Note: This takes place during the feast at the demon village after the team solves the demons' mysterious problem. Sherry and Yuka technically show up in canon, but I didn't include that in this story, partly because it was irrelevant and partly because it would have interfered a little with my plot and I didn't feel like trying to work out some complicated solution.
Natsu was fidgety and tense. They had stopped the revival of the demon, solved the mystery of the villagers without having to resort to actually destroying the moon, and were now enjoying the feast that the villagers had thrown for them in gratitude. Or rather, they should have been enjoying the feast. Under normal circumstances, Natsu would find it plenty enjoyable, because food was food. Food could usually hold his attention pretty well, but tonight he didn't even feel like eating.
He was too worried about Gray, and he wasn't the only one. He had noticed that everyone had been keeping a close eye on the ice mage ever since that last ugly confrontation with that bastard Lyon. Because surely it wasn't enough that Gray had to deal with his past blindsiding him again. Obviously he needed his old 'friend' to make everything a thousand times worse. Natsu was itching to hunt that asshole down and rip him to shreds. He hadn't done it earlier because of Gray's disapproval, but he wished that he had done it anyway. The only thing preventing him from doing it now was his reluctance to leave Gray.
Because although Gray was pretending to be alright, he clearly wasn't. Lucy and Erza had tried talking to him after what had happened with Lyon, but he had just shrugged and brushed it off, telling them to focus on the problem at hand first so that they could finish the job. So they had solved the villagers' problem and were now hanging around the party.
Gray had acted pretty normal the whole time, laughing and joking around like usual, but his eyes stayed flat and dead. Natsu didn't know if the others saw it or if they were fooled by his acting, but the dragon slayer saw it and it worried him. He wasn't sure what to do about it since all this touchy-feely crap wasn't really his forte, so he contented himself with watching Gray out of the corner of his eye.
Because he was watching, Natsu saw when Gray had finally had enough and quietly slipped out of the village. Natsu was standing by Erza and Lucy at the time, and he wasn't the only one to notice Gray's escape. Concern flashed in Erza's eyes, and she made to follow the ice mage.
"Wait," Natsu told her. She paused and turned back with a frown. "I'll go."
Her frown deepened and she gave him a skeptical look, but it was Lucy who spoke up first.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked anxiously. "I mean, you two fight like cats and dogs, and I'm not sure that's going to work here."
Natsu stared at her blankly. Sometimes he forgot that she was still awfully new to Fairy Tail and didn't really understand the dynamics yet. Sure, Natsu and Gray fought like crazy, but they were still best friends at the end of the day. If Lucy hadn't figured that out yet, she would soon enough.
"Don't worry so much, Luce. We'll be fine." He glanced over at the spot where Gray had disappeared. "Besides," he added quietly, "you all didn't see the things I saw."
Erza grimaced at that, but nodded her reluctant agreement. "I suppose so. But Natsu, be careful of what you say to him. You have a bad habit of not thinking before you speak, so be careful not to say anything too insensitive. And for God's sake, don't start a fight."
Natsu gave her a hard look. "I just watched him try to kill himself twice earlier," he said coldly. "I'm not going to say anything to make that worse. I'm not completely heartless."
Both girls winced.
"Twice?" Lucy asked, wringing her hands anxiously.
Erza just averted her gaze. "I apologize. I didn't mean it like that."
Natsu sighed and felt his indignation drain away. He was only so on edge because he was worried about Gray, and it wasn't fair to take that out on the others.
"I know," he replied. "It's okay."
She looked back up, her eyes filled with determination edged with sadness. "When you get back, we have some things we're going to need to talk about," she said firmly.
Natsu nodded silently. He knew what she was talking about, even though she hadn't come out and said it directly. Natsu—and Lyon, he supposed—was the only one who had seen Gray try to use iced shell. The others hadn't even known about it until Gray had mentioned it while he was talking to Lyon, and Natsu knew that they would want the details. He was actually kind of surprised that they hadn't asked sooner, but he guessed that everyone had been pretty distracted.
"Yeah, okay," he agreed. They deserved some answers, after all. "Make sure Happy doesn't eat all the food," he added, looking over at where the Exceed was chowing down.
Lucy made a noncommittal sound that could have been a sign of subdued agreement. Glancing back over, Natsu saw that both she and Erza still looked sad and worried. He sighed.
"I'll bring him back," he told them quietly.
Then he headed out of the village, politely excusing himself when a couple of the demon villagers asked where he was going. Once he made it outside the village proper, he put his nose to work, sniffing around until he caught Gray's scent. It wasn't too difficult, and soon Natsu was following Gray as quickly as he could without breaking his neck, which was easier said than done while trying to walk through tangled underbrush in the dark. He tripped over rocks and branches a couple times and almost face-planted into the ground, but luckily the trees eventually began to thin out.
He wondered just how far Gray had managed to get in the short time since he had left. It was farther than Natsu had expected. He almost growled in irritation, but noticed that Gray's scent was getting stronger. He was close.
Despite his sense of smell indicating that Gray was nearby, Natsu almost missed him anyway. The dragon slayer stopped short as he noticed a dark shadow hunched over on the ground. A quick sniff at the air confirmed that this was indeed Gray. Natsu hesitated, uncertain as to why Gray was sitting on the ground in the middle of the forest. The trees might have thinned out a little but this was hardly a clearing, and Natsu couldn't see anything special about this particular spot. He wondered what had prompted Gray to stop here instead of continuing his aimless trek.
Natsu quietly walked over to where Gray sat with his knees drawn to his chest, and settled himself cross-legged on the ground beside his friend.
"He was wrong."
Gray didn't look over. If he was surprised by Natsu's sudden appearance, he didn't show any sign of it.
"I know," he replied quietly, his dark eyes remaining fixed on a point somewhere ahead of him.
Natsu grimaced. "Do you really? Because that's not what it sounded like when you were talking to him."
It had actually sounded a lot like Gray had agreed with most of what Lyon had said, and that bothered Natsu more than anything else. Gray sighed and shifted slightly, wrapping his arms more tightly around his knees.
"Well, he was right about some of it," he admitted.
Natsu growled low in his throat. He didn't want to hear that. He hadn't been there back when everything had happened so maybe he wasn't fully qualified to determine what was and wasn't Gray's fault, but he was inclined to say that Gray was taking too much of the blame. And Lyon had said some pretty nasty things that Natsu didn't think anyone deserved to have directed at them, no matter what they might have done. He didn't want to think that Gray might agree with any of those.
"About which part?" Natsu demanded belligerently. "That you don't deserve friends? That you deserve to die? Tell me, which part was he right about?"
He immediately regretted the tactless words, ruefully realizing that maybe he should have paid closer attention to Erza's advice, but Gray didn't rise to the bait. The ice mage didn't even glance over, and when he spoke, he didn't sound angry or defensive.
"That my actions led to Ur's death," he said expressionlessly.
Natsu considered that for a moment. He didn't know the whole story, but from what he had heard, Gray hadn't intentionally tried to endanger his master. He had made a mistake that had had unfortunate consequences. Natsu could see why he would blame himself, but he wondered if Gray really made the distinction between an accident resulting in death and actual murder.
"Do you think that you killed her?" he asked.
Because Lyon had told Gray that he had, and Gray had simply agreed. Natsu didn't like that.
"I did something that ultimately resulted in her death," Gray answered carefully.
Natsu didn't fail to notice how careful he was to sidestep the question, and his eyes narrowed. "Did you want her to die?" he asked bluntly.
That startled Gray enough that his head jerked around and he finally looked at Natsu, horrified pain shining in his eyes. "Of course not," he ground out. "What do you take me for?"
"What do I take you for?" Natsu repeated. "Well, not a murderer, for one."
Gray didn't reply for a moment, and he tilted his head away again so that he could rest his chin on his knees and look out into the darkness instead of at Natsu. "You weren't there, Natsu," he said softly.
"No, but maybe if you would just tell me what happened, I could understand," Natsu shot back, clenching his hands into helpless fists and staring down at them. "Maybe then I could understand why you think that you killed her instead of blaming the demon that forced her to use the spell. Did you expect anyone to die when you did what you did? Did you do it with the intention of harming anyone? Did you hold a weapon to Ur's throat and force the life out of her? Because I don't think that you did any of that, and I don't think that you exactly qualify as a murderer here. God, Gray, you were just a kid."
Gray sighed and stared straight ahead, his eyes unfocused. Natsu watched him uneasily.
"No, I didn't expect anyone else to get hurt," the ice mage said after a short pause. "It was only supposed to be me and the demon. Ur and Lyon weren't even supposed to be there. If I had known that they would follow me…
"Well, I want to say that I wouldn't have gone then, but I don't know if that's true or not. I was pretty messed up at that point. I was angry and grieving and I wanted revenge on Deliora regardless of the consequences. So maybe I would have gone anyway. If I had known she would die then I wouldn't have, but anything short of that… I don't think that anything short of that would have stopped me."
That reminded Natsu of something else that he hadn't known until Lyon had brought it up.
"Deliora also…" He trailed off and then tried again. "Deliora also killed your parents?"
Gray glanced back over, faint surprise shining in his eyes for a moment before it faded away and he returned to his scrutiny of some arbitrary point in front of him. "Oh, you weren't there when I told the others."
Natsu frowned, not sure what exactly Gray was talking about. He supposed that the others would have had some time together without him while he had run off to tilt the pyramid and fight Lyon, so maybe Gray had said something then. Maybe he shouldn't be surprised—it seemed like no one had the full story here. The others had missed Gray's attempts at iced shell, and apparently Natsu had missed the story about Gray's parents.
What he did know was that Lyon had certainly implied that Deliora had been responsible for the deaths of Gray's parents. Actually, the pointy-eyed bastard had specifically said that Gray had watched his parents die in front of him, and that made Natsu cringe in horrified sympathy. He had always known that Gray's parents weren't in the picture since he hadn't seen them in the almost ten years that he had known his friend, and he had figured that it was pretty likely that they were dead, but he hadn't suspected that they might have died so terribly. And if they had indeed died so terribly, Natsu hated Lyon all the more for taking advantage of that in his crucifixion of Gray.
"Gray…"
Gray sighed heavily. "You want to know what happened? You want to understand? Fine, I'll tell you. No point hiding it anymore now that you know the gist of it."
He didn't sound angry or irritated with Natsu, just tired and maybe a little sad. Natsu immediately felt bad, because it occurred to him that he had been prying. Even though he really wanted to know what had happened so that he could understand where Gray was coming from, he also didn't want to push his friend too much. Gray had already had a hard enough time dealing with Lyon. Now wasn't the time for being insensitive.
"I'm sorry," Natsu said, wishing that he had broached the subject more tactfully. "You don't have to–"
"Ten years ago," Gray interrupted, still not looking at Natsu, "Deliora went on a rampage through Isvan." Natsu fell silent and watched his friend apprehensively. "And one night it tore through the city I lived in. It only took a few hours for the entire city to be destroyed, and a lot of people died. Yeah, I watched it tear my parents apart. The only reason I survived was because a nearby building collapsed and I got stuck under the rubble. I suppose that there might have been survivors in other parts of the city, but I've never found any."
"I'm sorry," Natsu repeated quietly.
Gray sighed again. "It was a long time ago."
Maybe so, but Natsu could tell that it still bothered him. If nothing else, he suspected that this whole business with the demon had stirred up a lot of bad memories, and Natsu felt a little sick thinking about how Gray had watched his parents brutally killed when he was just a kid. It was terrible to think about.
It also bothered Natsu that Gray was still acting so odd. The ice mage had barely looked at Natsu this whole time, and when he did, he either didn't quite meet the dragon slayer's gaze or looked away again quickly. It was weird. Plus, Gray still seemed too expressionless and flat, which was a carryover from the earlier confrontation with Lyon.
Natsu thought that Lyon might not have realized how upset Gray was since he had put up a damn good mask, but Natsu had known Gray for a long time and he could tell that his friend had been fighting to keep it together through the whole tirade. And then he had kept it together as they finished the job, and through the start of the feast. And he was still refusing to allow himself to drop the charade, and Natsu didn't know why. It was making him worried that Gray was going to crack under the pressure soon.
"Anyway," Gray continued, dropping his chin back onto his knees, "Ur and Lyon were passing through and they found me. Lyon was already training under Ur at that point, and I asked her to train me too because I wanted to learn magic so that I could get revenge on Deliora. Maybe it sounds like a stupid plan, but it's kind of like what happened with Lyon now. He lost his goal and couldn't find a way to move on, so he ended up concocting a ridiculous scheme to fill that void. I had lost my home and my family, and as far as I was concerned, I didn't have anything left. My desire for revenge was the only thing that kept me going, really. When you feel like everything has been taken away, you have to find something to take its place.
"Ur agreed to teach me, and she tried to help me find a way to move on. Not that it really worked, because I wasn't really looking for reasons to keep going. I had my plan and that was it. She and Lyon kind of tried to become something of a surrogate family for me, but I sure didn't make it easy for them. I was grieving and angry and… I don't know. I was still pretty messed up at that point. I didn't want a new family, and I didn't really want to be happy. It's amazing they put up with me, really. I was gloomy and angry all the time."
That reminded Natsu of when he had first joined the guild and met Gray. His first impression of the ice mage had not exactly been favorable. Stripping aside, Gray's coldness and general irritability had definitely rubbed Natsu the wrong way at first. Knowing what he did now, Natsu supposed that wouldn't have been too long after Gray had lost his parents and Ur, so some of that unfriendliness had probably stemmed from grief rather than an instinctive dislike of everyone, like Natsu had originally assumed.
Natsu wondered what Gray had been like as a child, before he had watched a demon take away everyone he loved. How much had his personality changed from then? Natsu thought that perhaps Gray would be a much happier person today if none of the stuff with Deliora had happened, but then he also wouldn't have met Fairy Tail. No matter how much Natsu wanted Gray to be happy, he wasn't sure if he was willing to give up having met him entirely. Besides, Gray had changed a lot from the angry boy he had once been, and he usually seemed happy enough now. Or Natsu had thought so, anyway. But still, he needed to know.
"Are you happy now?" he asked. Gray shot him a bewildered look for a second before glancing away again, and Natsu hurried to clarify. "Not now-now. But you know, these days in general. Are you happy with us?"
Gray let out a breath as he considered it. "Not always," he said, "but then again, who's always happy? I suppose I'm happy often enough. The guild has done wonders for me, and things are nowhere near as bad as they were a few years ago. I know this all sounds super tragic, but it kind of fades to the background over the years, and it usually only gets bad again when something triggers old memories."
Natsu sensed a half-truth, but let it go. "Whatever happened, I think you still deserve to be happy," he said quietly.
Gray glanced over, startled, and actually held Natsu's gaze for a few seconds before he bit his lip and looked away again. The dragon slayer thought he might have seen a sheen of unshed tears shimmering faintly in Gray's dark eyes for an instant as the ice mage tilted his face into the shadows, but Gray continued on as if nothing had happened.
"Yeah," he murmured. He paused for a second before continuing the story. "Well, I guess Ur thought so too, because she tried really hard to help me sort things out. And she started wearing me down eventually, because I really did consider her and Lyon to be something like family after a while. Although it's amazing that she put up with the both of us," he added, a faint smile playing at the corners of his mouth for a moment. "We were both pretty screwed up in our own ways. Even back then, all Lyon cared about was getting stronger and surpassing Ur, and he had all sorts of funny ideas going on in his head. And of course, all I cared about was killing a demon, and I wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine. The two of us were always fighting and getting into trouble, too. We were one weird little makeshift family, but…" He swallowed hard. "But we made it work, until I went and screwed it up."
"Gray–"
"One day I overheard some travelers talking about how Deliora had been spotted in Brago," Gray said flatly as if hadn't heard Natsu. "It didn't matter that I knew I wasn't ready, that I knew it was a stupid idea to face down a demon. I was going to do it anyway."
He hugged his knees to his chest and his eyes narrowed as he stared at the ground. "So I left. Ur and Lyon told me not to go because I didn't stand a chance, but I didn't care. I said some…I said some pretty cruel things before I left." His voice quieted to almost a whisper and his eyes turned glassy. "Honestly, I said them because I didn't want her to follow me and because I thought that…I thought that maybe it would make it easier for them to let me go. You know, if I died. But thinking back, I think that some of those things might have had the opposite effect, because I was upset enough at that point that I wasn't really being careful about what I was saying."
Natsu sucked in a breath, not liking the implication that Gray had thought there was a good possibility that he would die but had gone after Deliora anyway. It sounded too much like a suicide mission for his taste.
"Gray–"
"But of course they came after me," Gray interrupted again. "You know, Lyon actually tried to use iced shell first. I guess he had found some of Ur's books and ran across the spell there, but he didn't read enough, because he obviously didn't realize the consequences. So I almost killed him first."
Natsu was a little startled by this turn of events. He hadn't really expected Lyon to do something like that. Although if he hadn't known the consequences, that might've explained it.
But the part Natsu really took offense at was Gray's last statement, because it was an admission that he really did feel like he had killed Ur and almost killed Lyon. If Gray had to blame anyone here, he should be blaming the demon.
"You didn't–" Natsu started belligerently.
Gray cut him off again, and this new habit of interrupting Natsu every time he tried to speak was getting a little irritating. Natsu almost complained about it, but one look at Gray's glassy, unfocused eyes told him that his friend wasn't really paying attention to him. Gray was only half here. Natsu was worried that the other half of Gray was in Brago, ten years ago.
"Ur stopped him, of course. Knocked him out cold to prevent him from using the spell. But she was going to do the exact same thing, because even though she was powerful—and she was extremely powerful—she couldn't defeat Deliora any other way." Gray grimaced. "She tried, of course. You know, she actually lost a leg in that fight, but she just made a prosthetic out of ice and kept going, because that's the kind of person she was."
He let out a choked laugh. "Actually, she pretty much turned it into a lesson, like, 'see how great molding magic is?' Because I had always maintained that it was pretty useless."
Natsu frowned at him in surprise. He had thought that Gray had always been really proud of his magic. And despite how often Natsu made fun of it, he had always secretly admired it as well.
"Well, that's what I always said, anyway," Gray said with a rueful half-smile that was devoid of any real humor. "I mean, I thought it was kind of cool to be able to create all sorts of things out of ice, but I was looking to take down a demon, so I didn't want versatility. I wanted raw power, something strong enough to help me kill Deliora, and I didn't think that molding could give me that. It was only after she died that I really figured out my own unique style, and once you find your true form, molding can be pretty damn powerful. So she was right about that, too." His voice dropped to almost a whisper again. "She had amazing magic, even though I didn't really give her credit for it until she was gone."
Natsu wanted to say something, but he had the feeling that Gray would just brush him off again, so he contented himself with watching his friend sadly.
"I begged her not to use the spell," Gray said softly. "I was going to do everything right and do everything she asked and be nicer to her and Lyon, but it was too late at that point. Honestly, we might have been able to just beat a hasty retreat if we had left when they first came to get me, because once Deliora realized that we weren't really a threat, it more or less ignored us and just kept tearing apart the city. But once Lyon tried to use iced shell… Well, that spell releases a huge amount of magical energy, and even though it was interrupted, it had already released enough magic to attract the demon's attention. And I'm not sure that she would have just left at that point regardless, because she wanted to fight my demons for me.
"So she used iced shell anyway."
Gray fell silent and stared blankly at the ground for several long moments. Natsu couldn't make himself speak, because this felt like a moment of silence in remembrance of the dead. It felt disrespectful to break the stillness, at least until Gray broke it first.
After a long pause, Gray finally spoke again.
"She actually said that–she said that she was going to seal my darkness," he whispered into the night, his voice wavering dangerously. "Because I had been so angry and obsessed with Deliora and she wanted me to be free of that and find something better to live for. But God, I wish she hadn't. She might have sealed one darkness, but she gave me another, because now I have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life. At least when my darkness was Deliora it felt like I had something to fight, something to strive to defeat, even if it wasn't necessarily a great plan. But when your darkness is yourself, how do you fight that? Before, I was angry at Deliora. Now I can only be angry at myself."
Natsu's heart twisted painfully. He wanted to do something to wipe that broken look off Gray's face, erase the self-loathing tone out of his voice, dry up the tears shimmering in his eyes. Natsu's usual method of problem-solving was to beat up whoever was causing the problem, but Gray was right that there was no easy opponent here. There was nothing to fight except Gray's own self-perceptions, and that would be a much harder battle than any demon could put up.
"And apparently it didn't even end there," Gray added sadly, "because look at what happened to Lyon. What I did…it basically turned him into me, as a kid. He's spent the last ten years obsessed with resurrecting Deliora so that he could surpass Ur after I killed her. You know what that sounds like? It sounds like how obsessed I was with defeating Deliora in the first place, after my parents were killed. I was so damn screwed up then. I don't want to think that I made him go through the same thing.
"I know you don't get why I still care about him, but you don't understand how we were as kids. We fought and I was usually angry and hard to get along with, but it was kind of like how you and I fight. After we got used to each other, we were really good friends. He was actually like–he was like a brother to me, even though I didn't always treat him that well. That's why it was so hard to fight him this time, because yeah, we used to fight, but not like this. Never like this. This was different, and it sucked.
"And even though it took me a while to warm up to him and Ur, I really did love them. They were the only people I had left after my parents died, and I managed to screw up both of their lives. Ur should still be alive, Lyon should have been living a normal life these past ten years without this stupid obsession, and I–I–"
He broke off and stared forlornly into the darkness. Natsu watched him intently, waiting to see if he would finish the thought, but he didn't.
"I sure hope you weren't going to say that you should be dead," the dragon slayer said finally, his voice flat.
Gray tilted his face downward and let his hair cloak his expression as he stared at the ground.
"I don't know, Natsu," he answered with a sigh. "I don't know what I was going to say."
Natsu resisted the urge to growl. He couldn't say for sure what Gray might have meant to say either, but he had an idea. In Gray's eyes, the easiest way to account for Ur still being alive and Lyon not being an obsessed freak would be to remove himself from the equation entirely. If Gray had died with his parents or if he had been killed when he went after Deliora afterward, the problem would have been solved. At least in Lyon's eyes. And probably in Gray's eyes. But not in Natsu's.
He didn't know if that line of thought was what was going through Gray's head right now, but if it was then he wanted to put a stop to it immediately.
"No one wants you dead," he said harshly. "Even that bastard Lyon eventually said that he didn't want you dead. There's no point playing what-if games with the past. They don't do any good, and besides, who knows what would have happened if you had died? Ur could have died in any number of other ways. You've done a lot of good and you've saved a lot of people's lives over the years. If you hadn't been around, who knows what would have happened?
"I can't say how it would have affected the world at large, but I can tell you how it would have affected Fairy Tail, because the guild would have been a lot less fun. And I wouldn't have my best friend anymore, and that would be pretty damn sad."
Gray's head jerked up at the last part, before he bit his lip and turned away again.
"Why won't you look at me?" Natsu demanded.
Gray hunched his shoulders and didn't respond, and Natsu ground his teeth in frustration. Then he paused. In that second that Gray had looked at him, Natsu had seen a mix of emotions behind the veil of unshed tears. The grief and guilt and pain were heart-wrenching but not terribly surprising. But now that he thought about it, Natsu thought that he could identify another emotion too: shame.
And suddenly he had a pretty good idea of why Gray couldn't seem to meet his eyes. Now that he thought about it, Gray hadn't made good eye contact since that last confrontation with Lyon. Even during that mess, he had mostly looked at the ground. Natsu didn't like it.
"Look at me," he said.
Gray didn't move for a moment, but then he slowly turned to look over at the dragon slayer. His eyes settled on a spot just below Natsu's eyes, and they kept quickly darting away until he forced them to refocus. Natsu sighed.
Reaching out, he grasped Gray's chin and forced it upwards. That startled the ice mage enough that he finally met Natsu's eyes.
"Good," Natsu told him. "Now stay like that."
He released Gray and let his hand drop to his side. Gray's gaze immediately dropped to the ground again, almost automatically, but he quickly forced it back upwards and stared at Natsu uncertainly. It would have to be enough.
Natsu stared into Gray's eyes intently, needing to make sure that his friend understood.
"We don't think any less of you because of this," he said quietly. "We aren't going to turn on you or stop caring about you or anything. Gray, whatever you've done, whatever mistakes you've made, we aren't ashamed of you. This doesn't change anything between us. I mean, we understand you a little better and we know more than we did, but if you think that's going to ruin what we have, you have another thing coming.
"I don't care what that asshole said. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to have friends who care about you. You're one of us and you'll always be one of us. We want to help, Gray. We don't want to watch you hurt, okay? And I don't–I don't really know what to do because I suck at this kind of thing, but I'll be here when you need me. I'm not going anywhere. You're still my best friend."
Natsu stared at Gray earnestly, searching his friend's eyes for any sign that he understood. Gray's eyes slowly filled with the tears he had been holding back for the past several hours. He exhaled shakily and tried to smile at Natsu, even though it came out wrong and was less than convincing when he had tears dripping down his face.
"Yeah," he breathed, his voice wavering. "I know. You've always–you've always been there. And I know–I know that you'd stand by me through anything, even if maybe you shouldn't. I know that you aren't ashamed of me, even if you should be. But Natsu, I'm ashamed of myself."
Natsu's heart twisted painfully at the words, and Gray's silent tears intensified as he dropped his head to bury it in his arms.
"I'm sorry," Gray whispered brokenly. "I'm so sorry."
Natsu needed to do something—anything—to make this better, but something was holding him back. He didn't know what he could really do. He had a terrible feeling that this wasn't something he could fix. He had said the important things that Gray had needed to be reminded of, but he couldn't make Gray forgive himself.
It felt like it wasn't really his place to say the words that might bring Gray solace. Natsu hadn't been there when Gray had made his mistake, and he didn't have the power to offer absolution for it. But surely he would have to come up with something to say, because he couldn't just sit here helplessly and watch his friend cry.
Nothing came to him. He was drawing a complete blank, and he didn't know how to make this better. Luckily, he didn't have to, because it was at that moment that an unexpected voice came from behind them and broke the silence.
"I forgive you."
Natsu's head jerked up and he hurriedly scrambled to his feet, growling deep in the back of his throat as he picked up Lyon's scent wafting out of the darkness. The other ice mage was standing a few feet behind the Fairy Tail mages, watching them expressionlessly.
"You again," Natsu snarled, his hands clenching into fists.
He should have been able to hear or smell the bastard coming, but he had been so distracted by Gray that he had completely missed the signs. He wondered how long Lyon had been standing there listening to them talk.
Beside Natsu, Gray hastily stood up as well and spun around to face Lyon. "L–Lyon?"
He tilted his head away so that his face was concealed by his hair and the shadows of the night, as if he was still trying to hide the tears that Lyon wasn't supposed to have seen. His posture screamed of uncertainty and apprehension, and he looked as if he wanted to shrink back into the trees and disappear.
Natsu was itching to burn Lyon to a crisp right then and there, but he forced himself to wait. For one, Gray wouldn't thank him for it. Aside from that, the other ice mage looked like he could barely stand after the beating Gray had given him earlier. Natsu took a little sadistic satisfaction in that, but he was reluctant to attack someone who was already beaten.
But the main reason he didn't take Lyon out immediately was that the other mage hadn't made any move to be aggressive yet, and because he seemed like maybe he was actually willing to be civil this time. Which, to be honest, wouldn't have stopped Natsu from punching the bastard in the face, but he suspected that Gray might need this. Natsu hadn't been there, didn't have the right to absolve Gray of guilt, but Lyon had been there and maybe he was better-suited to helping Gray. If he didn't rip Gray apart first. Natsu would restrain himself not for Lyon's sake, but for Gray's.
But if the asshole even looked like he might be about to say something cruel, Natsu would take him out without a second thought.
For now, Lyon just stared at Gray with an inscrutable gaze, completely ignoring Natsu. "I lied earlier," he said finally, after a long pause. "I forgive you."
Natsu wasn't sure if Gray was actually breathing, but then a choked sound worked its way out of his throat and he covered his face with his hands. Natsu watched helplessly as Gray's body shook with silent sobs, even though he was clearly trying to hold himself together. The dragon slayer didn't want to watch Gray break. He tore his gaze away to look over at Lyon instead. His belligerent gaze challenged the other mage to express any kind of satisfaction, because if he so much as looked smug, Natsu was going to tear him limb from limb.
Lyon's face was unreadable. He didn't look satisfied or smug, but Natsu couldn't be sure of exactly what he was feeling. Natsu didn't know why Lyon was here, didn't know what Lyon was thinking or feeling or planning to do.
Lyon watched Gray impassively for a moment longer before the corners of his lips were tugged downward in a faint frown. He took a few hesitant steps forward, paused uncertainly, and then wrapped his arms awkwardly around Gray. Gray made a startled noise at the unexpected contact and immediately tried to wriggle out of Lyon's grasp, but the older mage's eyes narrowed slightly and he tightened his grip. After a few seconds of futile struggling, Gray gave up and buried his face in Lyon's chest as he cried, his hands moving away from his face to fist in the other man's shirt.
Natsu hesitated as he watched the two ice mages. He felt like he was intruding, like this wasn't something he should stand here watching. He should leave and let them have their reconciliation or whatever the hell this was supposed to be. But he was also reluctant to go, because he was worried that Lyon's intentions might not be as good as they seemed. Gray was strong and tough and could take care of himself, but right now he was in a fragile emotional state. Everything with Deliora's revival and the conflicts with Lyon had worn him down and left him fragile and insecure. Natsu had no doubt that Gray would overcome that and be back to his normal annoying self in a couple days, but for now he might not be able to handle it if Lyon pulled another stunt like he had earlier.
Maybe Gray needed this, needed some kind of forgiveness or absolution, but if Lyon was in a position to provide him with some kind of comfort, he could just as easily make things a hundred times worse. Natsu didn't trust Lyon at all, but he knew that this was something the two ice mages would have to work out for themselves.
Lyon watched Natsu over Gray's bowed head, his gaze inscrutable. Natsu knew that the older mage was waiting for him to leave. The dragon slayer's mouth twisted in distaste and he stepped forward, leaning in so that his mouth was just beside Lyon's ear.
"If you hurt him again, I will kill you," he whispered coldly, every word heavy with promise.
He leaned back and glared at the other man. Lyon stared back expressionlessly, but he nodded slightly. Natsu hesitated a moment longer, his gaze darting between Lyon and Gray, but then he let out a breath and quietly headed back towards the village.
He would just have to trust that Gray could take care of himself. Except… His steps slowed and then faltered as he paused again. Gray could take care of himself, but would he? Natsu wasn't so worried about Gray being physically injured since Lyon wasn't in any shape for fighting, but the older ice mage didn't need to be in peak physical condition to inflict damaging emotional scars.
But still, the main problem was that Natsu wasn't sure that Gray would actually defend himself if Lyon tried anything. Because Gray hadn't defended himself against any of the accusations Lyon had thrown at him earlier, hadn't even defended himself when Lyon had punched him. In fact, Natsu was a little suspicious that part of the reason Gray had been beaten so badly the first time he had faced off against Lyon was because he hadn't wanted to fight the other mage and hadn't put his all into it. Yes, he had turned around and defeated Lyon when it really mattered, but only because it was the only way to try putting an end to the whole stupid scheme. Now that Gray didn't feel like he had any pressing reason to take down Lyon, would he defend himself if he needed to?
Natsu curled his hands into fists, but forced himself to start walking again. If it came to that then it would be Gray's fight, Gray's decision. Natsu would track Lyon down later to teach him a lesson, but he had to let Gray make his own choices for now.
He reached the village pretty quickly, and headed for where Lucy, Erza, and Happy were sitting. They looked up as he approached, and their worried expressions immediately deepened.
"Where's Gray?" Erza asked in concern. "I thought you were bringing him back?"
Natsu sat down beside them and shrugged distractedly, his unwavering gaze and attention focused on the trees ringing the village where he anticipated Gray would eventually emerge from.
"Yeah, he should be back soon," he replied absently.
"Didn't you talk to him?" Lucy asked.
"Yeah, we talked."
"And?" Happy pressed. Natsu glanced at him, his brows wrinkling in confusion, before returning to his vigil. "And is he okay?" the Exceed clarified.
Natsu shrugged. "I think he will be. Eventually."
The others exchanged glances, although Natsu was only half-aware of them since he was still distracted.
"Well, now seems like a good time for you to explain some of the things that happened today," Erza said finally.
Natsu sighed but agreed. He figured that they might as well get it out of the way before Gray got back. So he quietly told them about Gray's two attempts to use iced shell. He felt that the things he had just talked about with Gray were the ice mage's story to share, so he glossed over that bit, although he did provide some of the basic details to fill in the gaps of their knowledge of what had happened.
He was really only half paying attention as he talked, because he was still on edge waiting for Gray to return. His eyes remained fixed on the surrounding woods, and he was listening carefully for any sign of his friend's approach. Gray and Lyon were too far away for Natsu to be able to hear them from here, but once Gray got closer, Natsu should be able to hear his footsteps.
Sensing his distraction, the others quietly drifted away once he had finished telling them the story. The villagers had begun cleaning up the feast, so Natsu absently made his way to the far end of the village square to watch and wait from the shadows of the huts there.
He didn't know how long he had been waiting, but it was longer than he would have liked. He was beginning to toy with the idea of going back to check on Gray, but then his sensitive ears finally began picking up some quiet snatches of conversation.
"…and you should really…that dragon slayer of yours…he's insane."
Natsu narrowed his eyes and concentrated on Lyon's voice. He didn't know why that jerk was coming back too.
"Natsu?" Gray asked. The dragon slayer could almost hear a faint smile in his voice as he said, "He's not so bad."
There was a long pause, and Natsu strained to hear if anything else was being said.
"You've really found some good friends, huh?" Lyon asked finally.
The voices were getting louder, and now Natsu could hear footsteps crunching through the leaf litter as well. The ice mages were getting closer.
"Yeah," Gray said quietly. "They're pretty great. They've gotten me through a lot."
Natsu saw a flash of white against the surrounding blackness. After a second, the rest of Lyon came into view as well, Gray walking by his side. They both still looked pretty uncomfortable with each other, and Gray had his hands jammed in his pockets and his eyes firmly fixed on the ground at his feet. Natsu looked for any sign that Lyon had done something wrong, but other than red-rimmed eyes, Gray looked fine.
"Good," Lyon said after a brief pause, his voice subdued. "That's good."
Gray looked up sharply and glanced at Lyon in surprise. "Is it?" he asked uncertainly.
Natsu gritted his teeth, but he knew where Gray was coming from, given the fact that Lyon had told him that he didn't deserve friends. But it still bothered him how insecure and uncertain Gray was acting around Lyon. It rubbed Natsu the wrong way to see his normally confident friend reduced to a vulnerable, hesitant wreck by this ghost of his past.
For his part, Lyon let out a breath and stared at the ground with narrowed eyes. "Yeah," he muttered. "It is."
Gray looked startled, but started to smile faintly before Erza and the others finally noticed the pair of ice mages. Erza's hand immediately dropped to her sword.
"What the hell, Natsu?" she ground out, turning to look over at the dragon slayer. "You didn't say that Lyon showed up again!"
Natsu tore his gaze away from Gray and Lyon to blink at Erza uncertainly. "I didn't?"
He thought about it, and realized that he really hadn't. He had been so distracted and tense worrying about what Lyon might do that he had never actually come out and told the others that he'd reappeared.
He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, I guess I was distracted."
"Well, I guess that explains why you were so tensed up," Happy commented.
Natsu nodded in agreement.
"Can I cut him up just a little bit?" Erza asked longingly, shooting a death glare at Lyon.
The ice mages had broken off their conversation as they noticed the others watching them. Gray looked at them uncertainly, but Lyon's expression remained unreadable and his steps didn't falter as he headed directly through the village towards Natsu. The dragon slayer was initially surprised that while the villagers gave Lyon suspicious and confused looks, they didn't immediately get angry at him. Then he realized that they would never have seen Lyon before since they hadn't been able to contact the ice mage and his crew until love girl, dog-man, and eyebrows dude had attacked their village. Still, Natsu thought it prudent to get Lyon out of there as quickly as possible.
Gray kept pace with Lyon at first, but then stopped by Erza and the others as Lucy called out something to him. Natsu's attention was on Lyon now, so he wasn't really paying attention to the others, but he knew that Gray was talking to them. Probably explaining what had happened or convincing them not to skewer Lyon.
Lyon didn't pause until he was standing directly in front of Natsu. The dragon slayer eyed him with a combination of wariness and distaste, but Lyon's face was hard to read. Natsu thought it was maybe a little ironic, because this was kind of how Gray had put on that impassive mask earlier, when Lyon was attacking him.
"He was right earlier," Lyon said finally. He pursed his lips and looked off to the side. "So…thank you."
Natsu stared at him uncomprehendingly for a moment before it came to him. Gray had told Lyon that he should really thank Natsu for preventing him from using iced shell. That was the only thing Natsu could think of that Lyon might be referring to now.
"I didn't do it for you," he said bluntly. "But you're welcome."
Lyon just nodded and twisted around to look back at where Gray was still answering the team's insistent questions.
"I'm heading out," he called over. "Bye, Gray."
Gray looked over and his eyes seemed to dim, although Natsu didn't know why. "Goodbye, Lyon," he said quietly.
Natsu frowned over at him, trying to figure out why Gray seemed vaguely disappointed. He glanced over at Lyon, wondering if he had done something to Gray after all, but the older mage also looked faintly puzzled. Then his eyes seemed to clear and he let out a breath.
"Maybe I'll see you around," he grumbled.
Gray blinked at him in surprise for a moment and twisted his hands together uncertainly, but Natsu thought he saw the faintest flicker of fragile hope in his dark eyes.
"See you later," he replied.
Natsu just shook his head, still not really understanding why Gray might want to ever see Lyon again. The dragon slayer would be more than happy to keep Lyon far, far away. But if this was what Gray needed… Well, Natsu wouldn't be happy about it, but he'd accept it if he had to.
Lyon turned back towards Natsu. The dragon slayer gave him an unfriendly look which, sadly, didn't seem to faze the other man. Lyon eyed Natsu up and down for a second, before starting forward.
"Take care of him," he muttered as he walked past Natsu.
Natsu turned and watched him disappear out of the village. He really did not understand that man. It was just too damn weird how he had first been a total jerk and then randomly decided to come back and maybe try to start making things up to Gray. It didn't make sense to Natsu. He still didn't understand why Lyon had come back at all, and he couldn't figure out what he was feeling. He suspected that Lyon might not really understand either. That was a tangled mess of emotions if ever there was one, and Natsu had the feeling that Lyon would be trying to sort it out for a long time to come.
He shook his head again and turned back to the others, only to see that Gray was walking up to him.
"By the way, flame brain," Gray said, raising an eyebrow, "I can take care of myself."
Natsu started in surprise and threw him a look of disbelief. "You heard him?"
That shouldn't be possible. Lyon had been very quiet, and Gray had been a good ways away. Under those circumstances, Natsu could have probably heard it with his enhanced hearing, but Gray shouldn't have been able to.
But Gray's brow crinkled in confusion. "What?" he asked uncertainly. He frowned and glanced over at where Lyon had disappeared. "Did he say something?"
Okay, so Gray hadn't heard Lyon. Then what…?
Natsu's eyes widened. "You heard me earlier?"
Gray turned back and gave him a pointed look. "Your mouth was like two inches away from my head," he said dryly. "Of course I heard you."
"Oh." Natsu rubbed at his face to hide his embarrassment. He had thought he had been really quiet when he warned Lyon not to hurt Gray again, but apparently not quiet enough.
"If anyone needs killing, I can handle it," Gray said, a touch of amusement coloring his voice. Then his eyes softened. "But…thank you, Natsu."
Natsu blinked at him uncertainly. Suddenly everyone was thanking him for things, and it was weird.
"Uh…you're welcome?" Then a sly grin spread across his face. "You're not so bad yourself."
Gray stared at him blankly, and Natsu waited for the words to click. The ice mage considered it, seeming to realize that there must be some ulterior meaning to the words if Natsu was smirking like that. Natsu's grin widened as recognition finally flickered in Gray's eyes.
"You and that damn dragon hearing of yours," Gray said ruefully, smiling a little sheepishly.
Natsu laughed, but quickly sobered when he realized that his friend had turned serious again. Gray's gaze had dropped away from Natsu's, and he scuffed his foot on the ground uncertainly. After a moment, he looked back up to meet Natsu's eyes again. The dragon slayer could tell that he was still having a little difficulty maintaining eye contact, but Gray forced himself to do it anyway, probably because Natsu had asked him to.
"But really," Gray said quietly, "thank you." Then, before Natsu could respond, he glanced back at where the others were walking over. "I don't know about you," he said cheerfully, "but I'm beat. I'm going to head to bed."
He grinned at them—it was only half genuine, but it was there—and headed for their little hut, leaving Natsu gaping after him. The dragon slayer shook his head slowly. He wasn't sure that he would ever really understand ice mages. But still… He thought back to when Lyon had thanked him just a few minutes earlier, recalling his response and mentally revising it for Gray.
'You're welcome. I did it all for you.'
Note: If you couldn't tell, I really couldn't come up with a good way to end this one, so I fell back on the stylistic ending of the first piece. Anyway, here's a little closure for Gray and Lyon. It's still a little messy and they've clearly still got things to work out, but that's life for you.
