg every god I can think of for him to tell me I'm wrong….
"Yes… He died a few minutes ago." He says, nodding slowly. I stare at him, feeling every mental wall I had crumble in a matter of seconds as my knees give out from under me. I hit the ground, sinking into the mud slightly as the rain picks up even further, soaking me completely as I stare at the ground, lost in my own head as lightning cracks overhead.
Normally I would have jumped or let out a yelp and practically tackled Eren. I hated lightning, and absolutely loathed thunder. But… I couldn't find it in myself to move. I couldn't even find the fear I usually had of it. My heart seemed to shatter into thousands of tiny pieces, as tears slowly slipped down my face.
As I sat there I could hear someone calling my name, but faintly, almost like the words were being carried away by the wind. I let out a small sob, wishing to be left alone in my own misery. Within seconds the voice had gotten louder, almost deafeningly crying out my name. I clap my hands over my ears, wishing it would go away. Suddenly I feel myself being shook, and I wake up with a clap of thunder.
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Eren POV
Where am I? I think as I glance around, seeing the hill Mikasa and I used to visit when we were little. I let out a gasp, finding myself in the exact spot I was the day we lost the wall, right under the tree. I stare in wonder at the place, seeing the hundreds of blue flowers swaying gently in the breeze.
As I watch the field I see it, just a glimmer at first, but quickly solidifying. I see 3 year old me running through the field, laughing as my father chased after me. He caught me after a minute, holding me carefully as he walked up to the hill. He sat down on the root of the tree, setting me on his knee as he asks "Eren. Do you know why I love this area of the interior?"
The young me shakes his head and asks "Why papa?" My German accent still slightly in my voice. He smiles and says "Because it is one of the few places in Wall Maria this close to the wall that is completely unmonitored. You will never see a single soldier within sight of this place. Even on the wall." He reaches for his bag, which is right next to him. He pulls out a black case, about 7 or 8 inches long, 5 across, and about 3 wide.
He holds the with an almost terrified gentleness, like he'll die if he drops it. He shows me the case, letting out a rather tired sigh before saying "Every Male in our blood line has had a set of very special traits. We are able to turn into Titans. And we use this power to fight them. You have the chance to use this power.
Everyone within the walls posses the capability to turn into Titans, when we give them this injection. However, we are unlike them in two ways. " He has my absolute attention, as both of me are watching him as though he was revealing the secrets to the universe. Which in a way he was.
"When we turn into Titans we can harden our skin, making it completely impenetrable by any blade or cannon the military has made, and unbreakable even to other Titans, save for sheer brute strength. There are few outside of our bloodline that possess this power. However, we are unique in our final power."
Little me tilts his head to the side, looking both fascinated and scared of what my father was telling me. "We can control Titans. Only as a Titan of course, but we can control them completely. The power is hereditary, and is usually passed to the first born of our line, which is more often than not a boy. However there are a few girls in our blood line who inherited the power.
Now. I must give you a choice my son. One that will impact the rest of your life. It is completely your choice, and no matter your choice I will not be mad or upset with you. What I must ask you though, is if you wish to become a Titan. Because this is the best time to give you the injection. As the younger you are the greater chances you have of surviving it.
However there are those who turned later in their life and were perfectly fine, how ever there were those who lost their minds. You must be sure of your choice little one. But you must still make it now." He says, voice almost seeming to fade into the wind as he finishes his speech. Little me reaches out and takes the case, dad allowing it but watching me like a hawk.
I look at the case, turning it over and looking at it from every angle, before I look back up at him and asking "Is papa one of them?" He looks surprised at the question for half a second before he nods. I look back at the case before handing it back to him and saying "I wanna be like you papa." Giving him a smile that melted even my heart, and I made the smile!
His answering grin was more than enough praise of my decision. He opens the case, pulling out a rather painful looking shot. The syringe was filled with a light orange liquid, and a long ass needle that looked more like a fucking harpoon than a needle. He holds it up, looking at me and saying "I have to inject you with this. You won't remember what happens after, as it will be your first shift. We can talk more about your Titan when you wake up alright?"
Little me nods, still shaking like a leaf when he begins preparing my arm for the injection. I could feel him injecting me with the needle, even though it was happening to my 3 year old self. I felt a shock go through my body, lightning strikes like it always does when I shift before they vanish, and I'm once more alone on the hill.
I glance around, growing annoyed after a few moments before I see 6 year old me climbing the tree, reaching up for an apple on a lower branch as my father walks up. "Want one?" I ask as he looks up at me, giving me a small smile before saying "Sure, if you can reach two that is." I take up his challenge and quickly hop up another branch, easily grabbing two bright red apples and climbing back down.
I happily pass him an apple as I sit down on the soft grass and begin devouring mine. He ruffles my hair, letting out a small chuckle as he says "Alright. It's time for you to begin your training. It's about time I taught you how to shift." I nod quickly, practically inhaling my apple. I wait for him to finish, staring at him as he eats rather slowly.
As soon as he's done he crosses his legs, turning to face me. "Shifting gets easier as you get older. Your form will change slightly as you age as well, as your Titan is part of your soul. As you get older your stamina will increase naturally. However you can speed this process up, and that's done by shifting every 48 hours. Shifting and D-Shifting, or devolve shifting, as many times as you can.
However, your Titan will be hard to control until your soul has completely matured. In order to be a Titan Shifter your soul must be torn in order to create a Titan. Your soul is matured only when your soul has balanced itself between Titan and Human and healed. This takes years, especially for our family. We are usually about 22 when we achieve balance, due to the power of our Titans. Once this happens however, something rather interesting occurs.
Your body will place itself in a coma, shutting off every function except the ones needed to keep you alive as you meet your Titan. Literally, you will meet the other half of your soul. As such it will give you two options. One, destroy it, and gain full power over it. Or bond with it and heal your soul.
If you destroy it, you can control your Titan with the same ease you would lift a finger with. Although as such you will lose your humanity. But, in order to bond with your Titan you must face all of your fears, along with any forgotten memories. But by going this route you will be far more powerful and still have full control of your Titan. But the price if you fail is heavy. For if you fail to face your fears, you will die." He concludes.
I stare at him in shock, watching as the younger me does the same before saying "Well than. I'll just have to face my fears won't I? And didn't you say you were gonna teach me how to shift?" My voice showing my apparent excitement. He smiles at me, letting out a quiet sigh before saying "Alright alright!" With a light laugh as the pair fade once more.
I stare at the spot where they sat at in wonder. I became a shifter when I was 3…. And my dad taught me how to control it…. But why don't I remember any of this! I think glancing around before noticing the change. There were multiple versions of me, ranging from ages 6 to 9, doing various things.
One of me was sparing with my father, the other I was in a less developed form or my Titan form. Another I was listening to him as he spoke. Yet despite all of this it was like it was happening in chronological order, I could feel the burn of my muscles as I ran with my father, feel the tiredness of shifting, hear him teaching me how to D-Shift and control Titans, I felt like I was learning everything from age 6 on up.
Sometimes though it was just me and my mom. We would walk around the field picking flowers, or eat a lunch under the tree with dad, or we would simply talk. Some of the scenes though took place in the house, like mom teaching me how to tape my hands, or bandage a wound, sometimes it was just her singing softly in German, or dad cursing in German under his breath, or handing me a book on anatomy, or one on literature.
I smile at them, feeling joy at the many scenes of me and my parents, before feeling curious as to why I didn't remember any of it. Than I'm standing with my father at the table of our home, with a large amount of chemicals around us, and for some reason, I could name all of them. "Now. I'm going to teach you how to create the serum that will create another Titan Shifter.
Now remember my son, Titan Shifters of both gender can have children. As such, you must choose your partner carefully. Even if they are human, be careful of who you choose. Because we only truly fall in love once. And they are always our soulmate." He says, smiling down at me. "Is that why you married mom?" I ask him, to which he lets out a laugh.
"Yes. That's one of the reasons." He states, before showing me how to create the serum. Which was both harder than I thought it would be and surprisingly easy. Suddenly everything blurs together, before flying outward and painting an invisible picture, before I'm suddenly standing in in the forest between wall Maria and wall rose.
I recognize it from one of the trips dad took me on. It's just dad and I, standing next to his carriage. I'm once more in my body, but I can't control anything. I'm sitting on the ground, crying softly into my knees. Dad slams his fist into the carriage, setting his head against it and panting softly. I glance up at him and ask "What going to happen?" He looks down at me, tears silently slipping down his cheeks.
He takes a shaky breath, yanking open the door of the carriage and grabbing his bag, rooting through it quickly. "You always held back your strength when you fought other children. You never fought against Mikasa even when she hit you hard enough to break bone. And above all, you kept your head and didn't shift despite all that's happened." He says yanking out another black case, one so much like the one I saw all those years ago.
He holds it up and says "You must inject yourself with this, it will lock away the Titan half of your soul until you have need of it, it will also make your blood seem normal, allowing you to enter the military if you so choose to. However, it will lock away all of the memories we spent in the meadow, and at the house. Along with all the lessons your mother and I gave you."
I take the case, holding it gently. I glance up at him and ask "What about you?" Just as I do I hear it, a sound that sent chills down my spine and a primal urge to roar back. A Titan roar echoes through the forest, it's footfalls causing the ground to tremble as the leaves shake from its roar. I stare in the direction of the sound with a mixture of apprehension and fear.
"I'm going to keep them from catching you. You have to get out of here. Meet Mr. Arlert, Armin, and Mikasa in the interior of wall rose. You remember how to ride don't you?" He says, finishing everything with a question. I nod at him, memories of mom teaching me to ride surfacing in my head.
He reaches around his neck, pulling off the necklace that holds the key to our basement. "Dad.." I whisper, knowing exactly what's in it, and why I've only been in it twice. He hands it to me, grabbing me into a tight hug, one I instantly return. He hands it to me, saying "Get back to the basement. Everything rests on you getting back there. You have to get it. Do you understand?" I nod quickly, understanding him perfectly.
He unties the horse from the carriage, which I now notice has a saddle on it. He leads the calm creature over to me, before helping me climb on. He grabs my arm, making me look at him. "I love you Eren. Never forget that. Your mother and I both love you so much." He says, voice cracking slightly at the end, causing a fresh wave of tears to cascade down my face, my chest tightening slightly as I barely hold in a sob as I say "I love you too dad."
He nods, a final smile gracing his face before he smacks the horse on the rear, causing him to dart forward. I cling to him, holding the case tightly to my chest as I quickly ride out of the forest. I see the telltale lightning flash that comes from someone shifting, and hear the corresponding roar.
I glance back as soon as the trees clear, watching for any sign of him. It's a few minutes before I even see any sign of Titans. It's a small one, only 3 meters at the most. However what quickly grabs my attention is the pair of 15 meters who smash out of the left of the forest. One has long hair and a muscular body, nearly Identical to mine, save for two things. One of them new.
Unlike mine this one is lankier, relying more on speed than strength. Yet what's different than every other time I saw my father shift, is what looks like a massive scar going diagonally across his heart. When we lose our soul mate, it will scar us, presenting itself differently for every one of us. Yet, you will know if and when your mate dies. Because you will feel it, and hear their final words. Or their final scream. The words echo through my head, one of my dad's last lessons.
I feel a massive tug of guilt, wishing I had just shifted and saved her. I should have done it! She would be alive now if I had! But I didn't! And now she's dead…. And now I'm gonna lose dad too. Because he doesn't want to live without her. I think. Letting out another sob as I spur my horse on, refusing to look back until I reached the next ridge.
As I reach the top of the ridge I see the gate, sure that I could spare the time I look back, only to wish I hadn't. He's swarmed, at least 8 of them pinning him to one of the massive trees. They were eating him. I could see the bones of his Titan as he struggled to fight them off, and failing. I couldn't tear my eyes off the scene until my father's form has vanished under the Titans and had started steaming.
I go on autopilot, guiding my horse through the massive groups of people rushing through the gate. I turn to the right, looking around for Mikasa and Mr. Arlert. It took some time to find them, as I wasn't really able to search for a bit. When I had found them I was sure the case would be imprinted in my hand from the grip I had on it.
Mikasa freaked out like I knew she would, Armin was himself. It took a few hours for the three of them to fall asleep in the place we had found. It had taken a good bit of avoidance to get Mikasa to stop demanding to see the case. I move away from the group and open it, revealing a syringe full of a bright turquoise liquid.
I let out a small sigh, staring at it, and asking myself if I really wanted to do this. I nod to myself, setting it down before rolling up my sleeve. I grab the tie out of the case and tie it around my arm, thanking my father for teaching me this. It takes me a minute to find a vein that will work with the syringe.
Once I do I grab the syringe, glancing over at the sleeping forms of my friends and my almost grandfather. I smile at them, before sliding the needle into my vein. I slowly push down on the plunger, having to hold back both the sudden wave of nausea and the want to scream, as I feel as though I was injecting fire into my veins.
I barely make it to the end of the injection, pulling the needle out of my arm and pressing some gauze to my arm. I yank off the tie from my arm, barely able to function as my vision blurs and I'm struck with the worst headache I've ever had in my life. I throw everything back into the case, closing it quickly before I bury it deep in the straw.
I can barely keep my eyes open and the pain in my head makes me want to scream, and I can't even try and catch myself as I fall to my side, eyes closing before I hit the ground as I fall asleep. Within moments though I had returned to the blank landscape, my Titan sitting in the same place. I let out a small sob, feeling the pain of losing my family all over again as I watch him.
He lets out a small pained sound, reaching out to me. "You accepted me, and faced your darkest and most painful memories. You have learned how to control me, and have reached the age to which you are your most powerful. Yet, from this point on, you will age slower than others. Due to this, I suggest you ask your mate, if he to would like to change, as you will live a lifetime that shall eclipse his by centuries." He says, wiping my tears away gently.
I look up at him and ask "How?..." "Titans do not die of old age Kleiner. But Humans do. Because of this, your lifespan is lengthened. Instead of living to 60 or 70 and dying, you will now live till around 500, some even reaching 700 before dying. You will remain in your prime, unaging until you begin to die, where you will than begin to age, much like your father had.
If your mate is older than their prime, than the serum will reverse their age till they are. And as your father said, gender doesn't matter with our kind. Children can be had from same sex couples as easily as they can be had from opposite sex couples." (Little One) He clarifies, adding some rather useful information.
He than says "However, it is about time you woke up. As it's been over 8 hours since you entered this world. Be prepared for your body though. The young woman who turned you back, accidentally overshot your age, as you can see, since you're here. You are around 22 now. Also be warned, I believe she has been perched over your bed since you entered your coma."
I nod at him, stopping and asking "How will I talk to you again?" He nods and says "I can visit you in your sleeping hours. Or through meditation. But you will see me again Kleiner." (Little One) Before everything starts to dissolve around me. I feel myself wake up as I take a deep breath, and open my eyes.
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Levi POV
I'm sitting on the corner of my bed, back against the wall while my side is against the headboard. I'm rocking myself slowly, taking shallow breaths into the pillow I'm clutching. I feel like I'm going to vomit, and I can't stop shaking. I jump every time the thunder booms, the sounds having pushed me to the edge of tears.
I had tried everything to distract myself. I had cleaned every inch of my room, and the bathroom. I had done every single sheet of paperwork I had as well. Yet still the storm raged on and Hanji hadn't left her lab. She hadn't let anyone but Erwin in to see him. My nightmare was swirling around my head, further worsening my current anxiety attack.
I'm so scared for Eren and of this stupid storm that I feel like I'm about to shatter into a thousand terrified pieces but luckily a knock saves me. The knock is a frantic pounding, one that only Hanji could achieve. "LEVI! OPEN UP!" I jump up, darting over to my door and opening it as fast as I could, barely remembering I had locked it.
In front of me stands a panting Hanji, who looks like she just ran from her lab to here, which I guess she did. She's got a massive grin plastered to her face as she says "Two things. One, I have to tell you something, and." Her grin widens as she says "Eren's awake!"
