Twelve Shots of Shuuya
By: Aviantei
A Kagerou Project Anthology
[Twelve Shots of Summer: Trinity Limit 4/12]
03. Performance
Halfway through putting on his costume, Shuuya was beginning to question if this was a good idea or not.
It was school festival season, and his class had chosen to put on a play for their activity. Wanting to participate to the fullest, Shuuya had volunteered and ended up placed in a fairly major role. Even though Ayano had worked more on the costumes and props, she had still helped him practice his lines, and Shuuya knew he had them down pat. That wasn't the problem.
That sort of thing was never the problem.
Everyone else in class seemed surprised by how good of an actor he was. Shuuya had taken it in stride, saying he had plenty of practice, but that was a joke not easily brushed off, especially when Ayano had made a point to hold his hand on the walk home.
Acting was just a form of lying, after all. Why wouldn't he be good at it?
He hadn't thought about it much since the Mekakushi Dan had all forgiven him so easily. Hardly anyone even talked about that summer much anymore—not when they were running around, trying to get their lives back together. Even Shuuya had been so preoccupied with moving into the future lately that he was starting to shrug off the past.
And he tried to keep that up, trading his uniform jacket out for the cloak that would accompany him for the first few scenes. Shuuya took his time making sure all his safety pins were fastened and secure, smoothing out the folds in the fabric, remembering to take deep breaths. This was for fun. It wasn't to trick anyone, not in a bad way. He and his classmates had worked hard, and Shuuya wasn't going to ruin—
He saw the mask in his hands and almost screamed, instead jumping back, bumping against his changing classmate's shoulder. "Crap, sorry—"
"No worries, it's cool." Shuuya tried to will the mask away from his grip, but it wouldn't go. He hoped whatever illusion he had thrown up was at least masking his eyes. "Hey, Kano, you doing okay? You don't look so hot…"
"It's just nerves," Shuuya lied before he could think otherwise. No matter how much he was easing into his school life, there was no way he'd be able to explain the Kagerou Daze, not by a longshot. He took a step back, and his classmate didn't close the difference. "I'm gonna go get some fresh air. That should help." He didn't even wait for a response as he slipped out of their changing area, able to avoid Ayano as she chatted with another member of the prop team.
The school hadn't yet opened up to the public yet, so it was easy to make it to the restroom without drawing too much attention. Almost every other student was helping put the finishing touches on their class or checking out some of the other attractions. It was already a chattering hubbub, and it would only get worse when things got started in half an hour.
He really didn't have time for this.
Shuuya ducked through the door and turned on the faucet, splashing water into his face. It didn't do much good when he checked his reflection, one eye glowing red. The mask was back, even if it wasn't real. It was an illusion he had always put on for himself to make it easier to control his powers. It had been Ayano's idea, and it had made things easier.
Except now it wouldn't go away, no matter how much Shuuya tried. His power had always been useful, and it was something he had relied on for years. This selfishness, this lie—Where is the real one? He thought he had found it, somewhere in the support everyone had given him, but maybe he was just kidding himself.
"I haven't really changed at all."
Without meaning to, he thought about his mother. It was something he tried not to do often—not at all, really. But every now and then he could remember her smile, remember how she had taught him to read, remembered—
He had become a liar for her. Not because she had asked, because he had wanted to. Because he wanted to take care of her, like she had taken care of him. He hadn't understood what was wrong about what she was doing, hadn't understood his own consequences, hadn't understood anything really. He just believed in his mother and believed in her love, and in order to protect that he had to say he fell down the stairs or tripped into the counter.
And that meant when he woke up and she was dead and it was just him and his eyes—
It was an awful nasty power, one that could only be used to serve himself. Even if he tried to pretend he was useful, he had done more harm than good. Everyone else believed it, though, that he was something good, that the color red meant they were heroes. And for Kousuke and Tsubomi, it was true, they were heroes, but he, he was—
I'm just a monster.
But is that really true?
What?
Did you really ever want to hurt anyone?
Well, no, but—
Then that's the difference.
That means you weren't a monster.
He hadn't noticed that he had started shaking, but he did notice when he stopped.
Shuuya didn't recognize the mask in his hands. He had made plenty of them in his mind, in different patterns, each to represent a different charade he had needed to put up. Smiling, laughing, Ayano's image, the occasional reflections of the others he had wished he could be—but this wasn't one of them. It was similar, but the angles and patterns were less sharp, no longer distinct blank and white. Instead it had melded into a solid gray, plain but functional.
Not all lies are inherently bad. Every time he had used his power, donned a mask, it had been to help someone. He had hidden himself to get closer, to help Ayano, to get her back. Of course there were times when he had been selfish, when he had been afraid, and used a lie as a cover-up to keep his image secure, but other people did that, like Tsubomi and her standoffish attitude. Sometimes people needed to pretend to become more secure, and they didn't necessarily require an ability like his to get over it.
And now Shuuya felt that he was. It wasn't perfect, but that was to be expected. This mask wasn't here to hide himself—it was to enhance, to make sure his true feelings came across for once. If he could pull off a spectacular performance, why shouldn't he?
Stepping back from the sink, Shuuya looked at the mask one more time before slowly raising it up to his face.
His reflection in the mirror remained exactly the same.
[NOTES] To be fair, I did say there would be angst.
Thanks this week to patamon642 and 4everwriter for their favorites and follows! Bonus thanks to CG for being such a gosh-darn good guy and also being a giant force of inspiration all around. I hope that these words find you (and every other reader) well.
Funny how much things can change in a week, huh? In any event I guess I can't resist dealing with the angst. I mean, after all, maybe I'm just bitter that the anime only glanced the surface of Shuuya's plotline. Oh, IV -the deceiving-, how I await your English release... Til now, you just have to deal with my resolutions.
Speaking of which, I feel like I actually did resolve this conflict for Shuuya. Hopefully it seems like he's grown. Now we have a new base that should hopefully influence the next prompts. The first month is done and we're moving into the in-timeline second year of this story. As long as I can keep my head on straight, there should be good things yet to come. But not just I, for the whole [Twelve Shots of Summer] community is giving it their all! Be sure to check these guys out!
Speaking of which, I chose to incorporate the prompts of "Making Time" as Shuuya not having time to handle the situation, and "A Rose by Any other Name" to show that, even with his masks, the person underneath the lie is always him. I failed to incorporate Dramatic Irony, but that's a bit hard to incorporate in central consciousness of one character.
Next week we have "Love of Humanity," "Jury Duty," the optional Poetic Justice, which will somehow come together in a lovely winter tale focusing on Marry. I haven't even started yet, so your guess of how things are going to pan out is as good as mine. By the end of next week, we should have it figured out!
[POST] 062516
