Despite his awful and desperate attempts to convince everyone he was okay, the guys still called and even visited to check up on Brock. Each day that passed was a day that the wedding grew closer, and Brock was becoming more numb to the situation than he had anticipated. Sure, it still stung; it still made his heart wrench in disappointment... But in all actuality, there was nothing he could do about it. So, he put on a brave face and tried not to sulk when his friends came to Utah to see him. "Aren't you like, angry about it? Even just a little?" Wildcat had asked him when he flew in from Indiana. He was curious, because he had never experienced heartbreak this bad. "I mean, I know I would be pissed." He continued to say.
Moo didn't quite have an answer for him, simply because, he didn't know himself if he was mad or not. All he did know, was that even after all of this mess, he loved Brian, he loved him still, and he knew he always would. Maybe that's why he was so upset instead of angry. It was too complex; it was something even he didn't understand about himself. Hell, Brock just wanted all the pain to go away. "No. I'm not mad." He answered Tyler, a certain monotone about his voice. "I loved him... And I still do." When they had this conversation, they were attempting to play video games, but Brock was failing miserably. All he could think of was Brian.
"Shit dude..." Tyler trailed off. "I'm sorry. It'll get easier." He tried to comfort the older man, but Brock knew better. It wouldn't get easier, not even in the slightest. Days passed, then they turned to weeks, and the wedding was right around the corner. The invitation still lay on the messy coffee table, but Brock swore he wouldn't look at it or touch it anymore. He hated it, he hated the fact that it wasn't him on it.
Lui was the last to visit Brock out of all the guys. He came just two days before the wedding. He and Brock went out for food and to do some shopping. After all, Brock hadn't gotten out of the house much these past few months. "So..." Lui trailed off as they walked down one of the busy sidewalks in the city. "I know this is probably a really dumb question... But... Are you going to the wedding?" He cocked an eyebrow as he looked over at the other man walking beside him. After all, Brian did invite him, but wouldn't it be a little strange? "I mean... Terroriser did send you an invite. And me and the other guys are going." He shrugged before shoving his hands into his pockets.
Brock knew the answer immediately; he couldn't go to that wedding. He was still frail, weak, the wound still fresh. "I'm not going." He answered almost instantly. "It's still too much." He was honest with Lui even though they never really talked that much. In a way, he was grateful for all his friends coming to check up on him. It kept his mind busy; kept him from wondering and thinking about Brian... Which was something he did quite a bit. "I hope you guys have a good time though." He added, almost as an afterthought.
"Do you want us to visit you after?" Lui inquired.
Brock shook his head, "No, I'll be okay. I'm fine."
Lui shrugged, deciding to leave it alone, "Okay."
Brian hadn't talked to his parents since he and Brock broke up, and now they were constantly on his back just less than two days before the wedding. Of course, they wanted to make sure it was perfect, of course they wanted to make sure he was going to go through with marrying the girl. It was their dream, it was what they wanted for their son. "You have everything ready, right?" His mother pestered him over the phone. "Your father and I are so excited to see you tomorrow." The wedding was in Ireland, obviously Dublin, and his parents had planned nearly everything from the ceremony to the honeymoon. Brian felt like he was going to be sick. "Brian honey, are you there?" His mother's voice was obnoxious over the phone.
With a sigh, he answered her, "Yes ma, I'm here." Their relationship had mostly stayed the same since this whole mishap... He always was and always would be a mother's boy. But his father? Well that was a different story. The man had no contact with Brian since the little talk in Dublin, and the Irishman didn't think he'd pick up the phone and call anytime soon. They'd see each other at the wedding, but Brian knew that their bond with each other was not going to be the same. Brian knew that his dad saw him differently now; he hated it to say the least... But, he knew it was something he would have to deal with. "Look," Brian's voice was tired. "I have to go finish packing... I'll see you tomorrow for the wedding." The word felt toxic in the air once it left his lips, and that feeling of nausea arose in his stomach again.
He didn't wait for his mom to reply, he hung up the phone, slid it into his back pocket and headed up the stairs to the bedroom. His apartment was a mess, and he knew if Brock were here right now, he would be angry. The older man always did hate messy rooms and disorganized things. He helped Brian with that bad habit of his. But it was messy because she was moving her things in. There were boxes everywhere and clothes strewn about. She wasn't at the apartment at the moment though, and Brian was thankful for that. So he grabbed one of his many suitcases, and began shoving clothes in it. He didn't care anymore, he just wanted this wedding to be over with. He was completely and utterly done.
However, when he was packing, something in the back of the closet caught his eye. It was the Terminator action figure that Brock had given him when he first moved into this apartment. They had pizza and he gave the older man Irish candy before they fell asleep on the tiny air mattress together. It was what started the week they fell in love with each other, and it hurt Brian's eyes to even look at it. His heart faltered as he ran his hands over the smoothness of the toy before tears welled in his crystal blue eyes. He'd never cried this much before in his life, but he found himself doing it just about every other day since Brock had been gone.
Sitting down in the closet, Brian held the figurine to his chest and let out a sob. It was too much. He wanted Brock. He wanted Brock more than he wanted anything in this whole world, and he wanted to be happy. In that moment, as he cried, he replayed all the memories he had with the older man. He remembered their first kiss underneath those fireworks at the docks... He remembered Brock's sloppy confession... He remembered the first time they made love and how nerve wracking it was... And he remembered the trip to Dublin; the very thing that tore them apart. They had so many memories... And even though they had bad ones, they had so many good ones too; they good outweighed the bad, and that was what was important to Brian.
In that moment? Brian contemplated calling or texting Brock, but he knew that he would never pick up or reply. It would do more harm than good; and he hoped that Brock was at least okay for the time being. A deep breath left his body as he threw the Terminator figurine in the suitcase, deciding to take it with him. This situation was absolutely insane. He was letting his parents control his life, and there was nothing he could do about it. The Irishman tried not to think of anything as he packed, but it was hard when he came across things like Brock's shirts and underwear. He'd left so many things in Brian's apartment, hell... If they were still together, it could have been their apartment. They would have lived together, they would have shared a home.
Brian shook his head, all these things were making packing way harder than it needed to be. But finally, after about an hour or so, he was ready to head to his flight which was leaving soon. In just forty eight hours, he would be a married man... In just forty eight hours, his happiness would be gone forever. In just forty eight hours, he'd give his parents total control of his life. What would be next? Quitting youtube? Having kids? As he boarded the plane, Brian couldn't help but to surround himself with these negative thoughts because he knew that they would soon probably become his reality. That is not the direction in which he wanted to see his life go. Unless, he was doing it with Brock by his side.
His parents were doing everything. Of course, she did have feelings for Brian, but she knew everything. She knew that Brian wasn't happy and that his parents were forcing him to get married. And she knew that she didn't have much of a choice either. In a way, they were both stuck... In just forty eight hours, it would all be over. He wanted Brock, oh god he wanted Brock. His chest ached, and he knew this wasn't right. Would his parents come around eventually? Did he even care if they did or not? Reality was crashing down on the Irishman, and all he wanted out of this was to be happy. He wouldn't find happiness letting his parents control him. He wouldn't find happiness marrying the girl.
In that moment, Brian knew he couldn't get married, at least not to her. He had to stand up to his parents, and then pray that Brock would take him back.
