Tonks quickly explained that, as the trunks were taken to Hogwarts by house-elf, all that was needed was to put on their robes and stick the trunks in whatever compartment came first - that's what all the older years did, at any rate, and Harry followed suit. Then, as soon as the train moved, the game began.

"Ingress, we need to go from compartment to compartment, looking for your friends. In other words, I need you to point out the most arrogant, prejudiced pricks out to me, preferably those from politically important families. Make me invisible, and let's go!"

Arrogant prick #1: Marcus Flint, Slytherin. Son of a Dead Death Eater. Probably wanted to revenge his father.

Tonks turned herself into a Draco Malfoy lookalike (as seen from the platform) and asked to speak with Flint privately about an alliance. Flint's minions filed out of the compartment, and Tonks summoned Flint's wand, pointing her own wand to his throat.

Then Harry spoke.

"In exchange for Marcus Flint agreeing to the following contract, I, Dubhshlain, agree not to kill him while he is at Hogwarts. Marcus Flint will not judge people based on their political power, blood status, beauty, or Hogwarts House. Instead, he will do his best to be friends with people of all blood statuses, all levels of political power, both beautiful people and not, and those of every House throughout of Hogwarts years. Once Marcus Flint is out of Hogwarts, he is permitted to speak of this oath and to discriminate. Marcus Flint, do you accept?"

It didn't take long - Mr. Malfoy was looking particularly murderous.

"I accept."

Normally, someone would have to swear on their magic, or on their life, and then, if the oath isn't written down, it's null and void unless one of the participants isn't human.

Harry was part fae, and he was more connected to magic than anyone. That also meant that if he agreed to something, he had to do it, and that the iron wheels of the Hogwarts Express were making him nauseous. But this would only take an hour at most, if there were a lot of arrogant pricks, so he could do that.

He hoped.

Ingress-looking-like-Draco-Malfoy stepped out of the compartment, a disillusioned Harry Potter stepping after him/her. They went from compartment to compartment, getting Gryffindors who targeted Slytherins in their pranks (Twins, the lot of them, Ingress stupefied one, Harry the other, then Tonks took their wands, and woke one up at a time so they did the oaths one at a time).

The entire Slytherin quidditch team was cornered one at a time.

Ingress saved a third-year Hufflepuff who was protecting a bushy haired first year from a couple of Ravenclaws who were needling her for trying to know everything. There, Tonks transformed into herself, told the sixth-years, that hello, she was a Head Girl and wanted to speak to them privately. Once they were in a compartment, alone, Harry and Ingress made them agree to the contract.

When they took care of various upper years, Harry decided to add a new wrinkle to the game.

(After he turned off his fae powers for a good long time and took a nap, of course. And after that he drank some water, went to the bathroom, threw up, took some Pepper-up potion that Door had given him, and took another nap. Then, he began to add his new wrinkle.)

"Ingress... do me a favor and show me the laziest, worst students. One at a time. I think that the goody-two-shoes need some competition, and the teachers need more challenging essays."

The first one, a Gryffindor girl named Katie Bell, chatting with some of her friends. Tonks asked to speak to her in private about her boyfriend, a Hufflepuff... or Ravenclaw? She wasn't sure... At any rate, Katie's friends, giggling, left the compartment.

"Accio Katie's wand." Ingress pointed her wand at Katie's throat.

"In exchange for Katie Bell agreeing to the following contract, I, Dubhshlain, agree not to kill her while she is at Hogwarts. Katie Bell will not judge people based on their political power, blood status, beauty, or Hogwarts House while within Hogwarts. Furthermore, she will do her utmost best to get at least an EE in every class she is taking, with an O in at least two classes. Katie will complete all of the homework given to her by Hogwarts teachers. She will visit the DADA training room for her year three times a week and do her utmost to get as high on the scoreboard as possible without harming herself or loosing more than two hours of sleep every night. Katie Bell... do you agree to the contract?"

At Ingress's sharp grin and fangs (and the wand stuck to her throat), Katie agreed.

Harry and Tonks went to hunt down the other lazy students.

Oh, yes, this was too much fun. The teachers will be completely overwhelmed with the sudden amount of more homework, the students will be distracted by the sudden pressure to do well, and Harry will have free reign over Hogwarts!

It was really funny how there were more lazy kids than arrogant pricks. Then, Tonks quickly visited the twins again, because even though they weren't lazy, they were failing half their classes due to some joke-shop dream.

They could open their jokeshop, Ingress decided, she liked that. But no one should cause their parents so much grief, so now they had to get at least an EE in all their classes, with Os in two.

That's when Harry walked in on an argument between a redheaded boy who looked remarkably like the twins, Draco Malfoy, and the bushy haired girl who was protected by the third year Hufflepuff.

Three, untrained, distracted kids, verses two focused people, one of whom was invisible and the other training to be an auror. The kids were stunned before they could blink.

Then Harry wrote out a long contract:

I, Dubhshlain, will not kill those who signed at the bottom of this contract, for those people are agreeing to this contract by signing at the bottom. Those people will not judge people based on their political power, blood status, beauty, or Hogwarts House. Instead, they will do his best to be friends with people of all blood statuses, all levels of political power, both beautiful people and not, and those of every House throughout of Hogwarts years. Once those people are out of Hogwarts, they is permitted to speak of this contract and to discriminate.

Furthermore, those people who sign this contract agree to do her utmost best to get at least an EE in every class they are taking, with an O in at least two classes. They each will complete all of the homework given to them by Hogwarts teachers, and each person will complete the homework given them without plagiarism and with as little help from other students as possible. They will visit the DADA training room for their years three times a week and do their utmost to get as high on the scoreboard as possible without harming themselves or loosing more than two hours of sleep every night each.

Ingress woke up the girl first, pointing a wand to her throat and offering her a quill.

"Sign your full name." The girl wrote out in slightly shaky letters Hermione Granger. Then it was the red-head's turn, who signed Ronald Weasely, and then Draco Malfoy, who too signed his name when faced with Tonks' wand. Ingress grinned.

"This contract will be in effect no matter what you do with the parchment, so I suggest you guys learn to get along - teach each other quidditch or something. And learn the words of the oath, so you know what to expect your magic to force you to do. Enjoy Hogwarts, kiddies!"

And for the sake of it, Tonks added a compulsion charm on all three - whenever they were on the Hogwarts express, they would be as honest with each other as possible. Then she stepped out of the compartment and locked the door with several different charms, in case one of the kids knew Alohamora.

Those kids still had several long hours to learn to get along. They'd either end up best friends or worst enemies.

Ingress sniggered as she and Harry moved on to their next prey - a pair of giggling first year girls who were talking about getting into Gryffindors where all the brave boys were. Those just happened to sign the same contract, as did a shivering, slightly pudgy, first year boy who was looking for his toad. Just because he looked like he would really need the DA practice, and he probably would be content with an Acceptable, and that was no good. He, like everyone else, needed to push himself.

And it was just really fun to watch people quiver in fear of a bright red haired, red eyed, fanged Ingress, who decided she liked this form. Especially with it's coal-black skin. Everyone thought she was a demon.

Harry totally approved.

Next? One Susan Bones, who was definitely going to be politically oriented. And her friend Hannah Abbot, because why not?

"Hermione Granger!"

Ah! A signer of a contract, the Hat thought, rummaging through the girl's memories. Those two boys she had argued with made her want to be the best... ambitious. And a survivalist. And currently, very angry.

PUT ME IN SLYTHERIN! THOSE BASTARDS WHO THINK I'M LESSER THAN THEM I'LL SHOW THEM ALL THAT I'M BETTER, THAT I'M THE BEST THEY'VE EVER SEEN!

Well. What precisely did Draco Malfoy tell the girl about that house? Now that the population had increased since Werewolves were allowed to come the year before, there were more half-bloods in Slytherin, but those students, even with the wards, still refused to associate with muggleborns and werewolves. This would show them, the girl was right.

Stupefy to make them sleep, Expelliarmus to take their wands, Protego for a shield. The Hat hissed into her ear, just in case the Slytherins tried something, and the girl automatically memorized the spells. Yes, she was a fast learner, she would do well in...

"SLYTHERIN!" Hermione marched over to the Slytherin table, snarling and angry as no one clapped. She sat down, looked around with a straight back and crackling hair.

"I'll either break you, or rule you." Hermione was blunt. But then again, subtly was not the strong point of an eleven year old, and she was angry, and Draco Malfoy had taught her the threat not half an hour before, when he was explaining house prejudices.

Then, as the Slytherins either sneered or looked cautious, Mcgonnagall read name. Everyone still glared at Hermione, and she glared right back, until they focused back on the sorting as

"Neville Longbottom!" was called up.

Well, the Hat thought, with that contract, he needed a house that would help him study. Gryffindor was out - they'd bully him for being weak in their eyes, and while he'd eventually overcome it, that wouldn't improve his grades, which he needed to do well in. Ravenclaw would only push him down for his lack of attention to studies, and the Slytherins were ruthless.

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Draco Malfoy!"

The Hat sat on his head, rummaging around. Well, his contract was the same as Longbottom's and Granger's and Bones' and Abbot's and a lot of other students' contracts... the best way to fulfill the contract without earning Lucius' ire was...

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Harry Potter!"

As the boy walked up to the stool to sit down, Dumbledore tried to figure out where he'd be. He wasn't raised by Petunia Evans-Dursely, that much was evident. And really, he should have suspected. Remus and Sirius were so insistent that they didn't need another teacher or anyone at all to accompany the boy to Diagon Alley. Mrs. Figg had never contacted him about about the Dursleys suddenly gaining a nephew.

Really, he wasn't sure why he thought that Remus wouldn't look for Harry Potter, even after Dumbledore told him that he was safe. But was the boy raised by Remus? If that was the case, then he would need a babysitter for the full moon... So who had Remus trusted before Sirius came along?

It wasn't Lily's sister - Petunia completely discouraged long hair in boys. Well, the blood wards were a lost cause at this point. Dumbledore looked back at Harry.

When he was young, he looked like a little James with Lily's eyes, but now he looked like a mixture of the parents. Probably due to his hair worn the way Lily had worn it, and the glasses accentuation Lily's cheekbones.

He was very pale...

And what was taking the hat so long?

Harry Potter is a fairly ambitious young man, and very loyal as well. But Dubhshlain, who is your other side, is very reckless, extremely cunning, and his only ambition is adrenaline and getting rid of baseless hatred. But there is no chivalry, no bravery - that recklessness isn't quiet being brave. And while Harry Potter is very, very, loyal to his family, the fae are only loyal to their chosen King, their mate and their children. You are unmarried, haven't a king or children.

Harry Potter sent the contracts to the teachers because Ingress was sad. Dubhshlain sent the contracts because the teachers were biased, and he didn't care for going through the legal applications- this was quicker, easier, more fun, and confused all the students and all the teachers.

Child, you are a mixture of Hufflepuff and Slytherin!

Ingress is in Hufflepuff, Harry argued, put me with her.

Ingress won't be here next year, and besides, I can't sort people based on where their friends are!

But I want to be with Ingress out of my loyalty to her - doesn't that make me Hufflepuff?

No, that is Slytherin logic! You know full well that Ingress will love you no matter which house you go to! Why can't I talk to Dubhshlain!

Oh, the train had Iron. I let him cause havoc with Ingress for a bit, so now he's sick and will recover in a bit. D'you want to sort me last? By the time that you sort everyone else, Dubhshlain will be well enough to make his opinion known.

Oh, very well.

"I'm sorry, but this child is torn between Hufflepuff and Slytherin, and I will sort him last, after the rest of the first years, when he has a more settled mind. Next!"

Harry Potter went back into line, grinning at the teachers' shocked expressions. Yep. Gryffindor was not even an option. He was loyal to his friends, he valued human life. He wasn't noble or chivalrous or brave. He was reckless - he didn't do things despite danger, he did things because of it. And also, he was wild, unpredictable, immovable, had ambitions and kinda liked quietly manipulating people.

Slytherpuff? Was that it?

Harry grinned to himself, and began to watch the rest of the sorting.

Severus Snape pulled out his Occlumency shield and began to analyze his subject: Harry Potter. The occlumency would stop his emotions from clouding his logical conclusions.

Alright. He wasn't surprised by the Hat's outcome. That wasn't hidden surprise, he honestly wasn't surprised. But there wasn't any arrogance. Ergo, he simply didn't know that this hasn't happened before. He thought that every so often, there was a confused mind.

He wasn't surprised by the choice of houses, either. This was boy of loyalty and of semi-loose morals. Dangerous. His eyes flickered over to a table... he knew Nymphadora Tonks, auror in training. The girl had been a klutz for a little while, but after she stopped randomly changing her height and weight and body shape, she was more graceful. Not graceful, just... less clumsy than before.

So, she knew Harry Potter... Oh, he was twirling his wand. Clearly, he knew how to use it. He was smirking at... the laziest, least competent students in the entire school, and the most arrogant pricks there were. Cormac - a Gryffindor, second year - and Zacharia - Hufflepuff, third year - and Marcus Flint - Slytherin, fourth year.

Hhm. It wasn't a friendly smirk. He was already guilty of something, already plotting. But those weren't the dark eyes of power-lust. According to his passive legilimency, Mr. Potter felt mischievous, but also... righteous. As if he had rightened some wrong, and fixed something.

And he was happy, but that was about spending time with his sister.

Sister? Why would this boy refer to Nymphadora Tonks as his sister, and then call her by her middle name? He would need to do some active legilimency for that, with some searching through memories to find the right ones.

He was powerful, pro-active, and had an aurar-in-training backing him up. Severus Snape, hating James Potter even more than before for taking Lily away from him, decided to give Harry hell. But because he was Lily's son, he would also get help if he asked for it.

Ergo, make sure the stupid boy never asked for help from him.

Sprout looked around the room happily. She hadn't expected Longbottom, but really, he looked like he'd fit in well with that house. He was already adopted by Bones. Then everything went wrong as she looked for the friendships already budding around the Hall.

Why was the Youngest Weasely Boy (Gryffindor, of COURSE) nodding to a Malfoy?

Why was said Malfoy in Ravenclaw?

And then, they nodded to a Muggleborn Slytherin. And Potter smirked at all this. So it was orchestrated by Potter. She wasn't sure what 'it' was, but the dear boy looked mischievous.

She had expected him to be Gryffindor.

But then he was split between Hufflepuff and Slytherin. Imagine the Harry Potter in her house! She already bragged about an aurar-in-training and the best seeker she's seen in years. My, my wasn't glory going to Hufflepuff for once? After all, Slytherin had Merlin, Gryffindor had Dumbledore, Ravenclaw had just about every inventor ever, and there was Harry Potter under the hat again!

Dubhshail?

Hat. You do understand that we're not schizophrenic? I'm not a different personality.

Well, Harry certainly thinks you are.

Yes. But we're more like Remus and Moony - same people, same personality. To me, Ingress is, too, a sister. It's just that I don't have the implied loyalty. To me, Ingress is someone I can trust. If she asks me for help, I may or may not help her - I probably will. But... friend, ally, sister, brother, it's all the same. Door and Richard and everyone else. Just as Moony's pack is different from Remus' family, so it is here. Moony is loyal to Remus' family because they are Remus' family. And just as Remus will find someone that will be both Pack and Family, so I, too, will find someone who will be both Harry's wife and my mate.

That is a little complicated. You're eleven.

Yes. That's why, to me, there is no thought in those words. I am too young. I don't want a mate, nor need one. If I ever want one, I'll find one. Now, put me where I will cause the most Havoc.

Well, Slytherin will cause the most havoc. However, Ms. Granger is in Slytherin already, causing havoc. Nothing can cause havoc in Ravenclaw except a completely illogical person, and you have logic, so you can't go to Ravenclaw if your goal is havoc. Nothing causes havoc in Gryffindor like one of their own being friends with a Slytherin and/or a Ravenclaw, though Hufflepuff is accepted a little more. However, the youngest Weasely is friends with a Slytherin and a Ravenclaw, so that's covered. As for Hufflepuff... I'm not sure what causes fiascos in Hufflepuff house. Your sister hasn't managed to label herself as a wierdo in Hufflepuff. So, are you up to the challenge?

Do it.

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

Dubhshlain glanced around.
Harry glanced around.

Hufflepuff, they thought in satisfaction, has a nice ring to it.

And then Harry went and shocked everyone by sitting next to the frightening, aurar-in-training seventh-year Tonks. The Hufflepuffs shrugged and continued eating.

The teachers shrugged, but Dumbledore frowned. How was a Hufflepuff supposed to be a hero?