The Painful Truth

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to Stephanie Meyer.

A/N-thank you for kind reviews!

Part Nineteen

Jacob was worried. Since they had come back from Florida Bella had been very quiet. It was like she had retreated into herself. She hadn't kicked his ass like she had threatened, instead she was preoccupied. Nothing Jacob or any of them could do would draw her out of herself. She remained uncommunicative. Lessons had resumed with Riley coming to the Black's house on a daily basis to coach the young wolves. For some odd reason he seemed more nervous and flustered than he had when he first started, which seemed peculiar. But Jacob was too worried about what was going on in Bella's head to really pay much attention to Riley's weird behaviour. During the tutoring sessions Bella sat next to Seth and coached him. Sam had ordered Paul to take notice of her too, much to Lahote's chagrin. This had pissed Jacob off too. He wondered what Sam was hoping to achieve, but his Alpha told him it was the best way for Paul to get to know Bella better, and he hoped her help would settle the hot head down. Jacob didn't press Sam further. It was obvious that the older guy was under extreme pressure. The situation with the Cullen's and an elusive Victoria had them all on edge.

Jacob watched Bella covertly as he worked on his own assignment. Her head was bent near Seth's and she was whispering to him quietly. Paul sat on her other side with a scowl on his face. Despite his issues with Bella, and how much he hated being forced back into academia, he had to concede she made things easier to understand. She had a simple way of explaining things that made sense in his muddled mind. When Paul read or looked at words they seemed to jump off the page at him. None of the sentences made sense, they were jumbled up. He kept this information to himself. He didn't want his brothers finding out, they would tease him mercilessly, and he didn't want to come across as an idiot. He just worked better with his hands then stupid words anyway.

Bella seemed to feel Jacob looking at her. She raised her head and gazed back at him, smiling faintly. She sighed when she saw the anxious light in his eyes, before he frowned and concentrated on his own work again. Seth asked her a question, trying to get her attention. She tore her eyes away from Jacob and resumed helping the young shifter with his work.


Riley nearly jumped out of his skin when Bella thanked him for all help. His fair skin turned blotchy and he looked at her guiltily, like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar. Bella glanced around the room. Jacob wasn't in sight, so he wasn't the cause of Riley's nervousness. "Are you alright?" Bella asked solicitously. "I've noticed you've been very jumpy the last few days."

"I'm fine, better than fine." Riley avoided her concerned gaze and hurriedly packed his books away. "I'll see you same time tomorrow." He hurried out of the house before Bella could engage him in further conversation.

As soon as Riley left Jacob came back inside. He had just phased to check in with Sam and the other wolves on patrol. Thankfully everything had been quiet. He was due to go on patrol later that night. He had decided to use this opportunity now that he and Bella were alone for the first time in days to talk to her. His worries were building up and up, making him anxious and unsure of where they stood with each other. It was as if the closeness they had found while away from La Push had vanished now they had returned. Jacob couldn't understand it. Was she regretting sending the leech away? He wished she would just talk and put him out of his misery.

He found Bella in the front room clearing up. The others always left such a mess. Seth was the worst. His mom gave him a huge bag full of food. She was forever feeding her son, worried that he would weaken if he didn't have a full stomach. All through the tutoring sessions all anyone could hear was the rustle of Seth's bag as he opened it and then loud crunching as he chewed on whatever he had pulled out. Jacob had to warn Seth to quieten down on a number of occasions, but the young pup was full of confidence with Bella sitting beside him, and he would cheekily ignore Jacob's warnings. Jacob knew he would have to teach Seth to listen to him the hard way. But right now he had other things on his mind. He began to help Bella clear the things away. He swept up the crumbs from the floor while Bella wiped the table down and tided up the books.

When they were done Bella immediately pleaded tiredness and began to retreat to the twin's room where she was still sleeping. Jacob caught her arm before she could leave and turned her to face him. "Are you still mad at me?" He demanded.

"No." Bella sounded defensive. She slipped her arm out of his hold and clasped it behind her back.

"Then why won't you speak to me then? It's been days, Bella." Jacob continued desperately. "Are you regretting saying goodbye to the bloodsucker?"

Bella's expression hardened. "I should have expected you would immediately jump to that conclusion."

"Can you blame me?" Jacob threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "Trust has to be earned, Bella."

Bella remained silent as her brown eyes roamed his handsome face. She could see his frustration as well as sense it. She knew she owed him an explanation but she wasn't ready to speak or open up her heart, not yet. Since coming back to La Push she had been having several private conversations with Billy. She wanted his advice on what she should do next regarding the Cullen's and Edward. She couldn't aske Charlie as he was too quick to lose his temper when she mentioned Edward, and Jacob was the same. She knew it pained him when she tried. So that left Billy. He was more impartial, and a lot calmer. He saw things that she didn't see, and what he had to say opened her eyes further. It was both heart breaking and very sad how much she had allowed herself to be deceived.

"You always do this, Bella. You clam up and don't talk." Jacob said helplessly when she didn't respond right away. "I try and try but you just shut me out."

"Jake, I…"

"I need to go for a run." Jacob interrupted her. He charged out of the house, his body already blurring as he prepared to phase. Bella watched him go sadly. She knew she was hurting him, but she needed to get her own head in order before she told him exactly what was in her heart.


Jacob didn't return for dinner so Bella had to assume that he had eaten at Sam and Emily's as he sometimes did, and just gone patrolling. She had used her time alone, before her father and Billy came back for the evening, to finish off the letters she had been writing to both Jacob and Edward. It had taken her days to find the right words for both of them. There had been lots of failed attempts. The small trash can filled with paper in her bedroom was testament to that. While Charlie was taking a late shower Bella approached Billy. He was washing up the dishes. He turned as he heard her walk into the kitchen and smiled at her tiredly.

"That was a great meal you cooked, Bella. The best yet." He praised her.

Bella smiled at him gratefully. He was such a kind man. It saddened her to think that he had spent so many years alone after losing Sarah so early. She often thought his health might have been better if his wife had lived. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"I certainly did, and your father too. I notice the old fool is getting quite a paunch on him. Reminds me of Harry." Billy's smile faltered as he mentioned his lost friend.

"Harry was a great guy. Seth seems to love his food as much as his dad did." Bella said fondly as she tried to lighten the atmosphere.

"Yes." Billy nodded in agreement. "However Seth is lucky that his wolf genes combat any damage overeating can do. I just wish Harry had taken better care. Then perhaps I am not one to talk." He looked regretfully at his wheelchair.

"Things will get better." Bella put her hand on his shoulder in empathy.

Billy patted it as he murmured his silent agreement. "I hope so, my dear." He paused for a moment as he studied her astutely. "How are those letters coming along?"

"I've finished them." Bella revealed. "Would you like to read them?"

Billy shook his head. "No they're private. I trust you said what you needed to say."

"Yes." Bella bit down on her bottom lip as she recalled the silly argument that she and Jacob had earlier that day. "I've left Jake's on his bed for him to read when he comes home."

"Good idea." Billy patted her hand again. "I'll post your other one in the morning once you've sealed it up."

"Thank you." Bella smiled at him before leaning down to kiss his cheek.

"You're welcome." Billy said as he returned her smile.


Bella got undressed and pulled on a tank top and a pair of sweat pants. It was gone midnight and she still couldn't sleep. She had hoped to hear Jacob return but with no luck. She lay back on her bed and opened the letter she had written to Edward, and checked it over for the hundredth time….

"Edward,

this letter has been so hard to write. It has taken me days to find the right words, and even now I am not sure that I have found them. You are the wordsmith, not I. Believe me it is with deep regret and much sorrow that I have to tell you goodbye. It is not easy for me to say, and if you had asked me a year ago, I would have laughed out loud at the very notion. But things have changed. I have changed. I am not that naïve, scared, young girl I was back then.

When I first met you I thought of you as my knight in shining armour, my saviour. You were the one who was going to protect me from myself. You and your family became my whole world. I put aside my reservations about what you were. I tried not to let my worries consume me about your past. I convinced myself you would never hurt me. I verbalised it out loud numerous times in order to make it come true. But it didn't…ever.

Because you did hurt me, over and over.

Not physically, James did that. No you hurt me mentally. You crushed my spirit, you made me feel worthless. When you took me into the woods and told me I meant nothing, that you didn't love me and it had all been a lie, you abandoned me, leaving me to think I was worthless. That is not love, Edward. That is cruelty. I've seen first-hand how you can charm people. You warned me several times and I wouldn't listen, but then you knew it was pointless by then. Your warnings were deliberate. You drew me in, made me intrigued by the broken boy, who loathed himself so much, that all he needed was a good woman to save him. What a fool I was. The lion fell in love with the lamb, isn't that what you said. It was more like the spider trapping the fly.

I thought I loved you, Edward. To me you were handsome, strong, clever and protective. But really they were only surface things. Peel away the outer layer and what is left. A broken young man locked forever in the body of a seventeen year old. You'll never move forward, you will remain as you always are. But not me! I am human, I have changed, and I will continue to change. I have moved beyond you now. I have matured which is something that you can never do.

I question now whether I ever really loved you. Your leaving bruised my ego, Edward, but it didn't break my heart. That was never yours to break. I really hope that one day you find someone like yourself to love. I am sure she is out there. That person will never be me. I implore you to take my words to heart, Edward, and let me go.

Bella."

Satisfied that she couldn't make herself any plainer, Bella sealed up the letter in an envelope and put it to one side, ready to pass it to Billy in the morning.


It was four in the morning when Jacob crawled through his bedroom window and fell onto his bed. He was exhausted. It had been a long frustrating patrol shift. He was glad to be home. He winced as he heard Charlie's loud snoring emanating from the lounge. It looked like he would have to sleep in the Taj if he wanted any rest. Jacob rolled off his bed, pausing when he heard the crunch of paper. He stood up and noticed Bella's letter lying scrunched up on top of the bed. His heart began to hammer in his chest as he grabbed it, ripped it open and scanned the contents. It didn't take long.

"Jake,

I wrote you one long ass letter full of grovelling apologies etc. In the end I tore it up, it had too many words and I think you would have fallen asleep out of sheer boredom before you reached the end.

So I am going to make it simple….

Fuck it, Jacob Black, I am sorry. There I said it. Oh, and I love you. But I guess you knew that already.

Bells XXXX"

A huge smile broke out on Jacob's face as he fell back on his bed and put his hands behind his head. This time Charlie's snoring didn't disturb him as he fell into a deep sleep.

A/N-thanks for reading!